coaching, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, Wellness, women

Sometimes you have to be willing to die in order to really live

I was listening to an old broadcast, which I like to do, about the Law of Attraction and I heard the most interesting analogy. I had heard the woman speak before, and I knew her story about not having enough diapers for her son when he was a baby and deciding right then and there to change her life. I remember being very stricken by the story as I looked at my own baby boy the first time that I heard it, but she the comment she made this time shook me.

She said that she had to be ready to die to create a new life for herself. Now I remember thinking this long ago when I thought about those who were suicidal and how the thought of feeling so desperate that they had to die instead of just leaving everything behind and starting anew, and that’s basically what she was saying. She wasn’t suicidal, but she had to be ready to let go of her entire past, her world, her friends, and even her identity to become the person that she dreamed of being.

thI don’t know much about Tarot card readings but I know that the death card comes up a lot in movies to freak people out.. but the true meaning of the card is just major change. It can be either good or bad but something in your life has to end.. or die.. in order for something new to begin.

I see it a lot in both my personal life and my practice, where a person really wants their life to change… but they  don’t really want to change. They want to lose weight, but they don’t really want to give up pizza and crashing on the couch watching 5 hours of TV at night.. it’s who they are.. and that is true. They are the person who eats pizza in front of the TV and is 60lbs over weight. In order to not be that person they need to change.

They want a new job and a better career path, but they don’t want to do any work to learn a new skill in order to move into another field or up the ladder. They want a new relationship but don’t want to change the types of guys they date or where they meet them. They don’t want to become something more desirable to a different caliber person. Now, I know I’m going to get people who disagree with this and say that people shouldn’t have to change to get others to be interested.. and to a certain degree that’s true.

No one should change their core beliefs, no one should pretend to be something that they’re not. No one should be made to feel like they are wrong or less than.. but that is different than someone working to better themselves in order to create a better life. I remember dating guys in my 20s who were very nice and sweet but just not going anywhere in their lives and I wanted more out of mine. I wanted someone who had hopes and dreams no matter what they were and when I explained that to them they said that they could change.

That to me was not an option. That to me was someone changing for the wrong reasons. I’m not talking about someone becoming the an ideal imagine that someone specific wants. That’s not staying true to yourself, but after I realized that I didn’t have the life that I wanted and that I wasn’t living my best self or meeting men that were living and being what I wanted I had to reevaluate my life. What did I want? Who did I want to be? And what was holding  me back? Was it my friends who always just wanted to go out for dinner and drinks instead of outside activities? Was it dates who just wanted to sit around and eat pizza and play video games or watch movies instead of going to museums or having inspirational conversations? What did I want in my  life, and what would I have to cut and change to get that.. and be that?

It is perfectly acceptable to change your entire world and let go of people who do not want what you want or at least want to help or encourage you to get what makes you happy. It is not the same as changing to make someone else happy. Sometimes you need to pull the plug on your old life support system to get the recharge to start a new one.

coaching, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, women, Women's movement

What can you imagine?

“I’m going to create a giant motor out of metal, that can carry a giant metal cylinder in downloadthe air and fly on it”.. imagine how crazy that must have sounded. Now, obviously when the Wright brother’s first created a plane it wasn’t nearly as fancy and mostly made of wood and pullies, but you get the idea. The thought of flight was absurd, but now we’re crisscrossing around the world in breaking the sound barrier.. cuz that’s a thing.

As I sit in my office with the a/c blasting because it’s a million degrees out I cam very thankful that Willis Carrier for figuring out a way to create yet another metal box of mysterious powers that can use chemicals to cool off entire buildings and cars.. which in and of themselves are incredible.

People often talk about man made inventions but they don’t really talk about the amazing imagination that comes behind those creations. I was driving to work one day sitting in traffic and I was struck by the fact that not only did someone figure out that crude oil can be turned into gasoline, and that gasoline can be used to run giant engines that can move people and objects thousands of miles, but the cars themselves are made up of the same crude oil, metals, and sand that has been on this planet since the beginning of time.

The mobile phones that we talk on… who am I kidding.. that we text on and surf on and watch movies on are also made of crude oil and metals from the ground.. how in the Hell did anyone figure that out. If someone from today was somehow transported back.. even few hundred years ago and talk about the everyday toys we use today they would be locked up and probably given drugs and shock treatment for insanity. If they brought back a fully charged cell phone and played a downloaded movie they would be burned at the stake for witchcraft.

The ideas that come from the imaginations of normal people have changed the entire thworld, and at this point parts of the solar system, and only expanding from there. In fact there has yet to be an idea that has been proven  to be not possible.. maybe a cure for a disease hasn’t happened but we’re close.. maybe we can only GO INTO SPACE a short way.. but we have been in f****n SPACE. If humanity has proven anything it is that we are amazing and capable beings.

So, the next time you’re hear the thoughts inside your head saying anything about you is stupid, or wrong, or incapable.. I want you to think about the fact that you are sitting in a house with windows that are still made from really over heated sand.. and tell me that there is anything that is not possible in this world.

I don’t know how we make things happen. I don’t know if it’s random change.. a God of your choice.. or we’re living in the Matrix, but when I look around this world I see the most amazing things.. some of them natural, some of them “man made” but all of them created out of nothing but possibility and patience. If you know.. I mean really know what you want in life.. then you also know how to get it.. you just have to be willing to do the work.

 

coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness

Try something new…. anything!

I have a friend who has been stuck in a rut for some time now. He took some advice from another life coach that he talked to. (It’s not good to coach your own friends…. they’ll get mad at you for calling them on their crap) This person gave him a list of different things to do for two weeks to “cleanse his bad luck” or karma or what have you.

This person uses modes that I don’t use myself, things like lighting certain colored change-your-thoughtscandles and pouring salt, it’s all very pagan traditions… which is fine, just not my cup ‘a. Anyway… the whole point is to get the person to try new things and to spend more time in their own head. There is a lot of sitting in silence and meditating.. which I do believe in.

One of the days he had to eat as a vegan. No animal products. No meats, no cheese, no butter. He had no idea what was left. He was at my house for the evening, kind enough to watch my son while I had to go out for a bit. I told him that I had some pasta that he could have. His response… “Sauce has meat”…. um… not all sauce. Not my tomato and basil sauce… and “Why is the spaghetti different colors?”. It’s a tri-colored, veggie based pasta….. Nope… he wasn’t going to try it.

Now the whole point of this exercise is to try new things. To get out of your own head. To believe that things can be done differently. Not eating animal products for one day is not going to change your health or do anything for you except… get you to think outside the box and try something new. That’s how we change.

Now I love my friend, and this is not written to knock him.. as I said, never coach a friend, they will take criticism as an insult, but it is to point out that you only get out of coaching what you put into it. You can only change your life as much as you’re willing to change yourself. I have had this problem myself for years. I had spent over a decade denying my habits and my weight issues. I spent many years in crappy relationships hoping the other person would change. I am in no way perfect, but since losing my father I have learned that you get from life what you put into it. I want my son to learn the good habits and the best self thoughts.

If you want to be healthy.. you have to BE HEALTHY. If you want to be rich, you have to do the work.. you have to find your niche, you have to take a chance. If you want a fabulous relationship.. you have to let go of the old ones. You can’t change other people.. and you can’t change your life without… CHANGING YOUR LIFE.

coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Motivation, Prayer, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

What you believe becomes your reality

Thoughts create reality….. also known as “Positive Thinking”. I have found that there are two types of people who don’t believe this theory. Those who already think positively and those who refuse to think positively.

I see it all the time. I have conversations with people who are well accomplished. Who thhave a strong self value. Who understand that if they work hard they can accomplish anything. Then “Positive thinking” comes up and they start commenting about how “You can’t think yourself to success… you can’t just think, ‘I’m successful’ and become successful… that’s all woo woo crap that con artists use to delude the desperate out of their money.”

I tend to respond with… “oh… so you never thought that you were good enough to finish school and get a great job?”. Oh course they did… they thought positively about the idea of how their life would turn out… but they did the work.

Yes… you have to do the work. Thoughts create your reality when you do the work… that should be implied. This mantra is for those who don’t think that they are good enough to accomplish things. They need to think positively. They need to believe in themselves. They  don’t need to think “My husband is great and him beating me is great” that is not positive thinking. They have to think, “I deserve better than my husband is giving me, and I can do better by myself than with him”. Then she  needs to believe it and leave. They don’t need to think, “I can pay all my bills on my minimum wage job”. They need to think, “I am smart and talented and deserve to get paid accordingly in a job that I find rewarding”. Then they need to believe it in order to get the new job or get the education to start a new career.

Those who are successful already tell themselves these things. They already believe it. I use the example, say someone hands you a puzzle, one of those brain teasing 3 dimensional puzzles, and says, “I think it has all the pieces”. You may spend some time trying to put it together and if it gets too difficult you may say, “It must be missing some pieces.. this isn’t working”, but if they tell you that all the pieces are there you will be more willing to put in the extra effort because you know that it is solvable. Then there are others that will keep trying till it works regardless. If you are sure that you can do something you are more likely to accomplish your goal.

Then there are those who won’t even try regardless of how many pieces are in the box. Those are in the other category that don’t believe in positive thinking. They are the ones that are so low on themselves that there is just no point to thinking positively. It’s not going to work no matter what. They are too stupid, or they have horrible luck.. or they’re just not the “type of person” that can succeed.

With this type of person it is almost impossible to get them to understand the concept of “Positive thinking” because they’ve never done it. They’ve never seen it work. If you think positively and prove to them that it works, then you just have better luck, or your rubbing your fortune in their face…. or you’re just better than them and they get it.. and now they feel worse.

Those are the people that need the help the most.. and are the most resistant to it. You can’t change someone that doesn’t want to change… but for the average person that just has a bad streak of self doubt the idea that thoughts create our reality is game changing. If you believe something enough you will figure out a way to achieve it, as long as you DO THE WORK. It’s that simple.

 

bullying, coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Motivation, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

Friends are not always the most encouraging when it’s time for a change.

Have you ever known someone whom lost a boat load of weight, I’m not talking like 10-20 lbs. I mean like 50-100 lbs, and managed to keep it off? The first question people always ask is how they did it, and they are always disappointed when they are told the person changed their eating habits and/or exercised. No one wants to do that.

imagesEveryone wants to change.. without actually changing. These same people will see the new and improved, healthier person out at dinner or a party and say, “oh, you can have some cake”.. or the drink.. or what have you, “you have to live a little” or “a little won’t kill you” or something along those lines.

I have always found this extremely disparaging. It is a way of completely undermining the work the person has done. It’s not easy to “stick” to a healthy diet. It takes A LOT of work. Most people have to over come addictions, and other mental health coping mechanisms to get there. It really does take changing.

I couldn’t imagine someone saying the same thing to an alcoholic. “Oh, wow, you haven’t had a drink in a year! That’s amazing! Let’s celebrate with shots. One won’t kill you”. It’s a slippery slope. Now that’s not to say that someone who has lost weight can never have a piece of birthday cake again. I mean… maybe the person does decide that their addiction is too strong and it’s best not to, or maybe they feel that they have dealt with their habits enough that they can indulge on an occasion, but the point is that it’s the healthy person’s decision on how they handle their food intake. They know what is and isn’t OK for them.

I don’t think that most people who try to encourage the healthier person to “Live a little” downloadis trying to bully them or sabotage them. I think most people are just trying to include their friends.  I think that most people just want to act like the food is not a big deal, but it is.. to some people, and pretending that it’s not doesn’t help anyone. That being said, there are some that go the other way. There are those “friends” that don’t want you to succeed because they haven’t. You know the old saying, “Misery loves company”.

If you are on your path to a healthier you. Whether it’s weight-loss, substance abuse, or weight-loss-kratomeven getting a better job, be careful of your peers. Be careful of those who seem to always lead you down the path of the dark side… with those cookies. You know the voices that you hear in your head that say it’s ok… you can just have one… well, they are hard enough to ignore. When you hear them from those who love you it’s even more challenging.

If you want to change your life, that mean you have to CHANGE your life. It won’t be easy. There is no magic pill. You can’t half-ass it. But you can become what ever you imagine yourself to be… you just have to do the work.

coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Motivation, Prayer, religion, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

You are who you think you are

It amazes me how many people that I speak to who say that they believe in science don’t actually believe in possibility… They only believe in the science that has been proven thus far. Which includes many “theories” that have just as much evidence as others but doesn’t sound woowoo and therefore is more believable.

For instance, my favourite topic, Quantum Physics. There are certain elements that are completely acceptable now that even Einstein thought were completely ridiculous. We now KNOW that matter can be both waves and particles, this has been proven in a series of experiments. It has been proven that matter characteristics change depending on whether or not it is being observed and that there is a certain amount of human consciousness that goes into the experiment when a person watches it. This, again has been proven by blind experiments. Yet, when someone says that humans have the ability to change or create their own reality this is considered crazy.

It has been proven that our thoughts create chemical reactions in our brain. If we think thoughts that stress us out our glands secrete cortisol… also known as the “fight or flight” hormone. If we think sad, depressing thoughts that stress us out our hormone levels spike and we physically feel all of the symptoms that correlate.

Then, of course what do we do? We listen to sad music, sit in the dark and eat crap food. This creates more cortisol, the darkness creates melatonin (a hormone that helps us sleep) and our insulin level spike and crash… all of which makes us more stressed out and the cycle continues. Some think that eating chocolate will help as it “mimics the feeling of love”, which is true to an extent. There is a chemical in chocolate called phenethylamine which stimulates the nervous system activating endorphins and creating a euphoric feeling… do you know what else does that? Exercise, and thinking happy thoughts… neither of which leave you with a sugar (insulin) crash later.

There is a huge epidemic going around now with opioids. I remember the first time that I was prescribed one. I had impacted wisdom teeth one of which cracked a tooth in front of it and caused excruciating pain. When the doctor gave me the script he told me that “it won’t kill the pain, but you just won’t care anymore” and that’s it.. that’s how it works. Opioids trigger a release of dopamine that just makes one feel happy.

After I had my son via C-section the nurses were adamant that I needed something.. Vicodin, Perks, Oxy… anything to help with the pain. I told them that the Motrin was just fine. I wasn’t in a hurry to fuzzy my brain with a newborn and except for the actual movement of standing and sitting when ab muscles were strained the most I really didn’t feel much discomfort. As it turns out holding a baby, feeling the love, and bonding by breastfeeding actually releases oxytocin into the system. The thoughts alone create the hormones that amplify the feelings. This is a fact.

Now I’m not saying that there is no need for pain killers. I do understand that some people have severe chronic pain and that it makes it very difficult to do things like exercise and think happy thoughts and that their bodies can’t make enough endorphins to counteract the pain. I also know that this can be both physical and psychological pain, but that doesn’t mean that you stop trying or that you let the darkness take over.

I read an article the other day about how “thinking positive” actually hurts and is counter productive because lying to ones self can actually cause more harm and people need to feel their pain. Well, I half agree. I agree that lying to yourself will cause more problems.. and I agree that people need to deal with their issues head on. What I don’t agree with is the author’s idea of thinking positive.

Positive thinking is NOT pretending everything is great when it sucks. If you have a crappy job, are in an abusive relationship, or just lost someone or something dear to you then you can just think, “Oh, everything is so wonderful”. That’s not positive thinking.. that’s delusional thinking. Positive thinking is acknowledging whatever bad thing is or has happened and understanding that it is not the end and that it can get better and spending your time and energy on thinking about the good things. Either remembering the lost loved one and the good that person has done.. or thinking about your next option with a job or relationship.. but never giving up.

The more that a person thinks about their future and their life the way they want it, the more “Happy Hormones” their brain produces. The more happy hormones a person has the more likely they are to DO something.. anything. They will start to believe that they deserve more. This brings us back to the Quantum Physics. Your consciousness creates your reality. The world is as you perceive it. If you only see the bad things the world is bad. If you only see the good the world is good. The more good you see.. the more good you’ll do.. and so on.