I don't tell this story just to brag about my amazingly perfect son. I tell this story as a reminder to those who may be struggling with money issues or have a spouse who is. Some people are just born with a different idea of money that you are. This does not give them a free pass to spend until bankrupt, but it's just something that may take more work than you may think. It's literally a part of them. They have to decide to make a change and learn how to do so. Excessive shopping can be considered an addiction, just like anything else done to access, but it can also just be bad habits.
The problem is no one can stop death. The more we try the worse it gets. People are becoming obsessed with death. With Covid death specifically. People have locked themselves in their house. They refuse to see family and friends. They won't work. They won't go outside in the fresh air for fear it may be contaminated.
Yet every generation becomes more and more depressed. More and more dependent on drugs and alcohol. More and more suicidal. All anyone ever does anymore is complain about how miserable they are. How lonely they are. How broken they are. But when you suggest that maybe that is because they have nothing to believe in or goals to accomplish, or real relationships to depend on they just respond with something about the patriarchy and "ok Boomer".
I don't see trauma in that way. I certainly don't see bad things that happen to me as a reflection of me at all. I didn't cause my parents to divorce, or my brother to leave, or my son's father to do drugs, or my parents to die. These are things that other people have done that affect me but does in no way embody me. I am who I am despite all of these things happening around me and to me. I am who I am because of all of the things that happen around me and to me. It doesn't do anyone any good to create a persona of trauma and hold onto it so tightly that it drowns you.
The one thing that I don't understand is how people use the laugh button. I mean it's really very sick. Especially with all the Covid information going about. I've read posts about people who have been locked down losing their homes, or their kids committing suicide, or businesses burned down during the BLM riots last year.... and the response is someone laughing. Laughing at kids committing suicide because they believe that none of that matters as long as we prevent Covid from spreading.
It's a scary thing to realize though. No one wants to "be a loser". They don't want to think that had THEY done something differently that the outcome may have been better. They want to blame someone else for their misfortune. Much better to be a victim, than to be a loser, and let's face it, the angry chemicals are way more fun than the depressive ones, and a lot less complicated than doing the work.
What is he going to learn from all of this? What do I tell him when he asks why he's so bad because of the body he was born into,
Drugs changed our lives forever.
For those who don't know there is great debate in the scientific community about whether or not free will is possible. The theory is that time is a relative construct. Therefore everything that has ever happened or ever will happen is happening all at once and time is just how we are experiencing these events. T
This was Da's first birthday since his death day.. which I have no idea how I'm going to deal with.. but I still felt like the day should be observed. I still felt like my son should have the opportunity to celebrate the life that his Da had. No matter how sadly it ended.