Category: Love

Addiction, Love, Mental Health, parenting

The new “free” life is killing people

Katrina Russell

I don’t understand this new trope of young people who all talk about how much they hate the grind, how capitalism is evil and people are more than just money and wages and how life shouldn’t be wasted working… while at the same time they complain that they should be given more stuff without money, wages, or working.

At the same time they are saying that love and marriage is an outdated institution and way of life, that having children is akin to slavery and a product of white supremacy and the patriarchy and the only thing of any value is having fun and getting more free stuff. I mean if that isn’t materialism and narcissism then I don’t know what is.

I understood the time when people, especially men, were working 100 hours a week and killing themselves to “keep up with the Jones’s”. The cliche was that on their death bed that they wouldn’t be thinking about the deals they didn’t make, or the car they never bought, but the time they missed with their family and their loved ones. Now it seems that love is the bad kind of 4 letter word. As if having someone to love is somehow a detriment to your own freedom and happiness.

Everyday on social media there are posts, especially from women about how they aren’t going to succumb to the old patriarchal regime of being a mom and putting their needs on the backburner for someone else. They aren’t going to give up their girls night out and their shoe collection for some crying, drooling brat, as if A. kids have no worth in and of themselves more than shoes, and B. Kids never grow out of the infant stage and won’t be there to take care of their parents’ crying, drooling asses one day.

The Western world has become consumed with being as “free and happy” as possible without any responsibility, or anything getting in their way, and yet the Western world has become fraught with mental illness, drug addiction, and violence. People are more miserable today in a world of ease than ever before. In fact people are looking for things to be angry about instead of just enjoying what they have… mostly because people don’t have anything worth having. They don’t know what it’s like to earn something tangible, never mind what it’s like to earn respect.

People think that relationships are about everything the other person can give or do for you. It’s about making sure that you never feel the slightest bit uncomfortable. Life is about the fastest way to get a dopamine hit, whether through drugs themselves or through constant social media yes men telling you how amazing you are. If a relationship hits a snag and the other person doesn’t want to do the same thing that you want then they are holding you back and quite possibly abusing you. If a child comes along then they are a threat to your very way of life and must be killed immediately before it gets a chance to be seen.

People have been turned into a group of individuals that hate people, not just others, but themselves as well. They think that any kind of work is oppressive, as if the things that they want just appear out of no where and someone else doesn’t have to work to make them. They think that they are the star of the show and anyone who disagrees with them is the antagonist in their story and must be destroyed. People today would rather live in a computer than talk to their neighbors…. and the overdose and suicide rates show that this new life view is killing them.

grief, Love, Mental Health, parenting, Prayer

Why I choose to believe

Katrina Russell

Let me start by saying that I only converted to Catholicism 8 years ago, and even then it was more of a tradition than anything else. My grandmother was born from Irish immigrants, and for those who don’t know, they are wicked Catholic…. at least the good ones are. My grandfather was Protestant, but he went out for cigarettes when my dad was a kid and I never met him.

My dad was raised in Catholic school, so he hated religion, nuns, rulers…. discipline… pretty much everything about it. My mom was one of those Protestants that I had mentioned and she went bonkers after I was born. I’m not saying that to be hyperbolic, she was actually diagnosed with schizophrenia. She talked a lot about God and how God used to tell her things, so my relationship with God was a little strained as a child.

My father did understand the importance of the Bible and its teaching. He understood its place in our society and the laws, rules and ethics that it taught. He didn’t talk to me about religion per say, but he read to me from the children’s’ Bible when I was small. I mostly have memories of snuggling on the couch with him and not understanding why Joseph’s brothers were so horrible. This was a very important memory to me though because in general my father didn’t read to me, so the fact that he took the time to do that with this book meant it must have been important.

I didn’t judge people who were religious. In fact my dad used to encourage me to check out different religions and see if any of them fit. I understood that my problems with religion itself had more to do with my mother and her psychosis than the religion itself, but for a long time people who talked about Jesus really freaked me out. When it was time to baptize my son I knew that I wanted him to be Catholic like my grandmother, who had passed away at that point. I had been baptized myself as a baby, but never any other formal religious teaching.

When I thought about which school in my area that I wanted my son to go to; I knew that I didn’t want him to go to the local public school where some of my friends taught and complained about how dangerous it was. I knew that I wanted him to go to the local Catholic school. Again, at this point religion was just background. As a person who studied history in college and has a general obsession with it and archeology (I blame Indiana Jones) I spent a lot of time watching documentaries and reading things about the history of the Bible and the archeological proof that has been discovered that backed up many of the stories. In general I was always fascinated by the time period, but never put a lot of effort in learning about the text itself. God was more of an idea from the past that helped other people, but didn’t really seem needed today.

Then my dad died, and I felt comfort in the fact that there was an afterlife and that I would see him again one day. Then his long-term girlfriend died, and I was glad that at least they were together. Then my dog died, and I thought that he could keep them company for the decades that it would be until we would reunite. Don’t get me wrong, I was devastated, but knowing that God is out there, knowing that my dad could look down on us and see my son and the wonderful little boy that he was becoming made that horrible year more bearable.

The following year my son started at the Catholic school and I became heavily involved. I volunteered whenever I could, and decided that if he was going there it would be best if we went to church on Sunday, especially the church that was attached to the school. I realized how much I wanted my son to have faith. I wanted him to feel comforted as much as I do.

This was 7 years ago. My son is now 10 and we still attend church every Sunday. He belongs to the choir, I teach a CCD class, and he attends his own. He has gotten his 1st communion, and we volunteer when we can. I love joining the Bible study classes. Our faith has become a huge part of our life. I don’t have a lot of time to read, but I listen to the Bible on Audible, and I love listening to commentary from all kinds of people about how they interpret The Word, and the stories being portrayed.

I have begun to realize how amazing The Bible actually is. How much was wisdom was articulated in that book that people today are still figuring out. Knowing that this book came from a time when a lot of people thought the sun traveled around the earth by a man pulling a chariot. This book talks about how everyone is created in Gods image and therefore just as important as anyone else. It talks about how, even though slavery is a norm at this time for many reasons, slaves must still be treated as fellow humans and given all the rights thereof. It talks about how children should honor their fathers as much as their mothers and how parents don’t have the right to kill their children even id they have done something wrong. It talks about how to live a successful life in any time.

The Israelites, or Jews as they are known today, have been laughed at, persecuted, and blamed for all the wrongs of the world, because, it seems no matter what wrong happens in the world they still manage to thrive. People think this is because they are “obviously stealing from everyone else” when in reality it is because they are working hard and taking care of each other as the Bible told them to.

A lot of Christians today want to discount the Old Testament, which I don’t understand. They seem to forget that Jesus was Jewish and specifically said that he was there in accordance with the law. In Matthew he said…

17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill.

18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.

There are a lot of people today who hate the fact that God asks things of us. They hate the fact that God lets bad things happen to us. They feel that God should be there personal valet and should be there to do their bidding, and that is the only way that God can prove himself.

I know so many people who either don’t believe or they hate God because bad things have happened to them, or because bad things happen in general. I know so many people who think they are getting punished by God because they haven’t been following His laws and their life is not the way they wish it to be. I know so many people who think that they have screwed up too much that God could never forgive them. My response is to that is that God is Our Father who art in Heaven. As our father He gives us His rules. He lets us know the best way to live a good life, and the things that we should concentrate on to get said life. What He doesn’t do is prevent us from experiencing our consequences.

Maybe I understand this because I was raised by a single dad. I didn’t have the mom around to coddle me, and protect me from myself. If I chose to climb a tree too high and fell out I was also the one who had an ice pack on my ankle later. If I chose to ran through the woods for the umpteenth time in shorts that summer then I was the one sitting out of the pool covered in pink stuff while still itching. My dad told me not to do things. He told me how to behave, but ultimately it was my decision and I had to deal with it. Occasionally he would see that I got in over my head and help me out, but that was few and far between.

The one thing he always did, no matter how much my brother and I screwed up. The one thing I never had to worry about, was that he loved us. He forgave us, and he gave us the opportunity to make better choices in the future. The reason that I believe in God is because I believed in my father. I believed in a relationship that is so much stronger than one could imagine. Now that I am a mother I know how much I love my son. I know that there is nothing he could do to make me not love him, but knowing that his father died of a drug overdose, I know that sometimes the ones you love can make choices that aren’t safe, and aren’t good to be around.

The reason that I believe in God is because God made us in His image. God made us knowing that we would screw up, and that life would be hard sometimes, but God made us because He knew that it would be worth it in the end. Just like my dad made me and just like I made my son. So many people today don’t want to have children because its expensive, or climate change, or some other material issue…. but for those of us who believe in God and know how much bigger life really is. We know that God made us, because it’s worth it. Love always is.

Addiction, Love, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

No one can do everything, and we need to stop telling people that they can.

Katrina Russell

We have to stop telling children, especially little girls, that they can do everything themselves. No one can. We used to understand this. We used to understand the importance of family and marriage and partners, but somewhere along the lines people, and especially girls started being told that they can do everything. That they don’t need anyone else. That, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle”, as Irina Dunn coined.

In reality everyone needs people. The family unit was set up as a way of complementing each other’s strengths and working together. It’s easier to share responsibilities than trying to do them all by yourself. This seems like commonsense, but somewhere along the line ego got in the way and suddenly “I can do it myself” became the motto.

This is not to say that there are things that women or men can’t do. Of course most people are capable of anything that they put their minds too, but they can’t do everything. There are only so many hours in a day. There is only so much energy to be expended. Eventually you run out and the person told that they can do everything feels like a failure when they can’t.

Telling someone that they can do everything is similar to telling a child that they can have everything that they want in a store. Say you have $300 and you take a child to Target. You can tell them that they can have anything that they want, they just have to choose. Maybe they pick a giant Lego set, and have $100 left to spend and you tell them, “oh that’s great, why don’t you add a book and a game on top of that”. You leave the store and the child is ecstatic.

Now say you have the same child and the same $300 and you go into Target and tell them they can have everything that they want. Now the kid is loading up cart after cart of everything they could possibly desire in the slightest. You head to the register and start piling things out. Then you tell the cashier to stop when they reach $300. The child is confused. They don’t even know what they got. Maybe the thing they really wanted hasn’t even been taken out of the carriage yet. Now the child is devastated and let down. It’s “The worst birthday ever!” even though they got $300 worth of things they kind of wanted.

This is how we treat people, and especially women today. We tell them to go for everything they want. They go to school, they change majors a few times, they date around a bit, they start to work on a career, and everything seems good. They are getting everything they want. Now they’re 35, and single and thinking, “next on my list: husband and kids”. They look around and all the guys are kind of jerks, or giant children because they have also been told that they can have whatever they want and they just spent the last 20 years getting all the hook ups they could ask for without having to put anything into the relationship or grow up at all. Why should they? The women can handle everything.

Now the woman is like, “ok, clock ticking. I want kids, but I need a man for that. I also want to be able to raise my kids myself and not send them off with the nanny.” The world says, “ok, just find a guy and get started”. But those guys were left in the carriage when you ran out of money and some other girl who knew what she wanted came along and bought him already. The woman is left with what ever was the easiest to throw up on the register first and didn’t actually get a chance to choose.

I know, you’re going to say, “Not all women want to get married. Not all women want kids”. That is true, but most do, and all at least want the opportunity to decide for themselves and not just get left with whatever was in the first carriage.

Instead of telling kids that they can do everything we need to tell them that they can do anything that they choose, and then teach them how to make good choices. Otherwise we’re going to have more and more generations of self medicating, drug addicted, miserable people who think the idea of abortion and government sponsored suicide are great ideas, because, “this is the worst life ever” when you don’t understand how to get what you really want.

crop alluring woman sitting on bed with flowers and retro photo camera
Love, Mental Health

Just Celebrate Yourself

Katrina Russell

People seem to hate Valentine’s Day. It’s either a couple, usually the man in the couple, complaining that they don’t need a commercialized holiday to tell his sweetie that he loves her, or it’s a single person complaining that it’s just a day to remind them that they are lonely. Everyone hates Valentine’s Day.

Personally, I agree that no one should need a day to remind them to show their loved one that they love them, but with divorce rates what they are maybe people need a little more reminding. You can love your spouse, significant other, bae (is that still a thing), but are you showing them that you love them?

One of the biggest complaints in marriages that lead to divorce is that one or both parties feel taken for granted or like the spark is just gone from their relationship. All-in-all they just don’t feel loved. Now imagine that you’re in that relationship in which you feel taken for granted and your loved one says, “I don’t need to be told to love my wife”. Maybe you do. Maybe everyone needs a reminder that they are loved and appreciated. Days go by quickly; then weeks; then months. The next thing you know it’s been a year and you haven’t had a date night. You haven’t had alone time. You haven’t really been “loving” each other.

Valentine’s day give you an excuse to forget everything else. It’s the excuse to your boss, “sorry, I can’t work. If I miss Valentine’s Day, my wife is going to kill me.”. It’s a reminder to pay just a little more attention to your love. Maybe even get that little bit of attention you’ve been asking for, but she’s had a headache since your birthday. No one says that you have to shell out cash and buy her candy, or flowers. No one says you have to make it a commercialized day. You can make her dinner if she always cooks. She can watch that movie with you that she always rolls her eyes at. Making it commercialized is almost a cop out.

The next time you roll your eyes at the thought of Valentine’s Day. A day literally designed to show your appreciation for the one you love, just remember how much energy you put into a Football game you weren’t playing last week. Which is really more important to you, and which one is really about commercialization. There’s a whole culture around Super Bowl COMMERCIALS.

And, for those of us who are alone on days like this it is important to remember that being alone isn’t a punishment. Being alone is a great time to get to know yourself and figure out what you want in your life. You can take yourself to your favorite restaurant, watch your favorite movie, put on your favorite music and dance around your living room in your undies… leave the curtains drawn and you’ll see lots of people who want you. Just saying.

Me, I bought my 8-year-old son a Reece’s PeanutButter Cup teddy bear, that he appropriately named Reece, and a blue raspberry gummy remote control that he licked for breakfast because he didn’t want to “ruin it”. Later today I may even take him out for dinner for some quality mom and son time. Because Mondays aren’t just for yelling about homework. Everyone needs to know they are loved.

silhouette of four people against sun background
cancel culture, Love, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

Why is feminism not about empowering women?

Katrina Russell

I don’t know when women went from being a group that was celebrated and protected to a group that is isolated and derogated for acknowledging that they exist and are a real thing. There is a definition to the word woman. There are traits to describe a woman. There are features that differentiate women from men. For years women were held back for these traits and features. Women weren’t allowed in certain clubs or organizations and there was no way that they could compete in sports or the military against men. Then women started to push for more “rights”.

I’m not sure how it’s a right that a person should be allowed into a private club owned by someone else. Men’s clubs were a thing created for men to be men. To talk about things that men want to talk about. There were other clubs that were for both men and women that couples could attend, but women didn’t like that. Of course, there’s still women’s only clubs, but that’s… different. I guess. Or at least it was, because now a man just has to say that he’s a woman and he can enter the club all he wants so there’s that.

The excuse for needing to let women into men’s clubs was the “a lot of business happens in the men’s clubs”. If women weren’t allowed in them, they were being prevented from doing business. Most of these clubs were some sort of golf club, but ironically even after letting women into these clubs only about 22% of all club members are women and half of those are young girls just there to play golf. Not a lot of business taking place there, and not a place most women even care to go.

Then there were organizations like The Elks that were sued into allowing women in the mid 90s, and the Boy Scouts of America that was made to admit girls in 2017, even though Girl Scouts is completely a thing. I don’t know when women became so obsessed with thinking all things male was better.

Women used to be proud of who and what they were. They were daughters, and moms, and teachers, and nurses and they loved using their empathy and compassion to take care of people. They were also brilliant. There were so few female writers, scientists, pilots, freedom fighters and yet everyone knows the names of the brilliant women who did accomplish great things in those fields. Being a woman didn’t stop Agatha Christie, Marie Curie, Amelia Earhart or Harriet Tubman. They didn’t have to pretend to be men. They didn’t have to dress, and act like men or sue for men to include them. They did their jobs better than everyone else and they were accepted and appreciated for that.

People say, “Well, yes, but there were so fewer women in those positions. It must have been discrimination.”. Guess what, there’s still less women in those fields. All the lawsuits, all the campaigns, all the shoulder pads in the world didn’t turn women into men and didn’t make women interested in the same things that men are interested or physically capable of the same things as men. Men and women are different. They just are.

Now, before you freak out, I’m not saying that women are weaker than men. I’m a mom. I know what real strength is. I not only carried my baby in my body, but I had a c-section, and carried that baby for years after whenever he needed me. Whether it was in the first 6 weeks after my c-section, and I wasn’t allowed to lift anything as heavy as him, or the years after when he was tired, or hurt, or it was just more convenient at the time to keep track of him and keep him moving. Let me tell you. Kids are heavy. They may be like 30 lbs., but 30 lbs. of dead weight in one arm and 5 bags of groceries in the other because it’s easier to do one trip and it you let him down, he’s going to run, that’s heavy.

Then there’s the emotional strength that it takes to be a mother. You are the one that is there for that child every day, most of the time all day. You are the one that has to teach these little people to be strong, and kind. You have to comfort them when they are in pain and support them to work through it. You also have to correct them when they are wrong and sometimes that means hurting them as well. We make our children cry more than anyone else because we have to, and it breaks our hearts. “No, you can’t watch TV right now. No, you can’t wear your ballet shoes out in the snow. No, you can’t have skittles for dinner.”. Tears every day. Tears we have to decide how to handle in order to make sure our children grow up to be capable human beings.

Being a woman is an amazing thing to be. We are the diplomats to the men’s warrior. We are the ones they come home to when they want to feel safe. We are the ones that give them purpose when they go to war or to work. We are the ones who create the future they are trying to protect. I don’t know when that became the lesser value in the equation.

Feminism has somehow gone from proving that women are of equal value for being women, through women can and should do all the things that men do, to there’s no such thing as a difference between men and women. Which is just ridiculous, and quite frankly an insult to women, and men alike. To say that we are all just pod people creations with no individuality, with nothing born innate to us, we are all just creations of whatever society implants into us. Which is clearly not true, as there are thousands of societies that have crossed 10s of thousands of miles and 10s of thousands of years, and there has always, in every society, been a difference between men and women.

At one-point women fought to have their own sports. They wanted to prove that they were just as capable of being athletic and competitive but understood that physically they were no match for men. This was a great opportunity for women. They were able to thrive in a physical domain otherwise not available to them. They were able to win scholarships and create comraderies with like-minded other women. They could live out their masculine traits without danger of being with the men who could cause them real harm.

Now that is being taken away as well. Men who just decide they want to be women are competing against women in traditionally physically masculine roles. Men and women are different. Not just in the way they think, not just in their hormone levels. They are different down to their bone structure, their muscle mass, their weight dispersity, and in physical competitions like sports and wars this can get someone seriously hurt, if not killed. It can also take those scholarship opportunities away from women and give it to an actual man.

The other night during one of those award shows Adele got up and said how proud she was to be a woman and how proud she was to win her award in the name of women. This used to be something that was cheered. Now it was offensive. Women are no longer allowed to be proud of themselves. Let’s not even talk about JK Rowling. They are no longer allowed to separate themselves from men. Women have to accept that there is absolutely nothing special about them at all. There is no definition for the word woman. Anyone can be one, and anyone can decide not to be one, depending on their mood.

Political commentator Matt Walsh was on The Dr Phil show with some people who identify as non-binary. Meaning they do not consider themselves either male or female because society makes up those terms. Matt asked them to define the word woman and the response was “womanhood looks different to everyone“. That is not how words work. That is not how reality works.

Let me just state before the crazies come out of the woodwork, that I am not transphobic. I don’t care what you look like, how you define yourself, or what you do as an adult. I have an issue with this idea that being a woman doesn’t mean anything. A few years back Doctor who, one of my favorite shows, decided to swap out the main character who had always been male for a female with the idea that sex doesn’t matter. That there is absolutely no difference between men and women and that it is all a social construct. This was about the same time that the “woke” community starting to change from trans to non-binary and blaming all things gender related on society.

I was annoyed by this. Even though the main character is an alien, he spent a lot of time of Earth (specifically in England) traveling through different time periods. I was afraid that the character was going to be spending too much time explaining why “as a woman” she should be listened to and basically male bashing the whole time. It was much worse. It turned out it was about how sex was irrelevant and his species was so much more advanced than us piddly humans even it had been well established that he was a father and a grandfather, and that their biology was in tune with ours. He had even left his granddaughter on Earth so she could spend her life with a man she had fallen in love with.

They had changed the gender of another main character before this and it was quite well excepted, but it was also played off like it wasn’t common. Then there was some vague mention of it with a background character that most people just ignored. The character even made a comment about “thank God I’m a woman again” or something to that affect. Meaning there was a difference in males and females. The main character who changed gender also changed her name to Missy because “I couldn’t keep calling myself the Master“. Implying that Master is a masculine name, and there was a difference between masculine and feminine on their planet.

I remember the chat all over the internet at the time. So many people applauding the choice. So many people insulting anyone who didn’t agree with it at the time. I remember a specific exchange between a man and a woman. The man said that he hated it, that there was nothing fluid about gender, and that men and women are very different. The woman, of course, just called him sexist. He then replied that he was actually a transman and by stating that there is no difference between men and women the whole movement was invalidating the trans-community of people who feel like that are the opposite gender.

To feel as if you are the wrong gender implies there is a difference between them that is not just how you present and what costume you dress in for the day. Being a man or a woman meant something. There is a direct definition to the word. Now maybe it’s not the same definition that Matt Walsh would give, but most trans people acknowledge the difference between trans and cis individuals. They talk about male and female brains and ways of thinking. Which is different as well, and not just societal. This is why no matter how advanced the society and how much they try to push equality between the genders, more women pick certain careers and hobbies in humanities crafting and more men pick more careers and hobbies in STEM. Men talk about things; women talk about people.

And the thing is, all of that is good. Men aren’t better than women because they like STEM and military type careers, and women aren’t lesser than men because they like helping and teaching people. A person is not more successful if they choose to fight their way through the grind to get the corner office or make the big bucks, and women aren’t less successful if they choose to stay home and take care of the tiny humans they created. Men and women are different. Women have to stop putting themselves and their identities down in order to be more like men. Women have to remember in the battlefield every man cries for his mommy.

person counting cash money
Addiction, Love, Mental Health, parenting

The Love of Money is the Root of all Evil

Katrina Russell

People are born different. Anyone who has ever met children knows this. Anyone that has multiple kids can attest to this. Every one of their babies came out with their own little personalities, likes, dislikes, favorites, what have you. Some kids are relaxed, some kids are bossy, some kids are nothing but trouble. Those are the most hilarious to hear about but the most frightening to have yourself. The point it, people are people no matter how old, and they are all different.

When I was little, I remember having a little field trip with my Brownies group to the local town center where there was a candy store that sold “penny candy” though by the mid 80s it was more $.25 candy. Each of us girls were given a $.25 to spend. I went in, looked around, and found some pieces that were $.10-.15. I ended up with two pieces of candy and my Brownie leaders thought it was hilarious. I was a good bargain hunter and they saw me going far.

My brother on the other hand was all about making as much money as he could. He had a paper route at 11 and forged working papers at 13 so he could get a job at the local grocery store (in our state you have to be 14 to work). He was good at saving and liked the finer things. When we took our first vacation to Disney, he had $555 that he had put away from his paper route money. I had about $3 left over from that week’s allowance.

I wanted to buy presents for everyone I knew so at the end of the day my dad’s girlfriend would give me her left-over change that she had for the say and I would collect it up and find the best things that I could for what little I had. And I did. Even if it was just a magnet or a shoelace, I made it work. Keep in mind this is still the mid 80s, things were much less expensive then. My brother bought himself a couple things and Mickey ears for our 3 little cousins and saved the rest. He was not about to spend all his hard-earned money.

Flash forward, I work hard, I make enough money to pay for what I need, no matter what I need. My brother says, “You’re good at making money stretch.”. He does not mean that I’m good at saving for the future, but I’m great at getting as much as I can with the money that I have, even if my bank account ends up a little low most of the time. I can’t help it. “It burns a hole in my pocket”. As they used to say. Thankfully I make enough so that when something does come up, I can usually pay for it in cash with my next check, but still saving is really not in my DNA.

When I had my son, I had no idea who he would be or what kind of ideas he would have. I started an account for him, that I do manage to save for, and I changed my spending habits a bit to include planning for the future, investments, insurance… you know, grown up adulting things. It’s taken a lot of work and self-discipline to accomplish this goal, but I understand the importance, but I still have a little trouble with Amazon and Target.

He was about 5 when he got some birthday money and I asked him what he wanted to do with it? He responded that he wanted to save it of course. He had to save it for a car so that when he’s old enough to work he’ll be able to get there himself. Swear to God. This is not one of those “kids say the cutest things” made up by a parent. These words came out of my Kindergartener’s mouth. I can assure you; he does not get this from me. He takes his birthday, Christmas, First Communion, and money earned from As he gets on his report cards and puts it in his bank.

Over the last few years, he has spent a little of his saved money, but it’s always a debate. He sees something in the store. Asks me to buy it. I tell him no, but he’s welcome to, and then he decides it’s worth to him. He has trouble saying no to certain stuffed animals. Don’t get me wrong, when he gets gift cards they do get spent in the appropriate place, but always at the appropriate time. He waits till he sees something that he wants, like one of those stuffed animals he can’t live without and chooses to use those instead of cash. Sometimes he’ll even trade me if he sees something at a store not on the gift cards. So, for instance if he sees a videogame at Game Stop and doesn’t have a Game Stop gift card, he will say something like, “Well, if I give you my Target gift card for $20 can you give me the $20 cash and I can buy the game?”. Which I do… because, as mentioned… Target.

I don’t tell this story just to brag about my amazingly perfect son. I tell this story as a reminder to those who may be struggling with money issues or have a spouse who is. Some people are just born with a different idea of money that you are. This does not give them a free pass to spend until bankrupt, but it’s just something that may take more work than you may think. It’s literally a part of them. They have to decide to make a change and learn how to do so. Excessive shopping can be considered an addiction, just like anything else done to access, but it can also just be bad habits.

Habits are the hardest thing to break because it’s not just mental, but it’s physical, like muscle memory. A person who is bad at money has a list of things they know that they want and as soon as they know money is coming in, they have a checklist of what can be paid for with that money. It’s like the food addict who is planning when they can do their next binge. And like any other habit or addiction it is easy to jump off the wagon by simply walking in a store or opening an app and seeing what there is to buy.

If you want to change your money habits it is best to talk to a professional. Come up with a budget and make sure you have some crazy money in there just in case, so you don’t feel deprived. Saving money is the best thing that you can do for yourself and your family. It’s not easy for everyone, but with the right help, it’s not impossible either.

photo of woman kneeling in front of gravestone
Giving, grief, Love, Mental Health, parenting

Life after Parents.

Katrina Russell

I see it on social media a lot. A meme that goes something like, “You taught me everything except how to live without you, mom”. I get the idea. I have lost my parents. My son has lost his father. There has been a lot of loss in my life. I miss them every day, but statements like that actually make of my father. Not in the way that you would expect. In fact, the opposite.

I loved my dad. I still love my dad. He was a single parent who raised us in the 70s-90s when single dads just wasn’t a thing. He was one of the strongest people I know. The only one who came close way my Grams who was also a single parent in the 50s and 60s, also when it wasn’t really a thing. My Grams raised my dad to be strong and independent, and though she was always there to help out and take us kids on weekends and vacations (she lived for those times). She also made sure that he was capable of handling it all on his own when he had to.

My dad helped me a lot. He did, and I could never deny that, but the one thing he always told me was that a parent’s job was to raise their children to NOT need them. To raise their children to be independent, because one day the parent would not be there, and the child will become a parent themself and have someone else who needs to be taught the same. “Independence is the greatest gift a parent can give a child.”. It sounds great now, not so much when I was hobbling home from school in the snow… on crutches. But I did it. I got home. I made my way by myself. “There is nothing that you can’t do if you put your mind to it.”. These are the types of phrases that I grew up listening to.

There were a lot of hard times for both my brother and me. We struggled, and we persevered. I admit, I had way more help along the way than my brother did. I think that went along with me being a girl and my dad assuming I would have a man to help me as I got older as well. Well, as of now I do not have a man. I do not have my father. Before I turned 40 I was a single mom and, for all intense and purposes, an orphan. My dad had given me great training though.

When he was sick, I moved back in with him. I helped him with medication. I took him to doctors and hospitals and called the EMTs when necessary. I turned into his emergency contact, and his proxy when he went under for surgery. He was a great father who taught me how to be a great mother. When he died, I was devastated. How could I live without my dad? But I did. I did every day. I got up, took care of my own son. Cleaned out my father’s house. I went to the lawyers to deal with his paperwork. I even took over his business for a while when it suited my needs.

My dad taught me everything. Including how to live without him. It’s not something that I ever wanted, but it was something that everyone knows is going to happen. Many people today do their best to protect their children from anything that may hurt them but hurt is part of living. One day we wake up and we don’t have our parents. One day we wake up and we are the parents. We have to figure it all out. We have to find our own way. Having parents that teach us that we can; that we are capable; that we are strong, those are the best parents. I hope I’m doing that for my son, and I hope he continues to do it for his children.

Being parents, raising kids that are ready and able to take on what the world throws at them. That’s the real struggle, and that’s the real joy. People are always wondering what it’s all for… well that’s what I have found to be it. Making the world that much better, by making a person that is that much better for it.

boy wearing green crew neck shirt jumping from black stone on seashore
bullying, Love, parenting, Politics

Boys will be Boys

Katrina Russell

When did being a boy become toxic? People are literally outraged by kids’ t-shirts that say, “Boys will be Boys”. I would say that I don’t know what they want them to be, but we all know that’s not true. They want little boys to be anything but boys.

When did just being a boy become harmful and worthy of condemnation? Here’s the thing, boys will be boys. That’s what they are. They can’t help being a boy any more than a girl can help being a girl. Somehow saying that a boy being a boy has been conflated with being violent for violence’s sake, with rape, with just blatant hostility. Honestly if this is the only kind of boy you know you need to make new friends.

Boys are boys. They roughhouse, they break things in their attempts to try something new, they dig at each other, they even fight… they are way more active than girls and have a hard time sitting still. Boys will be boys because boys are boys.

Boys are more than twice as likely to be diagnosed and medicated for ADHD because they have trouble sitting and listening in school. I know this is surprising to everyone who has ever been to school, but school is boring. It just is. It doesn’t have to be, but that’s how it has been designed. It’s designed to create cogs who don’t question authority and can be put at a machine for long hours without break. That’s it.

Boys aren’t designed for that. Boys are designed to slay dragons. If you want to judge a boy’s attention span don’t sit him in a classroom listening to someone drone on; put him in front of his favorite video game, or his favorite adventure series/comic book, let him play a sport. He probably knows every stat of his favorite team, but yeah that poem he read in English class drifted right out of his head.

Boys and girls are different. That’s just a fact. Funny enough, the same people who hate the “Boys will be Boys” t-shirt are the same people saying there is nothing different between a boy and a girl that society doesn’t teach them. Yet, societies are different all over the world. Societies in Europe are different than those in America, those in America are different from those in Asia, those in Asia are different from those in Africa… they are even different amongst themselves, but the one thing that is never different is that boys, and men are the risk takers. They are, for the most point, the leaders, the warriors, the prisoners. The ones that risk it all for what they desire. The women have been the diplomats, the care takers, the mothers. No one assigned these roles all over the world, they are the roles people chose over and over. Men slay the dragon; women hold down the fort.

The exception to the rule proves the rule has never been clearer than in male/female relations. Women and men choose their roles. There have been plenty of women in positions of power. There have been Queens, and Prime Ministers, and Scientists, and Military Leaders… all of this is true. All of this shows that men are willing to follow women who prove themselves to be worthy of the position. Women who are willing to fight just as hard and as smart as they are. Men choose or (in the case of Queens) resign themselves to follow women all the time. There are countless women who have ruled over men since recorded time and have been quite successful. Society didn’t stop them.

The difference between men and women is that men, in general, want to rule. They want to prove themselves. They desire the power. Women want comfort. They want to know that they and their children are safe. The best way to do that is to find the most powerful man they can and let him protect her. That is a girl being a girl. And when men are looking for the right women, they are looking for the most compassionate they can find in order to know that they will be good to their children. It’s actual biological evolution at work.

Again, the same people who hate men, who think men and women are the same except for how society trains them are the same people who believe that evolution is the only answer to humankind… and yet, when told that evolution is what created society, they scoff… and blame men.

I feel bad for the woman who hates men. In a way they have been trained to hate themselves. They see themselves as less than because of the man’s power instead of equal but different.

I have a son. He’s only 8, and he is the sweetest boy you could meet. He also comes home with random holes in his clothes, and the list of nurse visits at his school is extensive. He was hesitant about continuing in his Karate class because they had to start punching and kicking, yet he’s been known to lay out a bully when required.

The thing about men is that they are complicated. Some women just see them as Neanderthals that never evolved, but the thing about boys is that they are like puppies. If you treat them well and love them, you will have a cuddly protector. If you don’t, they grow up to be the feral beast you expected. Men have the power and strength to drop any woman at any time… but they don’t. That is the mark of a real man, and why letting boys be boys is the best way to make sure they become real men.

man holding us flag
Healthcare, Homeless, Love, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

The American Dream

Katrina Russell

The ideal that we are all free to make our own choices and create our own future. The ideal that if someone works hard and makes good choices, they can accomplish anything that they can dream. The United States was founded on this model. For two hundred years millions of people have left their homelands in search of this endeavor. Over a million people per year are still clamoring to get in, some legally, some not, all striving for a better life than the one they left behind.

The American Dream is alive and well all over the world… except in half of Americans. The problem with the dream is the part that it’s about freedom, and choices, and hard work. Half of America was raised to believe that the American Dream was that everything was to be taken care of FOR them… not by them. Half of Americans don’t feel that people should have to work hard or accomplish anything. They feel that simply being an American should automatically give them privileges.

Half of America thinks that working is for “other people”… for “rich people”. As long as the rich have money why should anyone else have to work. The rich should just pay for everyone else. The fact that they are expected to pay back loans that they signed for in order to further their own education, or possibly have to give up on some luxuries in order to afford necessities is a form of slavery.

People love to compare the cost of housing between when “Boomers” were buying compared to now is seriously laughable. The biggest just in the market was between 1970s-1990s, when it increased by 700%, and was when the Boomers were buying. It had more to do with the tech boom and an economy that was suddenly international and an entire way of life changing than being mean to the next generation. From the 90s to today housing costs have only gone up about 100%, which is a lot less.

Of course, the same people who cry about not being able to afford housing on a single income are the same people crying about how people shouldn’t get married and that women have to work and never stay home with the kids… even though they really don’t think anyone should have to work and hate work… women should be forced to have to work because it’s men who kept them down by not letting them do the thing that everyone hates to do.

These same people are also the ones who get an upgrade on a $1000 telephone every year. Not to mention TVs, gaming systems, tablets, computers…. and on and on. Do you know what Boomers spent on Telephones and TVs? Around $20 and $160 respectively, and seeing as the average household income was about $8300 they were quite expensive. People had to save up for them… and then… that was it. They had the same phone and TV for decades. They didn’t “upgrade”, they didn’t have 30 different streaming services. They had rabbit ears, tin foil, and their youngest child to help get the one channel of the 3-5 they were trying to watch.

One way that people try to explain the unfairness is by saying that the increase in minimum wage hasn’t changed much. Which is true in some regards. The federal minimum wage in 1970 was $1.60 the current federal minimum wage is $7.25, therefore minimum wage is up 450%, which is a lot, but the most important thing is that hardly anyone makes the federal minimum wage. Each state has their own minimum wage, and most people don’t even make that.

As mentioned before the average household income in 1970 (Boomer’s time) was $8300. When accounted for inflation that changes it to $58,800 in today’s dollars, but the average income of today’s American household is actually almost $67,500 which is more. So yes, the average housing cost went up, but so did the average household income. This is also at a time when the average household income includes a lot more single people just supporting themselves and choosing not to have a family than ever before.

The difference is in spending patterns. People spend more on recreation than ever before. People take out loans for tens of thousands of dollars on a degree they have no chance at getting a career with. The American Dream has been corrupted from, “work hard, make good choices, and you can accomplish your goals” to “Do whatever you feel. You deserve everything you want, and no one should ever tell you no. If they do, they are just stealing from you.”

Now, I don’t believe that every millionaire worked hard and earned their money. The government in particular is filled with people who played the system and did steal other people’s money. I don’t care which side of the aisle they sit on. Yet somehow those same millionaire politicians who have made their money by telling you that hard working rich people are stealing your money and you need to give them more money and vote them in so they can steal even more money have convinced an entire generation that the American Dream is not real… because hard work is the invention of evil people who are stealing your money.

Here’s the thing about Capitalism and the American Dream. You don’t have to go to work and make minimum wage. You don’t have to take out loans from the government to learn the things they want to teach you. That’s just what those in charge want you to believe so they can keep making money off of you. If you want to succeed in life, you just have to follow the true American Dream path. You have to work hard. You have to sacrifice some of your now, and some of your fun for a better later. You have to make good choices with your money and with your relationships. You have to take responsibility for your life. That is what being free is all about. That is the reason that millions of people have risked their lives to come here and are still risking their lives today.

The same people who hate the American Dream are the same people fighting for others to be able to come here. They understand how dehumanizing other countries can still be. How slavery is still in existence and human rights are still quashed all over the world, and yet they complain because they have to actually sacrifice their everyday latte and upgrade to the next iPhone in order to buy a dream home. Not to get shelter, which other countries don’t have, but to buy their 3-bedroom, private back yard, and maybe a pool… DREAM home.

There’s a line in the original Matrix movie in which Mr. Smith explains to Neo that the machines had tried to create a utopia for the humans but that the humans kept waking up. They couldn’t handle it. Humans crave conflict. They need something to fight against. A lot of people just curb that need by watching dramas on TV where they root for the hero and feel justified when they win. In fact, this is a primarily American thing as well. Not all countries create movies, TV shows, books, in which the hero wins. Some people elsewhere find it quite trite, but Americans need it. Americans, on the whole, have nothing real left to fight for. We have equal rights. We have the ability to get anything we accomplish if we just work hard and make good choices. Americans are now pushing back on what has already been accomplished and blaming, not those who don’t work hard or make good choices for their problems, but those who do for somehow creating a society in which these things are necessary.

The American Dream is alive and well. In fact, it’s so easy to obtain those who don’t are seen as not the problem, but as victims of the ease of society. Something must be wrong with society as a whole if some find it so easy and others can’t “catch a break”. Of course, in order to catch something, you have to go out into the field and put out your glove. You can’t just wait for someone to hand it to you. The American Dream is all about getting out into the field and doing your part. It’s probably why Baseball is our pastime.

pexels-photo-6055989.jpeg
bullying, Law of Attraction, Love, Mental Health, parenting, Prayer

Forgive and Forget

Katrina Russell

People talk a lot about forgiveness, and there are definitely two camps on this subject. Well, three if you count the people who keep forgiving over and over and not the forgetting part, but for this we won’t. For this we are talking about the people who are done taking flack and listening to lies.

In one camp there are the people who will never forgive. “Those *fill in expletive* don’t deserve my forgiveness”, people. The ones who every time a name is mentioned, even if it’s not the actual person, just the name in common, this one gets a knot in their stomach. This one has been hurt so badly they will never forget, and never give anyone else a chance to hurt them like that either. They will take that pain to the grave, and to whatever afterlife may come.

This is the one that tells you they are fine, while simultaneously screwing up something in their life. A friendship, a romantic relationship, a family situation, a job… something that reminds this one of that person who did that thing to them once and they are not going to let that happen again.

When that person or that subject does come up, this one still sees red. They can’t help it. It’s still so fresh in their mind and heart. They can’t let it go. They are angry and will continue to be angry. There is no way that this one is going to give that person the satisfaction of being let off the hook for the horrible thing that they did. That person is going to die knowing that this one hates them.

Of course, that person may not care, or even remember this one… but that’s not the point… this one will remember… always.

Then there are the ones that know how to forgive and how to forget. The ones who understand that everyone has faults, and everyone is at a different point in the evolutionary scale. This one knows what horrible thing that person did to them. This one knows that person is not capable of the actions or respect that this one deserves. This one feels almost sorry for the person who did them dirty, because this one understands that true happiness can never be found in hurting someone, and the person who hurt them will have to live with everything they do… but this one does not.

This one has learned holding onto a grudge only hurts the one holding on. This one forgives the person who wronged them… and then lets it go. That’s it. It is now a thing of the past. It no longer takes up room in their conscious mind. This one goes about their life not worrying about what the other person did or is doing now. This one goes about their life not assuming that everyone they meet will be like that person and hurt them.

Then there is a moment in this one’s life when they realize they have actually forgotten. Maybe they see that person at an event, or their name is brought up. This one smiles, asks how they are, and have a pleasant encounter. Maybe at some point someone reminds this one of what the other person has done. This one just laughs, and says, “well, it was a long time ago. We’ve all grown since then.”.

Maybe we’ve all grown, maybe that person is just as rotten and hurtful as they always were, but it doesn’t matter. This one has grown. This one has a good life. That person who hurt this one doesn’t have any power over this one. This one has forgiven and forgotten.