bullying, cancel culture, free speech, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

Why does fear trump logic in society?

I’m mostly talking about American society since that’s the one that a I live in. I just don’t understand it. America was always the land of the FREE and the home of the BRAVE. This is the one country that everyone came to that had nothing to fall back on when they got here. Or at least it was. Now it’s the home of “give me free stuff and if you don’t, I’ll label you the problem”.

I read articles and see news casters all the time talking about how they would never sit down and have a conversation with someone they disagree with. How you should never give them a platform or trying to get someone they disagree with platformed. I don’t care which side of the isle it’s on. I saw the same thing written about The View and CNN from the Right as I see about Joe Rogan from the Left, even before Whoopi’s ignorant racism and the evidence that no one at CNN can keep it in their pants.

I was amazed at how many people either quit or were dragged for not quitting during the Trump administration, because they didn’t like him. So what? You don’t like that man. That has nothing to do with your job. Go to work, do the best job you can and make the difference that you want to make. You like or dislike for your boss should be irrelevant. Imagine if all the firefighters who didn’t like their bosses just quit. The country would be in chaos. When did people get so soft?

The irony is that so many people think if these cowardice acts as brave. As if saying, “naa na nah boo boo, I don’t need to listen to you”, is brave. People have become so used to living in their own little bubbles they have no idea what reality is. They have no idea what true bravery is. Bravery isn’t banning together with a group of people who agree with you and prop you up at all times, while ostracizing anyone who dares have a different opinion that you. Bravery is having open dialog with someone that you disagree with. Listening to their perspective and possibly learning something new that may indicate that you are wrong. No one wants to do that anymore.

If you say someone’s opinion is wrong, it’s like you’re berating their very character. People all over the country are on anti-anxiety medication just because there’s a slight chance something vaguely uncomfortable may happen to them. There are entire internet posts that people share over and over about a thing that happened to them and they can never show their faces again, because they made a mistake one. A mistake. A normal everyday occurrence that happens to everyone. But no… a mistake is a sign of being less than. If I make a mistake, I must shut myself away forever, and if you make a mistake, I must make sure that you are shut away forever. You must never go to college, or get a job, or get married, or have children… or live a life in anyway, because only the perfect who agree with everything that my peer group agrees with and never makes a mistake has the right to live.

The most deranged thing is that this society is one that pushes inclusion and acceptance. We MUST accept everyone regardless of their differences, as long as they’re not different than me, or in any way considered to be better than me. We have to accept fat people but shun anyone who enjoys healthy living. We must accept POC but reject anyone proud of their white heritage. We must accept the LGBT>>> community, but ridicule anyone who believes in Judeo/Christian beliefs. The only beliefs that are criticized, by the way. If you’re Hindi, Muslim, Wiccan you are to be praised yourself for being so brave.

If you want to truly be empowered the key is not to block yourself off from disagreement or feeling uncomfortable; it’s putting yourself out there. Having conversations with those you disagree with. Test your theories. Hear other’s opinions. You never know, you may realize you were actually right after all, or you may realize you didn’t have all the information. Either way you can be proud of yourself for true and good actions instead of lying to yourself into placation.

black metal train rails
bullying, cancel culture, free speech, Politics

Whoopi another person cancelled

I really don’t know when this became a thing. People are literally not allowed to have conversations or be wrong. It’s amazing how not only does Freedom of Speech mean nothing to anyone anymore, but neither does human decency.

First the world went on a tirade against Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan who is the most respectful, mild-mannered celebrity probably in existence. That may have to do with his love for pot, but the point stands. Joe Rogan has made a career, a very successful and well-loved career, by simply having conversations with people. That’s it. He lets people talk and he listens and gives his opinions on what they are talking about.

This is a man who spent most of his life in comedy clubs and fighting rings. He has met all kinds of people and has quite the “lived experience” as people like to say. They also love to say that because he was a fighter that automatically makes him an idiot, but no one creates a business like his is an idiot. People say that you shouldn’t take medical advice from a comedian. Which is true. He doesn’t give medical advice. He sits down and has conversations with medical professionals. The same people who say they shouldn’t listen to him, or his conversations are the same people who swear by Rachel Maddow’s words… last I checked she didn’t have a medical degree either. She just talks to people.

The other day Whoopi Goldberg made an ignorant comment. Plain and simple it was strictly ignorant. She had no idea what she was talking about. She only knows what she knows, and that’s fine. In her lived experience there has been no other race issue other than Black and White. That’s fine. She’s allowed to feel that way. That is what she has been taught. That is what is preached to her every day in all the other media outlets. She should not have been put on leave. She should have been educated.

People today only want to destroy. They only want to tear things down. No one wants to learn or understand. When someone makes an incorrect statement, the crowds jump on them and insult and degrade them. When someone tries to explain something that another doesn’t agree with, they’re called some sort of ist… racist, sexist… No one can just have conversations anymore.

The irony is that when Whoopi was called out and suspended from her show her response was that she thought they were just having a conversation. That sharing her opinion was what the show is all about. Which it is or at least it was originally designed as different types of women who have different types of opinions. Now anyone with a differing opinion gets shunned in the least and ostracized at the most basic level.

People seemed to have forgotten what civil disagreements are. Now if anyone says anything that they disagree with, even out of ignorance like Whoopi, they are to be punished to the full extent. This Jewish race conversation was a perfect opportunity for a teaching moment. The View should have scheduled guests on that were Holocaust survivors and/or historians to speak to the women about the reality of the time.

Whoopi’s perspective is a very common one in today’s America. People only see history and the world through the small lens of current events. Race is about Black and White. There was no White race 200 years ago. There was barely one 100 years ago. There were Colored and not Colored in America but nowhere else was that in issue, because nowhere else were there so many Black people.

Most of the world consisted of English, French, German, Irish, Dutch, Spanish, Italian, Greek, Persian, Russian, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Egyptian, Libyan, Sudanese, Nigerian… and so forth, and of course Jewish who really had no home. Before that they were even more broken up into tribes within the countries. Everyone loved the movie 300. They know the phrase “This is Sparta!”. Sparta was just an area, a tribe in Greece, but they didn’t consider themselves to be part of the collective. They were their own people. Race is an ever-flowing construct. Usually based on the community that you live within. America is the first of its kind to be a true melting pot where every generation becomes more and more mixed. This is something people need to talk about.

Joe Rogan gets complaints because he lets people speak. He doesn’t take sound bites and create a narrative that supports his agenda. He has people, often from opposing sides, come in and speak together. This is something that we need more of. We need more open dialog. We need to see on more news outlets, longform conversations with people who have differing opinions on many topics. No one side is always right and no one side should have complete control over what is said.

This is the reason for Freedom of Speech. The good ideas will triumph over the bad ideas because of open dialog. People will have a chance to make their claims and give evidence to support it, hear evidence that goes against it and come to a general understanding of it all. Cancelling people who disagree with us creates an ignorant society. One in which people don’t know that the Holocaust was about racism.

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bullying, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

It’s ok to be wrong

I have been told my whole life that I can’t admit to being wrong. Yet, I admit I’m wrong all the time. In fact, the same people who tell me that I can’t admit to being wrong are always making the joke of, “let me mark the calendar” or “let me get this is writing” or “let me record this”… yet, they ALWAY make this joke because I admit I’m wrong all the time.

They have confused not admitting that I’m wrong with not caving when I know that I’m right. A classic example of this is when I went to get ice cream with one of these friends. I was ordering my usual, baby peppermint stick with jimmies (chocolate sprinkles for those not in Boston). The order came to $3.10. My friend then ordered a baby peppermint stick. She had $3.00 on her and asked if I had $.10 to borrow. I told her that I had it, but that she shouldn’t need it as she didn’t get any jimmies. She responded that didn’t matter. That jimmies were free. I said that I was always charged jimmies before, but that this particular ice cream stand was a place that she frequented more than I did so maybe they didn’t charge. I got out a quarter to cover her. The ice cream kid then came back and charged her $2.80. For those who aren’t good at math, that’s less. $.30 less to be precise… which I have to say is a lot of jimmies, but alas. She then turned to me angrily saying, “You always have to be right!”.

This, I find, is the difference between someone who always has to be right and someone who is just stubborn. I will own stubborn all day long. I have my thoughts, opinions, and knowledge and I stand by them, but I don’t always have to be right. I am more than willing to change my mind when new evidence is presented.

I have spent a lot of my life in school and/or taking classes. I read constantly. I watch videos on the internet, now that it’s a thing. I love to learn new things. I am constantly getting information that I hadn’t previously had. When I enter into a conversation, I know what I know and am willing to listen to the other person to see if they have anything to offer that may change my opinion. As with the ice cream shop, I was willing to contend that I was not as familiar with that particular store and therefore may not have knowledge about their practices that my friend had.

I think I get this from my upbringing. My brother is very different than me, and therefore thinks and interacts with things very different than me. We often have conversations about subjects that I know a little about and then he informs me of things that I was never made aware of, and it shifts my perspective, and vice versa. He had no idea that babies lost all their baby teeth, even after having my son. He didn’t believe me and had to Google it… I was right… I like being right… but I don’t HAVE to be, and therein lies the difference.

Lately people have been very divided on many issues. So divided that they are not even willing to listen to the other side. Anyone who disagrees with them is just labeled either stupid or evil. The problem is that everything in life has many parts, and many layers, and no one is always right, and no one is always wrong. The best way to get to the truth is to talk with people whom you disagree and actually listen to the other side. No one wants to do this anymore.

People are now intrinsically tied to their beliefs. It has become their identity. If you dare to disagree with someone it’s as if you are degrading the person’s actual self. It is no longer about facts and information it’s about how you feel about a situation that matters. By stating facts that disagree with someone’s feelings the person feels as if the fact spouter is destroying the person that they are, instead of just an idea that can be modified.

People are downright terrified to be wrong. To have their beliefs and therefore their reality and life questioned is the same as killing them. So, it’s been termed that words are violence. If you say words that go against anything that I believe you are now trying to destroy my reality and in turn kill me. No one can be wrong. No one can be mistaken. No one can be misinformed. Everyone has to follow the same way of thought, or they are the enemy.

The thing is facts are facts. My friend who believed that there was no cost for jimmies wasn’t right just because she thought it. Had it been reversed, and she was the one to order the jimmies and therefore charged extra she still would have had to pay it no matter her belief on the matter.

It’s ok to be wrong. Everyone is wrong all the time. It is not about you. The next time you find yourself pushing back. Insulting someone or hating someone because they have information that doesn’t match your beliefs trying talking with them. Maybe you have information that they don’t, and you may change their minds… or maybe you’re just wrong. Either way you will walk away stronger, and more informed and that’s what life is about.