bullying, coaching, Law of Attraction, Motivation

Passive-Aggressive “friends” are not friends

We all know those people in our lives that deal out passive aggression like a Vegas shark. The people who make comments and then say that they’re “just kidding” or back handed compliments that leave your head spinning. These people are always the ones that leave you confused about your interaction and second guessing your emotions.. these people are assholes.

thI know.. that’s a tough word, but it’s accurate. These people are cowards. They don’t want to say what they are really thinking or they want to make you feel like what you’re doing is wrong, because they don’t have the courage to do things themselves. These are the same people who compliment your dress while saying something like, “Oh, you’re wearing that? I’d never think to wear that myself, but if you think it looks good.”.

Repeat after Megan Trainor.. No.. my name is no.. my sign is.. NO. These are not the people that you need in your life. When you ask them if they can do you a favor and they “kid” with you about how much you’re willing to pay them, or how you’re going to return the favor and it leaves you not sure if they are even willing to help you in the first place? Find your help somewhere else.

Ambiguity is way more toxic than a full on assault. These “friends” are supposed to be your safe space, and instead they leave you feeling more defeated than those who attack you straight on. If someone walks up to you and says, “You are an idiot, I can’t believe how badly you messed up that report” you have something to defend. You have a clear and present danger in your sights. If someone walks up to you and says, “I saw your report… are you done with it? Is that really the work you want to hand in? I mean, if it is, great… well done.. but if you want to work on it more.. that’d be fine too”… ummm. what? Is there something wrong, did I miss something? You have no idea where you stand.

People have friends for support. They lean on them when things are hard. They ask their advice when things are confusing. They depend on them when they are unsure of themselves. Passive aggressive “friends” prey on this. They look for the weak moments and they mess with your head. They aren’t looking out for your best interest, they are looking for a way to make you feel bad so they can feel good.. and then call it a joke so they don’t look like the bad guy.

These people are not worth the energy that you put into your decoder ring. You have enough of your own garbage floating around in your head, you don’t need theirs. Next time you feel like you’re being manipulated by “jokes” or the back hand.. ask the person straight out what they mean.. or just call them out on their “return favor” slight. Tell them, “Clearly you are not interested in… I’ll be more than happy to look elsewhere”. Or “Yes, I am finished with my project, if there is something specific you find issue with I’d more than welcome the feedback, otherwise I’ll assume you agree with more whole-heartedly.”. Don’t let their obscurity control your world. It’s all their problem.

coaching, Love, Motivation, Politics, religion, school shootings

We are all “The Gifted”

I just started binge watching an interesting show. It’s called “The Gifted” for those that don’t know, I am a geek and love superhero shows, this one is about mutants. It’s along the same lines as the X-Men, only it’s way more human.. and way more political.

This show follows a family and their experiences after the two teenage children discover their powers. They had spent their whole lives thinking that they were “human” and had no reason to think otherwise. In this show the “x gene” is both hereditary and random so anyone can be and/or have a mutant at any time without warning.

downloadThe title is a bit misleading because the mutants are not considered “gifted” by most of the population. They are considered enemies and threats to all human kind. Now, that’s not to say that there aren’t some mutants using their powers for evil.. as they are .. shall we say, human, but for the most part they are just ordinary people. There are some, like the kids focused in the beginning of the show, who hurt others accidentally before they learn how to control their powers, and there are others who hurt people in self defense,  but the authorities aren’t interested in motives, they are only interested in locking up and/or killing every mutant.

There is a campaign, a government agency, and private sector companies who are Hell bent on taking out all mutants.. they see it as the only way to save humanity. They see it as a way to keep humans pure. Does any of this sound familiar? It should, because it’s exactly the same things that are being said about anyone that is not English speaking, white, Christians in the US.

There is a Senator in the show that runs his whole campaign on “Making America Human Again” and ridding the world of Mutants, as if every mutant everywhere is evil. As if every mutant everywhere is dangerous. Funny, men with guns aren’t dangerous.. but a mutant who can make flowers bloom needs to be destroyed.

Of course this movement to exterminate everyone of it’s kind is not met with open arms by the mutants and they are forced to fight back. The humans in this show are clearly the monsters and everyone can see it. Sure, they all have their backstories. They have lost loved ones to mutants or what have you, but that’s how it always starts. A few bad apples creates an us vs them mentality. Fear and anger become the prevailing force behind decisions and no one can see reality.

The interesting thing that I see about this argument is how no one can be bothered to th (2)talk to one another. In real life we have certain groups against illegals or Muslims because they have heard that some have hurt innocent people.. They feel that anyone that even looks like they could fit in these categories should be punished immediately, yet they are the same people who scoff and ridicule at the thought that guns should be outlawed because they are used more often than not to kill and maim innocents everyday.

In this case the constitution is clear… everyone should be allowed guns.. well, everyone except those who look like those other people.. and rights to privacy, and freedom or speech and religion and association.. all paramount to the building blocks of this great country… well, that is white.. Christian… male.. citizens of this country.. I mean if they have brown skin, or wear anything weird on their heads clearly they aren’t “real Americans”. Even though they have the right to the freedom of religion.. that only counts if they choose Christianity.. and they have the right to freedom of speech.. but that only counts if they chose to say it in English.. the not official, but we want it to be language of this great country.. who is so great because of all the people who came here.. and fought.. but not the new ones that come here and fight.. because they don’t count cuz… WE WERE HERE FIRST >:-P

Yeah.. America the Great.. home of the Free.. right.

bullying, coaching, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, Politics, Prayer, religion, Wellness

If this world was created, who’s watching, and what drives the ratings?

I was watching an interesting video on YouTube today about whether or not we live in a simulated universe. These were real scientists, like Neil Degrass Tyson who was moderating it, and they had plausible arguments supporting the idea. I have seen the video a few times and always found it both fascinating and ridiculous at the same time.

thDo we live in the Matrix and if so what does that mean to us? Today though, I noticed something that I had not before. One of them commented that if we were made as a game to entertain others that “You’d better go out and do something interesting as to not get deleted” and NDT joked that was what death was, it’s just someone getting bored with the character. I didn’t really think much of that analogy, as most of the world is full of very boring people… but what sparked in my mind is the idea of religion and the “creator” who has somehow spread the word that he/she is the best and that it is the people’s job to get other’s to follow that word.

Now for those who know about religions around the world, most aren’t that different in their content. It’s about worshiping a specific deity and loving each other and the best way to love one another is to get your neighbors to worship the same God. This message supposedly comes down from the creator of this world.

Now, anyone that knows anything about good TV and ratings knows that the more the drama the better the ratings. I, personally, am a big fan of the soap opera General Hospital. Recently one of the social media posts asked if a couple was basically deemed irrelevant once they were happily married.. if the drama ended? Everyone, even those who don’t watch traditional Soaps know that love triangles and evil twins are common place in that world. Anything that can create conflict, and there has been nothing on this planet that has created more conflict than religion.

So, if this is somehow a simulated reality in which a creator, in which ever form you choose decided to design a universe for their own entertainment purposes the first thing this creator would do is give the “people” something to fight about. Make them look different. Make them speak differently, so it’s more complicated to communicate. Make them all believe that they were chosen by the ultimate creator to be the chosen group.

Now, I don’t know if there’s a God, or a 15 year old computer geek who created an entire universe just to watch porn, but I know that in either case, hate and violence has a much higher rating than peace and tranquility. Just ask Dick Wolf (the creator of Law and Order). That one show lasted 20 years and had multiple spin offs, with very little main character development… it was all about the murder and mayhem.

The United States is a classic example of hate for the sake of hate. The whole country was created on the basis that ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL. We pride ourselves on being a melting pot and being of Christian values of loving and helping thy neighbor. We are the land of opportunity. We have a plaque that says, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”. We have proud American’s talking about how we need to respect what other’s have given their lives for.. all while saying that we should keep out anyone that doesn’t look like, talk like, and think like us.

The United States of America was supposed to be a beacon of what it meant to be free. Freedom of speech, Freedom of Religion, free to love, free to live, free to be all that we can be, and yet.. somehow, some way, a large group of people have been programmed that unless you use that freedom to be a white, male, English speaking, Christian.. you have chosen wrong.

I’m not sure what can be done to undo the programming of hate, whether by an all powerful creator or just generations of all powerful fools.. but I think we need to look at what we all hold dear in those religious and philosophical texts. Love, peace, and kindness only wins out when we start acting that way towards everyone and respect the differences. Not when we keep expecting everyone to choose us as right.

coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, Wellness, women

Create the life you love.. don’t dwell on the life you hate

Imagine if people put as much energy into creating the life that they want as they did into putting down and destroying others? Everywhere we look today we see posts and videos and commentary about how bad someone else is and about how if not for someone else the world would be great. People spend hours and days and lifetimes finding reasons and people to blame for all that ails them.

th (1)Imagine, though, if instead of concentrating on the things that irritate, or corrode the life that we want we actually spent time and energy on the things that we do want. This can be used in any context. I don’t care if you’re complaining about our president, your ex, or the latest diet that didn’t work for you. Wasting our energy on things that we don’t want in our world only keeps us for using that same energy on the things that we do.

Take politics for example. The news and in turn everyday people spend so much time complaining and arguing about the horrible things that Trump and or his people are doing and how to get him out…but I have yet to see anyone put energy into a viable person or persons who they can put up next year to oust him.

I see post upon post.. meme upon meme, about the ex who didn’t respect me and how I deserve respect and how you’re going to regret losing me because I’m so good and your so great and how could anyone like me ever care about anyone like you and you’re going to see just how amazing I am.. and .. and ..and… time to move on honey. I’m not talking to the ex who’ll see it.. I’m talking to you.. who can’t let it go. Don’t think about the one that screwed up, think about who you want next. Think about the person that you want to become to attract the person that you deserve.

We hate our jobs, we hate our bodies, we hate people… and all we do is talk about these things…. BITCH about these things. If we put half of our energy into creating things that we adore instead of complaining about the things we abhor we may actually have a happy thoughts, that may lead to happy moods, that lead to happy lives.

I get that things can be bad. I get that there is a lot to fight in this world, but the point is to fight for, not fight against. I don’t want to spend my life fighting against one man. I want to spend my life fighting for ideas, and causes, and people. I want to spend my life talking about things that I love and why they are so wonderful and why they deserve to be respected and cherished.

I think about my son. He is 4 years old. He hates bedtime and broccoli.. you know what he never talks about? Bedtime and broccoli. Even when it’s what I’m trying to make him do these things. He doesn’t cry about how he hates bedtime. He cries and sometimes negotiates something that he does want. When I say that it’s time for bed his response isn’t “I hate bed and I never want to go to bed” his response is, “I want to play a game/watch TV/read a book” and because he concentrates on things that he wants and not what he doesn’t want a lot of times there is compromise. A lot of times I will say, “Ok, if you brush your teeth, potty, and get on your pjs without a fight and you can get one more book” it works. Just yelling “I hate bed!” doesn’t accomplish anything. There is no alternative to getting what he does want.

So you hate Trump, all men cheat, and you don’t want to give up yummy food to be thin.. great… but what do you want instead. Where is the focus? Who are you going to vote FOR in 2020? Do all men really cheat and if so are you wanting to switch teams or are you ok staying single until you meet someone who doesn’t… while letting go of the ones that do? What are you willing to do to reach your health goal? Maybe you want to be able to eat that piece of chocolate but that means extra minutes at the gym or joining a sport or hiking that peak. Don’t tell me what you don’t want.. tell me what you do.

coaching, Law of Attraction, Motivation, Wellness, women

What’s your story?

What was your first thought this morning? If you are like most people you were mumbling about it almost being Friday and how you can’t wait for your day to be over so that you can be done with work and one step closer to your day off. If you’re like most your  grumbling and sassing your way through a crappy day of work just wishing yourself closer to death.

68a2cce32ddfc9b67177553c0881b2b1I remember the first time I realized that. It was about 15 years ago and I was working some customer service job watching the clock tick away. I was wishing those moments would disappear so that I may get on to something really important… like going home and watching TV.. yup.. my life was exciting. I couldn’t wait to get out of my own life and go watch someone else pretend to have a more entertaining life than I did.

Wow.. how pathetic is that when I say it out loud?

It has always amazed me the things that people are willing to put up with out of convenience. It has also amazed me how miserable people can feel over minor inconveniences. Some people have hard labor jobs, they are cleaning, or building, or hauling.. they work their bodies to the extreme and run themselves ragged for very little money. Other’s have boring jobs in which they sit at a desk all day and work with computers and talk to people and they make very little money… both spend their lives complaining about the pitfalls of their jobs, both are exhausted at the end of the day… both wish they could do anything else.

Then there are others who work hard labor jobs, they are cleaners, or builders.. they love being active, they love their accomplishments, they love creating or conceiving what ever it is that they do. They don’t care how much money they make because they are happy that they get to work moving their bodies and feeling as though they have made a difference. Other’s sit at a desk in an office working on a computer and talking to people all day and feel privileged that they don’t have to do labor, that they get to be in climate controlled environment and don’t have to break their back to earn a paycheck.. some even feel as though their work has merit and meaning.

Our lives have become a competition, not of who is the most successful, but of who has the most to bitch about. We create more and more conflicts in our lives so that we have something to talk about, something to one up another. “Oh, you hate your job? Well, I got laid off, at least you have a job”.. “Oh, your husband doesn’t help around the house.. mine cheated on me” and so on. We get ourselves into drama or monotony just so we can banter and whine.

When I asked myself why I stayed at the job where I was counting away minutes till my death I had basic reasons.. it paid, adequately, I had friends there, it was easier than getting something else. And there you have it. Complacency. It’s easier to be miserable and commiserate with other miserable people than it was to make a change.

That is not how I wanted to live my life. That is not how I wanted to waste the 50 or so years I had left on this planet. I looked around at all the friends around me and I wondered how any of them would actually feel if I started to succeed. Would they be happy for me or would they be resentful if I broke the chain and made something of myself… and if they wouldn’t be completely ecstatic for me.. were they worth me being miserable to keep them?

If in order to keep the life I had and be with the people that I had come to call my friends I had to slowly wish my life away was any of it worth it? Was it really so scary to write up a resume, to call for an interview, to make a change? Was stagnation really the best that I could hope for in life? Mediocrity. Relationships without compassion. A career without excitement. A life without passion.

I decided right there and then that I would never stare at the clock and wish for me to be 15 mins closer to death. I have had struggles in my life since that moment. I have had major losses and unemployment and even loneliness at times, but I have never once felt like I was settling. I have never once felt like I wasn’t working on making the life that I want and the life that I deserve. Of course nothing is ever perfect and nothing is ever easy.. but it can’t be great without risk.. and it can’t be amazing without abandon.

 

bullying, coaching, Healthcare, Motivation, parenting, Politics, school shootings

No one wants to talk.. they just want to win.

th (1)It amazes me the lengths people will go just to be right. A “friend” on Facebook just published a video about how the Left is so hypocritical that they are up in arms about illegal children but don’t try to do anything to stop children being killed here by guns and drugs… when I pointed out that the left has tried to put through policies for gun control and mental health he stated that no one was upset when Obama took the kids from their illegal parents.. when I cited articles that stated that Obama, though he held families and unaccompanied minors in detention centers, he didn’t actually separate babies from their moms. He then spent the next hour defending the policy to anyone willing to comment.

He said that the illegals shouldn’t be breaking the law, that, “How bad can their countries really be that they’d have to risk getting their kids taken away?”. When it was pointed out that some of the countries they are fleeing are violent, and that little girls are being raped and boys are being forced to join armies or drug cartels.. he said that we, as Americans, should just invade their “shithole” countries and take them over.

When it was pointed out that we could easily save the money that would be spent on wars and just aid those who wanted to leave he argued back that it’s not our job to save other people and that they just needed to stop breaking the law.. that just because he wants a new Escalade doesn’t mean he can just take one. He apparently didn’t understand the difference between protecting the lives of their children from rape and murder and getting a new expensive toy.

He went on and on about how if he breaks the law that he would have his children taken away.. even though it was explained that this is just a misdemeanor and no one would have their kids taken away for that.. and even if the kids were taken away in the case of a felony.. they wouldn’t be placed in a detention center. He argued in favor of this policy over and over and spoke of it’s praises and why it should be supported and how it’s all the illegals’ faults for being criminals… then he threw a curve ball and said that Trump had tried to change the policy but that Congress wouldn’t let him.

Obviously this confused me, so is the policy fabulous and right and deserves to be in place.. or is it horrible and bad and Trump is trying to change it? He told me that I was just trying to start an argument. I explained that while I enjoy a fact filled discussion this “argument” just took a turn.. he was no longer supporting his point. He was just going against “the Left” for the sake of it.

The original post was about the Left didn’t care about American children.. when it was pointed out that they did and were blocked in making changes.. he spent his time trying to prove why the Left was wrong for being disgusted by this policy.. then, in a sudden switch, said that this BAD policy wasn’t even Trump’s fault…. uuummm what?

I have noticed this is a growing trend. People don’t want to talk about facts or come up with a resolution.. they just want to be right. They will flop subjects or sides mid conversation just to save face. They make the most inflammatory comments just to confuse and befuddle their “opponent”. No one wants to help, no one wants to resolve.. people only want to win… even if by winning everyone loses.

coaching, Health, Healthcare, Love, Motivation, Wellness

Why are we still not talking about suicide?

I don’t get the whole taboo way of thought about mental health. I grew up with a mother who was schizophrenic. I had no problem telling people this, and people always are shocked by my openness. My son’s father has mental health and addiction issues and when I mention this people hush me. I have an aunt who is actually educated as a therapist and the thought of me telling anyone that my ex is a drug addict makes her cringe.

I don’t get it. These are illnesses. If my son’s father had cancer should I keep that hushed? My father had diabetes, and there was no problem with me talking about that. Most mental illness can be, at least helped, by medication and or different cognitive therapies… don’t we want this?

Healthcare is a huge topic of discussion right now. Gun violence is a huge topic of discussion right now… two rich celebrities within a week of one another lost their battles with mental illness and killed themselves, and yet, no one actually wants to talk about mental illness. I mean, people will wear colors or post memes and pictures to commemorate the fallen, but no one wants to actually talk about what’s going on in this world… with themselves or their loved ones.

thNo one wants to understand how someone can loose all hope. No one wants to acknowledge the reality that is illness. They want to point fingers. They want to call the fallen weak and selfish and pathetic. They want to pretend that they are just so much stronger and would never be that desperate, but the truth is mental illness is everywhere and can affect anyone. The only way we can do anything to prevent any suicides and mass killings is to talk about mental health and to make it a safe and open environment for everyone to seek help.

If I break my leg I’m considered an idiot if I don’t go to a doctor.. but if something in me is broken. If I’m feeling just too sad, or too angry, or too fearful then I’m just a miserable person that needs to get over it and it’s my problem. If I try to seek help for my health them I’m labeled crazy. If I reach my breaking point and I do something desperate I’m the villain, even in the case of self hurting (suicide and/or drugs).. I’m not a victim… I’m out to hurt my loved ones.

I’m on social media a lot. There are all kinds of jokes, and memes about being miserable, hating other people, and feeling overly insecure, anxious, or stressed. This is completely normal and laughable. It’s become a staple in our society to be miserable. Relationships are designed to break our hearts, jobs are designed to break our spirits, and friends are only there to commiserate with. Anyone who talks about good things in life or wanting more are laughed at as if they’re delusional.

We have become a society of miserable, overly self medicated, unhealthy carbon sacks… and when anyone among us expresses that we have a real problem we are told that it’s all “in our heads” and that everyone is hopeless and not to feel special. WHAT?!?!?!?

Why would anyone want to be despondent? Maybe if we all had to get evaluated regularly with our mental health like we do with our physical health.. maybe just maybe… we wouldn’t be as sick, on all ends.