coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, parenting, Wellness, women, Women's movement

You are your habits.

Habits are really hard to break. It doesn’t matter how many tricks you read about, it doesn’t matter if there’s a “change your habits in 28 days… or your money back”. You may as well ask for the money back now, because habits are hard to break. Now, that is not to say that they are impossible and you’re stuck with it forever.. but it’s going to take work.

I know someone who every time he walks past the kitchen he opens the refrigerator. He is constantly surprised by this fact. He could have just finished eating dinner and just walks into the kitchen to throw away a piece or paper.. he  opens the refrigerator. He can be walking through to head up to his bedroom or to the bathroom.. opens the refrigerator. It drives him insane. He doesn’t even mean to, it just happens. It’s a habit.

downloadI know someone else who has to have the TV on at all times. She walks into the house and automatically turns on the TV, whether or not there is something she wants to watch or not she turns it on and scans or searches or just keeps it on for background. This inevitably causes her to sit and watch instead of doing things on her “to-do” list, but it’s a habit. She doesn’t think about it, she just does.

I saw a meme on social media today about how parents are advised to put something “important” in the backseat with their babies as to not forget them, and people are going crazy, “what is more important than your baby!”.. but this is not about important, this is about habit. People so commonly do things out of habit they sometimes are at a detriment to themselves or their loved ones.

One man eats when he’s not hungry. One woman sits mindlessly watching TV. One parent drives to work on auto-pilot forgetting that it’s his/her day to drop the baby at daycare. All are important, some just have a more immediate result. All are the result of habits. Drug abuse is often called a “habit” and to a certain extent it is. When someone starts to feel a certain way they turn to what has worked in the past.. their “habit” for feeling better.

There are good habits and obviously there are horrible habits. All are easier to create than to make. So when you see something that says, “break habits in 28 days” what it’s really saying is create new habits.. that is possible.. but again.. not all habits are good, and even good habits designed to take the place of bad habits are not as easy to make/break. If you want to make it a habit to take off your shoes every time you walk into a house.. sure, a month later it may just be ingrained in your head, you may not even think about it. Your neuro-pathways have been sparked and you have reminded yourself enough that it’s habit. Same as your drive to work.. it’s auto-pilot.

If you want to stop yourself from looking in the fridge, or get yourself into a new exercise routine, or find better ways of coping with problems than drugs.. that’s going to take time. That’s going to take more than reminding yourself for a couple weeks. That’s going to take creating a new sense of self.. because those habits are linked to your personality, your ego. Those habits are part of what makes you you and how you see yourself as a person.

If you want to break major bad habits you have to decide that you are not a person who does these things. You are a non-smoker. You are a healthy person. You are strong. Because the moment you are a fat person trying to act differently your brain stops listening. The moment that you are an addict trying to be better.. you’ll have all the excuses why you it is who you are. You can’t go to the gym.. you’re too fat, people will laugh. It’s ok if you eat the cake.. you’re fat.. and everyone else is. It’s ok if you use again today… all your friends are and you don’t want to lose your friends.

You are not those things. You are a being that inhabits a body. You are whatever you tell yourself that you are. If you decide that you are healthy and are only going to do healthy things, and keep that in your mind, your heart, and your self.. your ego will evolve. Your habits will form. New habits, based on who you decide that you are. If you are an excuse… then you’ll never run out of those.

coaching, Health, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

How one roadtrip snack could ruin my weekend.

We’ve all heard the expression that we are what we eat, but never have I experienced such an obvious example of this as I did this past weekend. I admit, during the holiday season my eating was way off track and I was feeling like a lazy, lumpy sloth. So, a few weeks ago I got myself back on track, no more leftover pie for breakfast. It only took a couple of days and I my energy level was back; my heartburn was gone and I was feeling good. I had the actual desire to exercise not just forcing my way through it.

Then this last weekend I went on a little getaway. I stayed at my brother’s place in the mountains that I have been to at least once a year for almost two decades. Usually it’s a great chance to me to reset my brain. I get out into the fresh air. I see the gorgeous view. I have very few distractions. I usually get so much accomplished.

This time on the drive up the fog was horrible. I could barely see three feet in front of me. I had to crank the heat to keep the windshield clear, and I was getting very drowse.images (1) After about 1.5 hours my son had to pee so we stopped at a gas station/convenient store and we grabbed snacks. It was one of those things that I talked myself into being ok. I had to do something to keep me awake and munching on snacks and coffee always does the trick. I was right. We got to the house with no incident and things seemed good… till I laid down. Suddenly I felt like I was going to be sick. I had severe heartburn and even the next day I had very little energy. I ate the left-over donuts we had and I felt even worse.

The weekend of fun, adventure, and even a little work, turned into my son watching TV while I crashed out on the couch. Thankfully after all the time I’ve spent with my food diary I recognized the signs. Later in the day I ran to the store and stocked up on fruits, veggies, and organic soups… it’s really cold here and it hit the spot… and my energy levels were back up the next day.

We always think that it takes years for crap food to do any real damage, but the truth is the garbage we put in our body is poison. It starts hurting us the moment it hits our lips and it doesn’t stop till we clean it from our lives. Don’t get me wrong, an occasional “treat” is one thing… a lifestyle of trash is something else. Everything in moderation… but our bodies are vehicles and need the proper fuel to make it work smoothly.

coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, Uncategorized, Wellness

How do you resolve to make the world better?

SO… HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

We have officially started our new lives. We all have our resolutions stated, our diets, our business plans, our ideas for what ever our dreams may be. I have heard a lot of talk on radio stations, and of course the memes are in full swing, but you know what I mostly noticed. It’s all negative, self deprecating, designed to fail talk.

I don’t know what it is about the human ego, but we seem to be fundamentally designed th (4)to accept failure. Most people are much more comfortable with self deprecation than we are accepting a compliment. If someone says, “wow, you look great, have you lost weight?”. The receiver automatically feels uncomfortable and makes up some excuse about being sick, or “maybe a little”, or brushes it off as if it’s no big deal. But it is a big deal. Anything that you work hard at is.

For some reason, especially with Americans, there is something innately in us to underachieve. It’s actually the opposite of what the American Dream is all about so I don’t really get it. People are proud of how little they do and/or accomplish. As if being sick and broke is a mark of freedom. They are free from the rat race, or free from the socialized ideals of what’s important. They’re not going to be one of those people who eat healthy, or God forbid RUN. They aren’t going to be one of those people who works to get the promotion or start their own companies.. those people clearly have an ego problem.

I don’t know if it’s all the old 80s-90s movies that made the bad guy the person with an unhealthy need to win the poster-person for ambition so now anyone that wants to make themselves better must clearly be the jerk who thinks they’re better than everyone else.

And there’s a certain amount of outside sabotage that goes along with it. Those who are trying to “better themselves” are being told that it’s OK to be fat… it’s OK to be you… no being fat will kill you. It doesn’t make you less of a person, but it’s not OK. Or it’s OK to be minimum wage worker.. if you try for that promotion then you’re trying to somehow leave other’s behind.

th (3)Even those who are successful in whatever aspect of their lives still feel the need to put down anyone who wants start. Slim, healthy people make fun of overweight people who are beginning to exercise. As if “who does that person think they’re fooling?”. Why do they have to be fooling anyone? Why does their life choices to try to be better at something automatically put others on the defensive.

I saw an article about a woman who spent 100 days facing her fears. She later did a TEDtalk about it. I was amazed when I saw the comments how many people put her down  because they didn’t agree that her fears were important enough. That her doing things that others do all the time shouldn’t make her important. Why not? Why can’t she be important just by being important? To quote The Doctor (Who) “In 900 year of time and space, I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important”.

Why is life more about keeping other’s down than helping each other up? Perhaps everyone resolution should be to be more inviting and supportive of others, bringing up the status quo instead of bringing everyone down. Just a thought.

coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness

Try something new…. anything!

I have a friend who has been stuck in a rut for some time now. He took some advice from another life coach that he talked to. (It’s not good to coach your own friends…. they’ll get mad at you for calling them on their crap) This person gave him a list of different things to do for two weeks to “cleanse his bad luck” or karma or what have you.

This person uses modes that I don’t use myself, things like lighting certain colored change-your-thoughtscandles and pouring salt, it’s all very pagan traditions… which is fine, just not my cup ‘a. Anyway… the whole point is to get the person to try new things and to spend more time in their own head. There is a lot of sitting in silence and meditating.. which I do believe in.

One of the days he had to eat as a vegan. No animal products. No meats, no cheese, no butter. He had no idea what was left. He was at my house for the evening, kind enough to watch my son while I had to go out for a bit. I told him that I had some pasta that he could have. His response… “Sauce has meat”…. um… not all sauce. Not my tomato and basil sauce… and “Why is the spaghetti different colors?”. It’s a tri-colored, veggie based pasta….. Nope… he wasn’t going to try it.

Now the whole point of this exercise is to try new things. To get out of your own head. To believe that things can be done differently. Not eating animal products for one day is not going to change your health or do anything for you except… get you to think outside the box and try something new. That’s how we change.

Now I love my friend, and this is not written to knock him.. as I said, never coach a friend, they will take criticism as an insult, but it is to point out that you only get out of coaching what you put into it. You can only change your life as much as you’re willing to change yourself. I have had this problem myself for years. I had spent over a decade denying my habits and my weight issues. I spent many years in crappy relationships hoping the other person would change. I am in no way perfect, but since losing my father I have learned that you get from life what you put into it. I want my son to learn the good habits and the best self thoughts.

If you want to be healthy.. you have to BE HEALTHY. If you want to be rich, you have to do the work.. you have to find your niche, you have to take a chance. If you want a fabulous relationship.. you have to let go of the old ones. You can’t change other people.. and you can’t change your life without… CHANGING YOUR LIFE.

bullying, coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Motivation, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

Friends are not always the most encouraging when it’s time for a change.

Have you ever known someone whom lost a boat load of weight, I’m not talking like 10-20 lbs. I mean like 50-100 lbs, and managed to keep it off? The first question people always ask is how they did it, and they are always disappointed when they are told the person changed their eating habits and/or exercised. No one wants to do that.

imagesEveryone wants to change.. without actually changing. These same people will see the new and improved, healthier person out at dinner or a party and say, “oh, you can have some cake”.. or the drink.. or what have you, “you have to live a little” or “a little won’t kill you” or something along those lines.

I have always found this extremely disparaging. It is a way of completely undermining the work the person has done. It’s not easy to “stick” to a healthy diet. It takes A LOT of work. Most people have to over come addictions, and other mental health coping mechanisms to get there. It really does take changing.

I couldn’t imagine someone saying the same thing to an alcoholic. “Oh, wow, you haven’t had a drink in a year! That’s amazing! Let’s celebrate with shots. One won’t kill you”. It’s a slippery slope. Now that’s not to say that someone who has lost weight can never have a piece of birthday cake again. I mean… maybe the person does decide that their addiction is too strong and it’s best not to, or maybe they feel that they have dealt with their habits enough that they can indulge on an occasion, but the point is that it’s the healthy person’s decision on how they handle their food intake. They know what is and isn’t OK for them.

I don’t think that most people who try to encourage the healthier person to “Live a little” downloadis trying to bully them or sabotage them. I think most people are just trying to include their friends.  I think that most people just want to act like the food is not a big deal, but it is.. to some people, and pretending that it’s not doesn’t help anyone. That being said, there are some that go the other way. There are those “friends” that don’t want you to succeed because they haven’t. You know the old saying, “Misery loves company”.

If you are on your path to a healthier you. Whether it’s weight-loss, substance abuse, or weight-loss-kratomeven getting a better job, be careful of your peers. Be careful of those who seem to always lead you down the path of the dark side… with those cookies. You know the voices that you hear in your head that say it’s ok… you can just have one… well, they are hard enough to ignore. When you hear them from those who love you it’s even more challenging.

If you want to change your life, that mean you have to CHANGE your life. It won’t be easy. There is no magic pill. You can’t half-ass it. But you can become what ever you imagine yourself to be… you just have to do the work.

coaching, Health, Motivation, Uncategorized, Wellness

Sometimes to create a new life you have to forget your old one.

Some conversations take you further down the rabbit hole than you were intending to go. I was talking with a friend today. He had taken a picture and wanted to send it to one of his best friends whom he met through NA (Narcotics Anonymous). He was trying to think of a clever caption to put with the photo.. so I through out some silly one liners and he said, “No, that’s not the way he and I joke… it has to be drug related”

I was absolutely stunned. These are people who are fighting an opiate addiction and they spend their time sending each other jokes about drugs… I mean isn’t the point of making friends and branching into the programs to stay away from drugs?

I have spent the last 2 years of my life dealing with my own addiction to food. I have been learning about all the ways to change your life for the better. Almost every expert will tell you that the only way to truly change a strong habit like that is to change your mindset. To not think of yourself as that person anymore.

A lot of people talk about positive thinking… but you can’t just tell yourself “I’m fit” or “I’m not an addict” and expect that to change your life. You have to retrain your brain. You have to picture yourself fit.. you have to picture all the new habits that you need to develop to become that person. You have to retrain your brain into thinking of yourself as the person who works out regularly.. that chooses fresh fruits, veggies, and lean proteins.. instead of the person who thinks of themselves as sitting on the couch eating pizza.

One of the first things that is discussed when changing habits is changing your surroundings. One needs to understand the pitfalls and the triggers to the unhealthy habit.

As I’ve said, my issue is with food. If my trigger is Friday night movie and pizza with my family… or that friend that I always get dessert coffees with.. or that birthday party every weekend with cake.. then I have to learn how to work around them… or to take myself out of the situation.

The funny thing is I’ve discussed this with said friend and he agrees with me.. about my issue. He agrees that when I hang around with certain people we escalate the cravings and talk about food.. we almost egg each other on and give each other permission to eat badly. I’ve had to put my foot down and stop these conversations. I’ve had to cancel plans.. I’ve had to make better choices. My addict friend thinks this is wonderful and that I am smart for understanding this.

When I pointed out that he does the same thing with his NA friend he just scoffed and told me he’s fine. They’re just jokes. It doesn’t affect him…. funny thing is…  he was high when he said it.

coaching, Health, Love, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

Are you creating the life you want or the life you fear?

I recently had one of those “Timehop” posts come up. It was a quote from my dad right before he was about to go into surgery. I was worried… as any good daughter would be and saying that anything could happen when he’s under. He responded, “You’re right, anything can happen, and if you’re going to imagine things happening. Imagine good things.”. I loved that quote. That was so him. Most of the time, that is so me.

thWe are what we imagine that we are. There is a quote “Worrying is praying for things you don’t want to happen.”, and it’s so true. We spend so much time in our heads imagining what we want. What we don’t want. What we’re afraid of. What we long for. We get them all mixed up and eventually we put all our effort into thinking about things that we hope never happen.

Now the Law of Attraction say that if we concentrate on bad things that we can make them happen. The law of averages says that if we wait long enough something bad will happen. My law is, why waist one second thinking about things you don’t want when there are soooo many things out there that you do.

Let’s say that you spend your days worried that your spouse is cheating on you, and what will you do if he leaves you because you can’t afford things on your own… and OMG you’re getting fat…. well, now you’re consumed by this. You get depressed you eat more. You can’t concentrate on work. You lose your job. You’re a miserable person and your spouse leaves you and you say “SEE! Bad things always happen”.

Did the law of attraction make that happen? Did the law of consequences? Did the law of averages? Now… same person… doesn’t fret about the relationship and enjoys the time with the partner.. and the time by herself. She excels at work. She joins a health program like a gym, meditation or cooking class. She actually enjoys her life. Then she finds out she had all that free time because the spouse was cheating… Ok .. that sucks! But she has way more going on in her own life to keep her going. She has friends, and hobbies, and a fulfilling career and it’s not, “See, bad things always happens.” It’s, “Wow, what an arse.. I deserve better.” And that’s exactly what she get.

coaching, Health, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

Work it Girl!

Stop me if you’ve heard this before. Someone loses a whole lot of weight and someone else says to them, “Oh wow! You look amazing! How did you lose it?”. Seems like a rational question… then the response. “Well, I cut out/down on my sugar intake. Ate more veggies and exercised”, and suddenly the inquiry is lost on deaf ears.

thNo one wants to “do the work” anymore. When you look at the check out line magazines, the random ads on the internet or TV, or a million books in the bookstores and they are all “get….. quick”. It doesn’t matter what it is. Get rich, lose weight… find the perfect man. It’s all about the here and now moment.

If you cut out all carbs… all gluten.. all dairy you will lose weight. Sure… if you stop eating you will lose weight, but it is not sustainable forever. If you take this pill you will lose 10 lbs in a week… yes.. and probably live in the bathroom.. it’s not fat that you’re losing.

Here’s a hint. If you want to be a healthy, fit person.. you have to BE a happy, fit person. Be is actually a verb. You have to do the work. You have to say no to the cake.. mostly. You have to exercise. You have to drink your water and eat your veggies. You have to BE. That is not to say that you can NEVER have cake again. In fact that’s the biggest problem with the crash and trendy diets. They cut things out instead of teaching you how to eat them responsibly. I will say, I joined weight watchers years ago and one of the things that I liked was that you were able to learn the value of foods.. and what is worth the calories and what is not.. but you have to do the work.

If you want to drop 10 lbs to fit into a dress, by all means juice for the week and lose the water weight that helps that pouch out… but don’t expect the to actually help you to lose fat. And always check with a doctor before starting any restrictive diet. They all rack havoc on your body and hormones.

coaching, Health, Motivation, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

When getting the wrong advice can make you sick.

I have been following a health coach of my own for a while. She predominantly sells Beach Body products, but she is very inspirational with her message and usually has some great advice. However, she has posted a couple of things that have me a little concerned about the actual health advice she is giving… as there is a difference between getting healthy and losing weight.

She was the one who previ4c5888898817457f9aaff2b94a5be2ebously wrote that it was better to eat high fat breakfasts, like eggs and avocados over low fat carb based breakfast like oatmeal. Now, this may be great advice for those just trying to lose those few extra pounds, or for those in their 20s.. but for those of us in our 40s trying to get our cholesterol in shape.. not so good.

The last couple days she has been writing about insulin resistance and blood sugar level problems. She listed a bunch of symptom’s to insulin resistance. While some of them are on the list (increased thirst, and needing to urinate) most were really more signs of a carb addiction…

🚫 belly fat despite sit ups and healthy lifestyle

🚫 weight plateau despite healthy eating

🚫 carbs reduce your stress, make you less cranky

🚫 crave sugar sugar + carbs

🚫 not satisfied after eating (want sweets)

🚫 urinates in the middle of the night

🚫 swollen belly as day progesses

🚫 worse eyesight at night

🚫 need for a nap after lunch

Then she suggested going on a 48 hour fast to help regulate your insulin resistance… that is actually the WORST thing that you can go. For those with insulin resistance or pre-diabetes the best thing to do is create a very regimented eating schedule to keep your sugars balanced. You are more likely to see severe spikes when you fast or skip meals.

Being a health coach is not easy, but it is important to remember that unless you are a7efee89a1d3eb0dd387c8c4c8a28737c registered dietitian you should not be giving advice on how to counteract real medical problems. And if you have a medical condition, you should not seek advice from randoms on the internet.

Health coaching is about helping people understand their options. Teaching them about the way food breaks down in the body, and making sure to keep them motivated and ready to make the changes that they need. If a person has a medical problem they should be referred out to a medical professional. You can still continue to coach and keep them on target, but you must stay within your wheelhouse, or you could cause more harm than good.

 

 

coaching, Health, Motivation, Wellness, women

Mother’s Day “Treat”

Mother’s Day was fabulous. My son’s father took our little boy and me out to a wonderful brunch. I, for the most part, have been eating very healthy. Doing what needs to be done to be as healthy as possible…. but… it was Mother’s Day, and I decided that I should images (26)“treat” myself… well, technically my son’s father treated me… but you know.. I deserved a treat.

I mean why not, right? What is one stack of sticky yummy pancakes really going to do? Skyrocket my cholesterol… tighten my jeans? No, One treat on my day was what I deserved.

What I didn’t deserve was the feeling that I got afterwards. I was laying on the couch in a sugar coma. No energy. No desire to move. My belly felt like crap…. oh yeah.. what a wonderful treat for me. Totally what I deserved. It reminded me of a drunk saying that they deserved one drink, and remembered the next day about the hang over.

You don’t realize when your habits are horrible how gross you actually feel. You don’t realize how the sugar in your system sucks the life out of you. How groggy, and just bleh things are. You don’t realize that a treat is seeing your son’s face light up when you have 20170520_230734a race into school because you can keep up with him. A treat as a mom is hiding in a crevice for hide n seek that previously you couldn’t fit. Being able to carry the giant child that your baby has become up the stairs without getting winded. All of those things are treats. A stack of pancakes.. that’s just a distraction.

I’d rather 100 more Mother’s Days with hand print flowers than risking getting off track by caving to my sugar cravings and feeling how I felt.. sleeping away My Day… because I wanted a treat that made me sick.

Life is about choices. I choose to be healthy.