silhouette of four people against sun background
cancel culture, Love, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

Why is feminism not about empowering women?

I don’t know when women went from being a group that was celebrated and protected to a group that is isolated and derogated for acknowledging that they exist and are a real thing. There is a definition to the word woman. There are traits to describe a woman. There are features that differentiate women from men. For years women were held back for these traits and features. Women weren’t allowed in certain clubs or organizations and there was no way that they could compete in sports or the military against men. Then women started to push for more “rights”.

I’m not sure how it’s a right that a person should be allowed into a private club owned by someone else. Men’s clubs were a thing created for men to be men. To talk about things that men want to talk about. There were other clubs that were for both men and women that couples could attend, but women didn’t like that. Of course, there’s still women’s only clubs, but that’s… different. I guess. Or at least it was, because now a man just has to say that he’s a woman and he can enter the club all he wants so there’s that.

The excuse for needing to let women into men’s clubs was the “a lot of business happens in the men’s clubs”. If women weren’t allowed in them, they were being prevented from doing business. Most of these clubs were some sort of golf club, but ironically even after letting women into these clubs only about 22% of all club members are women and half of those are young girls just there to play golf. Not a lot of business taking place there, and not a place most women even care to go.

Then there were organizations like The Elks that were sued into allowing women in the mid 90s, and the Boy Scouts of America that was made to admit girls in 2017, even though Girl Scouts is completely a thing. I don’t know when women became so obsessed with thinking all things male was better.

Women used to be proud of who and what they were. They were daughters, and moms, and teachers, and nurses and they loved using their empathy and compassion to take care of people. They were also brilliant. There were so few female writers, scientists, pilots, freedom fighters and yet everyone knows the names of the brilliant women who did accomplish great things in those fields. Being a woman didn’t stop Agatha Christie, Marie Curie, Amelia Earhart or Harriet Tubman. They didn’t have to pretend to be men. They didn’t have to dress, and act like men or sue for men to include them. They did their jobs better than everyone else and they were accepted and appreciated for that.

People say, “Well, yes, but there were so fewer women in those positions. It must have been discrimination.”. Guess what, there’s still less women in those fields. All the lawsuits, all the campaigns, all the shoulder pads in the world didn’t turn women into men and didn’t make women interested in the same things that men are interested or physically capable of the same things as men. Men and women are different. They just are.

Now, before you freak out, I’m not saying that women are weaker than men. I’m a mom. I know what real strength is. I not only carried my baby in my body, but I had a c-section, and carried that baby for years after whenever he needed me. Whether it was in the first 6 weeks after my c-section, and I wasn’t allowed to lift anything as heavy as him, or the years after when he was tired, or hurt, or it was just more convenient at the time to keep track of him and keep him moving. Let me tell you. Kids are heavy. They may be like 30 lbs., but 30 lbs. of dead weight in one arm and 5 bags of groceries in the other because it’s easier to do one trip and it you let him down, he’s going to run, that’s heavy.

Then there’s the emotional strength that it takes to be a mother. You are the one that is there for that child every day, most of the time all day. You are the one that has to teach these little people to be strong, and kind. You have to comfort them when they are in pain and support them to work through it. You also have to correct them when they are wrong and sometimes that means hurting them as well. We make our children cry more than anyone else because we have to, and it breaks our hearts. “No, you can’t watch TV right now. No, you can’t wear your ballet shoes out in the snow. No, you can’t have skittles for dinner.”. Tears every day. Tears we have to decide how to handle in order to make sure our children grow up to be capable human beings.

Being a woman is an amazing thing to be. We are the diplomats to the men’s warrior. We are the ones they come home to when they want to feel safe. We are the ones that give them purpose when they go to war or to work. We are the ones who create the future they are trying to protect. I don’t know when that became the lesser value in the equation.

Feminism has somehow gone from proving that women are of equal value for being women, through women can and should do all the things that men do, to there’s no such thing as a difference between men and women. Which is just ridiculous, and quite frankly an insult to women, and men alike. To say that we are all just pod people creations with no individuality, with nothing born innate to us, we are all just creations of whatever society implants into us. Which is clearly not true, as there are thousands of societies that have crossed 10s of thousands of miles and 10s of thousands of years, and there has always, in every society, been a difference between men and women.

At one-point women fought to have their own sports. They wanted to prove that they were just as capable of being athletic and competitive but understood that physically they were no match for men. This was a great opportunity for women. They were able to thrive in a physical domain otherwise not available to them. They were able to win scholarships and create comraderies with like-minded other women. They could live out their masculine traits without danger of being with the men who could cause them real harm.

Now that is being taken away as well. Men who just decide they want to be women are competing against women in traditionally physically masculine roles. Men and women are different. Not just in the way they think, not just in their hormone levels. They are different down to their bone structure, their muscle mass, their weight dispersity, and in physical competitions like sports and wars this can get someone seriously hurt, if not killed. It can also take those scholarship opportunities away from women and give it to an actual man.

The other night during one of those award shows Adele got up and said how proud she was to be a woman and how proud she was to win her award in the name of women. This used to be something that was cheered. Now it was offensive. Women are no longer allowed to be proud of themselves. Let’s not even talk about JK Rowling. They are no longer allowed to separate themselves from men. Women have to accept that there is absolutely nothing special about them at all. There is no definition for the word woman. Anyone can be one, and anyone can decide not to be one, depending on their mood.

Political commentator Matt Walsh was on The Dr Phil show with some people who identify as non-binary. Meaning they do not consider themselves either male or female because society makes up those terms. Matt asked them to define the word woman and the response was “womanhood looks different to everyone“. That is not how words work. That is not how reality works.

Let me just state before the crazies come out of the woodwork, that I am not transphobic. I don’t care what you look like, how you define yourself, or what you do as an adult. I have an issue with this idea that being a woman doesn’t mean anything. A few years back Doctor who, one of my favorite shows, decided to swap out the main character who had always been male for a female with the idea that sex doesn’t matter. That there is absolutely no difference between men and women and that it is all a social construct. This was about the same time that the “woke” community starting to change from trans to non-binary and blaming all things gender related on society.

I was annoyed by this. Even though the main character is an alien, he spent a lot of time of Earth (specifically in England) traveling through different time periods. I was afraid that the character was going to be spending too much time explaining why “as a woman” she should be listened to and basically male bashing the whole time. It was much worse. It turned out it was about how sex was irrelevant and his species was so much more advanced than us piddly humans even it had been well established that he was a father and a grandfather, and that their biology was in tune with ours. He had even left his granddaughter on Earth so she could spend her life with a man she had fallen in love with.

They had changed the gender of another main character before this and it was quite well excepted, but it was also played off like it wasn’t common. Then there was some vague mention of it with a background character that most people just ignored. The character even made a comment about “thank God I’m a woman again” or something to that affect. Meaning there was a difference in males and females. The main character who changed gender also changed her name to Missy because “I couldn’t keep calling myself the Master“. Implying that Master is a masculine name, and there was a difference between masculine and feminine on their planet.

I remember the chat all over the internet at the time. So many people applauding the choice. So many people insulting anyone who didn’t agree with it at the time. I remember a specific exchange between a man and a woman. The man said that he hated it, that there was nothing fluid about gender, and that men and women are very different. The woman, of course, just called him sexist. He then replied that he was actually a transman and by stating that there is no difference between men and women the whole movement was invalidating the trans-community of people who feel like that are the opposite gender.

To feel as if you are the wrong gender implies there is a difference between them that is not just how you present and what costume you dress in for the day. Being a man or a woman meant something. There is a direct definition to the word. Now maybe it’s not the same definition that Matt Walsh would give, but most trans people acknowledge the difference between trans and cis individuals. They talk about male and female brains and ways of thinking. Which is different as well, and not just societal. This is why no matter how advanced the society and how much they try to push equality between the genders, more women pick certain careers and hobbies in humanities crafting and more men pick more careers and hobbies in STEM. Men talk about things; women talk about people.

And the thing is, all of that is good. Men aren’t better than women because they like STEM and military type careers, and women aren’t lesser than men because they like helping and teaching people. A person is not more successful if they choose to fight their way through the grind to get the corner office or make the big bucks, and women aren’t less successful if they choose to stay home and take care of the tiny humans they created. Men and women are different. Women have to stop putting themselves and their identities down in order to be more like men. Women have to remember in the battlefield every man cries for his mommy.

Leave a Reply