parenting – Katrina Michelle Russell

Everyone says that they can’t afford to not have a 2 income family. They talk about how expensive kids are and how much it costs to run a household, yet they forget that a lot of the expenses that they speak of are only necessary because they have a two income family.

There are literal memes out there complaining about how their parents bought homes, and cars, and paid for college all on one income back in the 50s…. meanwhile. I’m almost 50 and my dad was in grade school in the 50s so I don’t know how old these Gen-Zers think their parents are. They are going back at least 4 generations to talk about the times of the 50s.

On top of that they complain about the families of the 50s and how they would never want to live the “trad” life. A woman shouldn’t be forced to stay home and take care of their family all the time. They should be free to work everyday of their life and complain about how they would much rather be home but they can’t “afford to live” without that 2nd paycheck.

Some part of this is true. You can’t always keep up the same lifestyle that you want to live with only one income. For instance this was the average house bought in the 50s. There was no dishwasher, no washing machines or dryer, no microwave. no a/c, no trash compactor, or probably garbage disposal… and that’s not even getting into the fact that there was one phone that was plugged into the wall. Complete plumbing (hot and cold piped water, a bath-tub or shower, and a flush toilet) was only available in 64.5% of homes in 1950. There probably wasn’t a TV and there was one radio that the whole house shared. I mean, sure, it was affordable back then. There was a lot less to buy.

Now people want a new $1000 phone every 2 years. A new car every 4 years. That doesn’t include computers, tablets, gaming systems. shoes that cost more than most cars did back in the 50s, and if you do buy a house and something breaks. No one learns how to repair things on their own. They just call someone to deliver a brand new one. Shopping is the worlds pastime.

A new house today comes with all of the amenities. There are refrigerators, and ovens that can talk to your phone so that you can know when there is a problem and it’s ready to buy a new one. There are sound systems set up all over the house that can connect to which ever electronic you Bluetooth with to make a movie or song play through out the whole house and outside… but that’s not an extra. That’s just normal today. When I was a kid a house didn’t even come with a fridge.

And that’s just the house. Now lets talk about daycare. You can’t afford kids or for both parents to not work because daycare is on average $18,886/ per year. Then if you add more than one kid you’re talking almost the average salary for a person in the US per year; $47,424. Then when you start to add some of the other things like take out for a household is about $3600/ year (a household can also include 1 person living alone so the average for a family of 4 will be substantially higher). All of this doesn’t count things like grabbing coffee, or other snacking items along the way. In the 50s families rarely ate out together. Moms just cooked.

Then there are the other extras that not everyone partakes in like having someone come in and clean the house once a month or so. That’s about $2400/year. Then you can add in things like pet walkers and groomers. When you start adding in things like every TV/Movie app, and personal trainers/gym membership, then yeah life can be quite expensive, but it doesn’t have to be.

How much are you paying other people to do things for you. Things that you could do yourself if you weren’t working. Things you would probably enjoy doing if you weren’t working. Everyone complains that they don’t have enough money, and everyone complains that they hate working. Hell, everyone complains about he capitalistic society that we all live in… yet, we work a 2 income family to not spend time with our family so that we can pay other people to take care of them, so that we can buy things we don’t need, and complain that people before us had it better… because they didn’t priorities the latest iPhone.

I see it on social media a lot. A meme that goes something like, “You taught me everything except how to live without you, mom”. I get the idea. I have lost my parents. My son has lost his father. There has been a lot of loss in my life. I miss them every day, but statements like that actually make of my father. Not in the way that you would expect. In fact, the opposite.

I loved my dad. I still love my dad. He was a single parent who raised us in the 70s-90s when single dads just wasn’t a thing. He was one of the strongest people I know. The only one who came close way my Grams who was also a single parent in the 50s and 60s, also when it wasn’t really a thing. My Grams raised my dad to be strong and independent, and though she was always there to help out and take us kids on weekends and vacations (she lived for those times). She also made sure that he was capable of handling it all on his own when he had to.

My dad helped me a lot. He did, and I could never deny that, but the one thing he always told me was that a parent’s job was to raise their children to NOT need them. To raise their children to be independent, because one day the parent would not be there, and the child will become a parent themself and have someone else who needs to be taught the same. “Independence is the greatest gift a parent can give a child.”. It sounds great now, not so much when I was hobbling home from school in the snow… on crutches. But I did it. I got home. I made my way by myself. “There is nothing that you can’t do if you put your mind to it.”. These are the types of phrases that I grew up listening to.

There were a lot of hard times for both my brother and me. We struggled, and we persevered. I admit, I had way more help along the way than my brother did. I think that went along with me being a girl and my dad assuming I would have a man to help me as I got older as well. Well, as of now I do not have a man. I do not have my father. Before I turned 40 I was a single mom and, for all intense and purposes, an orphan. My dad had given me great training though.

When he was sick, I moved back in with him. I helped him with medication. I took him to doctors and hospitals and called the EMTs when necessary. I turned into his emergency contact, and his proxy when he went under for surgery. He was a great father who taught me how to be a great mother. When he died, I was devastated. How could I live without my dad? But I did. I did every day. I got up, took care of my own son. Cleaned out my father’s house. I went to the lawyers to deal with his paperwork. I even took over his business for a while when it suited my needs.

My dad taught me everything. Including how to live without him. It’s not something that I ever wanted, but it was something that everyone knows is going to happen. Many people today do their best to protect their children from anything that may hurt them but hurt is part of living. One day we wake up and we don’t have our parents. One day we wake up and we are the parents. We have to figure it all out. We have to find our own way. Having parents that teach us that we can; that we are capable; that we are strong, those are the best parents. I hope I’m doing that for my son, and I hope he continues to do it for his children.

Being parents, raising kids that are ready and able to take on what the world throws at them. That’s the real struggle, and that’s the real joy. People are always wondering what it’s all for… well that’s what I have found to be it. Making the world that much better, by making a person that is that much better for it.

Tag: parenting

How much to you pay other people to take care of your family?

Life after Parents.