I can tell you that I have had a handful of significant deaths in my life, and I have reacted to them differently every time. Some of the differences are based on their relationship to me, some of them have been because of my age. Some of the differences are just because the more loss you have; the more you get used to it.
Two years ago I finally said enough was enough. He was out of my house for the third time, and back in jail for assaulting his mom when I told him that he had to go to re rehab. Not a 2 week or 30 day dry out, but a real program that really worked on the heart of his issues. He refused. His mother agreed that as long as he had dried out and promised to stay sober that was all that mattered. I knew that one of these days things were going to go to far and I didn't want my son or me anywhere near it.
I am a believer in medication when needed, but I also believe that it's a band-aid to help take the edge off so that you can do the real work with thoughts and actions. We are our brains. Our emotions come from chemicals released in our brains.. our thoughts activate those chemicals being released. He had an overwhelming amount of "stress" (cortisol) hormones and low amounts of "happy" (dopamine) chemicals in his brain. He would try to fix that with drugs, and for the short term they would help, but he had no one to help him through the rest of the process when he was younger and still forming.
I was never married to Neil. I wasn't even with him at the time of his death, but I was his family. I was his person.. and I was his widow long before the last hit killed him. Opiates stole his life. They stole him from us. I am an opiate widow, because opiates killed my family.
The reason why I find this information so incredibly interesting and incredibly infuriating is that it's true, and most people choose not to believe it. When people come to me for help they want there to be an outside influence that can change their life. They want their problems to be someone or something else's fault. When I explain to them that their life is an accumulation of their life choices and that to change it they just have to change the way they look at life and start making better choices people actually get mad at me.
If there are people out there who are looking to get healthy, but don't know where to start, or feel like they'll be shamed, I hope that they see the mannequins of people who look like them and realize that they are not alone. There's an entire market of people just like you wanting the same thing.
Why has celebrating love become a bad thing? Why is sharing emotions (other than disgust) laughable? When are we going to start to understand that love is the most important thing that we have in this world and that it's only accomplished by doing?
With Valentine's Day right around the corner it's time to really think about love.. and not just the romantic kind. People who claim to be Christian seem to forget Jesus's biggest message was to love everyone the same
This world is full of billions of people and billions of different beliefs. What I believe about God and the Universe really helps me through my life... but you don't have to believe the same.. and that's ok.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.