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bullying, coaching, Love, Motivation, parenting, Politics, women, Women's movement

Boys will be Boys

When did being a boy become toxic? People are literally outraged by kids’ t-shirts that say, “Boys will be Boys”. I would say that I don’t know what they want them to be, but we all know that’s not true. They want little boys to be anything but boys.

When did just being a boy become harmful and worthy of condemnation? Here’s the thing, boys will be boys. That’s what they are. They can’t help being a boy any more than a girl can help being a girl. Somehow saying that a boy being a boy has been conflated with being violent for violence’s sake, with rape, with just blatant hostility. Honestly if this is the only kind of boy you know you need to make new friends.

Boys are boys. They roughhouse, they break things in their attempts to try something new, they dig at each other, they even fight… they are way more active than girls and have a hard time sitting still. Boys will be boys because boys are boys.

Boys are more than twice as likely to be diagnosed and medicated for ADHD because they have trouble sitting and listening in school. I know this is surprising to everyone who has ever been to school, but school is boring. It just is. It doesn’t have to be, but that’s how it has been designed. It’s designed to create cogs who don’t question authority and can be put at a machine for long hours without break. That’s it.

Boys aren’t designed for that. Boys are designed to slay dragons. If you want to judge a boy’s attention span don’t sit him in a classroom listening to someone drone on; put him in front of his favorite video game, or his favorite adventure series/comic book, let him play a sport. He probably knows every stat of his favorite team, but yeah that poem he read in English class drifted right out of his head.

Boys and girls are different. That’s just a fact. Funny enough, the same people who hate the “Boys will be Boys” t-shirt are the same people saying there is nothing different between a boy and a girl that society doesn’t teach them. Yet, societies are different all over the world. Societies in Europe are different than those in America, those in America are different from those in Asia, those in Asia are different from those in Africa… they are even different amongst themselves, but the one thing that is never different is that boys, and men are the risk takers. They are, for the most point, the leaders, the warriors, the prisoners. The ones that risk it all for what they desire. The women have been the diplomats, the care takers, the mothers. No one assigned these roles all over the world, they are the roles people chose over and over. Men slay the dragon; women hold down the fort.

The exception to the rule proves the rule has never been clearer than in male/female relations. Women and men choose their roles. There have been plenty of women in positions of power. There have been Queens, and Prime Ministers, and Scientists, and Military Leaders… all of this is true. All of this shows that men are willing to follow women who prove themselves to be worthy of the position. Women who are willing to fight just as hard and as smart as they are. Men choose or (in the case of Queens) resign themselves to follow women all the time. There are countless women who have ruled over men since recorded time and have been quite successful. Society didn’t stop them.

The difference between men and women is that men, in general, want to rule. They want to prove themselves. They desire the power. Women want comfort. They want to know that they and their children are safe. The best way to do that is to find the most powerful man they can and let him protect her. That is a girl being a girl. And when men are looking for the right women, they are looking for the most compassionate they can find in order to know that they will be good to their children. It’s actual biological evolution at work.

Again, the same people who hate men, who think men and women are the same except for how society trains them are the same people who believe that evolution is the only answer to humankind… and yet, when told that evolution is what created society, they scoff… and blame men.

I feel bad for the woman who hates men. In a way they have been trained to hate themselves. They see themselves as less than because of the man’s power instead of equal but different.

I have a son. He’s only 8, and he is the sweetest boy you could meet. He also comes home with random holes in his clothes, and the list of nurse visits at his school is extensive. He was hesitant about continuing in his Karate class because they had to start punching and kicking, yet he’s been known to lay out a bully when required.

The thing about men is that they are complicated. Some women just see them as Neanderthals that never evolved, but the thing about boys is that they are like puppies. If you treat them well and love them, you will have a cuddly protector. If you don’t, they grow up to be the feral beast you expected. Men have the power and strength to drop any woman at any time… but they don’t. That is the mark of a real man, and why letting boys be boys is the best way to make sure they become real men.

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