coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, Wellness, women

Create the life you love.. don’t dwell on the life you hate

Imagine if people put as much energy into creating the life that they want as they did into putting down and destroying others? Everywhere we look today we see posts and videos and commentary about how bad someone else is and about how if not for someone else the world would be great. People spend hours and days and lifetimes finding reasons and people to blame for all that ails them.

th (1)Imagine, though, if instead of concentrating on the things that irritate, or corrode the life that we want we actually spent time and energy on the things that we do want. This can be used in any context. I don’t care if you’re complaining about our president, your ex, or the latest diet that didn’t work for you. Wasting our energy on things that we don’t want in our world only keeps us for using that same energy on the things that we do.

Take politics for example. The news and in turn everyday people spend so much time complaining and arguing about the horrible things that Trump and or his people are doing and how to get him out…but I have yet to see anyone put energy into a viable person or persons who they can put up next year to oust him.

I see post upon post.. meme upon meme, about the ex who didn’t respect me and how I deserve respect and how you’re going to regret losing me because I’m so good and your so great and how could anyone like me ever care about anyone like you and you’re going to see just how amazing I am.. and .. and ..and… time to move on honey. I’m not talking to the ex who’ll see it.. I’m talking to you.. who can’t let it go. Don’t think about the one that screwed up, think about who you want next. Think about the person that you want to become to attract the person that you deserve.

We hate our jobs, we hate our bodies, we hate people… and all we do is talk about these things…. BITCH about these things. If we put half of our energy into creating things that we adore instead of complaining about the things we abhor we may actually have a happy thoughts, that may lead to happy moods, that lead to happy lives.

I get that things can be bad. I get that there is a lot to fight in this world, but the point is to fight for, not fight against. I don’t want to spend my life fighting against one man. I want to spend my life fighting for ideas, and causes, and people. I want to spend my life talking about things that I love and why they are so wonderful and why they deserve to be respected and cherished.

I think about my son. He is 4 years old. He hates bedtime and broccoli.. you know what he never talks about? Bedtime and broccoli. Even when it’s what I’m trying to make him do these things. He doesn’t cry about how he hates bedtime. He cries and sometimes negotiates something that he does want. When I say that it’s time for bed his response isn’t “I hate bed and I never want to go to bed” his response is, “I want to play a game/watch TV/read a book” and because he concentrates on things that he wants and not what he doesn’t want a lot of times there is compromise. A lot of times I will say, “Ok, if you brush your teeth, potty, and get on your pjs without a fight and you can get one more book” it works. Just yelling “I hate bed!” doesn’t accomplish anything. There is no alternative to getting what he does want.

So you hate Trump, all men cheat, and you don’t want to give up yummy food to be thin.. great… but what do you want instead. Where is the focus? Who are you going to vote FOR in 2020? Do all men really cheat and if so are you wanting to switch teams or are you ok staying single until you meet someone who doesn’t… while letting go of the ones that do? What are you willing to do to reach your health goal? Maybe you want to be able to eat that piece of chocolate but that means extra minutes at the gym or joining a sport or hiking that peak. Don’t tell me what you don’t want.. tell me what you do.

coaching, Law of Attraction, Motivation, Wellness, women

What’s your story?

What was your first thought this morning? If you are like most people you were mumbling about it almost being Friday and how you can’t wait for your day to be over so that you can be done with work and one step closer to your day off. If you’re like most your  grumbling and sassing your way through a crappy day of work just wishing yourself closer to death.

68a2cce32ddfc9b67177553c0881b2b1I remember the first time I realized that. It was about 15 years ago and I was working some customer service job watching the clock tick away. I was wishing those moments would disappear so that I may get on to something really important… like going home and watching TV.. yup.. my life was exciting. I couldn’t wait to get out of my own life and go watch someone else pretend to have a more entertaining life than I did.

Wow.. how pathetic is that when I say it out loud?

It has always amazed me the things that people are willing to put up with out of convenience. It has also amazed me how miserable people can feel over minor inconveniences. Some people have hard labor jobs, they are cleaning, or building, or hauling.. they work their bodies to the extreme and run themselves ragged for very little money. Other’s have boring jobs in which they sit at a desk all day and work with computers and talk to people and they make very little money… both spend their lives complaining about the pitfalls of their jobs, both are exhausted at the end of the day… both wish they could do anything else.

Then there are others who work hard labor jobs, they are cleaners, or builders.. they love being active, they love their accomplishments, they love creating or conceiving what ever it is that they do. They don’t care how much money they make because they are happy that they get to work moving their bodies and feeling as though they have made a difference. Other’s sit at a desk in an office working on a computer and talking to people all day and feel privileged that they don’t have to do labor, that they get to be in climate controlled environment and don’t have to break their back to earn a paycheck.. some even feel as though their work has merit and meaning.

Our lives have become a competition, not of who is the most successful, but of who has the most to bitch about. We create more and more conflicts in our lives so that we have something to talk about, something to one up another. “Oh, you hate your job? Well, I got laid off, at least you have a job”.. “Oh, your husband doesn’t help around the house.. mine cheated on me” and so on. We get ourselves into drama or monotony just so we can banter and whine.

When I asked myself why I stayed at the job where I was counting away minutes till my death I had basic reasons.. it paid, adequately, I had friends there, it was easier than getting something else. And there you have it. Complacency. It’s easier to be miserable and commiserate with other miserable people than it was to make a change.

That is not how I wanted to live my life. That is not how I wanted to waste the 50 or so years I had left on this planet. I looked around at all the friends around me and I wondered how any of them would actually feel if I started to succeed. Would they be happy for me or would they be resentful if I broke the chain and made something of myself… and if they wouldn’t be completely ecstatic for me.. were they worth me being miserable to keep them?

If in order to keep the life I had and be with the people that I had come to call my friends I had to slowly wish my life away was any of it worth it? Was it really so scary to write up a resume, to call for an interview, to make a change? Was stagnation really the best that I could hope for in life? Mediocrity. Relationships without compassion. A career without excitement. A life without passion.

I decided right there and then that I would never stare at the clock and wish for me to be 15 mins closer to death. I have had struggles in my life since that moment. I have had major losses and unemployment and even loneliness at times, but I have never once felt like I was settling. I have never once felt like I wasn’t working on making the life that I want and the life that I deserve. Of course nothing is ever perfect and nothing is ever easy.. but it can’t be great without risk.. and it can’t be amazing without abandon.

 

coaching, Health, Healthcare, Love, Motivation, Wellness

Why are we still not talking about suicide?

I don’t get the whole taboo way of thought about mental health. I grew up with a mother who was schizophrenic. I had no problem telling people this, and people always are shocked by my openness. My son’s father has mental health and addiction issues and when I mention this people hush me. I have an aunt who is actually educated as a therapist and the thought of me telling anyone that my ex is a drug addict makes her cringe.

I don’t get it. These are illnesses. If my son’s father had cancer should I keep that hushed? My father had diabetes, and there was no problem with me talking about that. Most mental illness can be, at least helped, by medication and or different cognitive therapies… don’t we want this?

Healthcare is a huge topic of discussion right now. Gun violence is a huge topic of discussion right now… two rich celebrities within a week of one another lost their battles with mental illness and killed themselves, and yet, no one actually wants to talk about mental illness. I mean, people will wear colors or post memes and pictures to commemorate the fallen, but no one wants to actually talk about what’s going on in this world… with themselves or their loved ones.

thNo one wants to understand how someone can loose all hope. No one wants to acknowledge the reality that is illness. They want to point fingers. They want to call the fallen weak and selfish and pathetic. They want to pretend that they are just so much stronger and would never be that desperate, but the truth is mental illness is everywhere and can affect anyone. The only way we can do anything to prevent any suicides and mass killings is to talk about mental health and to make it a safe and open environment for everyone to seek help.

If I break my leg I’m considered an idiot if I don’t go to a doctor.. but if something in me is broken. If I’m feeling just too sad, or too angry, or too fearful then I’m just a miserable person that needs to get over it and it’s my problem. If I try to seek help for my health them I’m labeled crazy. If I reach my breaking point and I do something desperate I’m the villain, even in the case of self hurting (suicide and/or drugs).. I’m not a victim… I’m out to hurt my loved ones.

I’m on social media a lot. There are all kinds of jokes, and memes about being miserable, hating other people, and feeling overly insecure, anxious, or stressed. This is completely normal and laughable. It’s become a staple in our society to be miserable. Relationships are designed to break our hearts, jobs are designed to break our spirits, and friends are only there to commiserate with. Anyone who talks about good things in life or wanting more are laughed at as if they’re delusional.

We have become a society of miserable, overly self medicated, unhealthy carbon sacks… and when anyone among us expresses that we have a real problem we are told that it’s all “in our heads” and that everyone is hopeless and not to feel special. WHAT?!?!?!?

Why would anyone want to be despondent? Maybe if we all had to get evaluated regularly with our mental health like we do with our physical health.. maybe just maybe… we wouldn’t be as sick, on all ends.

coaching, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, Wellness

Are you happy?

If someone were to ask you if you were happy what would your response be? Would you laugh? Would you say “of course”… would you list all the reasons why you’re not happy now, but plan to be happy in the future? Will you be happy after you get a new job, or get married, or have children, or finish your degree, or lose weight? What is it that you NEED in order to “get” happy?

How do you think that these things will help you? Do you think these things will change your overall personality? Do you think these things will change something chemically inside of you to create the “happy hormone”? Do you think that more people will like you if you have more money in your pocket… or that you’ll like yourself more? What is it that is stopping you from liking yourself now?

piglet_gratitude_(1)The expression goes, “money doesn’t buy happiness” and everyone responds with some sort of sarcastic remark about taking the money to see… or taking the money from the rich to allow them to be happy. There is always the self deprecating joke about how it’s better to be miserable and rich than to be miserable and poor…. and to a certain extent that is true. Being rich is easier… but how many rich and famous people do you hear about with drug problems or that commit suicide?

So if it’s not money and or popularity and or looks that make people happy, then what is it?

If you ask a psychologist they will tell you that cognitive behavioral therapy will help… fake it till you make it, basically. If you ask a psychiatrist they will tell you it’s all chemical and prescribe you with drugs, if you ask a child they may tell you an ice cream or a hug. I literally, just stopped this to ask my 5 year old son and he said that what makes him happy is that “in the whole wide world mama and me love each other”. That’s pretty simple. He feels safe and loved and that makes him feel happy.

So what can you think of that makes you happy? Do you think about these things often? There is a big movement right now that talks about focusing on gratitude. Making a list, daily if possible, of all the things that you are grateful for. Do you ever think to do that? How would that change  your mind about being happy? For those who have followed me in the past year or so you know that I have had my share of tragedy, and loss, but when I wake up in the morning the fist thing I do is look at my beautiful and perfect son and am so THANKFUL that I have him. Then I make myself a cup of coffee… and I am SOOOO thankful that I have that to be able to keep up with my beautiful and perfect son.

Gratitude is the cure for anger, it’s the cure for resentment, it’s what keeps us focused on the wonderful things that we currently actually have in our lives. Too many of us are waiting for the magic solution to all of our problems instead of enjoying the miracle moments that happen everyday.

 

bullying, coaching, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, Prayer, religion, Wellness, women

Is all love conditional?

Love… I mean real unconditional love. It was the topic of last week’s Mass at my church. Now, before you roll your eyes and click off, I am not here to spread my religion… nor do I believe there is only one spiritual path, and everyone is allowed to choose their own. The one thing that I do know is that any, and all spiritual awakenings begin and end with love. This does not mean romantic love, though it seems lately that’s the only kind people are actually interested. I mean true unconditional love.

charlie-brown-happy-valentines-cute-greetings-animated-gif-2Five years ago I became a mother. I thought I knew what love was before that. I had no idea. I had been in many relationships, some good some bad. I had one divorce behind me and another relationship that was headed for disaster. I had no idea how to love any of those men, but my son. That was easy. Loving my son was like breathing. I did it before I even met him. I loved him the second I saw that second line on the little stick telling me he existed. Though I didn’t even know that he was a he.

Two years and one month after my son was born my father died. That was my second lesson in love. True, unconditional love. The kind of love that… well, never dies. I was lucky. Growing up I knew that my father loved me. There was never any doubt. He said it and showed it everyday. Now, that didn’t mean he didn’t punish me when I acted up, or that he didn’t put me in my place when I needed, but he never made me doubt myself or him. My father was the one person I truly knew would always be there for me. He may have laughed at me when I did stupid things, and he may have wished me to make better choices at times, but he never once gave up on me, or made me feel like I was anything but capable and my life was full of possibilities.

I remember thinking a lot about family after that. I remember thinking about my past relationships and how or why they failed. I remember feeling like family was everything, and that the reason it is so is because we never give up on each other, and we never judge each other.

I have a brother. He and I couldn’t be more different if we were hatched from eggs on different sides of the planet. We like different music. We are on opposite sides of everything political. He thinks any kind of self help or therapy is a waste of time and feelings are for suckers. To him money and power are first and foremost… yet… When I needed his help; he was there. When I told him my plans for my business, he said, “I think you’ll be good at that”. He doesn’t have to agree with me or my beliefs to love me. Nor I his.

Last week in Mass, Father…. which ever one… talked about unconditional love in terms of Jesus.. and I get that, it’s kind of his thing, but he brought it around to the rest of us. He talked about how it’s the thing that is missing in the world today. We don’t like people who don’t look like us. Why should we help people who don’t live by us? If someone somewhere on the internet does something differently than we do… especially in parenting.. we basically commit a public stoning in the comments section.

We have forgotten to love. We have forgotten to love thy neighbor, where ever they may live. We have forgotten to love and respect our parents, and instead throw them in home when they become a burden. Most importantly, we have forgotten to show unconditional love to the person who matters the most. Ourselves. We bash ourselves. We poke fun at ourselves. We hate ourselves on a regular basis.

The words and phrases I mentioned above come from a particular text that you may or may not believe in, but that doesn’t lessen what they say. If I said that Jesus was not the son of God, but was the Tony Robbins of his day, just trying to help people be the best versions of them-self would that make a difference in your interpretations of those phrases? Does it matter who gives the advice if it’s the right advice? Does it matter how the words got corrupted if the source was genuine?

Nike’s tagline is “Just do it”. It’s simple yet elegant. It’s about getting out and being.. being active, being you.. just do it… They don’t even pretend to tell you what “it” is. They leave it to you to figure out for yourself. It is amazing advice. Yet, if some executive came out and said the “it” in “just do it” was “buy the shoes”. Just buy the shoes! Does that lessen the expression or the original intent? Nike originally paid a graphic designer just $35 for their trademark swoosh. They have since made billions of dollars and it’s one of the most recognizable logos of our time, does that change it’s worth. Does it change your opinion on the phrase, “just do it”? What if your knew that that slogan came from one of the founders of an ad agencies last words (I just Googled it.. maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not) does it matter?

If you believe that love, specifically unconditional love, is important. If you believe that you deserve that love; that everyone deserves that love… why does it matter who said it? Why does it matter where the message came from? And… what’s stopping you?

bullying, coaching, Giving, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

What happens when we forgive.

Forgiveness, it’s something people talk a lot about, but I don’t think most people understand. Most people think of forgiveness in terms of the old adage “forgive and forget” but that implies that forgiveness is about the other person. It implies that you’re letting someone off the hook for their bad behavior or for hurting you, but that’s not the way that I see forgiveness.

To me forgiveness is letting go.. not for them, but for you. I recently had an ex contact me. We’ve images (11)all had this ex.. in fact it wouldn’t surprise me if we all had this exact same ex, he did tend to get around.. I digress. This ex put me through the ringer. He was a huge cheat, great at gaslighting and making himself appear the victim while trying to make you feel like he wouldn’t have to cheat, or blow you off, or whatever damaging thing he did, if you didn’t_____ fill in with what ever you feel is your biggest flaw is.

For years this man plagued every relationship that I was in. He would contact me in an effort to get back together swearing that he changed. He never did. I got to the point that I ran so hard and fast away from him that I married the next man to come along.. not because I loved him, but because I never wanted to feel love again. He still played with me and I ended up ending my marriage. I put on 10s of pounds with my self esteem crashing into the abyss. He was both the man of my dreams and the reason why I could never trust another man as long as I lived. He was a huge scar that didn’t seem like it could ever heal.

After dealing with his crap for almost a decade I finally walked away. I was with, who I thought, was a great guy. I ended up having the most amazing little boy in the world. I had huge REAL tragedies and wonderful adventures, all without him. I went through the hardest year of my life, and even though I had the urge to call him so he could “make me feel better”, the more that I thought about him, the more I realized he just caused me pain.

That led to the opposite affect. Instead of wanting to call him I started to get angry at him. Blaming him for wasting so many of my years. Years that I could have met someone else. Years that I could have started a family earlier and given my father and son a chance to actually know each other. This created a fierce bitterness in me, and it started to bleed into other things that I did. I had real trouble creating any form of relationship. I had trouble trusting men at all, but I knew that I didn’t want to live like that.

I have spent the last 3 years working on every aspect of my life. I have concentrated on being the best mother that I can be. I have focused on becoming healthy physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I have created a life and a person that I really enjoy, but there was always something nagging at me. A song would come on the radio, or someone who make a face or use a phrase that I would say and that pain would strike like a hot dagger and I my blood would begin to boil. I hated him, and I started to question why. Why did I give this man that I knew in my 20s so much power over who I have become in my 40s. It has now been almost a decade since I have seen him and I still feeling trapped by him. Trapped by the feelings of wanting him and hating him.

He has followed me on many social media platforms over the years and came up on my Linkedin a couple months ago. In my haste to delete the suggestion I accidentally went into his profile.. that of course got me thinking about him and all of the damage that I needed to let go of. I ended up looking back at his profile one night… debating on whether or not to break down and just contact him when a contact request came in. I just went for it. I accepted the request and within 5 seconds there was a message from him.

It was all very pleasant. We caught up. He asked about my son whom he had seen on one of the social media platforms. He asked about his father and told me he was sorry to hear about mine passing. We talked about the basic stuff that anyone catching up would talk about. Then he asked me why I accepted his request after all of this time, and the truth is that I needed to. I needed to forgive him not for his sake but for my own. I needed to forgive myself for all the time I wasted being angry. I needed to talk to him again to see that he wasn’t the devil, but just some guy with just as much damage and confusion in his life as we all have. I had to take my power back.

And you know what? It felt really good. I may never talk to him again, or we could become those people that check in every once in a while just because, or he could even become my next best friend.. anything is possible. But the one thing he won’t be is a drain, because I deserve better than that.

coaching, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

What’s Enough?

I am enough. This has become the new mantra of the era (mostly by women) and I don’t get it. Since when is being “enough” something to aspire to? I understand that we live in a time when women are struggling to create their own space, but when I think about where I want women to go from here, it’s not to be “enough”. If I am in a relationship I don’t want that relationship or that man to be “good enough”. I don’t want my career to pay me “enough” or for it to be satisfying “enough”.

Enough is where life sucks. Enough is where everything becomes monotonous. This is where most people, especially women,  feel guilty for wanting more. We have been trained to give to others, to be happy with what we get, to not complain, and don’t get me wrong, being grateful for the little things is a powerful tool… to help you create MORE. Because that’s the real goal in life.

How many people are out there at the same crap job, dating the same crap people,41ZHe5vMUCL complaining about the same fat hips, without actually changing anything? This is because of “enough”. People who have enough or feel that they are enough are comfortable. They are not necessarily happy, but they are comfortable.

They go to the job that pays just enough to pay the bills, that have just enough perks to not make them want to jump out the window every Monday. They swipe right on the person whose profile looks good enough to maybe meet, and when we’re out with them if they’re not a complete sleaze we may consider them good enough to see again. We are healthy enough… because we’re alive and medication can offset the rest. We are happy enough.. because we’re not completely miserable.

I don’t know about you, but that is not the life that I want to live. I don’t want to be on my death bed and think, “eh, good enough”. I want to LIVE. I want to be exceptional. Now there are a lot of people that will tell you that is crazy. That very few people are actually exceptional.. which is what makes them so, but I don’t believe that. I believe we all have different ideas of what perfect and wonderful and amazing are. I believe that some may need to sky dive and others just need a day at the beach. Every person is looking for Mr./Mrs. Right.. but that doesn’t mean perfect, it means perfect for them. But alas we settle. We settle for the person that we work with or met in college because it’s easy and it’s been so long what’s the point of changing. We settle for the right swipe, because at lease they kinda looked like their pic and what else is out there? We settle for the job that we’ve been at for 10 years because we have bills to pay so why take a chance?

To that my response is WHY THE HELL NOT?!??!? I’m not saying get a divorce, quit your job, and move to Costa Rico.. though I’m not saying not to. What I am saying is look at what you are putting up with. Look at what is “good enough” about your life, and figure out how you would make it better. Don’t settle for being enough.. don’t settle period.

 

bullying, coaching, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness, Women's movement

What purpose does your anger serve?

How often do we find ourselves holding on to some past slight with both hands as if letting go would prove to be a sign of weakness? How often do we feel as though we need to validate every action that we take as proof that we are better than some bugger from our past treated us?

I look around at this world, at social media, at the news and I find it very difficult to see the good that I know is out there. It seems that everyone has their chip on their shoulder or their person or group or reason to blame for something not going right in their life, or their happiness not being met.

I started following a single parent group on social media and every post that they put up was some sort of male bashing, I am woman hear me roar, cliche… Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for girl power, but not at the sake of half the population, and not all single parents are women. I, personally, was raised by a single dad who belonged to that same organization.

When I commented as such and that we shouldn’t be placing blame on any specific side, the moderator responded, “well, it can be used for men too”. That wasn’t the point. Firstly, none of the posts were about men, and secondly, most of the time when a marriage falls apart there is not one side to blame. Most of the time there is plenty of blame to go around so to have a support group who posts things that fan the flames of anger seems the opposite of support.

Part of growing is understanding what we have done wrong in our past. It’s understanding our faults and our mistakes and missteps so we can learn to avoid them in the future. If we spend all of our time ranting in our “support” groups about how we were wronged, or how every bad thing that happened fell upon the shoulders of another, then we are no more prepared for our next journey than we were for our last.

When I think of empowerment I do not think of all the ways that we are better than someone else. I do not think of all the things that we can and should be doing to bring down another person or group. I think of ways that we should raise ourselves and each other up. We do not need to steps on the heads of our perceived enemies in order to rise, we just need to give each other a hand or a leg up.

There is plenty of anger and resentment in this world, and it doesn’t actually help anyone. This isn’t just a male/female issue either, it’s time we let go of all of it. That bully from 3rd grade probably either doesn’t remember you so it’s not worth letting them have power over you now, or had more issues in his life than you could have in a lifetime and didn’t know how to express is. That teacher that made learning impossible was one year… how many years ago? Your parents… oh God.. your parents were a mess.. yup.. they were human. They made mistakes. They made poor choices… maybe they were straight up a**holes, but who cares? I mean really… they messed up enough of your years as a child, now you are the adult and you have the ability to make your own choices. Are you going to be one of those adults, like your parents, who constantly makes the wrong ones, or are you going to step up and learn from those mistakes.

I see so many people who make excuses about why they can’t hold jobs, or have good relationships, or be good parents, and usually it’s because of how someone treated them in the past. How does that make any sense? You are telling me that you have the right to be a loser.. because your parents were losers and you hated them for it? Umm… not to sound to harsh, but grow up.. live YOUR life. Tomorrow your parents will be gone, that bully will be a memory, and those feelings… they can either percolate and control your future, or they can be released.. and you can understand that no one, not even parents or teachers, are perfect. That we all have our demons. We all make our own choices based on our own limited experiences… which experiences do you want to shape your life? Which life do you want to grow?

bullying, coaching, Giving, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, parenting, Prayer, religion, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

The 7 Deadly Sins are of this life.. not the next.

We have all heard of Dante’s Infernal and the 7 deadly sins, it’s been used in countless movies and TV shows including “Seven”, “Charmed”, and “Supernatural”, just to name a few, but I always used to wonder why they were so horrible in the eyes of the after world (whichever after world you choose is fine). The more that I thought about it the more that I realized they had nothing to do with what happens next. They are all about this world… hence, deadly. These are the things that kill us and our spirit, our drive in this world.

download (27)We are all aware of addiction as a horrible disease. People who suffer from it destroy not only their own lives but cause serious damage to those around them. When a person is so consumed with something outside of them-self they can’t manage to do or think about anything else.. they put other things on the back burner.. they lose them-self to that addiction that is a deadly sin.

Now think about what those 7 deadly sins are:

Gluttony: which could be seen as food, or drink, or drug. The way it was used in Charmed was even shopping.. it’s obsessing over something. Some people use the expression “A glutton for punishment” because they always seem to go back to those that hurt them.

Sloth: The act of giving up on life.. seriously. You have no motivation to do anything. We all have those days, mine are usually on Sunday, when we just want to stay in our pjs and pretend the world away, and occasionally that is fine. But if you become the person who doesn’t want to get the new job, doesn’t want to go out with their friends, doesn’t want the new relationship.. out of fear, or anger, or just laziness, then you can watch years go by without actually doing anything. That’s just a slow death.

Lust: This one is a bit tricky. There of course is the sex addict, but I feel with a glutton definition that kind of falls under that category, but what about those people that will do anything to be in a relationship. It doesn’t matter what. They will change themselves, give up their own rights, their own principles. There are people who just don’t feel complete without the status of relationship on their facebook profile.

Then there’s the flip side. Those who are in perfectly great relationships, but need can’t be satisfied. They need to chase the high of “catching” a new romantic prospect. I have met a few people like this. They are the ones that have the affairs, not because they have fallen out of love with their spouse, but because they have an innate need to be wanted. This is very similar to the person who always needs the relationship. These people always need to prove that they are good enough to get the next one, and more often than not they lose the good thing that they already have.

Envy: This one is just a relationship killer. Any relationship, not just the romantic one. This is the one that makes you fight with your spouse over a smile at the wrong person, we get that, but it’s also the one that makes you shy away from interacting with those that you deem better for some reason. Whether you feel the other is better looking, smarter, or more successful, you either put them in a category of stuck up and therefore not someone that you would want to associate with, or you put them into a category of someone out of your league in which case you couldn’t possibly be someone they would want to know.

On top of personal relationships it’s what stops you from going for the job, the promotion, the bigger and the better, because you feel that there is no way that “I could possibly be the best candidate when there are so many more out there that are… smarter, more educated, have more experience” or whichever “truth” you decide fits your explanation. The only thing this does for us is keep us scared and incapable of moving forward.

Greed: Now this seems like it should go the opposite of envy and sloth and should be a great motivator to help someone be successful, but I guess that depends on your definition of success. Greed is not to be confused with ambition. It is great to have goals and be ready and willing to work and fight for those goals. It is a deadly sin when you start crossing lines and stealing, manipulating, and using others just to get what you want. When you start to realize that you have elevated the money or the prestige to be more important than the people around you you start to realize how much you have really lost.

Pride: This is another one that seems like it should be good, until you see it blown out of proportion. How many times have you heard of a family falling apart over pride. It could be a marriage or parents and children who don’t speak for years or even decades over something.. that half the time they can’t remember, or can’t admit wasn’t a big deal. Pride is a dangerous animal. It keeps you from giving up your principles and makes us all stronger for it, but it can be a huge stumbling block once it’s been damaged. There are many out there that hold so tightly to their pride they can’t even give the next person a chance for fear they may be made a fool again.

Wrath: This one is huge. This one is one that we see crippling nations and destroying civilizations. This is the one that needs an enemy. This is the one that needs to place blame on anyone else. This is the one that creates wars. Usually this one is a combination of the rest. This is the one that comes about when someone who is being greedy, and prideful feels envious and they obsess over who they can blame for their apathy. This is when we look for problems to to criticize others over instead of solutions to bring about peace and resolution. We are too angry to see anyone else’s perspective. We are too angry to see our part. The only thing we can do is accuse, and hurt back… and that’s never solved anything.

So as important as the afterlife is to most of us, the only life we actually have control over right now is the one that we are currently living. How do you want to spend your days? Do you want to do, see, and accomplish as much as you can? Do you want to love, learn, and experience all of the wonders that this life has? Or do you want to blame, ridicule, and waste the little time that you do have to be the person you always dreamed you could be?

 

coaching, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, Uncategorized, Wellness, Women's movement

What is your truth?

Truth is a complicated concept to grasp. That has never been more obvious than in today’s world of “fake news” in which case every side is claiming they are in the right, but to know what is truth? This is even more important in our personal lives. We all have these truths about ourselves, our family, our friends, our spouses.. but where do these “truths” come from.

download (24)My son was watching a cartoon… (yes.. he does that a lot.. no judgement.. it’s been snowing….. A LOT I’d never get anything done!) and the kids in the show were caught lying and were sat down and told to never lie. That lying hurts every situation and that it’s just bad to lie in general. Of course this backfired, and the kids just walked around saying what ever they were thinking, up to and including telling people they stink, they’re ugly, their cooking tastes bad.. what have you. So now the teachers had to try a new tactic and tried explaining that sometimes it’s ok to lie and sometimes it’s not and there are reasons for lying and for not.. and so on.

This seemed a bit crazy for my 5 year old to grasp so I put down my sponge, and sat with him for a minute to ask him about lying and give my perspective. I explained that lying was when you didn’t tell the truth in order to keep yourself from getting in trouble, but that telling someone things that may hurt their feelings just for the sake of it isn’t being truthful it’s just being mean.

I asked him some scenarios. I asked him about spilling his drink, and hiding his dinner.. then I asked about calling someone ugly. He said that wasn’t a truth. I asked him why he said that.. his response was one that took me decades to figure out.

“A truth is telling something that was done or someone said. Just because you think someone’s ugly doesn’t make it true.”

And that was it.. perspective.. just because you think something doesn’t make it true. Just because you may have been told that you’re stupid, or ugly, or fat, or a failure doesn’t make it true. Just because you think that someone is the only one for you.. or some job is the only thing that can make you happen.. doesn’t make it true. Truth is action. Truth can’t be challenged.

You think you’re a failure. Have you never won anything? Even a game of UNO? You think you’re unlovable. Have you never been loved, by you mom, your ex… that guy in 7th grade math class? People spend a lit of time deciding what their truth is.. instead of using actions to create a real truth.