Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Who is creating your life?

Everyday we make choices. Some of them are based on wants. Some of them are based on fears. Some of them are based on ease, but most of them are based on someone’s idea of what should happen. The question is whose ideas are running your life.

I’m one of those ridiculous people that love the Facebook quizzes like, “Who were you in a past life?” or “What song defines you?” I think they are just fun to see what questions the creator bases it on and what kinds of things are said afterwards.

th.jpgOne of these came up with something along the lines of “You’re an independent spirit” and a friend of mine responded with “you have always lived your life on your own terms”. I found this to be a great compliment. I don’t know how many people who live miserable lives, complaining all the time because they are doing what is expected, or because it would be too difficult to change.

I can’t understand this concept. You have repeatedly said that your life sucks… how could making changes make things worse? Now I’m not saying if you hate your job that you should just up and quit. Obviously you have bills and responsibilities.. but let’s be honest, most people aren’t doing anything that they are even slightly interested in. They spend years working way too many hours just to make enough to get by. However, if they just decided to take a little chance.. and work a little harder for a small amount of time they could learn something new.. make new connections.. and basically create an entirely new life for themselves.

I have another friend.. a young woman, and single mom, she worked retail and was working her way up to management. She liked her job, but hated the hours. She constantly had to get a babysitter and never got enough time with her son. She knew it would only get worse. She finally decided that she deserved more. She took a class and got a certificate in medical transcription. She’s making more money and what’s even better she has a job with normal hours. She can now work around her son’s schedule and spend more time with him.

This may not be your idea of an ideal job, and in a few years she may decide that it’s not her’s either, but the important thing about this story is that she now knows that she is capable of more. She is capable of accomplishing what she puts her mind to. She can put her son first, and she doesn’t have to wait till he’s old enough.. or put her life on hold out of fear that if she fails then what? It wasn’t easy and there were a lot of long nights.. but now she’s happier and more secure than she was before she started… and her son isn’t even in kindergarten yet.

Fear is debilitating. Blame is easy. Almost everyone has someone else to blame. If you are in your 30s or 40s and still mad at your parents for not supporting your going to college it’s time to look in the mirror. Now that’s not to say that financial success is the only goal to aim for. I quit college in my 20s and had to go back to finish my degree, and it took me almost a decade longer. I did this to help take care of my God daughters.. and I wouldn’t have changed that for anything. I still had jobs that I loved and still managed to pay the bills, but helping to raise my God daughters was MY choice. I can’t blame their mother for her issues. I can’t blame the kids for needing someone. I can only take responsibility for my own actions, and I made my choice based on my priorities.

Don’t get me wrong, I have made plenty of mistakes; I can’t and won’t deny that, but they were my mistakes. And the best part of understanding that they are my ┬ámistakes is understanding that it gives me the power to make better choices in the future, and I don’t have to depend on someone else to fix me.

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