coaching, Giving, Health, Healthcare, Homeless, Love, Motivation, parenting, Politics, religion, Uncategorized, Veterans, Wellness, Women's movement

The season of giving

The season of giving is over. Thanksgiving is long forgotten, except by our pants. Christmas is a lovely memory. We are all in the process of throwing dead trees and left over wrapping away. We are ready for our New Year/New Me. We are planning all of the things that we want to do to make our lives better.

We’re going to lose weight, quit smoking, go back to school, get a new job, get a better relationship… we are going to make our lives perfect!

thBut what about all of those who are just hoping to get through the bitterly cold nights? The food pantries and soup kitchens don’t just have “guests for the holiday”. We all talk about the things we want to get and achieve, but what about the things that we want to give.

At the time of Holy Days we all talk about how “it’s better to give than to receive” and how “giving is its own reward”, then the new year starts and we suddenly forget that there are poor people. We have battles online with strangers about all of the people leaching off the system.. as if anyone is choosing to be poor and/or starving and homeless.

I understand more than most that people make their own reality… but this doesn’t mean that they do it by choice. Some aren’t strong enough to make better choices. Some have mental illnesses that prevent them… not everyone has a well-built support system in place to deal with things like childcare, or even a place to shower and get mail so they may apply for a job.

Most of all I think of the children. In the past I have volunteered for a program called “Horizon’s for Homeless Children” a program in which adults volunteer to hang out with children in homeless shelters. This gives parents a chance to work, and children a larger support system in which to depend. I have also been a Big Sister through the Big Brother/Big Sister program, and have given many a present to a giving tree or tows for tots. This past winter I found myself taking tags for boys my son’s age because the thought of him waking up on Christmas with nothing was heart breaking.

I’m amazed when I read comments online about how poor people shouldn’t have children… yet, those are the same people opposed to birth control being covered by insurance… or insurance being covered at all. I’m amazed when I read that everyone who’s on food stamps are just lazy. I’m amazed when I read from the same people about “Pro-Life!”… it seems to me that you’re just pro-rich-life.

Now this is not an abortion debate. I, myself, have issues with abortion and it has nothing to do with my religion and more to do with the science that has come about and the understanding of when babies can feel and think and so on..  This is a humanity rant (for lack of a better word). I am completely PRO LIVING. I am pro helping those who need help. I am Pro feeding the hungry, housing the homeless, healing and hopefully preventing sickness. I am not only for this depending on which job you have had in the past, or what color or country that you are born. I am for LIFE.

The season for giving is every season.

coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, Uncategorized, Wellness

How do you resolve to make the world better?


We have officially started our new lives. We all have our resolutions stated, our diets, our business plans, our ideas for what ever our dreams may be. I have heard a lot of talk on radio stations, and of course the memes are in full swing, but you know what I mostly noticed. It’s all negative, self deprecating, designed to fail talk.

I don’t know what it is about the human ego, but we seem to be fundamentally designed th (4)to accept failure. Most people are much more comfortable with self deprecation than we are accepting a compliment. If someone says, “wow, you look great, have you lost weight?”. The receiver automatically feels uncomfortable and makes up some excuse about being sick, or “maybe a little”, or brushes it off as if it’s no big deal. But it is a big deal. Anything that you work hard at is.

For some reason, especially with Americans, there is something innately in us to underachieve. It’s actually the opposite of what the American Dream is all about so I don’t really get it. People are proud of how little they do and/or accomplish. As if being sick and broke is a mark of freedom. They are free from the rat race, or free from the socialized ideals of what’s important. They’re not going to be one of those people who eat healthy, or God forbid RUN. They aren’t going to be one of those people who works to get the promotion or start their own companies.. those people clearly have an ego problem.

I don’t know if it’s all the old 80s-90s movies that made the bad guy the person with an unhealthy need to win the poster-person for ambition so now anyone that wants to make themselves better must clearly be the jerk who thinks they’re better than everyone else.

And there’s a certain amount of outside sabotage that goes along with it. Those who are trying to “better themselves” are being told that it’s OK to be fat… it’s OK to be you… no being fat will kill you. It doesn’t make you less of a person, but it’s not OK. Or it’s OK to be minimum wage worker.. if you try for that promotion then you’re trying to somehow leave other’s behind.

th (3)Even those who are successful in whatever aspect of their lives still feel the need to put down anyone who wants start. Slim, healthy people make fun of overweight people who are beginning to exercise. As if “who does that person think they’re fooling?”. Why do they have to be fooling anyone? Why does their life choices to try to be better at something automatically put others on the defensive.

I saw an article about a woman who spent 100 days facing her fears. She later did a TEDtalk about it. I was amazed when I saw the comments how many people put her down  because they didn’t agree that her fears were important enough. That her doing things that others do all the time shouldn’t make her important. Why not? Why can’t she be important just by being important? To quote The Doctor (Who) “In 900 year of time and space, I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important”.

Why is life more about keeping other’s down than helping each other up? Perhaps everyone resolution should be to be more inviting and supportive of others, bringing up the status quo instead of bringing everyone down. Just a thought.

coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness

Try something new…. anything!

I have a friend who has been stuck in a rut for some time now. He took some advice from another life coach that he talked to. (It’s not good to coach your own friends…. they’ll get mad at you for calling them on their crap) This person gave him a list of different things to do for two weeks to “cleanse his bad luck” or karma or what have you.

This person uses modes that I don’t use myself, things like lighting certain colored change-your-thoughtscandles and pouring salt, it’s all very pagan traditions… which is fine, just not my cup ‘a. Anyway… the whole point is to get the person to try new things and to spend more time in their own head. There is a lot of sitting in silence and meditating.. which I do believe in.

One of the days he had to eat as a vegan. No animal products. No meats, no cheese, no butter. He had no idea what was left. He was at my house for the evening, kind enough to watch my son while I had to go out for a bit. I told him that I had some pasta that he could have. His response… “Sauce has meat”…. um… not all sauce. Not my tomato and basil sauce… and “Why is the spaghetti different colors?”. It’s a tri-colored, veggie based pasta….. Nope… he wasn’t going to try it.

Now the whole point of this exercise is to try new things. To get out of your own head. To believe that things can be done differently. Not eating animal products for one day is not going to change your health or do anything for you except… get you to think outside the box and try something new. That’s how we change.

Now I love my friend, and this is not written to knock him.. as I said, never coach a friend, they will take criticism as an insult, but it is to point out that you only get out of coaching what you put into it. You can only change your life as much as you’re willing to change yourself. I have had this problem myself for years. I had spent over a decade denying my habits and my weight issues. I spent many years in crappy relationships hoping the other person would change. I am in no way perfect, but since losing my father I have learned that you get from life what you put into it. I want my son to learn the good habits and the best self thoughts.

If you want to be healthy.. you have to BE HEALTHY. If you want to be rich, you have to do the work.. you have to find your niche, you have to take a chance. If you want a fabulous relationship.. you have to let go of the old ones. You can’t change other people.. and you can’t change your life without… CHANGING YOUR LIFE.

coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Motivation, Prayer, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

What you believe becomes your reality

Thoughts create reality….. also known as “Positive Thinking”. I have found that there are two types of people who don’t believe this theory. Those who already think positively and those who refuse to think positively.

I see it all the time. I have conversations with people who are well accomplished. Who thhave a strong self value. Who understand that if they work hard they can accomplish anything. Then “Positive thinking” comes up and they start commenting about how “You can’t think yourself to success… you can’t just think, ‘I’m successful’ and become successful… that’s all woo woo crap that con artists use to delude the desperate out of their money.”

I tend to respond with… “oh… so you never thought that you were good enough to finish school and get a great job?”. Oh course they did… they thought positively about the idea of how their life would turn out… but they did the work.

Yes… you have to do the work. Thoughts create your reality when you do the work… that should be implied. This mantra is for those who don’t think that they are good enough to accomplish things. They need to think positively. They need to believe in themselves. They  don’t need to think “My husband is great and him beating me is great” that is not positive thinking. They have to think, “I deserve better than my husband is giving me, and I can do better by myself than with him”. Then she  needs to believe it and leave. They don’t need to think, “I can pay all my bills on my minimum wage job”. They need to think, “I am smart and talented and deserve to get paid accordingly in a job that I find rewarding”. Then they need to believe it in order to get the new job or get the education to start a new career.

Those who are successful already tell themselves these things. They already believe it. I use the example, say someone hands you a puzzle, one of those brain teasing 3 dimensional puzzles, and says, “I think it has all the pieces”. You may spend some time trying to put it together and if it gets too difficult you may say, “It must be missing some pieces.. this isn’t working”, but if they tell you that all the pieces are there you will be more willing to put in the extra effort because you know that it is solvable. Then there are others that will keep trying till it works regardless. If you are sure that you can do something you are more likely to accomplish your goal.

Then there are those who won’t even try regardless of how many pieces are in the box. Those are in the other category that don’t believe in positive thinking. They are the ones that are so low on themselves that there is just no point to thinking positively. It’s not going to work no matter what. They are too stupid, or they have horrible luck.. or they’re just not the “type of person” that can succeed.

With this type of person it is almost impossible to get them to understand the concept of “Positive thinking” because they’ve never done it. They’ve never seen it work. If you think positively and prove to them that it works, then you just have better luck, or your rubbing your fortune in their face…. or you’re just better than them and they get it.. and now they feel worse.

Those are the people that need the help the most.. and are the most resistant to it. You can’t change someone that doesn’t want to change… but for the average person that just has a bad streak of self doubt the idea that thoughts create our reality is game changing. If you believe something enough you will figure out a way to achieve it, as long as you DO THE WORK. It’s that simple.


bullying, coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Motivation, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

Friends are not always the most encouraging when it’s time for a change.

Have you ever known someone whom lost a boat load of weight, I’m not talking like 10-20 lbs. I mean like 50-100 lbs, and managed to keep it off? The first question people always ask is how they did it, and they are always disappointed when they are told the person changed their eating habits and/or exercised. No one wants to do that.

imagesEveryone wants to change.. without actually changing. These same people will see the new and improved, healthier person out at dinner or a party and say, “oh, you can have some cake”.. or the drink.. or what have you, “you have to live a little” or “a little won’t kill you” or something along those lines.

I have always found this extremely disparaging. It is a way of completely undermining the work the person has done. It’s not easy to “stick” to a healthy diet. It takes A LOT of work. Most people have to over come addictions, and other mental health coping mechanisms to get there. It really does take changing.

I couldn’t imagine someone saying the same thing to an alcoholic. “Oh, wow, you haven’t had a drink in a year! That’s amazing! Let’s celebrate with shots. One won’t kill you”. It’s a slippery slope. Now that’s not to say that someone who has lost weight can never have a piece of birthday cake again. I mean… maybe the person does decide that their addiction is too strong and it’s best not to, or maybe they feel that they have dealt with their habits enough that they can indulge on an occasion, but the point is that it’s the healthy person’s decision on how they handle their food intake. They know what is and isn’t OK for them.

I don’t think that most people who try to encourage the healthier person to “Live a little” downloadis trying to bully them or sabotage them. I think most people are just trying to include their friends.  I think that most people just want to act like the food is not a big deal, but it is.. to some people, and pretending that it’s not doesn’t help anyone. That being said, there are some that go the other way. There are those “friends” that don’t want you to succeed because they haven’t. You know the old saying, “Misery loves company”.

If you are on your path to a healthier you. Whether it’s weight-loss, substance abuse, or weight-loss-kratomeven getting a better job, be careful of your peers. Be careful of those who seem to always lead you down the path of the dark side… with those cookies. You know the voices that you hear in your head that say it’s ok… you can just have one… well, they are hard enough to ignore. When you hear them from those who love you it’s even more challenging.

If you want to change your life, that mean you have to CHANGE your life. It won’t be easy. There is no magic pill. You can’t half-ass it. But you can become what ever you imagine yourself to be… you just have to do the work.

coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Motivation, Prayer, religion, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

You are who you think you are

It amazes me how many people that I speak to who say that they believe in science don’t actually believe in possibility… They only believe in the science that has been proven thus far. Which includes many “theories” that have just as much evidence as others but doesn’t sound woowoo and therefore is more believable.

For instance, my favourite topic, Quantum Physics. There are certain elements that are completely acceptable now that even Einstein thought were completely ridiculous. We now KNOW that matter can be both waves and particles, this has been proven in a series of experiments. It has been proven that matter characteristics change depending on whether or not it is being observed and that there is a certain amount of human consciousness that goes into the experiment when a person watches it. This, again has been proven by blind experiments. Yet, when someone says that humans have the ability to change or create their own reality this is considered crazy.

It has been proven that our thoughts create chemical reactions in our brain. If we think thoughts that stress us out our glands secrete cortisol… also known as the “fight or flight” hormone. If we think sad, depressing thoughts that stress us out our hormone levels spike and we physically feel all of the symptoms that correlate.

Then, of course what do we do? We listen to sad music, sit in the dark and eat crap food. This creates more cortisol, the darkness creates melatonin (a hormone that helps us sleep) and our insulin level spike and crash… all of which makes us more stressed out and the cycle continues. Some think that eating chocolate will help as it “mimics the feeling of love”, which is true to an extent. There is a chemical in chocolate called phenethylamine which stimulates the nervous system activating endorphins and creating a euphoric feeling… do you know what else does that? Exercise, and thinking happy thoughts… neither of which leave you with a sugar (insulin) crash later.

There is a huge epidemic going around now with opioids. I remember the first time that I was prescribed one. I had impacted wisdom teeth one of which cracked a tooth in front of it and caused excruciating pain. When the doctor gave me the script he told me that “it won’t kill the pain, but you just won’t care anymore” and that’s it.. that’s how it works. Opioids trigger a release of dopamine that just makes one feel happy.

After I had my son via C-section the nurses were adamant that I needed something.. Vicodin, Perks, Oxy… anything to help with the pain. I told them that the Motrin was just fine. I wasn’t in a hurry to fuzzy my brain with a newborn and except for the actual movement of standing and sitting when ab muscles were strained the most I really didn’t feel much discomfort. As it turns out holding a baby, feeling the love, and bonding by breastfeeding actually releases oxytocin into the system. The thoughts alone create the hormones that amplify the feelings. This is a fact.

Now I’m not saying that there is no need for pain killers. I do understand that some people have severe chronic pain and that it makes it very difficult to do things like exercise and think happy thoughts and that their bodies can’t make enough endorphins to counteract the pain. I also know that this can be both physical and psychological pain, but that doesn’t mean that you stop trying or that you let the darkness take over.

I read an article the other day about how “thinking positive” actually hurts and is counter productive because lying to ones self can actually cause more harm and people need to feel their pain. Well, I half agree. I agree that lying to yourself will cause more problems.. and I agree that people need to deal with their issues head on. What I don’t agree with is the author’s idea of thinking positive.

Positive thinking is NOT pretending everything is great when it sucks. If you have a crappy job, are in an abusive relationship, or just lost someone or something dear to you then you can just think, “Oh, everything is so wonderful”. That’s not positive thinking.. that’s delusional thinking. Positive thinking is acknowledging whatever bad thing is or has happened and understanding that it is not the end and that it can get better and spending your time and energy on thinking about the good things. Either remembering the lost loved one and the good that person has done.. or thinking about your next option with a job or relationship.. but never giving up.

The more that a person thinks about their future and their life the way they want it, the more “Happy Hormones” their brain produces. The more happy hormones a person has the more likely they are to DO something.. anything. They will start to believe that they deserve more. This brings us back to the Quantum Physics. Your consciousness creates your reality. The world is as you perceive it. If you only see the bad things the world is bad. If you only see the good the world is good. The more good you see.. the more good you’ll do.. and so on.


coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, parenting, Prayer, religion, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

Your beliefs are all you have

Beliefs are a very powerful thing. Our entire existence resonates around the things that we believe. We believe we are beautiful or ugly… we believe we are smart or stupid.. we believe we deserve good things or that bad things will always happen to us.

“I think therefore I am”. One of the most famous philosophical understandings of all times. If we are capable of thinking then we must exist, and the things that we think must make us who we are. If we think that things can only get better, then we will keep trying till they do. If we think that things can only get worse, then we’ll give up. Seems pretty simple.

Well, what about bigger beliefs? What about religious and  spiritual beliefs? They too make us who we are and affect how we deal with things. Before my  father died I was a bit more agnostic. I acknowledged something was out there, but I didn’t really know what.  I’m still not sure, but I have turned my belief a little more towards religion. My son started Catholic school, and we started to attend Mass on Sundays and I like and appreciate the idea of the afterlife. I like and appreciate the idea that my father is looking down on us… or checking in on us in some way and seeing how we are doing and is proud of us.

th (1)I had an interesting experience this past weekend in which we had gone to a party with some of my son’s father’s old high school friends. It was mentioned that our son goes to Catholic school and I later heard one of the women talking to my son’s father about it. He was saying how he hated it and that he thought the whole idea was stupid, but kept his mouth shut around my son. That is fine, he doesn’t have to believe the things that we do. My brother is a complete atheist and feels much more comfort KNOWING that when we die our bodies get eaten by worms and that’s it… no mystery.

I was raised to understand that everyone has their own ideas, and their own beliefs, and that no one really knows for sure.. it’s what resonates with you best that works. What bothered me about the conversation between the woman and my ex, was the tone of disapproval.  I don’t want my son growing up feeling that way.

The next day my  son, who is 4, and I were putting together a puzzle. I had found it under a stack of books and told him that I had forgotten about it. That “Papa” had bought it for him  when he was a little baby and was too young to use it at the time.. but it was perfect for him now. After we finished the puzzle he looked at it somberly and I asked him what he was thinking. “I wish Papa was here to see us do this”. That little sentence broke my heart… but thankfully he has been learning about God and Heaven and I was able to say, “I think Papa is watching us from Heaven and is very proud of you”.

Now, I don’t KNOW that’s true. I don’t KNOW that my father isn’t just the pile of ashes in the urn on my piano and that’s all that’s left… but I do know.. that doesn’t comfort me, and it doesn’t comfort my 4 year old…. and doesn’t hurt anyone to for us to believe that Papa is watching and proud of us.

bullying, coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

I’m Sorry….

My son was at his therapist’s office the other day. In his little life he has had a lot of loss and sometimes we all need help coping with the grief that comes from that. Since he’s so young he spends most of his time to just playing and avoiding questions that make him feel uncomfortable. This last week his therapist noticed that he was apologizing a lot. This is not like him. He usually apologizes when necessary but not unusually so. She mentioned that it is a sign of anxiety and feeling guilty about things.

Im-sorryI thought about this for a while, and tried to evaluate what had been going on in his life lately that  may have made him feel that way. After a bit I realized that it wasn’t his anxiety at all. It was his God father’s. I love my  friend and he is a wonderful person.. but he apologizes to inanimate objects when he trips. I told him that I was getting ready to take my son to school and his response was, “I’m sorry”.. for what? Not only did it not involve any behavior that he had to apologize for.. my son going back to school is a good thing. We are all excited.

My friend blamed this behavior on being in the customer service industry… but that’s not the case. There is no need to apologize for good things happening even in customer service. In his case he is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. He is always expecting bad news.. and he is always first to take blame.. even for things that aren’t his fault.

I don’t know where he learned this, but I want to make sure that my son doesn’t pick up this habit. I want my son to apologize for things he’s really sorry for, not just pay lip service. I want my son to feel comfortable in his own skin and with his own actions. I want my son to look forward to people’s news. I want “Guess what?” to be a question of excitement not dread. It’s important to teach empathy and awareness.. it’s something else to create anxiety and guilt.. or a fear of being wrong just for being oneself.

coaching, Houston, Law of Attraction, Motivation, Politics, Prayer, religion, Uncategorized

Actually, Yes, send your prayers!

21149994_2161878090566549_2049937517285688697_nI saw a meme on Facebook that had plenty of likes and I understood the point, but no. Yes, If you have the money and the time available, by all means get out there and help. Go for it.. do what ever you can… but that’s the point. Do whatever you can. Some people feel as though prayer is a waste of time, but any positive energy sent to those in pain is a good thing. Even if you don’t believe in the power of vibration.. the law of attraction.. or the power of prayer, I imagine you must understand how it feels to see that others are thinking of you and hoping for your well-being.

There is a reason that people hold vigils for someone who dies. There’s a reason why memorials are constructed… and sympathy cards have become an entire market. People need to know that others care. People need to know that they are not alone.

So yes, even if you can’t afford to give the extra money. Even if you can’t jump the next plane to Houston… You can give. You can do good. You can send your prayers.. support… energy to those in need, and let them know that they are not alone. Let them know that there is always hope. Let them know that you care.


coaching, Love, Motivation, parenting, Politics, religion, Uncategorized, Veterans, Wellness

This is no place for hate!

Anyone who knows me knows that I try to look on the positive side of things. I am the little Pollyanna of the crowd. Even when bad things happen I’m the one making the jokes… but I have to say, after this past weekend it’s very difficult to keep smiling.

I am a bit of a news junkie. I studied history and poli-sci in college and am fairly active in volunteering and helping to make the world a better place for my son and the next generation. This past weekend made me sick. The fact that there are Nazis, White Supremacists, Anti-Semites… or any other name they choose to use still carrying guns and torches in my country makes me physically nauseous.

images (30)This is the country that FOUGHT the Nazis. My grandparents were in the war. We still have movies commemorating the brave men and women who gave their lives. Anne Frank’s diary is part of our current school curriculum… and yet.. marching in the streets. Anger, Hate, Violence. All I can say is NO. NO, I will not allow this to be my country. NO, I will not allow this to be the country that my son grows up in. NO, this will not be the country that my half Filipino nephew grows up in. NO, this will not be the future. NO!

And to be honest, I don’t really care which political figure says what about it. Who condones, who condemns, who ignores is not my problem. We are not a country of politicians. We are a country of mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and children. We need to speak up. We need to not let hate, fear, and anger control the media and the tone of our world.

Nothing was ever accomplished by hate. If we want to make America and the World great and a place to be proud of for our children, we need to learn empathy. We need to learn compassion. We need to learn to love again.