Tag: women

Mental Health, parenting

Why is every job a mom does considered a job…. except being a mom?

Katrina Russell

We’ve all heard the chiche about a mom being a chef, taxi driver, maid, nurse, accountant, personal shopper, and the rest. It’s become a meme. There is a great video about “The World’s Toughest Job Interview” about just this. If you haven’t watched it then I suggest that you check it out.

When people say that they are stay at home moms (sahm) they are utomatically looked down on for not having big goals and aspirations. As if being home to raise your children is somehow a bad thing. If a woman says that she’s a nanny this is completely acceptable. She is out there in the “real world” making money for herself. If she is a teacher she is a hero for giving her life to the service of children. If she is a maid she is doing her best for her family.. and so on.

It doesn’t matter that her being out of the house working means that she and her husband now need to pay someone else to be a nanny, and a teacher, and quite possibly their own personal maid. The world has changed their idea of what is worthy. Instead of a great and worthy lifebeing what it always was, finding a partner to spend your life with, having children to live make sure that your legacy continues, and raising them to be pruductive members of society. Now a worthy life is making a lot of money and buying garbage you don’t need to prove that you can.

The point, the actual reason for a job is to support your family. That’s it. It’s to make sure that everyone in your family is well taken care of. Since the beginning of time people had to work to survive. Even before money was invented people had to work. This is something that is missed a lot in today’s society. Men usually worked outside by hunting, protecting, and building things. Women took care of the children, did the cooking, cleaning, and until the last couple hunded years the farming. That’s just since domesticated animals became a things and men can stay home and not have to be out in hunting teams all the time.

People grew and hunted or gathered food. People made clothes, and houses, and tools, and everything else one needs to survive. Most people did these things for their own personal use. Some cultures did these things collectively, and created a system of bartering that eventually turned into a money exchange because if someone spends 3 months building a bed and needs to exchange it for food and the only person who wants the bed has an apple farm it’ll take an awful lot of apples to pay for the bed… and then he has to trade apples for whatever else he wants. Money made the trading easier.

The reason that men traditionally “worked” is because the woman was taking care of the rest of the family. The most important part of society. What the man did for work was less important than how the mom raised her children. Now it’s reverse. Now both men and women are told they are nothing if they don’t work and having children is just a waste of time and money that could be spent on important things. Moms and dads are told that if they did make the mistake of having children it’s best to leave those children with others who aren’t as accomplished as they are to “deal with the kids” so the parents can concentrate on the important things.

Children are the most imporant things. Women who stay home do all the jobs of those who work only they don’t get paid… and they don’t have to pay out either. We need to stop telling women that they are useless if they don’t act like men, and start letting women go back to being the backbone of the family. Maybe then children will go back to being properly cared for by both a mom and a dad.

parenting

I have 5 maybe 8 years left

Katrina Russell

I am a homeschool mom. I am also a single mom. This puts a lot of constraints on my ability to work, and earn money.

I do my best with different avenues and am very thankful that I have friends that have owned their own businesses for years and I am able to both work for them when I can and get advice on running my own. I was an older mom, 37 when my son was born, and I was lucky enough to have help in the first couple of years, but by the time my son was ready to really start school I was on my own. Since then he and I have been a little team. Even when his father was alive and just not living with us he used to refer to us as such.

We have always been close. We have co-slept his whole life. When I make plans he is always included. Most of my friends and social activities revolve around his friends and their parents. I take him with me to most events that I attend. He is my little “plus one”.

There are people that think that all of this is “weird” and that I should, “have a life outside of him”, but here’s the thing. I did that. I was 37 when he was born. I lived lots of life. I did the allnighters out with coworkers and fellow students. I partied. I traveled. I lived that life. Now I want to live the life of a mom and have my family. If I told people that my family was my life, and that I spent all of my time with them, and thay my husband and I were taking our kids on all of the adventures that I take my son, no one would blink an eye. The fact that it’s just me and my son some how makes it weird.

People tell me that I need to get out and start dating. That I should create a life without him because what happens when he’s gone and I’m left all alone. But that’s exactly the point. My son is 10 year old. He’s not going to want to be with me all the time, and give me snuggles everyday for much longer.

Last night a group of us went skiing… well, the kids were skiing, the parents were hanging out drunking hot cocoa and chatting. My son was running about having a blast with his friends. We ran into my newphew while we were there and he was off on his own with his friends. My brother wasn’t even in the same town. My nephew is 14 now. He’s just a 3 years and 2 months older than my son. I know the days are coming that my son won’t need or want me around all the time. This is my time to spend with him.

I’ve never understood people who had kids just to pass them off to someone else. It seems counterentuative. I love my boy. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want this chapter of my life to be about him. I want him to look back on his childhood and remember that his mother was there for him. I want him to remember all the fun places we went to and adventures that we had. I want him to know that he wasn’t an afterthought to his mother. That when he was a boy his mother said no to things that she couldn’t bring him to so that she could spend as much time with him as possible. I want to enjoy my little one as long as he lets me.

In 5 years he will be 15 and he’ll have friends that are beginning to drive, and girls that he is interested in dating. I will be someone that he will check in with. I am hoping that I will be someone that he can come to for advice. Someone that he can trust. But I won’t be his teammember anymore. He’ll have knew people for that.

In 8 years he will be 18. An adult. He will be able to move out, get married, join the army, and may any other decisions that he chooses. I won’t be the center of his world, and that’s good. I’m not supposed to be then. I am supposed to be now.

Addiction, Love, Mental Health, parenting

The new “free” life is killing people

Katrina Russell

I don’t understand this new trope of young people who all talk about how much they hate the grind, how capitalism is evil and people are more than just money and wages and how life shouldn’t be wasted working… while at the same time they complain that they should be given more stuff without money, wages, or working.

At the same time they are saying that love and marriage is an outdated institution and way of life, that having children is akin to slavery and a product of white supremacy and the patriarchy and the only thing of any value is having fun and getting more free stuff. I mean if that isn’t materialism and narcissism then I don’t know what is.

I understood the time when people, especially men, were working 100 hours a week and killing themselves to “keep up with the Jones’s”. The cliche was that on their death bed that they wouldn’t be thinking about the deals they didn’t make, or the car they never bought, but the time they missed with their family and their loved ones. Now it seems that love is the bad kind of 4 letter word. As if having someone to love is somehow a detriment to your own freedom and happiness.

Everyday on social media there are posts, especially from women about how they aren’t going to succumb to the old patriarchal regime of being a mom and putting their needs on the backburner for someone else. They aren’t going to give up their girls night out and their shoe collection for some crying, drooling brat, as if A. kids have no worth in and of themselves more than shoes, and B. Kids never grow out of the infant stage and won’t be there to take care of their parents’ crying, drooling asses one day.

The Western world has become consumed with being as “free and happy” as possible without any responsibility, or anything getting in their way, and yet the Western world has become fraught with mental illness, drug addiction, and violence. People are more miserable today in a world of ease than ever before. In fact people are looking for things to be angry about instead of just enjoying what they have… mostly because people don’t have anything worth having. They don’t know what it’s like to earn something tangible, never mind what it’s like to earn respect.

People think that relationships are about everything the other person can give or do for you. It’s about making sure that you never feel the slightest bit uncomfortable. Life is about the fastest way to get a dopamine hit, whether through drugs themselves or through constant social media yes men telling you how amazing you are. If a relationship hits a snag and the other person doesn’t want to do the same thing that you want then they are holding you back and quite possibly abusing you. If a child comes along then they are a threat to your very way of life and must be killed immediately before it gets a chance to be seen.

People have been turned into a group of individuals that hate people, not just others, but themselves as well. They think that any kind of work is oppressive, as if the things that they want just appear out of no where and someone else doesn’t have to work to make them. They think that they are the star of the show and anyone who disagrees with them is the antagonist in their story and must be destroyed. People today would rather live in a computer than talk to their neighbors…. and the overdose and suicide rates show that this new life view is killing them.

Addiction, Love, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

No one can do everything, and we need to stop telling people that they can.

Katrina Russell

We have to stop telling children, especially little girls, that they can do everything themselves. No one can. We used to understand this. We used to understand the importance of family and marriage and partners, but somewhere along the lines people, and especially girls started being told that they can do everything. That they don’t need anyone else. That, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle”, as Irina Dunn coined.

In reality everyone needs people. The family unit was set up as a way of complementing each other’s strengths and working together. It’s easier to share responsibilities than trying to do them all by yourself. This seems like commonsense, but somewhere along the line ego got in the way and suddenly “I can do it myself” became the motto.

This is not to say that there are things that women or men can’t do. Of course most people are capable of anything that they put their minds too, but they can’t do everything. There are only so many hours in a day. There is only so much energy to be expended. Eventually you run out and the person told that they can do everything feels like a failure when they can’t.

Telling someone that they can do everything is similar to telling a child that they can have everything that they want in a store. Say you have $300 and you take a child to Target. You can tell them that they can have anything that they want, they just have to choose. Maybe they pick a giant Lego set, and have $100 left to spend and you tell them, “oh that’s great, why don’t you add a book and a game on top of that”. You leave the store and the child is ecstatic.

Now say you have the same child and the same $300 and you go into Target and tell them they can have everything that they want. Now the kid is loading up cart after cart of everything they could possibly desire in the slightest. You head to the register and start piling things out. Then you tell the cashier to stop when they reach $300. The child is confused. They don’t even know what they got. Maybe the thing they really wanted hasn’t even been taken out of the carriage yet. Now the child is devastated and let down. It’s “The worst birthday ever!” even though they got $300 worth of things they kind of wanted.

This is how we treat people, and especially women today. We tell them to go for everything they want. They go to school, they change majors a few times, they date around a bit, they start to work on a career, and everything seems good. They are getting everything they want. Now they’re 35, and single and thinking, “next on my list: husband and kids”. They look around and all the guys are kind of jerks, or giant children because they have also been told that they can have whatever they want and they just spent the last 20 years getting all the hook ups they could ask for without having to put anything into the relationship or grow up at all. Why should they? The women can handle everything.

Now the woman is like, “ok, clock ticking. I want kids, but I need a man for that. I also want to be able to raise my kids myself and not send them off with the nanny.” The world says, “ok, just find a guy and get started”. But those guys were left in the carriage when you ran out of money and some other girl who knew what she wanted came along and bought him already. The woman is left with what ever was the easiest to throw up on the register first and didn’t actually get a chance to choose.

I know, you’re going to say, “Not all women want to get married. Not all women want kids”. That is true, but most do, and all at least want the opportunity to decide for themselves and not just get left with whatever was in the first carriage.

Instead of telling kids that they can do everything we need to tell them that they can do anything that they choose, and then teach them how to make good choices. Otherwise we’re going to have more and more generations of self medicating, drug addicted, miserable people who think the idea of abortion and government sponsored suicide are great ideas, because, “this is the worst life ever” when you don’t understand how to get what you really want.

crop alluring woman sitting on bed with flowers and retro photo camera
Love, Mental Health

Just Celebrate Yourself

Katrina Russell

People seem to hate Valentine’s Day. It’s either a couple, usually the man in the couple, complaining that they don’t need a commercialized holiday to tell his sweetie that he loves her, or it’s a single person complaining that it’s just a day to remind them that they are lonely. Everyone hates Valentine’s Day.

Personally, I agree that no one should need a day to remind them to show their loved one that they love them, but with divorce rates what they are maybe people need a little more reminding. You can love your spouse, significant other, bae (is that still a thing), but are you showing them that you love them?

One of the biggest complaints in marriages that lead to divorce is that one or both parties feel taken for granted or like the spark is just gone from their relationship. All-in-all they just don’t feel loved. Now imagine that you’re in that relationship in which you feel taken for granted and your loved one says, “I don’t need to be told to love my wife”. Maybe you do. Maybe everyone needs a reminder that they are loved and appreciated. Days go by quickly; then weeks; then months. The next thing you know it’s been a year and you haven’t had a date night. You haven’t had alone time. You haven’t really been “loving” each other.

Valentine’s day give you an excuse to forget everything else. It’s the excuse to your boss, “sorry, I can’t work. If I miss Valentine’s Day, my wife is going to kill me.”. It’s a reminder to pay just a little more attention to your love. Maybe even get that little bit of attention you’ve been asking for, but she’s had a headache since your birthday. No one says that you have to shell out cash and buy her candy, or flowers. No one says you have to make it a commercialized day. You can make her dinner if she always cooks. She can watch that movie with you that she always rolls her eyes at. Making it commercialized is almost a cop out.

The next time you roll your eyes at the thought of Valentine’s Day. A day literally designed to show your appreciation for the one you love, just remember how much energy you put into a Football game you weren’t playing last week. Which is really more important to you, and which one is really about commercialization. There’s a whole culture around Super Bowl COMMERCIALS.

And, for those of us who are alone on days like this it is important to remember that being alone isn’t a punishment. Being alone is a great time to get to know yourself and figure out what you want in your life. You can take yourself to your favorite restaurant, watch your favorite movie, put on your favorite music and dance around your living room in your undies… leave the curtains drawn and you’ll see lots of people who want you. Just saying.

Me, I bought my 8-year-old son a Reece’s PeanutButter Cup teddy bear, that he appropriately named Reece, and a blue raspberry gummy remote control that he licked for breakfast because he didn’t want to “ruin it”. Later today I may even take him out for dinner for some quality mom and son time. Because Mondays aren’t just for yelling about homework. Everyone needs to know they are loved.

silhouette of four people against sun background
cancel culture, Love, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

Why is feminism not about empowering women?

Katrina Russell

I don’t know when women went from being a group that was celebrated and protected to a group that is isolated and derogated for acknowledging that they exist and are a real thing. There is a definition to the word woman. There are traits to describe a woman. There are features that differentiate women from men. For years women were held back for these traits and features. Women weren’t allowed in certain clubs or organizations and there was no way that they could compete in sports or the military against men. Then women started to push for more “rights”.

I’m not sure how it’s a right that a person should be allowed into a private club owned by someone else. Men’s clubs were a thing created for men to be men. To talk about things that men want to talk about. There were other clubs that were for both men and women that couples could attend, but women didn’t like that. Of course, there’s still women’s only clubs, but that’s… different. I guess. Or at least it was, because now a man just has to say that he’s a woman and he can enter the club all he wants so there’s that.

The excuse for needing to let women into men’s clubs was the “a lot of business happens in the men’s clubs”. If women weren’t allowed in them, they were being prevented from doing business. Most of these clubs were some sort of golf club, but ironically even after letting women into these clubs only about 22% of all club members are women and half of those are young girls just there to play golf. Not a lot of business taking place there, and not a place most women even care to go.

Then there were organizations like The Elks that were sued into allowing women in the mid 90s, and the Boy Scouts of America that was made to admit girls in 2017, even though Girl Scouts is completely a thing. I don’t know when women became so obsessed with thinking all things male was better.

Women used to be proud of who and what they were. They were daughters, and moms, and teachers, and nurses and they loved using their empathy and compassion to take care of people. They were also brilliant. There were so few female writers, scientists, pilots, freedom fighters and yet everyone knows the names of the brilliant women who did accomplish great things in those fields. Being a woman didn’t stop Agatha Christie, Marie Curie, Amelia Earhart or Harriet Tubman. They didn’t have to pretend to be men. They didn’t have to dress, and act like men or sue for men to include them. They did their jobs better than everyone else and they were accepted and appreciated for that.

People say, “Well, yes, but there were so fewer women in those positions. It must have been discrimination.”. Guess what, there’s still less women in those fields. All the lawsuits, all the campaigns, all the shoulder pads in the world didn’t turn women into men and didn’t make women interested in the same things that men are interested or physically capable of the same things as men. Men and women are different. They just are.

Now, before you freak out, I’m not saying that women are weaker than men. I’m a mom. I know what real strength is. I not only carried my baby in my body, but I had a c-section, and carried that baby for years after whenever he needed me. Whether it was in the first 6 weeks after my c-section, and I wasn’t allowed to lift anything as heavy as him, or the years after when he was tired, or hurt, or it was just more convenient at the time to keep track of him and keep him moving. Let me tell you. Kids are heavy. They may be like 30 lbs., but 30 lbs. of dead weight in one arm and 5 bags of groceries in the other because it’s easier to do one trip and it you let him down, he’s going to run, that’s heavy.

Then there’s the emotional strength that it takes to be a mother. You are the one that is there for that child every day, most of the time all day. You are the one that has to teach these little people to be strong, and kind. You have to comfort them when they are in pain and support them to work through it. You also have to correct them when they are wrong and sometimes that means hurting them as well. We make our children cry more than anyone else because we have to, and it breaks our hearts. “No, you can’t watch TV right now. No, you can’t wear your ballet shoes out in the snow. No, you can’t have skittles for dinner.”. Tears every day. Tears we have to decide how to handle in order to make sure our children grow up to be capable human beings.

Being a woman is an amazing thing to be. We are the diplomats to the men’s warrior. We are the ones they come home to when they want to feel safe. We are the ones that give them purpose when they go to war or to work. We are the ones who create the future they are trying to protect. I don’t know when that became the lesser value in the equation.

Feminism has somehow gone from proving that women are of equal value for being women, through women can and should do all the things that men do, to there’s no such thing as a difference between men and women. Which is just ridiculous, and quite frankly an insult to women, and men alike. To say that we are all just pod people creations with no individuality, with nothing born innate to us, we are all just creations of whatever society implants into us. Which is clearly not true, as there are thousands of societies that have crossed 10s of thousands of miles and 10s of thousands of years, and there has always, in every society, been a difference between men and women.

At one-point women fought to have their own sports. They wanted to prove that they were just as capable of being athletic and competitive but understood that physically they were no match for men. This was a great opportunity for women. They were able to thrive in a physical domain otherwise not available to them. They were able to win scholarships and create comraderies with like-minded other women. They could live out their masculine traits without danger of being with the men who could cause them real harm.

Now that is being taken away as well. Men who just decide they want to be women are competing against women in traditionally physically masculine roles. Men and women are different. Not just in the way they think, not just in their hormone levels. They are different down to their bone structure, their muscle mass, their weight dispersity, and in physical competitions like sports and wars this can get someone seriously hurt, if not killed. It can also take those scholarship opportunities away from women and give it to an actual man.

The other night during one of those award shows Adele got up and said how proud she was to be a woman and how proud she was to win her award in the name of women. This used to be something that was cheered. Now it was offensive. Women are no longer allowed to be proud of themselves. Let’s not even talk about JK Rowling. They are no longer allowed to separate themselves from men. Women have to accept that there is absolutely nothing special about them at all. There is no definition for the word woman. Anyone can be one, and anyone can decide not to be one, depending on their mood.

Political commentator Matt Walsh was on The Dr Phil show with some people who identify as non-binary. Meaning they do not consider themselves either male or female because society makes up those terms. Matt asked them to define the word woman and the response was “womanhood looks different to everyone“. That is not how words work. That is not how reality works.

Let me just state before the crazies come out of the woodwork, that I am not transphobic. I don’t care what you look like, how you define yourself, or what you do as an adult. I have an issue with this idea that being a woman doesn’t mean anything. A few years back Doctor who, one of my favorite shows, decided to swap out the main character who had always been male for a female with the idea that sex doesn’t matter. That there is absolutely no difference between men and women and that it is all a social construct. This was about the same time that the “woke” community starting to change from trans to non-binary and blaming all things gender related on society.

I was annoyed by this. Even though the main character is an alien, he spent a lot of time of Earth (specifically in England) traveling through different time periods. I was afraid that the character was going to be spending too much time explaining why “as a woman” she should be listened to and basically male bashing the whole time. It was much worse. It turned out it was about how sex was irrelevant and his species was so much more advanced than us piddly humans even it had been well established that he was a father and a grandfather, and that their biology was in tune with ours. He had even left his granddaughter on Earth so she could spend her life with a man she had fallen in love with.

They had changed the gender of another main character before this and it was quite well excepted, but it was also played off like it wasn’t common. Then there was some vague mention of it with a background character that most people just ignored. The character even made a comment about “thank God I’m a woman again” or something to that affect. Meaning there was a difference in males and females. The main character who changed gender also changed her name to Missy because “I couldn’t keep calling myself the Master“. Implying that Master is a masculine name, and there was a difference between masculine and feminine on their planet.

I remember the chat all over the internet at the time. So many people applauding the choice. So many people insulting anyone who didn’t agree with it at the time. I remember a specific exchange between a man and a woman. The man said that he hated it, that there was nothing fluid about gender, and that men and women are very different. The woman, of course, just called him sexist. He then replied that he was actually a transman and by stating that there is no difference between men and women the whole movement was invalidating the trans-community of people who feel like that are the opposite gender.

To feel as if you are the wrong gender implies there is a difference between them that is not just how you present and what costume you dress in for the day. Being a man or a woman meant something. There is a direct definition to the word. Now maybe it’s not the same definition that Matt Walsh would give, but most trans people acknowledge the difference between trans and cis individuals. They talk about male and female brains and ways of thinking. Which is different as well, and not just societal. This is why no matter how advanced the society and how much they try to push equality between the genders, more women pick certain careers and hobbies in humanities crafting and more men pick more careers and hobbies in STEM. Men talk about things; women talk about people.

And the thing is, all of that is good. Men aren’t better than women because they like STEM and military type careers, and women aren’t lesser than men because they like helping and teaching people. A person is not more successful if they choose to fight their way through the grind to get the corner office or make the big bucks, and women aren’t less successful if they choose to stay home and take care of the tiny humans they created. Men and women are different. Women have to stop putting themselves and their identities down in order to be more like men. Women have to remember in the battlefield every man cries for his mommy.

person counting cash money
Addiction, Love, Mental Health, parenting

The Love of Money is the Root of all Evil

Katrina Russell

People are born different. Anyone who has ever met children knows this. Anyone that has multiple kids can attest to this. Every one of their babies came out with their own little personalities, likes, dislikes, favorites, what have you. Some kids are relaxed, some kids are bossy, some kids are nothing but trouble. Those are the most hilarious to hear about but the most frightening to have yourself. The point it, people are people no matter how old, and they are all different.

When I was little, I remember having a little field trip with my Brownies group to the local town center where there was a candy store that sold “penny candy” though by the mid 80s it was more $.25 candy. Each of us girls were given a $.25 to spend. I went in, looked around, and found some pieces that were $.10-.15. I ended up with two pieces of candy and my Brownie leaders thought it was hilarious. I was a good bargain hunter and they saw me going far.

My brother on the other hand was all about making as much money as he could. He had a paper route at 11 and forged working papers at 13 so he could get a job at the local grocery store (in our state you have to be 14 to work). He was good at saving and liked the finer things. When we took our first vacation to Disney, he had $555 that he had put away from his paper route money. I had about $3 left over from that week’s allowance.

I wanted to buy presents for everyone I knew so at the end of the day my dad’s girlfriend would give me her left-over change that she had for the say and I would collect it up and find the best things that I could for what little I had. And I did. Even if it was just a magnet or a shoelace, I made it work. Keep in mind this is still the mid 80s, things were much less expensive then. My brother bought himself a couple things and Mickey ears for our 3 little cousins and saved the rest. He was not about to spend all his hard-earned money.

Flash forward, I work hard, I make enough money to pay for what I need, no matter what I need. My brother says, “You’re good at making money stretch.”. He does not mean that I’m good at saving for the future, but I’m great at getting as much as I can with the money that I have, even if my bank account ends up a little low most of the time. I can’t help it. “It burns a hole in my pocket”. As they used to say. Thankfully I make enough so that when something does come up, I can usually pay for it in cash with my next check, but still saving is really not in my DNA.

When I had my son, I had no idea who he would be or what kind of ideas he would have. I started an account for him, that I do manage to save for, and I changed my spending habits a bit to include planning for the future, investments, insurance… you know, grown up adulting things. It’s taken a lot of work and self-discipline to accomplish this goal, but I understand the importance, but I still have a little trouble with Amazon and Target.

He was about 5 when he got some birthday money and I asked him what he wanted to do with it? He responded that he wanted to save it of course. He had to save it for a car so that when he’s old enough to work he’ll be able to get there himself. Swear to God. This is not one of those “kids say the cutest things” made up by a parent. These words came out of my Kindergartener’s mouth. I can assure you; he does not get this from me. He takes his birthday, Christmas, First Communion, and money earned from As he gets on his report cards and puts it in his bank.

Over the last few years, he has spent a little of his saved money, but it’s always a debate. He sees something in the store. Asks me to buy it. I tell him no, but he’s welcome to, and then he decides it’s worth to him. He has trouble saying no to certain stuffed animals. Don’t get me wrong, when he gets gift cards they do get spent in the appropriate place, but always at the appropriate time. He waits till he sees something that he wants, like one of those stuffed animals he can’t live without and chooses to use those instead of cash. Sometimes he’ll even trade me if he sees something at a store not on the gift cards. So, for instance if he sees a videogame at Game Stop and doesn’t have a Game Stop gift card, he will say something like, “Well, if I give you my Target gift card for $20 can you give me the $20 cash and I can buy the game?”. Which I do… because, as mentioned… Target.

I don’t tell this story just to brag about my amazingly perfect son. I tell this story as a reminder to those who may be struggling with money issues or have a spouse who is. Some people are just born with a different idea of money that you are. This does not give them a free pass to spend until bankrupt, but it’s just something that may take more work than you may think. It’s literally a part of them. They have to decide to make a change and learn how to do so. Excessive shopping can be considered an addiction, just like anything else done to access, but it can also just be bad habits.

Habits are the hardest thing to break because it’s not just mental, but it’s physical, like muscle memory. A person who is bad at money has a list of things they know that they want and as soon as they know money is coming in, they have a checklist of what can be paid for with that money. It’s like the food addict who is planning when they can do their next binge. And like any other habit or addiction it is easy to jump off the wagon by simply walking in a store or opening an app and seeing what there is to buy.

If you want to change your money habits it is best to talk to a professional. Come up with a budget and make sure you have some crazy money in there just in case, so you don’t feel deprived. Saving money is the best thing that you can do for yourself and your family. It’s not easy for everyone, but with the right help, it’s not impossible either.

close up photo of lion s head
cancel culture, free speech, parenting, Politics, Prayer

Speak your mind!

Katrina Russell

Yesterday I was teaching my Catechism class where we were talking about Daniel and Esther. For those who don’t remember Daniel was put into a Lion’s Den after he refused the King’s order to only worship the King and other false gods. Esther was the King’s wife who spoke to the King on behalf of her people for him to allow them to worship their one true God. Both of these people put their lives in grave danger for their faith.

After we finished reading and watching a video about them, I asked the children in my class how they felt about what these people did. I asked them if they thought that people have the right to be able to tell their King or government no and do what they believe. I wasn’t sure how they would answer.

This is a time when authority should never be questioned and what is “right” is listening and obeying what the authority deems to be true. When I first said to compare it to today in society there was a big moan of annoyance at the thought of what I may be asking about society today. I asked them, “With everything going on today, do you think that people have the right to protest the government about things they believe, regardless of whether you believe the same things that they do?”.

There was the one smart ass kid who said, “No, you must always listen to the government. They know best.” but seeing as how I don’t think this kid has ever listened to anyone in his life, I knew he was being facetious and stated so after his friend questioned him. After him there were many different responses ranging from, “of course the government is full of idiots” to “yeah, just because the government think they know best doesn’t mean that they do. In fact, of the 17 kids in the class every single one of them agreed that people have the right to criticize and protest the government.

This exchange has given me hope for the future. This was a class full of middle schoolers in a very Left state that truly believe in personal rights outweighing the collective. I wasn’t sure that was a thing anymore. These kids have grown up in a culture full of canceling anyone who thinks outside the box. The box constructed by a certain establishment. The fact that these kids were able to understand the significance of having not only their voices heard, but the voices of those they don’t agree with as well was quite inspiring. Maybe there’s hope for the future afterall.

bullying, cancel culture, free speech, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

Why does fear trump logic in society?

Katrina Russell

I’m mostly talking about American society since that’s the one that a I live in. I just don’t understand it. America was always the land of the FREE and the home of the BRAVE. This is the one country that everyone came to that had nothing to fall back on when they got here. Or at least it was. Now it’s the home of “give me free stuff and if you don’t, I’ll label you the problem”.

I read articles and see news casters all the time talking about how they would never sit down and have a conversation with someone they disagree with. How you should never give them a platform or trying to get someone they disagree with platformed. I don’t care which side of the isle it’s on. I saw the same thing written about The View and CNN from the Right as I see about Joe Rogan from the Left, even before Whoopi’s ignorant racism and the evidence that no one at CNN can keep it in their pants.

I was amazed at how many people either quit or were dragged for not quitting during the Trump administration, because they didn’t like him. So what? You don’t like that man. That has nothing to do with your job. Go to work, do the best job you can and make the difference that you want to make. You like or dislike for your boss should be irrelevant. Imagine if all the firefighters who didn’t like their bosses just quit. The country would be in chaos. When did people get so soft?

The irony is that so many people think if these cowardice acts as brave. As if saying, “naa na nah boo boo, I don’t need to listen to you”, is brave. People have become so used to living in their own little bubbles they have no idea what reality is. They have no idea what true bravery is. Bravery isn’t banning together with a group of people who agree with you and prop you up at all times, while ostracizing anyone who dares have a different opinion that you. Bravery is having open dialog with someone that you disagree with. Listening to their perspective and possibly learning something new that may indicate that you are wrong. No one wants to do that anymore.

If you say someone’s opinion is wrong, it’s like you’re berating their very character. People all over the country are on anti-anxiety medication just because there’s a slight chance something vaguely uncomfortable may happen to them. There are entire internet posts that people share over and over about a thing that happened to them and they can never show their faces again, because they made a mistake one. A mistake. A normal everyday occurrence that happens to everyone. But no… a mistake is a sign of being less than. If I make a mistake, I must shut myself away forever, and if you make a mistake, I must make sure that you are shut away forever. You must never go to college, or get a job, or get married, or have children… or live a life in anyway, because only the perfect who agree with everything that my peer group agrees with and never makes a mistake has the right to live.

The most deranged thing is that this society is one that pushes inclusion and acceptance. We MUST accept everyone regardless of their differences, as long as they’re not different than me, or in any way considered to be better than me. We have to accept fat people but shun anyone who enjoys healthy living. We must accept POC but reject anyone proud of their white heritage. We must accept the LGBT>>> community, but ridicule anyone who believes in Judeo/Christian beliefs. The only beliefs that are criticized, by the way. If you’re Hindi, Muslim, Wiccan you are to be praised yourself for being so brave.

If you want to truly be empowered the key is not to block yourself off from disagreement or feeling uncomfortable; it’s putting yourself out there. Having conversations with those you disagree with. Test your theories. Hear other’s opinions. You never know, you may realize you were actually right after all, or you may realize you didn’t have all the information. Either way you can be proud of yourself for true and good actions instead of lying to yourself into placation.

photo of woman kneeling in front of gravestone
Giving, grief, Love, Mental Health, parenting

Life after Parents.

Katrina Russell

I see it on social media a lot. A meme that goes something like, “You taught me everything except how to live without you, mom”. I get the idea. I have lost my parents. My son has lost his father. There has been a lot of loss in my life. I miss them every day, but statements like that actually make of my father. Not in the way that you would expect. In fact, the opposite.

I loved my dad. I still love my dad. He was a single parent who raised us in the 70s-90s when single dads just wasn’t a thing. He was one of the strongest people I know. The only one who came close way my Grams who was also a single parent in the 50s and 60s, also when it wasn’t really a thing. My Grams raised my dad to be strong and independent, and though she was always there to help out and take us kids on weekends and vacations (she lived for those times). She also made sure that he was capable of handling it all on his own when he had to.

My dad helped me a lot. He did, and I could never deny that, but the one thing he always told me was that a parent’s job was to raise their children to NOT need them. To raise their children to be independent, because one day the parent would not be there, and the child will become a parent themself and have someone else who needs to be taught the same. “Independence is the greatest gift a parent can give a child.”. It sounds great now, not so much when I was hobbling home from school in the snow… on crutches. But I did it. I got home. I made my way by myself. “There is nothing that you can’t do if you put your mind to it.”. These are the types of phrases that I grew up listening to.

There were a lot of hard times for both my brother and me. We struggled, and we persevered. I admit, I had way more help along the way than my brother did. I think that went along with me being a girl and my dad assuming I would have a man to help me as I got older as well. Well, as of now I do not have a man. I do not have my father. Before I turned 40 I was a single mom and, for all intense and purposes, an orphan. My dad had given me great training though.

When he was sick, I moved back in with him. I helped him with medication. I took him to doctors and hospitals and called the EMTs when necessary. I turned into his emergency contact, and his proxy when he went under for surgery. He was a great father who taught me how to be a great mother. When he died, I was devastated. How could I live without my dad? But I did. I did every day. I got up, took care of my own son. Cleaned out my father’s house. I went to the lawyers to deal with his paperwork. I even took over his business for a while when it suited my needs.

My dad taught me everything. Including how to live without him. It’s not something that I ever wanted, but it was something that everyone knows is going to happen. Many people today do their best to protect their children from anything that may hurt them but hurt is part of living. One day we wake up and we don’t have our parents. One day we wake up and we are the parents. We have to figure it all out. We have to find our own way. Having parents that teach us that we can; that we are capable; that we are strong, those are the best parents. I hope I’m doing that for my son, and I hope he continues to do it for his children.

Being parents, raising kids that are ready and able to take on what the world throws at them. That’s the real struggle, and that’s the real joy. People are always wondering what it’s all for… well that’s what I have found to be it. Making the world that much better, by making a person that is that much better for it.