Month: January 2024

Mental Health, parenting

Why is every job a mom does considered a job…. except being a mom?

Katrina Russell

We’ve all heard the cliche about a mom being a chef, taxi driver, maid, nurse, accountant, personal shopper, and the rest. It’s become a meme. There is a great video about “The World’s Toughest Job Interview” about just this. If you haven’t watched it then I suggest that you check it out.

When people say that they are stay at home moms (sahm) they are automatically looked down on for not having big goals and aspirations. As if being home to raise your children is somehow a bad thing. If a woman says that she’s a nanny this is completely acceptable. She is out there in the “real world” making money for herself. If she is a teacher she is a hero for giving her life to the service of children. If she is a maid she is doing her best for her family.. and so on.

It doesn’t matter that her being out of the house working means that she and her husband now need to pay someone else to be a nanny, and a teacher, and quite possibly their own personal maid. The world has changed their idea of what is worthy. Instead of a great and worthy life being what it always was, finding a partner to spend your life with, having children to live make sure that your legacy continues, and raising them to be productive members of society. Now a worthy life is making a lot of money and buying garbage you don’t need to prove that you can.

The point, the actual reason for a job is to support your family. That’s it. It’s to make sure that everyone in your family is well taken care of. Since the beginning of time people had to work to survive. Even before money was invented people had to work. This is something that is missed a lot in today’s society. Men usually worked outside by hunting, protecting, and building things. Women took care of the children, did the cooking, cleaning, and until the last couple hundred years the farming. That’s just since domesticated animals became a things and men can stay home and not have to be out in hunting teams all the time.

People grew and hunted or gathered food. People made clothes, and houses, and tools, and everything else one needs to survive. Most people did these things for their own personal use. Some cultures did these things collectively, and created a system of bartering that eventually turned into a money exchange because if someone spends 3 months building a bed and needs to exchange it for food and the only person who wants the bed has an apple farm it’ll take an awful lot of apples to pay for the bed… and then he has to trade apples for whatever else he wants. Money made the trading easier.

The reason that men traditionally “worked” is because the woman was taking care of the rest of the family. The most important part of society. What the man did for work was less important than how the mom raised her children. Now it’s reverse. Now both men and women are told they are nothing if they don’t work and having children is just a waste of time and money that could be spent on important things. Moms and dads are told that if they did make the mistake of having children it’s best to leave those children with others who aren’t as accomplished as they are to “deal with the kids” so the parents can concentrate on the important things.

Children are the most important things. Women who stay home do all the jobs of those who work only they don’t get paid… and they don’t have to pay out either. We need to stop telling women that they are useless if they don’t act like men, and start letting women go back to being the backbone of the family. Maybe then children will go back to being properly cared for by both a mom and a dad.

parenting

I have 5 maybe 8 years left

Katrina Russell

I am a homeschool mom. I am also a single mom. This puts a lot of constraints on my ability to work, and earn money.

I do my best with different avenues and am very thankful that I have friends that have owned their own businesses for years and I am able to both work for them when I can and get advice on running my own. I was an older mom, 37 when my son was born, and I was lucky enough to have help in the first couple of years, but by the time my son was ready to really start school I was on my own. Since then he and I have been a little team. Even when his father was alive and just not living with us he used to refer to us as such.

We have always been close. We have co-slept his whole life. When I make plans he is always included. Most of my friends and social activities revolve around his friends and their parents. I take him with me to most events that I attend. He is my little “plus one”.

There are people that think that all of this is “weird” and that I should, “have a life outside of him”, but here’s the thing. I did that. I was 37 when he was born. I lived lots of life. I did the all-nighters out with coworkers and fellow students. I partied. I traveled. I lived that life. Now I want to live the life of a mom and have my family. If I told people that my family was my life, and that I spent all of my time with them, and they my husband and I were taking our kids on all of the adventures that I take my son, no one would blink an eye. The fact that it’s just me and my son some how makes it weird.

People tell me that I need to get out and start dating. That I should create a life without him because what happens when he’s gone and I’m left all alone. But that’s exactly the point. My son is 10 year old. He’s not going to want to be with me all the time, and give me snuggles everyday for much longer.

Last night a group of us went skiing… well, the kids were skiing, the parents were hanging out drinking hot cocoa and chatting. My son was running about having a blast with his friends. We ran into my nephew while we were there and he was off on his own with his friends. My brother wasn’t even in the same town. My nephew is 14 now. He’s just a 3 years and 2 months older than my son. I know the days are coming that my son won’t need or want me around all the time. This is my time to spend with him.

I’ve never understood people who had kids just to pass them off to someone else. It seems counterintuitive. I love my boy. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want this chapter of my life to be about him. I want him to look back on his childhood and remember that his mother was there for him. I want him to remember all the fun places we went to and adventures that we had. I want him to know that he wasn’t an afterthought to his mother. That when he was a boy his mother said no to things that she couldn’t bring him to so that she could spend as much time with him as possible. I want to enjoy my little one as long as he lets me.

In 5 years he will be 15 and he’ll have friends that are beginning to drive, and girls that he is interested in dating. I will be someone that he will check in with. I am hoping that I will be someone that he can come to for advice. Someone that he can trust. But I won’t be his team member anymore. He’ll have knew people for that.

In 8 years he will be 18. An adult. He will be able to move out, get married, join the army, and may any other decisions that he chooses. I won’t be the center of his world, and that’s good. I’m not supposed to be then. I am supposed to be now.

Uncategorized

My Kid Learns Just Fine

Katrina Russell

How can your kid learn anything if he’s not in school? I hear this question all the time, and to be honest I don’t get it. My kid learns just fine. He learned fine when he was in school, and he continues to learn fine now that we homeschool. I don’t think that the building that a child learns in matters. I do think that the environment that a child learns in makes a huge difference.

When my son was in school he was constantly getting in trouble for not sitting in his chair, for not doing his work in a timely manner, and for basically being a child. They requested evaluation after evaluation while all results were the same. “He is bored. You need to give him more work.”. However, the school didn’t like that answer and told me to keep getting him evaluated until someone agreed to put him on medication. That would “fix him”. Ah, yes drugs.. the cure for all that ails.

Since having that conversation I have decided to homeschool my son. Much to many people’s chagrin. They can’t possibly understand how my son can learn without sitting at a desk for 6 hours surrounded by 30 other kids. The funny thing is… he learns better.

Schools were not created to teach children how to learn. They were created to teach kids how to sit down and listen to what they are told. They were created to teach children how to transition to the next assignment that was being given . They were created to teach children how to be cogs in the wheel, and since its creation the school system has gotten worse and worse.

Schools used to teach children valid skills and facts that were needed in the future. My dad could rattle off unit conversions like I could name all the characters of my favorite TV show. They were so engrained in his mind he couldn’t understand me needing my phone to look this information up.

When I was in school we still had Home Economics classes. I can remember people fighting back saying that it’s the parents job to teach cooking and sewing and wood shop and whatever else this “Home Economics” was supposed to teach. Now of course no one can cook or sew, and no one remembers that they taught family budgeting and basic taxes, things that people are complaining about not knowing and that should be taught in school.

Not everyone needs physics, or calculus, but everyone needs to know how credit works and the importance good nutrition. Schools today are pumping out college students who just continue to “educate” themselves on useless topics which doesn’t correspond with anything in which they can make money in the future, and then complain that they didn’t understand that they had to pay back the bills which they incurred over those 4-6 years of studying.

When my kid is homeschooled he can decide which topics he would like to spend time learning. I can decide which topics I think are the most important. I can teach him why knowing unit conversion is so important by having him help me cook meals and fun deserts. or by having him build projects from scratch. Kids, for the most part learn better with hands on experience. They also learn better at their own pace.

We have our regular curriculum. We have our testing to make sure that he is learning the basics for reading, writing, and arithmetic, but we also understand the importance of learning life skills and how to use the things we learn to everyday.

parenting

When is it ok to quit?

Katrina Russell

My son started taking karate in the summer before pre-k, not because he had an interest in karate, but because his nursery teacher was concerned he wasn’t making friends and being home we me all summer would set him back even further. We had been enrolled in many other activities to get him socialized. Mommy and me gymnastics, library play group, and swim classes to name a few, but in all of them I was part of the activity. The teacher thought it important to get him into an activity that I wasn’t included, and this seemed a good fit.

The class started in a basic exercise class for 4-6 year old’s. The Sensei was great and he taught about self control on top of physical conditioning. My son made some friends and I made friends with one of the moms who’s son happened to go to school with my son. It was a great experience.

However, now the boys are almost 11 and neither of them have any real interest in the fighting aspect of karate. They both have a sweet nature and are must more likely to be playing hide and go seek at recess than joining most of the other boys for baseball or tag foot ball. My son loves music and chess and takes classes in both. He participates in the church choir and faith formation classes. Both boys also love to ski and, though not in the same school anymore, I take my son to the hill at the time of the school’s ski club so that he can see his old friends. I say all of this to both explain my son’s personality and to show that his socialization is not lacking.

So here is the question at hand. Both boys are in the class right before sparring, and both boys want nothing to with sparring. I keep thinking that he’s still only 10 and his testosterone hasn’t kicked in yet, that once that happens he’ll be more likely to want to get involved with more aggressive sports. My brother wanted nothing to do with sports as a kid and my father, who was a boxer in his youth, used to tease him by calling him “Sport Billy” (a cartoon character when we were little). Eventually, my brother went on to love wrestling and played football. Then as an adult he took Taekwondo. My nephew does a combination of the lot. I keep thinking that if I just push him to stay a little longer that he may grow into the sport.

I also feel like he made a commitment. He’s been taking this class for almost 7 year, though the first few were more about conditioning. He has been working towards his black belt. He has all the time and energy invested already…. and then I remember that he never asked to join this class. He never showed interest in karate itself. He enjoys being with his friends, and he loves the games they play, but unlike the conversation that we had about his music, chess, and skiing he never showed interest in the actual sport of karate.

So here I am. A mom with a dilemma… do I hold him to a responsibility he never agreed to just in case he decides he wants it in the future, or do I let it go and allow him to quit when it starts to get hard?

Joining Karate