Have you ever met that person who treats depression like a badge of honor? The person whose whole life is about “woe is me” and “you could never understand how horrible my life is”… well, you’re right. You live in a country with clean water (for the most part), indoor plumbing, heat, electricity… you have internet literally at your fingertips 24/7. You have access to healthcare, whether or not you can afford it, it’s illegal for an ER to turn someone away. They have to save your life. So yes… I will never understand how horrible your life is.
I have one of those “friends”. He’s an on again off again recovering addict… it’s not even a physical addiction.. it’s a “ugh.. my life sucks because I’m not 17, popular and rich” kind of addiction. He can go months without picking up but then he gets bored or annoyed at something and he spends the next week high.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I have no problems with letting off a little steam. I don’t mind a glass or two of wine here and there, but this is straight out non-functioning garbage. He’s on disability because his life is soooooo bad. So he doesn’t have to work. He lives at home and pays a small rent, but doesn’t really worry about the basics like groceries and toilet paper, because mom’s got that covered.
He’s in school… again… he changes majors every couple years so that he doesn’t actually have to graduate and start working, and when I ask why he doesn’t just get a certificate in his field of choice (which is computers and pretty much all you need for most jobs now a days) he has no answer. I asked what he would do if disability didn’t pay for his schooling.. he said “probably just rob places”.
I really don’t understand people who really don’t want to be happy. This man has been in therapy for YEARS. Yet, when I ask him what his therapist says about his anger management issues (kicking over a grill because it’s having problems lighting is not normal behavior) he says that he’s never brought it up… REALLY?!?! What do you talk about in therapy? How your fantasy football team is letting you down?
The thing that gets me the most is his hypocrisy. He knows other addicts or reads about other addicts online and hears stories about them losing custody of their kids.They are ODing with the child in the backseat or letting the child wander off not fed, not dressed… what ever and he goes on about how disgusting they are. They don’t deserve those children. They should be in jail.. so on and so forth… the problem is… he’s a dad. He has a son. His son never knows which father he’s going to see. The happy go lucky man who likes to play, or the angry violent monster who kicks his toys. He honestly doesn’t think that it’s HIS problem because no one understands how bad his life is.. and he has every right to be moody. He also feels that he doesn’t have to be responsible because his son’s mother has custody and does a great job.
I don’t understand. I don’t understand why people choose to be miserable. I don’t understand why given tools, like therapy, meditation, exercise, medication… people choose to just stay in their own way. This friend’s old therapist told him that he should get outside more… just get some fresh air… nope… he was told to try journaling… nope… try meditation… positive affirmations… retraining thoughts… nope nope nope. He was put on anti-depressants… nope.. that took a while to kick in, and made him feel better, but it didn’t make him feel high, so what’s the point…
I do understand that people need to want to change for themselves in order to actually change… what I don’t understand is why people choose not to.