Tag: Wellness

Mental Health, parenting

Why is every job a mom does considered a job…. except being a mom?

Katrina Russell

We’ve all heard the chiche about a mom being a chef, taxi driver, maid, nurse, accountant, personal shopper, and the rest. It’s become a meme. There is a great video about “The World’s Toughest Job Interview” about just this. If you haven’t watched it then I suggest that you check it out.

When people say that they are stay at home moms (sahm) they are utomatically looked down on for not having big goals and aspirations. As if being home to raise your children is somehow a bad thing. If a woman says that she’s a nanny this is completely acceptable. She is out there in the “real world” making money for herself. If she is a teacher she is a hero for giving her life to the service of children. If she is a maid she is doing her best for her family.. and so on.

It doesn’t matter that her being out of the house working means that she and her husband now need to pay someone else to be a nanny, and a teacher, and quite possibly their own personal maid. The world has changed their idea of what is worthy. Instead of a great and worthy lifebeing what it always was, finding a partner to spend your life with, having children to live make sure that your legacy continues, and raising them to be pruductive members of society. Now a worthy life is making a lot of money and buying garbage you don’t need to prove that you can.

The point, the actual reason for a job is to support your family. That’s it. It’s to make sure that everyone in your family is well taken care of. Since the beginning of time people had to work to survive. Even before money was invented people had to work. This is something that is missed a lot in today’s society. Men usually worked outside by hunting, protecting, and building things. Women took care of the children, did the cooking, cleaning, and until the last couple hunded years the farming. That’s just since domesticated animals became a things and men can stay home and not have to be out in hunting teams all the time.

People grew and hunted or gathered food. People made clothes, and houses, and tools, and everything else one needs to survive. Most people did these things for their own personal use. Some cultures did these things collectively, and created a system of bartering that eventually turned into a money exchange because if someone spends 3 months building a bed and needs to exchange it for food and the only person who wants the bed has an apple farm it’ll take an awful lot of apples to pay for the bed… and then he has to trade apples for whatever else he wants. Money made the trading easier.

The reason that men traditionally “worked” is because the woman was taking care of the rest of the family. The most important part of society. What the man did for work was less important than how the mom raised her children. Now it’s reverse. Now both men and women are told they are nothing if they don’t work and having children is just a waste of time and money that could be spent on important things. Moms and dads are told that if they did make the mistake of having children it’s best to leave those children with others who aren’t as accomplished as they are to “deal with the kids” so the parents can concentrate on the important things.

Children are the most imporant things. Women who stay home do all the jobs of those who work only they don’t get paid… and they don’t have to pay out either. We need to stop telling women that they are useless if they don’t act like men, and start letting women go back to being the backbone of the family. Maybe then children will go back to being properly cared for by both a mom and a dad.

Addiction, grief, Homeless

We need to talk about men and mental health

Katrina Russell

Let me start by saying that I didn’t know the man. I only watched him on TV and have no understanding of what his life was like, but for anyone to think that suicide is the only answer is just sad to me.

The other day as I was carelessly scrolling I saw in my news feed that Billy Miller had died. Unless you’re a middle aged woman who was raised with a grandmother or mother watching soap operas you probably don’t know who he is. I, however, fit into that category and had quite the crush on his Ritchie Novak character when he was on All My Children. Of course he was the bad boy and did horrible things, but he was hot and made the show fun.

When he took over the role of Jason Morgan on General Hospital I was both heartbroken that the real Jason wasn’t coming back, but somewhat excited to see Billy again. I am strictly an ABC soap watcher and I know he played a Billy on another soap on some other channel, but that’s none of my business. He did a really good job in the role and the writers actually did a great job of rewriting his character when Steve Burton came (he had a twin… cuz of course he did). I was sad when he was written off and then when he was replaced, though I do love Cameron Mathison and what he has brought to the role, but this is not supposed to be about my old lady appreciation for soap operas.

The other night when I was laying in bed scrolling my feed I saw that Billy Miller had died. I was surprised. He was a young guy; only 43. He had a decent career, and all of his soap friends were Xing messages about their love for him. He was wicked attractive and seemed, on the outside to have everything going for him. I wondered if it was an accident, or you know… a sudden heart attack or stroke which seems so common today. Maybe it was an accidental overdose. I know from experience they can how many people are afflicted with that horrible disease.

The next day I read about his battle with bi-polar disorder. It was a little surprising to read about. There are other actors on the show who have been open about their illness, and a lot of celebrities today have come out in order to spread awareness, but I didn’t know the man, and to be honest I don’t usually look into the actors’ personal lives because that can sway my opinion on their characters, but still he always seemed so happy.

I guess that is the point of my writing. I finally heard that he killed himself. “They always seemed so happy”, is something often said about those who end up committing suicide. I don’t know if they are good at hiding it, or if people just don’t bother to really pay attention. After you always hear about people looking back and trying to figure out if there were signs, but that seems pointless.

In the US men make up 75% of all suicides, while in Europe it is more like 80%. However men are half as likely to seek mental health treatment than women. These statistics are obviously correlated, but why is a bigger question. Are men not seeking treatment and therefore just deciding to kill themselves? Are men seeking treatment but being told by both society and more than likely the feminist psychologist who they seek treatment from that their problems don’t really matter because they are some sort of oppressive class that needs to apologize for how they treat everyone else? Are they just diagnosed and handed a bottle full of pills and told that will make them feel better? If that’s the case men are also dying from drug overdoses 2-3 times more than women. This may be the reason why almost twice as many men are homeless compared to women.

Men are constantly being told that they need to talk about their feelings at the same time being told that their feelings are invalid and that the things that they care about are evil and the patriarchy. Men talk about how they feel useless because they lose or can’t get a job and can’t provide for their families. They feel emasculated because they can’t find a woman worthy of marriage. They feel pathetic because they aren’t living up to their vision of what they feel their lives should be. Then they are told that they have no right to feel these ways. That they should take a back seat to the woman’s needs. That they shouldn’t even try to “subjugate” a woman by marrying her and “forcing her to have his babies and be a slave”.

When in a relationship men are constantly getting flack if they want to spend time with their friends over their wife and kids sometimes, and yet women can’t wait for their girl time. Women spend hours on the phone with friends or when they become moms they spend hours in the playgrounds or at coffee shops with their friends setting up playgroups for their kids.. men work, and when they want to do something with their friends in their spare time the are guilted by the woman for not being home.

Men are told they are stupid. They are told their opinions don’t matter… today they are told they are born evil just because they are men. It’s like the new version of “original sin”. There’s nothing a man can do to be considered a good person in some eyes, and when they ask for help they are “helped” into more misery by being told by society to aim for the frivolous. They shouldn’t want relationships or kids, they should want a revolving door of women, then they are told by society that they are evil for using women.

If they do get married they have no real rights. If the woman cheats and divorces him then he loses half of his money and possessions. If the couple had kids they automatically end up with the ex wife, that is if the ex allowed his children to be born in the first place and didn’t murder them in the womb. Men have no “privilege” in the eyes of family court, and yet they are constantly labeled oppressors for wanting basic respect.

Women have loads of problems navigating the world, I’m not trying to deny that, but people have to realize that men do too. Too many of our brothers, sons, husbands, and fathers are losing the battle. They are killing themselves, overdosing, or just ending up in jail because society has turned their backs on teaching them what it really means to be a man, and if we’re not careful it’s going to spread to women not understanding what they bring to the table as well, and all of society will crumble.

Addiction, Love, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

No one can do everything, and we need to stop telling people that they can.

Katrina Russell

We have to stop telling children, especially little girls, that they can do everything themselves. No one can. We used to understand this. We used to understand the importance of family and marriage and partners, but somewhere along the lines people, and especially girls started being told that they can do everything. That they don’t need anyone else. That, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle”, as Irina Dunn coined.

In reality everyone needs people. The family unit was set up as a way of complementing each other’s strengths and working together. It’s easier to share responsibilities than trying to do them all by yourself. This seems like commonsense, but somewhere along the line ego got in the way and suddenly “I can do it myself” became the motto.

This is not to say that there are things that women or men can’t do. Of course most people are capable of anything that they put their minds too, but they can’t do everything. There are only so many hours in a day. There is only so much energy to be expended. Eventually you run out and the person told that they can do everything feels like a failure when they can’t.

Telling someone that they can do everything is similar to telling a child that they can have everything that they want in a store. Say you have $300 and you take a child to Target. You can tell them that they can have anything that they want, they just have to choose. Maybe they pick a giant Lego set, and have $100 left to spend and you tell them, “oh that’s great, why don’t you add a book and a game on top of that”. You leave the store and the child is ecstatic.

Now say you have the same child and the same $300 and you go into Target and tell them they can have everything that they want. Now the kid is loading up cart after cart of everything they could possibly desire in the slightest. You head to the register and start piling things out. Then you tell the cashier to stop when they reach $300. The child is confused. They don’t even know what they got. Maybe the thing they really wanted hasn’t even been taken out of the carriage yet. Now the child is devastated and let down. It’s “The worst birthday ever!” even though they got $300 worth of things they kind of wanted.

This is how we treat people, and especially women today. We tell them to go for everything they want. They go to school, they change majors a few times, they date around a bit, they start to work on a career, and everything seems good. They are getting everything they want. Now they’re 35, and single and thinking, “next on my list: husband and kids”. They look around and all the guys are kind of jerks, or giant children because they have also been told that they can have whatever they want and they just spent the last 20 years getting all the hook ups they could ask for without having to put anything into the relationship or grow up at all. Why should they? The women can handle everything.

Now the woman is like, “ok, clock ticking. I want kids, but I need a man for that. I also want to be able to raise my kids myself and not send them off with the nanny.” The world says, “ok, just find a guy and get started”. But those guys were left in the carriage when you ran out of money and some other girl who knew what she wanted came along and bought him already. The woman is left with what ever was the easiest to throw up on the register first and didn’t actually get a chance to choose.

I know, you’re going to say, “Not all women want to get married. Not all women want kids”. That is true, but most do, and all at least want the opportunity to decide for themselves and not just get left with whatever was in the first carriage.

Instead of telling kids that they can do everything we need to tell them that they can do anything that they choose, and then teach them how to make good choices. Otherwise we’re going to have more and more generations of self medicating, drug addicted, miserable people who think the idea of abortion and government sponsored suicide are great ideas, because, “this is the worst life ever” when you don’t understand how to get what you really want.

silhouette of four people against sun background
cancel culture, Love, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

Why is feminism not about empowering women?

Katrina Russell

I don’t know when women went from being a group that was celebrated and protected to a group that is isolated and derogated for acknowledging that they exist and are a real thing. There is a definition to the word woman. There are traits to describe a woman. There are features that differentiate women from men. For years women were held back for these traits and features. Women weren’t allowed in certain clubs or organizations and there was no way that they could compete in sports or the military against men. Then women started to push for more “rights”.

I’m not sure how it’s a right that a person should be allowed into a private club owned by someone else. Men’s clubs were a thing created for men to be men. To talk about things that men want to talk about. There were other clubs that were for both men and women that couples could attend, but women didn’t like that. Of course, there’s still women’s only clubs, but that’s… different. I guess. Or at least it was, because now a man just has to say that he’s a woman and he can enter the club all he wants so there’s that.

The excuse for needing to let women into men’s clubs was the “a lot of business happens in the men’s clubs”. If women weren’t allowed in them, they were being prevented from doing business. Most of these clubs were some sort of golf club, but ironically even after letting women into these clubs only about 22% of all club members are women and half of those are young girls just there to play golf. Not a lot of business taking place there, and not a place most women even care to go.

Then there were organizations like The Elks that were sued into allowing women in the mid 90s, and the Boy Scouts of America that was made to admit girls in 2017, even though Girl Scouts is completely a thing. I don’t know when women became so obsessed with thinking all things male was better.

Women used to be proud of who and what they were. They were daughters, and moms, and teachers, and nurses and they loved using their empathy and compassion to take care of people. They were also brilliant. There were so few female writers, scientists, pilots, freedom fighters and yet everyone knows the names of the brilliant women who did accomplish great things in those fields. Being a woman didn’t stop Agatha Christie, Marie Curie, Amelia Earhart or Harriet Tubman. They didn’t have to pretend to be men. They didn’t have to dress, and act like men or sue for men to include them. They did their jobs better than everyone else and they were accepted and appreciated for that.

People say, “Well, yes, but there were so fewer women in those positions. It must have been discrimination.”. Guess what, there’s still less women in those fields. All the lawsuits, all the campaigns, all the shoulder pads in the world didn’t turn women into men and didn’t make women interested in the same things that men are interested or physically capable of the same things as men. Men and women are different. They just are.

Now, before you freak out, I’m not saying that women are weaker than men. I’m a mom. I know what real strength is. I not only carried my baby in my body, but I had a c-section, and carried that baby for years after whenever he needed me. Whether it was in the first 6 weeks after my c-section, and I wasn’t allowed to lift anything as heavy as him, or the years after when he was tired, or hurt, or it was just more convenient at the time to keep track of him and keep him moving. Let me tell you. Kids are heavy. They may be like 30 lbs., but 30 lbs. of dead weight in one arm and 5 bags of groceries in the other because it’s easier to do one trip and it you let him down, he’s going to run, that’s heavy.

Then there’s the emotional strength that it takes to be a mother. You are the one that is there for that child every day, most of the time all day. You are the one that has to teach these little people to be strong, and kind. You have to comfort them when they are in pain and support them to work through it. You also have to correct them when they are wrong and sometimes that means hurting them as well. We make our children cry more than anyone else because we have to, and it breaks our hearts. “No, you can’t watch TV right now. No, you can’t wear your ballet shoes out in the snow. No, you can’t have skittles for dinner.”. Tears every day. Tears we have to decide how to handle in order to make sure our children grow up to be capable human beings.

Being a woman is an amazing thing to be. We are the diplomats to the men’s warrior. We are the ones they come home to when they want to feel safe. We are the ones that give them purpose when they go to war or to work. We are the ones who create the future they are trying to protect. I don’t know when that became the lesser value in the equation.

Feminism has somehow gone from proving that women are of equal value for being women, through women can and should do all the things that men do, to there’s no such thing as a difference between men and women. Which is just ridiculous, and quite frankly an insult to women, and men alike. To say that we are all just pod people creations with no individuality, with nothing born innate to us, we are all just creations of whatever society implants into us. Which is clearly not true, as there are thousands of societies that have crossed 10s of thousands of miles and 10s of thousands of years, and there has always, in every society, been a difference between men and women.

At one-point women fought to have their own sports. They wanted to prove that they were just as capable of being athletic and competitive but understood that physically they were no match for men. This was a great opportunity for women. They were able to thrive in a physical domain otherwise not available to them. They were able to win scholarships and create comraderies with like-minded other women. They could live out their masculine traits without danger of being with the men who could cause them real harm.

Now that is being taken away as well. Men who just decide they want to be women are competing against women in traditionally physically masculine roles. Men and women are different. Not just in the way they think, not just in their hormone levels. They are different down to their bone structure, their muscle mass, their weight dispersity, and in physical competitions like sports and wars this can get someone seriously hurt, if not killed. It can also take those scholarship opportunities away from women and give it to an actual man.

The other night during one of those award shows Adele got up and said how proud she was to be a woman and how proud she was to win her award in the name of women. This used to be something that was cheered. Now it was offensive. Women are no longer allowed to be proud of themselves. Let’s not even talk about JK Rowling. They are no longer allowed to separate themselves from men. Women have to accept that there is absolutely nothing special about them at all. There is no definition for the word woman. Anyone can be one, and anyone can decide not to be one, depending on their mood.

Political commentator Matt Walsh was on The Dr Phil show with some people who identify as non-binary. Meaning they do not consider themselves either male or female because society makes up those terms. Matt asked them to define the word woman and the response was “womanhood looks different to everyone“. That is not how words work. That is not how reality works.

Let me just state before the crazies come out of the woodwork, that I am not transphobic. I don’t care what you look like, how you define yourself, or what you do as an adult. I have an issue with this idea that being a woman doesn’t mean anything. A few years back Doctor who, one of my favorite shows, decided to swap out the main character who had always been male for a female with the idea that sex doesn’t matter. That there is absolutely no difference between men and women and that it is all a social construct. This was about the same time that the “woke” community starting to change from trans to non-binary and blaming all things gender related on society.

I was annoyed by this. Even though the main character is an alien, he spent a lot of time of Earth (specifically in England) traveling through different time periods. I was afraid that the character was going to be spending too much time explaining why “as a woman” she should be listened to and basically male bashing the whole time. It was much worse. It turned out it was about how sex was irrelevant and his species was so much more advanced than us piddly humans even it had been well established that he was a father and a grandfather, and that their biology was in tune with ours. He had even left his granddaughter on Earth so she could spend her life with a man she had fallen in love with.

They had changed the gender of another main character before this and it was quite well excepted, but it was also played off like it wasn’t common. Then there was some vague mention of it with a background character that most people just ignored. The character even made a comment about “thank God I’m a woman again” or something to that affect. Meaning there was a difference in males and females. The main character who changed gender also changed her name to Missy because “I couldn’t keep calling myself the Master“. Implying that Master is a masculine name, and there was a difference between masculine and feminine on their planet.

I remember the chat all over the internet at the time. So many people applauding the choice. So many people insulting anyone who didn’t agree with it at the time. I remember a specific exchange between a man and a woman. The man said that he hated it, that there was nothing fluid about gender, and that men and women are very different. The woman, of course, just called him sexist. He then replied that he was actually a transman and by stating that there is no difference between men and women the whole movement was invalidating the trans-community of people who feel like that are the opposite gender.

To feel as if you are the wrong gender implies there is a difference between them that is not just how you present and what costume you dress in for the day. Being a man or a woman meant something. There is a direct definition to the word. Now maybe it’s not the same definition that Matt Walsh would give, but most trans people acknowledge the difference between trans and cis individuals. They talk about male and female brains and ways of thinking. Which is different as well, and not just societal. This is why no matter how advanced the society and how much they try to push equality between the genders, more women pick certain careers and hobbies in humanities crafting and more men pick more careers and hobbies in STEM. Men talk about things; women talk about people.

And the thing is, all of that is good. Men aren’t better than women because they like STEM and military type careers, and women aren’t lesser than men because they like helping and teaching people. A person is not more successful if they choose to fight their way through the grind to get the corner office or make the big bucks, and women aren’t less successful if they choose to stay home and take care of the tiny humans they created. Men and women are different. Women have to stop putting themselves and their identities down in order to be more like men. Women have to remember in the battlefield every man cries for his mommy.

person counting cash money
Addiction, Love, Mental Health, parenting

The Love of Money is the Root of all Evil

Katrina Russell

People are born different. Anyone who has ever met children knows this. Anyone that has multiple kids can attest to this. Every one of their babies came out with their own little personalities, likes, dislikes, favorites, what have you. Some kids are relaxed, some kids are bossy, some kids are nothing but trouble. Those are the most hilarious to hear about but the most frightening to have yourself. The point it, people are people no matter how old, and they are all different.

When I was little, I remember having a little field trip with my Brownies group to the local town center where there was a candy store that sold “penny candy” though by the mid 80s it was more $.25 candy. Each of us girls were given a $.25 to spend. I went in, looked around, and found some pieces that were $.10-.15. I ended up with two pieces of candy and my Brownie leaders thought it was hilarious. I was a good bargain hunter and they saw me going far.

My brother on the other hand was all about making as much money as he could. He had a paper route at 11 and forged working papers at 13 so he could get a job at the local grocery store (in our state you have to be 14 to work). He was good at saving and liked the finer things. When we took our first vacation to Disney, he had $555 that he had put away from his paper route money. I had about $3 left over from that week’s allowance.

I wanted to buy presents for everyone I knew so at the end of the day my dad’s girlfriend would give me her left-over change that she had for the say and I would collect it up and find the best things that I could for what little I had. And I did. Even if it was just a magnet or a shoelace, I made it work. Keep in mind this is still the mid 80s, things were much less expensive then. My brother bought himself a couple things and Mickey ears for our 3 little cousins and saved the rest. He was not about to spend all his hard-earned money.

Flash forward, I work hard, I make enough money to pay for what I need, no matter what I need. My brother says, “You’re good at making money stretch.”. He does not mean that I’m good at saving for the future, but I’m great at getting as much as I can with the money that I have, even if my bank account ends up a little low most of the time. I can’t help it. “It burns a hole in my pocket”. As they used to say. Thankfully I make enough so that when something does come up, I can usually pay for it in cash with my next check, but still saving is really not in my DNA.

When I had my son, I had no idea who he would be or what kind of ideas he would have. I started an account for him, that I do manage to save for, and I changed my spending habits a bit to include planning for the future, investments, insurance… you know, grown up adulting things. It’s taken a lot of work and self-discipline to accomplish this goal, but I understand the importance, but I still have a little trouble with Amazon and Target.

He was about 5 when he got some birthday money and I asked him what he wanted to do with it? He responded that he wanted to save it of course. He had to save it for a car so that when he’s old enough to work he’ll be able to get there himself. Swear to God. This is not one of those “kids say the cutest things” made up by a parent. These words came out of my Kindergartener’s mouth. I can assure you; he does not get this from me. He takes his birthday, Christmas, First Communion, and money earned from As he gets on his report cards and puts it in his bank.

Over the last few years, he has spent a little of his saved money, but it’s always a debate. He sees something in the store. Asks me to buy it. I tell him no, but he’s welcome to, and then he decides it’s worth to him. He has trouble saying no to certain stuffed animals. Don’t get me wrong, when he gets gift cards they do get spent in the appropriate place, but always at the appropriate time. He waits till he sees something that he wants, like one of those stuffed animals he can’t live without and chooses to use those instead of cash. Sometimes he’ll even trade me if he sees something at a store not on the gift cards. So, for instance if he sees a videogame at Game Stop and doesn’t have a Game Stop gift card, he will say something like, “Well, if I give you my Target gift card for $20 can you give me the $20 cash and I can buy the game?”. Which I do… because, as mentioned… Target.

I don’t tell this story just to brag about my amazingly perfect son. I tell this story as a reminder to those who may be struggling with money issues or have a spouse who is. Some people are just born with a different idea of money that you are. This does not give them a free pass to spend until bankrupt, but it’s just something that may take more work than you may think. It’s literally a part of them. They have to decide to make a change and learn how to do so. Excessive shopping can be considered an addiction, just like anything else done to access, but it can also just be bad habits.

Habits are the hardest thing to break because it’s not just mental, but it’s physical, like muscle memory. A person who is bad at money has a list of things they know that they want and as soon as they know money is coming in, they have a checklist of what can be paid for with that money. It’s like the food addict who is planning when they can do their next binge. And like any other habit or addiction it is easy to jump off the wagon by simply walking in a store or opening an app and seeing what there is to buy.

If you want to change your money habits it is best to talk to a professional. Come up with a budget and make sure you have some crazy money in there just in case, so you don’t feel deprived. Saving money is the best thing that you can do for yourself and your family. It’s not easy for everyone, but with the right help, it’s not impossible either.

close up photo of lion s head
cancel culture, free speech, parenting, Politics, Prayer

Speak your mind!

Katrina Russell

Yesterday I was teaching my Catechism class where we were talking about Daniel and Esther. For those who don’t remember Daniel was put into a Lion’s Den after he refused the King’s order to only worship the King and other false gods. Esther was the King’s wife who spoke to the King on behalf of her people for him to allow them to worship their one true God. Both of these people put their lives in grave danger for their faith.

After we finished reading and watching a video about them, I asked the children in my class how they felt about what these people did. I asked them if they thought that people have the right to be able to tell their King or government no and do what they believe. I wasn’t sure how they would answer.

This is a time when authority should never be questioned and what is “right” is listening and obeying what the authority deems to be true. When I first said to compare it to today in society there was a big moan of annoyance at the thought of what I may be asking about society today. I asked them, “With everything going on today, do you think that people have the right to protest the government about things they believe, regardless of whether you believe the same things that they do?”.

There was the one smart ass kid who said, “No, you must always listen to the government. They know best.” but seeing as how I don’t think this kid has ever listened to anyone in his life, I knew he was being facetious and stated so after his friend questioned him. After him there were many different responses ranging from, “of course the government is full of idiots” to “yeah, just because the government think they know best doesn’t mean that they do. In fact, of the 17 kids in the class every single one of them agreed that people have the right to criticize and protest the government.

This exchange has given me hope for the future. This was a class full of middle schoolers in a very Left state that truly believe in personal rights outweighing the collective. I wasn’t sure that was a thing anymore. These kids have grown up in a culture full of canceling anyone who thinks outside the box. The box constructed by a certain establishment. The fact that these kids were able to understand the significance of having not only their voices heard, but the voices of those they don’t agree with as well was quite inspiring. Maybe there’s hope for the future afterall.

bullying, cancel culture, free speech, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

Why does fear trump logic in society?

Katrina Russell

I’m mostly talking about American society since that’s the one that a I live in. I just don’t understand it. America was always the land of the FREE and the home of the BRAVE. This is the one country that everyone came to that had nothing to fall back on when they got here. Or at least it was. Now it’s the home of “give me free stuff and if you don’t, I’ll label you the problem”.

I read articles and see news casters all the time talking about how they would never sit down and have a conversation with someone they disagree with. How you should never give them a platform or trying to get someone they disagree with platformed. I don’t care which side of the isle it’s on. I saw the same thing written about The View and CNN from the Right as I see about Joe Rogan from the Left, even before Whoopi’s ignorant racism and the evidence that no one at CNN can keep it in their pants.

I was amazed at how many people either quit or were dragged for not quitting during the Trump administration, because they didn’t like him. So what? You don’t like that man. That has nothing to do with your job. Go to work, do the best job you can and make the difference that you want to make. You like or dislike for your boss should be irrelevant. Imagine if all the firefighters who didn’t like their bosses just quit. The country would be in chaos. When did people get so soft?

The irony is that so many people think if these cowardice acts as brave. As if saying, “naa na nah boo boo, I don’t need to listen to you”, is brave. People have become so used to living in their own little bubbles they have no idea what reality is. They have no idea what true bravery is. Bravery isn’t banning together with a group of people who agree with you and prop you up at all times, while ostracizing anyone who dares have a different opinion that you. Bravery is having open dialog with someone that you disagree with. Listening to their perspective and possibly learning something new that may indicate that you are wrong. No one wants to do that anymore.

If you say someone’s opinion is wrong, it’s like you’re berating their very character. People all over the country are on anti-anxiety medication just because there’s a slight chance something vaguely uncomfortable may happen to them. There are entire internet posts that people share over and over about a thing that happened to them and they can never show their faces again, because they made a mistake one. A mistake. A normal everyday occurrence that happens to everyone. But no… a mistake is a sign of being less than. If I make a mistake, I must shut myself away forever, and if you make a mistake, I must make sure that you are shut away forever. You must never go to college, or get a job, or get married, or have children… or live a life in anyway, because only the perfect who agree with everything that my peer group agrees with and never makes a mistake has the right to live.

The most deranged thing is that this society is one that pushes inclusion and acceptance. We MUST accept everyone regardless of their differences, as long as they’re not different than me, or in any way considered to be better than me. We have to accept fat people but shun anyone who enjoys healthy living. We must accept POC but reject anyone proud of their white heritage. We must accept the LGBT>>> community, but ridicule anyone who believes in Judeo/Christian beliefs. The only beliefs that are criticized, by the way. If you’re Hindi, Muslim, Wiccan you are to be praised yourself for being so brave.

If you want to truly be empowered the key is not to block yourself off from disagreement or feeling uncomfortable; it’s putting yourself out there. Having conversations with those you disagree with. Test your theories. Hear other’s opinions. You never know, you may realize you were actually right after all, or you may realize you didn’t have all the information. Either way you can be proud of yourself for true and good actions instead of lying to yourself into placation.

photo of woman kneeling in front of gravestone
Giving, grief, Love, Mental Health, parenting

Life after Parents.

Katrina Russell

I see it on social media a lot. A meme that goes something like, “You taught me everything except how to live without you, mom”. I get the idea. I have lost my parents. My son has lost his father. There has been a lot of loss in my life. I miss them every day, but statements like that actually make of my father. Not in the way that you would expect. In fact, the opposite.

I loved my dad. I still love my dad. He was a single parent who raised us in the 70s-90s when single dads just wasn’t a thing. He was one of the strongest people I know. The only one who came close way my Grams who was also a single parent in the 50s and 60s, also when it wasn’t really a thing. My Grams raised my dad to be strong and independent, and though she was always there to help out and take us kids on weekends and vacations (she lived for those times). She also made sure that he was capable of handling it all on his own when he had to.

My dad helped me a lot. He did, and I could never deny that, but the one thing he always told me was that a parent’s job was to raise their children to NOT need them. To raise their children to be independent, because one day the parent would not be there, and the child will become a parent themself and have someone else who needs to be taught the same. “Independence is the greatest gift a parent can give a child.”. It sounds great now, not so much when I was hobbling home from school in the snow… on crutches. But I did it. I got home. I made my way by myself. “There is nothing that you can’t do if you put your mind to it.”. These are the types of phrases that I grew up listening to.

There were a lot of hard times for both my brother and me. We struggled, and we persevered. I admit, I had way more help along the way than my brother did. I think that went along with me being a girl and my dad assuming I would have a man to help me as I got older as well. Well, as of now I do not have a man. I do not have my father. Before I turned 40 I was a single mom and, for all intense and purposes, an orphan. My dad had given me great training though.

When he was sick, I moved back in with him. I helped him with medication. I took him to doctors and hospitals and called the EMTs when necessary. I turned into his emergency contact, and his proxy when he went under for surgery. He was a great father who taught me how to be a great mother. When he died, I was devastated. How could I live without my dad? But I did. I did every day. I got up, took care of my own son. Cleaned out my father’s house. I went to the lawyers to deal with his paperwork. I even took over his business for a while when it suited my needs.

My dad taught me everything. Including how to live without him. It’s not something that I ever wanted, but it was something that everyone knows is going to happen. Many people today do their best to protect their children from anything that may hurt them but hurt is part of living. One day we wake up and we don’t have our parents. One day we wake up and we are the parents. We have to figure it all out. We have to find our own way. Having parents that teach us that we can; that we are capable; that we are strong, those are the best parents. I hope I’m doing that for my son, and I hope he continues to do it for his children.

Being parents, raising kids that are ready and able to take on what the world throws at them. That’s the real struggle, and that’s the real joy. People are always wondering what it’s all for… well that’s what I have found to be it. Making the world that much better, by making a person that is that much better for it.

Healthcare, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

When did society start being ok with sexualizing kids?

Katrina Russell

We all remember “The Talk” when we were little. The embarrassing conversation with a parent about “the birds and the bees”. Some of us remember the day in grade school when all the boys when outside to play and all of the girls got the video about how our bodies were changing and what to expect when our monthly cycle started. Quite a few of us remember Sex Ed classes in school. It was all very clinical, basically a biology class. This is how the reproductive system works. These are different kinds of birth control available. These are some common STDs that you want to avoid by using said birth control. That’s it. Maybe there was the occasional progressive teacher that would bring out the banana and the condom, but I really think that was more an urban legend.

This type of sex talk is completely understandable. Children and teenagers need to understand the science of how bodies function. No problem. I have an 8-year-old. I have been updating him on new information about bodily functions at appropriate times. He has a penis. Girls have a vagina. Girls get their period once a month. Girls have the “house the baby lives in in their bellies” aka womb. I remember being at Disney a few months back and having to bring him into the ladies’ room because I wasn’t sending him off by himself and there were no family rooms available. He looked around all confused and whispered in my ear, “Do little girls have vaginas too?”. They do… for those who aren’t aware.

The point is, I’m very open about biology with my kid. He understands the difference between male bodies and female bodies. We’ve talked about all kinds of bodily functions as pertains to science. I’ve taught him about privacy and keeping certain body parts to himself. When he discovered that touching himself felt good. I just said, “yes it does, but you do that in private.” I didn’t hide facts. i didn’t shame him. I didn’t shelter him from discovering things on his own about his own body.

I didn’t, however, give him a book or movie about masturbating and start teaching him about different sexual positions and kink. None of these things are appropriate for children. I don’t know when this became a political issue. This used to be something everyone agreed to. Whether it was the Christian Right or the Tipper Gore Left making sure there were advisory stickers on Rap music. Children were to be protected from adult content.

We as a society used to understand that kids shouldn’t go into a rate R movie, never mind rated X, and yet somewhere along the line people stopped understanding this. It changed to, “oh, they can see worse on the internet… who cares?”. Well, I for one care. Many people care. Many people SHOULD care.

There have been calls to ban explicit adult content books from school libraries and half the country thinks this is censorship. Censorship to keep porn out of the hands of children. Children are to be taken to Gay Pride events and celebrated for watching adults perform kink in the streets. Sexual identity and expression should be taught to kindergarteners. Most children have no idea what any of that means.

I live in Massachusetts. I have many openly gay friends and family members. I have never hidden this fact from my son. He has spent time with my friends who are gay. When he was a toddler and first started getting into Doctor Who and Captain Jack Harkness was an openly OPEN character played by an openly gay man, I would show him videos on Insta of “Jack and his husband”. When my son was watching “The Simpsons” and Homer befriended a gay man and Marge was trying to hint to Homer about the friend being gay my son was confused why anyone would care.

My son does not know one thing about sex. My son knows that people love each other and want to kiss each other. That’s it. He knows that “love” makes a baby. My son is so unaware of how sex works that after his father died, he asked if you love someone in Heaven can you still make a baby. That’s sweet. That’s innocent. That’s how children should be.

In a world full of Epsteins and Clintons you would think that parents would be working overtime at keeping sex away from their kids. In a world in which teachers and religious leaders and sports coaches, and all the other trusted people who we send our kids off to are known to be the biggest predators, you would think that parents would work extra hard at making sure these same people aren’t sexualizing your kids while telling you “It’s no big deal.”

Anyone who thinks that Elementary or Middle School kids should not only have access but be given highly sexual material are people you shouldn’t want anywhere near your kids. If you think otherwise you may want to ask yourself why.

people wearing diy masks
Addiction, bullying, grief, Healthcare, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

Death Happens

Katrina Russell

I don’t know what has been going on in the last couple years that suddenly we can’t go back to normal until all death has been stopped. Well, all covid deaths. They are willing to let kids kill themselves, and overdose on drugs. They are willing to take dying people off of transplant lists if they don’t conform to their politics, because none of that matters except stopping anyone from ever dying of Covid-19 again. We need to stop death itself… in the case of Covid-19 anyway.

The problem is no one can stop death. The more we try the worse it gets. People are becoming obsessed with death. With Covid death specifically. People have locked themselves in their house. They refuse to see family and friends. They won’t work. They won’t go outside in the fresh air for fear it may be contaminated.

Obesity is the number one killer in this country (the US), and yet because of lockdowns weight gain has been skyrocketing. Everyone is so afraid of catching Covid they are making themselves more vulnerable to it. And let’s be honest, when it comes to weight gain Covid is the least of people’s problems. With everyone so obsessed with controlling “The Spread” people have paid no attention to the real killers in this country. Heart Disease, Cancer, and Diabetes are still high on the list.

People are so fearful to live they are missing out on life. When I talk to others about it they say that I can’t possibly understand because I don’t have anyone in my life to worry about. I’ve already lost them all. My grams, and father’s s/o died of Alzheimer’s, my dad died of Diabetes, my mom died of pneumonia, and my son’s father died of a drug overdose. They are right. I’m not scared of a virus. I’m not scared of a cold. I know that life is short, and anything can take anyone at any time.

When my loved ones died, I didn’t fight for the government to make us wear masks so no one would get pneumonia. I didn’t fight for the government to impose restrictions on sugary foods and mandate exercise to prevent Diabetes. I didn’t fight for the government to not allow anyone treatment if they made choices that the government disagreed with. My father ended up with type 1 diabetes, it wasn’t all personal choices, but he still could have taken care of it better. My son’s father was an addict… that’s all lifestyle. Yet the same people saying that no one who doesn’t choose vaccination should be treated, because it’s they’re fault… yet, most heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and certainly addiction is, if not caused, compounded by personal choices. No one would expect the government to not treat or lock down or not give passports to be in society to those with these lifestyle diseases. Don’t even get me started on STDs.

We are never going to stop death. We are never going to save everyone. We are never going to fix the world. The best we can do is live in it, and that starts by opening our doors, taking off the damn masks, and seeing each other again. Before we all die of old age.