The reason why I find this information so incredibly interesting and incredibly infuriating is that it's true, and most people choose not to believe it. When people come to me for help they want there to be an outside influence that can change their life. They want their problems to be someone or something else's fault. When I explain to them that their life is an accumulation of their life choices and that to change it they just have to change the way they look at life and start making better choices people actually get mad at me.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Sometimes are you have are bad choices, but you still have to choose
Instead of spending your time trying to figure out where you fit in. You should live your life to your standards, your needs, and your talents
You are your thoughts, habits, and actions. The only way to change your life is to change yourself.
Habits are really hard to break. It doesn't matter how many tricks you read about, it doesn't matter if there's a "change your habits in 28 days... or your money back". You may as well ask for the money back now, because habits are hard to break. Now, that is not to say that they are impossible and you're stuck with it forever.. but it's going to take work.
I believe this is why support groups like AA and weight watchers and the like are so important. Humans are, at our core, social beings. We need to connect with others. We need support, whether we like to admit it or not, but we can't always get that at home with the people who are happy in the status quo or feel more comfortable holding our pasts against us. When it's time for a change.. sometimes we have to make bold sweeping changes. We need to turn away from getting comfort in what's familiar and move on to a new tribe if you like. The most important thing is not letting other's define your identity.
It's very common for someone to put all of their faith into an outside event and believe that their life cannot be complete until we get that love interest.. or the job, or the education, or the right body/looks.. and so forth. We tell ourselves this "story" so often that we can't see past it. We can't move forward in anyway until we reach that goal. Now sometimes this is a good thing, and it motivates us to strive for our best... but sometimes it holds us back from creating the life we truly want.
She said that she had to be ready to die to create a new life for herself. Now I remember thinking this long ago when I thought about those who were suicidal and how the thought of feeling so desperate that they had to die instead of just leaving everything behind and starting anew, and that's basically what she was saying. She wasn't suicidal, but she had to be ready to let go of her entire past, her world, her friends, and even her identity to become the person that she dreamed of being.
People have friends for support. They lean on them when things are hard. They ask their advice when things are confusing. They depend on them when they are unsure of themselves. Passive aggressive "friends" prey on this. They look for the weak moments and they mess with your head. They aren't looking out for your best interest, they are looking for a way to make you feel bad so they can feel good.. and then call it a joke so they don't look like the bad guy.