bullying, coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

I’m Sorry….

My son was at his therapist’s office the other day. In his little life he has had a lot of loss and sometimes we all need help coping with the grief that comes from that. Since he’s so young he spends most of his time to just playing and avoiding questions that make him feel uncomfortable. This last week his therapist noticed that he was apologizing a lot. This is not like him. He usually apologizes when necessary but not unusually so. She mentioned that it is a sign of anxiety and feeling guilty about things.

Im-sorryI thought about this for a while, and tried to evaluate what had been going on in his life lately that  may have made him feel that way. After a bit I realized that it wasn’t his anxiety at all. It was his God father’s. I love my  friend and he is a wonderful person.. but he apologizes to inanimate objects when he trips. I told him that I was getting ready to take my son to school and his response was, “I’m sorry”.. for what? Not only did it not involve any behavior that he had to apologize for.. my son going back to school is a good thing. We are all excited.

My friend blamed this behavior on being in the customer service industry… but that’s not the case. There is no need to apologize for good things happening even in customer service. In his case he is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. He is always expecting bad news.. and he is always first to take blame.. even for things that aren’t his fault.

I don’t know where he learned this, but I want to make sure that my son doesn’t pick up this habit. I want my son to apologize for things he’s really sorry for, not just pay lip service. I want my son to feel comfortable in his own skin and with his own actions. I want my son to look forward to people’s news. I want “Guess what?” to be a question of excitement not dread. It’s important to teach empathy and awareness.. it’s something else to create anxiety and guilt.. or a fear of being wrong just for being oneself.

coaching, Houston, Law of Attraction, Motivation, Politics, Prayer, religion, Uncategorized

Actually, Yes, send your prayers!

21149994_2161878090566549_2049937517285688697_nI saw a meme on Facebook that had plenty of likes and I understood the point, but no. Yes, If you have the money and the time available, by all means get out there and help. Go for it.. do what ever you can… but that’s the point. Do whatever you can. Some people feel as though prayer is a waste of time, but any positive energy sent to those in pain is a good thing. Even if you don’t believe in the power of vibration.. the law of attraction.. or the power of prayer, I imagine you must understand how it feels to see that others are thinking of you and hoping for your well-being.

There is a reason that people hold vigils for someone who dies. There’s a reason why memorials are constructed… and sympathy cards have become an entire market. People need to know that others care. People need to know that they are not alone.

So yes, even if you can’t afford to give the extra money. Even if you can’t jump the next plane to Houston… You can give. You can do good. You can send your prayers.. support… energy to those in need, and let them know that they are not alone. Let them know that there is always hope. Let them know that you care.

 

coaching, Love, Motivation, parenting, Politics, religion, Uncategorized, Veterans, Wellness

This is no place for hate!

Anyone who knows me knows that I try to look on the positive side of things. I am the little Pollyanna of the crowd. Even when bad things happen I’m the one making the jokes… but I have to say, after this past weekend it’s very difficult to keep smiling.

I am a bit of a news junkie. I studied history and poli-sci in college and am fairly active in volunteering and helping to make the world a better place for my son and the next generation. This past weekend made me sick. The fact that there are Nazis, White Supremacists, Anti-Semites… or any other name they choose to use still carrying guns and torches in my country makes me physically nauseous.

images (30)This is the country that FOUGHT the Nazis. My grandparents were in the war. We still have movies commemorating the brave men and women who gave their lives. Anne Frank’s diary is part of our current school curriculum… and yet.. marching in the streets. Anger, Hate, Violence. All I can say is NO. NO, I will not allow this to be my country. NO, I will not allow this to be the country that my son grows up in. NO, this will not be the country that my half Filipino nephew grows up in. NO, this will not be the future. NO!

And to be honest, I don’t really care which political figure says what about it. Who condones, who condemns, who ignores is not my problem. We are not a country of politicians. We are a country of mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and children. We need to speak up. We need to not let hate, fear, and anger control the media and the tone of our world.

Nothing was ever accomplished by hate. If we want to make America and the World great and a place to be proud of for our children, we need to learn empathy. We need to learn compassion. We need to learn to love again.

coaching, Health, Motivation, Uncategorized, Wellness

Sometimes to create a new life you have to forget your old one.

Some conversations take you further down the rabbit hole than you were intending to go. I was talking with a friend today. He had taken a picture and wanted to send it to one of his best friends whom he met through NA (Narcotics Anonymous). He was trying to think of a clever caption to put with the photo.. so I through out some silly one liners and he said, “No, that’s not the way he and I joke… it has to be drug related”

I was absolutely stunned. These are people who are fighting an opiate addiction and they spend their time sending each other jokes about drugs… I mean isn’t the point of making friends and branching into the programs to stay away from drugs?

I have spent the last 2 years of my life dealing with my own addiction to food. I have been learning about all the ways to change your life for the better. Almost every expert will tell you that the only way to truly change a strong habit like that is to change your mindset. To not think of yourself as that person anymore.

A lot of people talk about positive thinking… but you can’t just tell yourself “I’m fit” or “I’m not an addict” and expect that to change your life. You have to retrain your brain. You have to picture yourself fit.. you have to picture all the new habits that you need to develop to become that person. You have to retrain your brain into thinking of yourself as the person who works out regularly.. that chooses fresh fruits, veggies, and lean proteins.. instead of the person who thinks of themselves as sitting on the couch eating pizza.

One of the first things that is discussed when changing habits is changing your surroundings. One needs to understand the pitfalls and the triggers to the unhealthy habit.

As I’ve said, my issue is with food. If my trigger is Friday night movie and pizza with my family… or that friend that I always get dessert coffees with.. or that birthday party every weekend with cake.. then I have to learn how to work around them… or to take myself out of the situation.

The funny thing is I’ve discussed this with said friend and he agrees with me.. about my issue. He agrees that when I hang around with certain people we escalate the cravings and talk about food.. we almost egg each other on and give each other permission to eat badly. I’ve had to put my foot down and stop these conversations. I’ve had to cancel plans.. I’ve had to make better choices. My addict friend thinks this is wonderful and that I am smart for understanding this.

When I pointed out that he does the same thing with his NA friend he just scoffed and told me he’s fine. They’re just jokes. It doesn’t affect him…. funny thing is…  he was high when he said it.

coaching, Health, Love, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

Be Brave!

Last night our church did a family night and showed the Disney movie “Brave”. I have to admit it was the first time that I had seen it. My son had been asking to see it for a few weeks after seeing an picture somewhere and when I saw the Facebook post from my church I thought… free… fabulous!!

Anyway, the church had their interpretation of the movie and about reconciliation and forgiveness and all the good things that go along with the good book, but as a Life Coach I had a very different view of the movie.

Clearly the girl had issues with her mother. And obviously neither of them handled themselves properly, and to be honest I was way more on the girl’s side than her mother’s… even though I am a mother now.. and obviously always right.

But the thing that grabbed me about the movie were the wisps. The Merdina was fierce and powerful and willing to fight for her own destiny… yet as soon as the wisps appeared she gave up on her own will and followed them into the unknown for no other reason than because they were “supposed” to lead her to her destiny.

Wasn’t that what this fiery red head trying to fight against and establish for herself? Her own destiny. People in movies love to put their fate in magic. In some greater power than themselves. Ariel gave up her own voice for magic. Cinderella couldn’t go to the ball on her own, she needed her Fairy God Mother to create a new life for her. Aladdin needed the Genie and so on… and by the end of the movie they all realize that they had the power within from the beginning… that’s a Wizard of Oz thing for you.

Yet in real life it’s the same. We grow up on these movies. Being taught that we have the power to create the life we want, yet we are always turning to someone else. We need someone to give us a job. We need someone to love us, to marry us. We need someone or something to create our worth and our destiny. Can’t we, as a society, finally realize that if we want the life we desire… we need to decide.. and do it ourselves.

coaching, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

When you look back, what do you want to see?

“Regrets… I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention…” We all love the old blues tune, but how many of us think about regrets… I don’t mean past ones, I mean the ones that we are creating right now.

The old saying is that you regret things that you didn’t do more than the things that you do, yet most of us live on the safe side where we don’t put ourselves out there for fear of>>> FAILURE!!! I mean what could be worse than that! Ummm, anything?

Let’s be honest, not doing things that we want to do is pretty much the definition of failure. I mean let’s say you want to ask a person out… but you fear that person won’t reciprocate your feelings so you never ask… in the end your fear is that you won’t get the person… which choice is more likely to get you what you want… asking or not asking. And by asking at least you get the answer and you’ll never wonder “what if?”.

Or let’s say you always wanted to break out and start your own business, but you fear that you won’t make it so you continue at the same old crap job you’ve been stuck at for… well, let’s face it, an eternity. Maybe the business will fail, and maybe you’ll realize that you have a lot to learn  before you can start your own business, maybe you’ll have some debt to pay off, maybe you’ll have to take some classes, or find someone that you can work with that can handle the part of the job that you don’t excel at… ok… then you know what to do the next time… but you can always get another “job”, and you can always make more money…. you can’t get time back.

If you wait till you’re “Ready”… you’ll never get there. And there are your regrets. This is it.. this is your life.. you only get one.. there are no do-overs… what do you want to regret? Trying, learning, and trying again… living the life you love…. or staying in stagnation, living in fear because… “what if?”

coaching, Health, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

What happens outside the comfort zone?

When was the last time that you did something outside of your comfort zone? Most of us live our lives by routine, which isn’t entirely bad. There is a lot to be said for security and piece of mind, but there is also more to life.

When was the last time you did something spontaneous? I have a friend that posted to Facebook, “Hey girls, who has a passport, a couple hundred bucks and Wed and Thursday off?”… That was it, she was headed to Canada for a road trip and looking for volunteers. I remember going with her to NY City a few years back… pre-baby days.

I loved this post. I loved even more that she had real responses. People who just wanted to enjoy their life without worrying about the “What ifs?”.

Now, not all of us have that much flexibility. I know I have work, my kid has school, and things aren’t as they were 5-10 years ago for me, but that doesn’t stop me from the occasional weekend run. Have kid will travel. It also doesn’t make me feel stuck to a job that I hate, or a situation that makes me miserable.

When my father passed a few years back I could have panicked. I was working p/t at the time and I was a stay at home single mother. My father was the breadwinner, though I paid rent to him and helped him with his health problems, my father was the one who made the real money. When he passed I could have freaked out and stuck my kid in daycare and gone back to the grind that I hated! I was offered a job making great money but working 50-60 hours a week. That is not what I wanted for my family.

I managed to find jobs that I could continue to either do from home, or at least bring my son with me. I started studying health and wellness. I got certified in Life Coaching. I made tough decisions that didn’t guarantee financial success, but offered me much more personal success.

Now my son is entering Pre-K. Still one more year till full-time school, but I am planning out the best way to fit his schedule into my schedule. To me, spending time with my son is the most important thing I can do. And living a life that helps others get and stay healthy so they don’t have to face the horrors of diabetes that I did with my father.. and lose someone or themselves too soon. I love that my life is about helping others realize their true potential. I love that my job is about living life to the fullest.

What is it that you love about your life? What do you hate? And what are you going to do about it?