bullying, coaching, Healthcare, Motivation, parenting, Politics, school shootings

No one wants to talk.. they just want to win.

th (1)It amazes me the lengths people will go just to be right. A “friend” on Facebook just published a video about how the Left is so hypocritical that they are up in arms about illegal children but don’t try to do anything to stop children being killed here by guns and drugs… when I pointed out that the left has tried to put through policies for gun control and mental health he stated that no one was upset when Obama took the kids from their illegal parents.. when I cited articles that stated that Obama, though he held families and unaccompanied minors in detention centers, he didn’t actually separate babies from their moms. He then spent the next hour defending the policy to anyone willing to comment.

He said that the illegals shouldn’t be breaking the law, that, “How bad can their countries really be that they’d have to risk getting their kids taken away?”. When it was pointed out that some of the countries they are fleeing are violent, and that little girls are being raped and boys are being forced to join armies or drug cartels.. he said that we, as Americans, should just invade their “shithole” countries and take them over.

When it was pointed out that we could easily save the money that would be spent on wars and just aid those who wanted to leave he argued back that it’s not our job to save other people and that they just needed to stop breaking the law.. that just because he wants a new Escalade doesn’t mean he can just take one. He apparently didn’t understand the difference between protecting the lives of their children from rape and murder and getting a new expensive toy.

He went on and on about how if he breaks the law that he would have his children taken away.. even though it was explained that this is just a misdemeanor and no one would have their kids taken away for that.. and even if the kids were taken away in the case of a felony.. they wouldn’t be placed in a detention center. He argued in favor of this policy over and over and spoke of it’s praises and why it should be supported and how it’s all the illegals’ faults for being criminals… then he threw a curve ball and said that Trump had tried to change the policy but that Congress wouldn’t let him.

Obviously this confused me, so is the policy fabulous and right and deserves to be in place.. or is it horrible and bad and Trump is trying to change it? He told me that I was just trying to start an argument. I explained that while I enjoy a fact filled discussion this “argument” just took a turn.. he was no longer supporting his point. He was just going against “the Left” for the sake of it.

The original post was about the Left didn’t care about American children.. when it was pointed out that they did and were blocked in making changes.. he spent his time trying to prove why the Left was wrong for being disgusted by this policy.. then, in a sudden switch, said that this BAD policy wasn’t even Trump’s fault…. uuummm what?

I have noticed this is a growing trend. People don’t want to talk about facts or come up with a resolution.. they just want to be right. They will flop subjects or sides mid conversation just to save face. They make the most inflammatory comments just to confuse and befuddle their “opponent”. No one wants to help, no one wants to resolve.. people only want to win… even if by winning everyone loses.

bullying, coaching, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, Prayer, religion, Wellness, women

Is all love conditional?

Love… I mean real unconditional love. It was the topic of last week’s Mass at my church. Now, before you roll your eyes and click off, I am not here to spread my religion… nor do I believe there is only one spiritual path, and everyone is allowed to choose their own. The one thing that I do know is that any, and all spiritual awakenings begin and end with love. This does not mean romantic love, though it seems lately that’s the only kind people are actually interested. I mean true unconditional love.

charlie-brown-happy-valentines-cute-greetings-animated-gif-2Five years ago I became a mother. I thought I knew what love was before that. I had no idea. I had been in many relationships, some good some bad. I had one divorce behind me and another relationship that was headed for disaster. I had no idea how to love any of those men, but my son. That was easy. Loving my son was like breathing. I did it before I even met him. I loved him the second I saw that second line on the little stick telling me he existed. Though I didn’t even know that he was a he.

Two years and one month after my son was born my father died. That was my second lesson in love. True, unconditional love. The kind of love that… well, never dies. I was lucky. Growing up I knew that my father loved me. There was never any doubt. He said it and showed it everyday. Now, that didn’t mean he didn’t punish me when I acted up, or that he didn’t put me in my place when I needed, but he never made me doubt myself or him. My father was the one person I truly knew would always be there for me. He may have laughed at me when I did stupid things, and he may have wished me to make better choices at times, but he never once gave up on me, or made me feel like I was anything but capable and my life was full of possibilities.

I remember thinking a lot about family after that. I remember thinking about my past relationships and how or why they failed. I remember feeling like family was everything, and that the reason it is so is because we never give up on each other, and we never judge each other.

I have a brother. He and I couldn’t be more different if we were hatched from eggs on different sides of the planet. We like different music. We are on opposite sides of everything political. He thinks any kind of self help or therapy is a waste of time and feelings are for suckers. To him money and power are first and foremost… yet… When I needed his help; he was there. When I told him my plans for my business, he said, “I think you’ll be good at that”. He doesn’t have to agree with me or my beliefs to love me. Nor I his.

Last week in Mass, Father…. which ever one… talked about unconditional love in terms of Jesus.. and I get that, it’s kind of his thing, but he brought it around to the rest of us. He talked about how it’s the thing that is missing in the world today. We don’t like people who don’t look like us. Why should we help people who don’t live by us? If someone somewhere on the internet does something differently than we do… especially in parenting.. we basically commit a public stoning in the comments section.

We have forgotten to love. We have forgotten to love thy neighbor, where ever they may live. We have forgotten to love and respect our parents, and instead throw them in home when they become a burden. Most importantly, we have forgotten to show unconditional love to the person who matters the most. Ourselves. We bash ourselves. We poke fun at ourselves. We hate ourselves on a regular basis.

The words and phrases I mentioned above come from a particular text that you may or may not believe in, but that doesn’t lessen what they say. If I said that Jesus was not the son of God, but was the Tony Robbins of his day, just trying to help people be the best versions of them-self would that make a difference in your interpretations of those phrases? Does it matter who gives the advice if it’s the right advice? Does it matter how the words got corrupted if the source was genuine?

Nike’s tagline is “Just do it”. It’s simple yet elegant. It’s about getting out and being.. being active, being you.. just do it… They don’t even pretend to tell you what “it” is. They leave it to you to figure out for yourself. It is amazing advice. Yet, if some executive came out and said the “it” in “just do it” was “buy the shoes”. Just buy the shoes! Does that lessen the expression or the original intent? Nike originally paid a graphic designer just $35 for their trademark swoosh. They have since made billions of dollars and it’s one of the most recognizable logos of our time, does that change it’s worth. Does it change your opinion on the phrase, “just do it”? What if your knew that that slogan came from one of the founders of an ad agencies last words (I just Googled it.. maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not) does it matter?

If you believe that love, specifically unconditional love, is important. If you believe that you deserve that love; that everyone deserves that love… why does it matter who said it? Why does it matter where the message came from? And… what’s stopping you?

bullying, coaching, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness, Women's movement

What purpose does your anger serve?

How often do we find ourselves holding on to some past slight with both hands as if letting go would prove to be a sign of weakness? How often do we feel as though we need to validate every action that we take as proof that we are better than some bugger from our past treated us?

I look around at this world, at social media, at the news and I find it very difficult to see the good that I know is out there. It seems that everyone has their chip on their shoulder or their person or group or reason to blame for something not going right in their life, or their happiness not being met.

I started following a single parent group on social media and every post that they put up was some sort of male bashing, I am woman hear me roar, cliche… Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for girl power, but not at the sake of half the population, and not all single parents are women. I, personally, was raised by a single dad who belonged to that same organization.

When I commented as such and that we shouldn’t be placing blame on any specific side, the moderator responded, “well, it can be used for men too”. That wasn’t the point. Firstly, none of the posts were about men, and secondly, most of the time when a marriage falls apart there is not one side to blame. Most of the time there is plenty of blame to go around so to have a support group who posts things that fan the flames of anger seems the opposite of support.

Part of growing is understanding what we have done wrong in our past. It’s understanding our faults and our mistakes and missteps so we can learn to avoid them in the future. If we spend all of our time ranting in our “support” groups about how we were wronged, or how every bad thing that happened fell upon the shoulders of another, then we are no more prepared for our next journey than we were for our last.

When I think of empowerment I do not think of all the ways that we are better than someone else. I do not think of all the things that we can and should be doing to bring down another person or group. I think of ways that we should raise ourselves and each other up. We do not need to steps on the heads of our perceived enemies in order to rise, we just need to give each other a hand or a leg up.

There is plenty of anger and resentment in this world, and it doesn’t actually help anyone. This isn’t just a male/female issue either, it’s time we let go of all of it. That bully from 3rd grade probably either doesn’t remember you so it’s not worth letting them have power over you now, or had more issues in his life than you could have in a lifetime and didn’t know how to express is. That teacher that made learning impossible was one year… how many years ago? Your parents… oh God.. your parents were a mess.. yup.. they were human. They made mistakes. They made poor choices… maybe they were straight up a**holes, but who cares? I mean really… they messed up enough of your years as a child, now you are the adult and you have the ability to make your own choices. Are you going to be one of those adults, like your parents, who constantly makes the wrong ones, or are you going to step up and learn from those mistakes.

I see so many people who make excuses about why they can’t hold jobs, or have good relationships, or be good parents, and usually it’s because of how someone treated them in the past. How does that make any sense? You are telling me that you have the right to be a loser.. because your parents were losers and you hated them for it? Umm… not to sound to harsh, but grow up.. live YOUR life. Tomorrow your parents will be gone, that bully will be a memory, and those feelings… they can either percolate and control your future, or they can be released.. and you can understand that no one, not even parents or teachers, are perfect. That we all have our demons. We all make our own choices based on our own limited experiences… which experiences do you want to shape your life? Which life do you want to grow?

coaching, Motivation, parenting, Satire, Uncategorized

How to screw up your kids according to the internet

There is nothing more important in this world than the well being of our kids. So, as animages (5) empowering woman I took it upon myself to search the internet for the most common ways to screw up our kids in an effort to help us all avoid them. My research was very fruitful.

  1. Helicopter Parenting: This is a very common parenting style in which parents do everything for their child in an effort to make sure that their child never feels even the slightest bit uncomfortable. They cut and peel grapes for the high school aged, home schooled children who are still being read children’s books in an effort to keep them from learning anything that my be disturbing. Apparently “experts” have found that sheltering your child to the point of stunting mental and emotional development leaves children unable to make decisions and fend for themselves.
  2. Free-range parenting: This is another common approach to parenting in which the parents choose to do the exact opposite and let their children run free and happy and completely in charge of their own lives. They let their children go to the park on their own, make friends on their own, handle their own disputes… heck.. half the time they don’t even know where their own children are. They feel this is a great way to teach their children independence… but apparently “experts” have found that free range children are kidnapped 100% of the time.. or they run with scissors and stab themselves and their friends until there’s nothing left but a pin cushion… or something like that.
  3. Breast is Best: Breastfeeding has been in the news a lot lately. After much research and development scientists have found that the way mother’s fed their babies for millions of years actually may in fact be the best way to feed a baby. They have said that it not only gives them all the nutrients that their little bodies need but also helps in creating a bond between mother and child. In fact there is a chemical secreted during feeding (oxytocin) that gives both mothers and babies a feeling of well-being and love. But apparently “experts” have found that mothers who breastfeed are just attention seeking “drug addicts” using their infants to get that “oxy-high”…. and they’re gross because they want babies to be sucking on their boobies… even in PUBLIC! perverts
  4. Bottle feeding: Bottle feeding is the best way to feed your baby. You can gauge how much they’re eating. The formulas now a days come with many different ingredients so you can not only make sure that your child gets all the nutrition needed but also can pick one that won’t have any allergens.. like.. milk.. or soy.. or some other food that used to not have anyone allergic to it. But the “experts” say that feeding a baby from a bottle is akin to child abuse because the baby could never feel loved without the bonding that occurs during breastfeeding.
  5. Co-sleeping: Now I did not know this, but I guess co-sleeping has been around for millions of years. In fact at one point babies didn’t even have their own cribs at all.. actually, no one really had beds.. but the point is, I always thought co-sleeping was just some hippy thing people made up. Co-sleeping is the act of sleeping with your baby. That’s pretty much it. The “experts” however, have declared that this is the fastest way to kill your child and cause SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) and while there is still no cause for SIDS the “experts” still say it’s sleeping next to your baby.
  6. Sleep training: This is the action of teaching your child that it’s time for bed. The point of this is to make sure that your child sleeps at a good time so that the child is able to let it’s brain develop properly. It is usually used by people who do not co-sleep, as they teach their baby to sleep by themselves, and to sooth themselves. It is designed also to teach independence. However, “experts” say that letting your child cry at all in any way is cruel and unusual punishment and that anyone who sleep trains should be waterboarded and have bamboo stuck under their fingernails to see how they like being tortured.
  7. Spankings: Spanking is the act of slapping a child with appropriate force on the bum in order to curb behavior. “Everyone” was spanked in every other generation ever and that is the only way children could ever learn how to behave. The reason why kids today are such ruddy little prats is because no one spanks anymore.. except all the people who still believe spanking is the only way. The “experts” believe that any small amount of pain to one’s backside, even in an effort to save the child’s life (ie the child keeps unbuckling his car seat and thinks it a game to have mama freak out and stop the car to buckle him back up) is detrimental to the child’s state of mind and can only create serial killers in the future.
  8. Timeouts: Timeouts is the practice of removing a child from a situation after the child has acted out and putting them in a chair or safe space for the appropriate amount of time (1 min per year of age) in an effort for the child to “think about their behavior”. Back in the old days this was called being sent to the corner.. not sure how it changed. The “experts” feel that this is akin to putting an inmate in solitary confinement and that anyone who thinks that punishment of any kind is appropriate for a child just shouldn’t have kids.. in fact they should be sterilized immediately!

So.. I hope this helps clear up any confusion that you may have as a parent. I know I love all the “expert” opinions that I have received over the years. If you can think of anything that I haven’t put on the list, by all means be sure to share in the comments.

coaching, Motivation, Uncategorized, women, Women's movement

International Women’s Day!

We did it! It is officially women’s day in the year of women. It only took thousands of years of giving birth to every person to ever be born to get recognition. I mean don’t get me wrong it doesn’t change anything. We still don’t have equal pay, or reproductive rights.. and we still “deserve” to be raped if we wear the wrong outfit.. and we still get hassled for any choice we make in our lives, whether we choose to work or not.. have kids or not.. and so on.

The craziest part of the whole thing is that we are not actually a minority. We make up up more than 50% of the population. There is no reason for this. We are the ones who raise the future generation. We are the ones that teach boys and men how to treat others. How is this the norm? Well, sadly we tend to think of ourselves as competition instead of being each other’s biggest champions.

I read through all the posts and memes today, and all the women screaming for download (22)themselves. I saw how McDonald’s switched their sign around to commemorate Women. I saw how everyone was talking about the things that men need to do to help women, and all of that is great. I agree, men need to take their sticks out of their asses and acknowledge that women are just as strong, smart, and competent as men, but what’s more important is that women have to encourage each other.

It’s great that we’re marching, but what we really need to do is start shopping at women owned businesses. We need to start hiring each other.. and promoting each other.. and voting for each other. I’m not saying vote for someone just because they are a woman. Sarah Palin is a woman and no one should vote for her, but if you know that there is a candidate on the ticket.. look into her. Even if it’s a name you never heard of, look into her.

When you see a mom having trouble, give her a hand. When you have a coworker in your office don’t make her your enemy.. be happy for her if she gets a promotion. Befriend her, learn from her, teach her.. grow together. If we expect men to come around and treat us with respect we need to show them how it’s done. We are the mothers of the world. If we can teach other’s how to respect who will?

 

Health, Healthcare, parenting, Politics, school shootings, Uncategorized

If we can’t take your guns can you at least give us health-care.

I have spoken before about the misinformation about the right to bear arms and how it’s been skewed to fit certain individuals and/or groups needs, but the misinformation of healthcare absolutely takes the cake. “Why should I have to pay for other people’s healthcare?” is the biggest argument made. Well, guess what? You already are… and more.

The way private healthcare is set up one pays a premium to have health insurance download (13)whether they use it or not. All of the money goes to the health insurance company which puts it into a fund and pays out everyone’s healthcare bills… OK, so at least your money is only paying for those who have also paid into healthcare, so that’s OK. Guess again. Hospitals know that the chances of them being paid by individuals that don’t have insurance is extremely low so they jack up the prices of everything they do so that those who have insurance will pay a high enough bill that it will cover those that aren’t covered. That’s how hospitals stay open. Ever wonder about that $15 Tylenol tablet you took?

So that’s just the costs that actually go to the hospital, doctors, Ambulances, and so forth. Now.. here’s a big secret that I know most people haven’t discovered. Insurance companies are NOT non-profit. In fact they make huge profits. The CEO’s make millions for their salaries, never mind the bonuses they get for “saving” the company money… in other words comes up with reasons they shouldn’t give their customers the coverage that they pay for.

Then there are all of the other people who work for these giant companies. The executives, the marketing, advertising, financial services, sales… customer service…. even down to the buildings they are housed in and those paid to clean them are all paid.. with your policies. Now obviously with universal healthcare there would still be people in charge of making sure that bills are paid, and taking care of customers, but there wouldn’t be billions going to executives and sales.

Then there is the fact that, yes, there are some poor people who, because they don’t make enough money, would get free healthcare. That’s kind of a given, but as we established earlier, they’re not paying those bills anyway, and the price gauging is covering that. Then there are all those who are just choosing to not pay. All those who make a decent wage, but feel that they’re healthy enough to not have to worry about it. They don’t think about the accidents that can cripple them, or the unexpected flu that can put them in the hospital. They just expected to be taken care of, and maybe they pay, maybe they don’t. Maybe, even after all the doctor’s do they can’t be saved.. or they are left disabled and unable to work anymore. Guess who eats their bills. With Universal Healthcare everyone making enough money will be paying their fair share.

Finally there’s all the things that most Private Insurance carriers aren’t guaranteed to even cover. Dental, nope, mental health, nope, specialists, nope. So you pay 100s and 1000s on health insurance only to have deductibles, co-pays.. and denials.

People and politicians complain about it not being their problem to take care of others… yet it kind of is. The population at large is definitely the politicians problem. It’s their job to keep us alive. It’s their job to keep the economy running. Part of keeping us alive, aside from making bigger and bigger guns, is making sure that we have access to doctors and medicine and.. even better.. preventative care. Part of keeping the economy running is making sure that people are healthy enough to work, and not losing their jobs over long term illnesses or injuries or losing their houses to overwhelming dept due to both.

Their most important job is making sure that the future generations are alive, or the US stops here. Two of the biggest concerns to youth today are being killed in school and the opioid epidemic (but that’s for another day) both of which could truly be helped by a good mental health system. The first thing politicians that oppose gun control say is that it’s not guns that kill people, it’s the people that kill people. And since they’ve made it very clear that they’re not willing to keep guns away from those people, why not create a health reform that gets ALL individuals the mental health support that they need. I know many people who are unable to see therapists or psychiatrists because, even with the private insurance that they have it’s either not covered or the deductible is so high they can’t afford to start treatment.. especially paying it every year.

I agree, the people who commit these horrendous crimes are mentally unstable. I c72bcc58-0abb-49e8-a915-354153bc942fpersonally thinks that means they shouldn’t be allowed access to guns, but aside from that, why can no one in power now see that means that they do require help BEFORE they shoot up 17 people in a school?

The last shooter was a classic case. He bounced from home to home. Lost 2 sets of parents. He had a really crappy life and many people could see that he was a threat to himself and others, yet nothing stopped him. No one helped him. People who shoot babies, and church goers, and movie theater attendees aren’t right in the head. That’s an absolute fact that everyone seems to agree on. These shootings occur way too often, another fact that no one questions. So why is there a debate about making sure every American has the right to stay alive? Why can’t these people get the help they need so they don’t kill 100s of people a year? This is the whole country’s problem, and only one of when it comes to the health of this nation.

coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness

Try something new…. anything!

I have a friend who has been stuck in a rut for some time now. He took some advice from another life coach that he talked to. (It’s not good to coach your own friends…. they’ll get mad at you for calling them on their crap) This person gave him a list of different things to do for two weeks to “cleanse his bad luck” or karma or what have you.

This person uses modes that I don’t use myself, things like lighting certain colored change-your-thoughtscandles and pouring salt, it’s all very pagan traditions… which is fine, just not my cup ‘a. Anyway… the whole point is to get the person to try new things and to spend more time in their own head. There is a lot of sitting in silence and meditating.. which I do believe in.

One of the days he had to eat as a vegan. No animal products. No meats, no cheese, no butter. He had no idea what was left. He was at my house for the evening, kind enough to watch my son while I had to go out for a bit. I told him that I had some pasta that he could have. His response… “Sauce has meat”…. um… not all sauce. Not my tomato and basil sauce… and “Why is the spaghetti different colors?”. It’s a tri-colored, veggie based pasta….. Nope… he wasn’t going to try it.

Now the whole point of this exercise is to try new things. To get out of your own head. To believe that things can be done differently. Not eating animal products for one day is not going to change your health or do anything for you except… get you to think outside the box and try something new. That’s how we change.

Now I love my friend, and this is not written to knock him.. as I said, never coach a friend, they will take criticism as an insult, but it is to point out that you only get out of coaching what you put into it. You can only change your life as much as you’re willing to change yourself. I have had this problem myself for years. I had spent over a decade denying my habits and my weight issues. I spent many years in crappy relationships hoping the other person would change. I am in no way perfect, but since losing my father I have learned that you get from life what you put into it. I want my son to learn the good habits and the best self thoughts.

If you want to be healthy.. you have to BE HEALTHY. If you want to be rich, you have to do the work.. you have to find your niche, you have to take a chance. If you want a fabulous relationship.. you have to let go of the old ones. You can’t change other people.. and you can’t change your life without… CHANGING YOUR LIFE.

coaching, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

Why I like when my child fights back.

I have a 4-year-old. My 4-year-old sometimes has trouble communicating. Sometimes he has tantrums, sometimes he bursts into tears for seemingly no reason… and very often he doesn’t listen to what I want. It is a constant power struggle… and I think it’s awesome!

The other day was my birthday and a friend of mine took us out for dinner. While we were out my son decided that he was old enough to squeeze the ketchup on his own. After a small discussion I agreed to let him try. My friend took it on himself to try to stop my son and to reprimand him for disobeying me.

I understood part of his point. My son did fight back. My son did resist my wishes, but he did it to advocate himself. He didn’t have a fit. He didn’t throw the ketchup or cry or cause a scene he simply stated his case and told me that he felt that he was ready for more. That, in my opinion, is not disobedience. That is leadership skills. I told my friend that I had it handled and I was hoping that would be the end of it.

Later, when we were home for cake, my son finished his water and threw his water bottle on the floor. My friend told him to pick it up, and my son refused. This was disobedient, and my friend again, took it upon himself to try to correct his behavior. He was calling him a baby for misbehaving and threatening my son that he wouldn’t be allowed to hang out with him anymore and watch his favourite TV show. This was an empty threat. Everyone knew this and it accomplished nothing.

I, again, told my friend that he wasn’t helping and my friend left the room frustrated. I turned to my “disobedient” son and asked him to pick up the water bottle. He refused. I then told him that he was going to have to clean up my pile of papers on the table. He told me that wasn’t fair because it wasn’t his mess… I pointed out the hypocrisy and then explained that if he wasn’t going to clean up his own mess then I would have to clean it up.. and the more time that I spent cleaning up the mess the less time that I would have to play with him. Then I stopped talking and finished my cake.

My son sat for a minute, then proceeded to walk over, pick up the water bottle, and threw it in the trash. This was about the time my friend came back into the room. I told him that I handled it. He seems to think that kids should just do as they’re told because they are told. I do not like that idea. I like the idea of teaching children WHY they should do things. I like teaching children about repercussions. I like when my child speaks up for himself.

There are many people who feel that parents are too lenient today. “That’s why kids are so lazy and disrespectful”. Yet, it has been proven that the stricter the parent is without justification the more apt the child is to rebel. There is a difference between letting a child do what ever they want.. and letting a child make decisions so they learn the consequences.

I don’t want my son to grow up to be a cog. I don’t want my son to grow up and just do as he’s told. I want my son to grow up and create the life he wants and fight for the life that he deserves. Breaking his spirit won’t accomplish that, and arbitrary rules should be questioned.

coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Motivation, Prayer, religion, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

You are who you think you are

It amazes me how many people that I speak to who say that they believe in science don’t actually believe in possibility… They only believe in the science that has been proven thus far. Which includes many “theories” that have just as much evidence as others but doesn’t sound woowoo and therefore is more believable.

For instance, my favourite topic, Quantum Physics. There are certain elements that are completely acceptable now that even Einstein thought were completely ridiculous. We now KNOW that matter can be both waves and particles, this has been proven in a series of experiments. It has been proven that matter characteristics change depending on whether or not it is being observed and that there is a certain amount of human consciousness that goes into the experiment when a person watches it. This, again has been proven by blind experiments. Yet, when someone says that humans have the ability to change or create their own reality this is considered crazy.

It has been proven that our thoughts create chemical reactions in our brain. If we think thoughts that stress us out our glands secrete cortisol… also known as the “fight or flight” hormone. If we think sad, depressing thoughts that stress us out our hormone levels spike and we physically feel all of the symptoms that correlate.

Then, of course what do we do? We listen to sad music, sit in the dark and eat crap food. This creates more cortisol, the darkness creates melatonin (a hormone that helps us sleep) and our insulin level spike and crash… all of which makes us more stressed out and the cycle continues. Some think that eating chocolate will help as it “mimics the feeling of love”, which is true to an extent. There is a chemical in chocolate called phenethylamine which stimulates the nervous system activating endorphins and creating a euphoric feeling… do you know what else does that? Exercise, and thinking happy thoughts… neither of which leave you with a sugar (insulin) crash later.

There is a huge epidemic going around now with opioids. I remember the first time that I was prescribed one. I had impacted wisdom teeth one of which cracked a tooth in front of it and caused excruciating pain. When the doctor gave me the script he told me that “it won’t kill the pain, but you just won’t care anymore” and that’s it.. that’s how it works. Opioids trigger a release of dopamine that just makes one feel happy.

After I had my son via C-section the nurses were adamant that I needed something.. Vicodin, Perks, Oxy… anything to help with the pain. I told them that the Motrin was just fine. I wasn’t in a hurry to fuzzy my brain with a newborn and except for the actual movement of standing and sitting when ab muscles were strained the most I really didn’t feel much discomfort. As it turns out holding a baby, feeling the love, and bonding by breastfeeding actually releases oxytocin into the system. The thoughts alone create the hormones that amplify the feelings. This is a fact.

Now I’m not saying that there is no need for pain killers. I do understand that some people have severe chronic pain and that it makes it very difficult to do things like exercise and think happy thoughts and that their bodies can’t make enough endorphins to counteract the pain. I also know that this can be both physical and psychological pain, but that doesn’t mean that you stop trying or that you let the darkness take over.

I read an article the other day about how “thinking positive” actually hurts and is counter productive because lying to ones self can actually cause more harm and people need to feel their pain. Well, I half agree. I agree that lying to yourself will cause more problems.. and I agree that people need to deal with their issues head on. What I don’t agree with is the author’s idea of thinking positive.

Positive thinking is NOT pretending everything is great when it sucks. If you have a crappy job, are in an abusive relationship, or just lost someone or something dear to you then you can just think, “Oh, everything is so wonderful”. That’s not positive thinking.. that’s delusional thinking. Positive thinking is acknowledging whatever bad thing is or has happened and understanding that it is not the end and that it can get better and spending your time and energy on thinking about the good things. Either remembering the lost loved one and the good that person has done.. or thinking about your next option with a job or relationship.. but never giving up.

The more that a person thinks about their future and their life the way they want it, the more “Happy Hormones” their brain produces. The more happy hormones a person has the more likely they are to DO something.. anything. They will start to believe that they deserve more. This brings us back to the Quantum Physics. Your consciousness creates your reality. The world is as you perceive it. If you only see the bad things the world is bad. If you only see the good the world is good. The more good you see.. the more good you’ll do.. and so on.

 

coaching, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, parenting, Politics, Prayer, religion, Uncategorized, Wellness

I’m a dreamer…

I saw a post the other day with a meme that used the famous song lyrics, “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.” over the faces of some well known civil rights activists. It was meant to be a positive message. Instead there were a bunch of people commenting about how John Lennon was a drug addict and all other faults they knew about the other icons.

ubjjsThe funny thing is it’s completely ironic… the post is saying that we need to love one another not tear each other apart. For some reason today people feel that everyone needs to be perfect. That no one can be flawed but WANT better.

Social Media was designed to bring people together but instead all people do is nitpick. They find any flaw and magnify it. They hear any story and look for someone to blame. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen someone comment on a post in a well meaning way only to have someone point out that the original comment used improper grammar or spelling. OK.. thank you.. but that is not the point. How many parents have been blamed for a horrible accident? How many celebrities are judged for what they wear off camera?

The world needs to learn to love. We need to learn to love ourselves. We need to learn to love our neighbor. We need to stop hating on everyone and everything because we are not perfect. Love isn’t about perfection. Life isn’t about perfection. It’s about learning and growing and accepting.