Tag: self talk

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

How many sizes plus, exactly?

Katrina Russell

We need a new word for plus-size. Someone who is healthy and strong is NOT plus-sized. The average size woman in America is 16, that makes it not plus, that makes it average.

Now I’m not promoting obesity. In fact I’m doing the opposite. This country is fat. I’m fat. I’ve been working on my health for months and am doing great, but still have some to go, as I’m not crash dieting I’m taking it off the healthy way.

This country has forgotten about health. It has forgotten about muscle. It has forgotten that people and women are getting taller. It no longer looks at shape, and fat percentage. We have become a nation obsessed with numbers, numbers on a scale, numbers on the inside of your jeans. Curves are fat, yet, boobs are curves and there is nothing wrong with them… yeah, confusion.. try being a little or teen girl today and figuring it out.

There is a plus-sized mode who is fighting back. The video of herself in different poses and 32e6daf200000578-3526244-image-m-11_1459945295531outfits is gorgeous. She is not obese. She is not gross and unhealthy. She should be celebrated as what a woman should be working to look and feel like. Society is so angry. They settle for nothing but perfection
. A model should look like a rack, yet, as mentioned the average woman is a size 16, so who are the size 2 models catering to? Who looks the way they do in the cloths?

How about instead of sitting on our couches with a big of chips and  criticizing someone who is healthy, happy and living her dream we work on getting healthy ourselves. Not crazed diets to make ourselves skinny. Not accepting obesity because plus sized is the new cool.. but living everyday in a healthy way. And not labeling healthy as something less than…

parenting, Uncategorized

Pope says we’re turning to shit!

Katrina Russell

So the Pope thinks Americans are obsessed with shit… not in the literal sense, but he uses Pope Francis Holds Weekly Audienceit as a metaphor. He said that America’s preoccupation with all the useless, garbage, and down right fake news is the same as people with a fetish for poop.

I can’t say that I disagree. The Kardashians are more popular than Neil Degrasse Tyson. The most popular book in the last decade was about a rich man’s S&M compulsion, we have a reality show host who’s about to be our next president.. and when asked why people didn’t vote for Hilary, they spout off lunacy conspiracies about her killing people, running a sex ring out of a pizza shop.. and so on.  They truly feel that you if you don’t believe the garbage that their favorite nut job has spouted that you are the ignorant one.

This country has become so mind dead that everyone believes anything that makes them feel better about themselves. They watch people like the Kardashian’s because it makesmembers-of-the-kardashian-family-u1 them feel better to know that even though they are rich, they are way more screwed up than the average watcher.

I am a huge fan of Doctor Who, and the show has done a few different episodes, one in the first series of the new chapter in which the Doctor and company end up on Satellite 9, a space station that makes the news, they do not report it, they decide what the world should know and think and tells them. The Doctor of course stops this disaster, only to go back 100 years later and find that satellite 9 has been replaced by a giant game show/reality show world. The humans don’t even get a say in whether or not they get picked for the show, and if they lose they die.. but people keep watching… it doesn’t even cross their minds to stop.

Then there is another 2 parter, in which people are obsessed with new ear buds. The company that makes the ear buds happen to also be in charge of the media and download information directly into the wearers head at different intervals. The Doctor comments cybermen_formation_doomsdaythat “You lot, you’re obsessed. You’d do anything for the latest upgrade” which his human companion is offended by, but the fact remains. Humans, and especially Americans are looking for anyone to tell us what to think, what to buy, and how we should act… of course if anyone knows the Doctor, they know that the next step in the upgrade is removing the human brain and putting it into a robot body.

I feel like these are extreme representations of where our world is going. We no longer want to use our own brains.We are incapable of being bored for even a few minutes. We are constantly hooked into our devices and looking for anything that supports our feelings. We gave up critical thinking for an upgraded app that will make us feel better about ourselves without having to do or create anything ourselves. Basically our lives are turning to shit and we just melt our brains away to keep ourselves from noticing.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

Santa, bully!

Katrina Russell

I read an article today about a 9 year old boy getting fat shamed by Santa. I couldn’t believe it. I mean I’m all about trying to get and stay healthy and feel that this country is out of control with #bodypositive excuses to enable obesity, but there is a time and a place.

Santa is supposed to be the epitome of unconditional love. He is supposed to bring joy tosanta-1 children. He is not supposed to bully them and make them cry, and that is exactly what he did.

I have commented on this before when social media went crazy and fat shamed a teenager in her
prom dress, but this is even more disturbing behavior. This is a grown man insulting a 9 year old. A 9 year old doesn’t really have that much control over his eating habits and his lifestyle. Slamming him for eating too many burgers and fries is like slamming a 4 month old for being fed formula. He does not do the grocery shopping. He does not cook the dinners. He doesn’t even  choose what the menu at his school is.

This poor boy who just went to tell Santa what he wan
ted for Christmas was met with ridicule and hate. He will never look at Santa or Christmas the same again, and I can tell you, this is not going to help his self esteem and there will probably be a lot more emotional eating in his future.

I was not over weight as a child. My son, thus far, is not over weight and I don’t see him becoming so given our lifestyle, but if Santa or any other adult ever bullied my kid and made him cry, getting reprimanded at his job would be the lease of his problems.

The only epidemic that I find more dangerous in this country than obesity is hate. People no longer careczageorxgaij1lo about their neighbors or fellow human beings. They have spent all of their time, over the last decade, sitting behind a keyboard insulting others. Now it’s even spilling into real life. People are all about not being PC and everyone is so easily offended and cry babies… but that’s not really it. It’s more that common decency has flown out the window and now people just want to prove what a dick they are.. because they can.

Should the kid lose weight, probably. Is it Santa’s job to ridicule him into submission.. NO!

parenting, Uncategorized

What do you think about a better life?

Katrina Russell

Self talk has to be one of the most important things that we do to and for ourselves. A lot of people poke fun at affirmations or positive thinking. They think it’s a woo woo science and that it’s all just a gimmick. Ironically it has been widely recognized that emotional abuse to a child is a real thing.

If a child is raised in a household where he/she is continuously told that they are bad, or downloadugly, or useless or whatever negative things they are bombarded with they will usually grow up to have low self esteem, behavior problems, not do as well in school, get into drugs… this is all classic text book science. Children are regularly taken away from parents who abuse them emotionally, or they spend countless years and dollars on therapy as they get older.

If a woman is in a relationship with a man and she is constantly being undermined. If she is told that she doesn’t do anything right, that she is horrible, and stupid and ugly and she should feel lucky that the man is good enough to be with her.. that is abuse… she would be told to leave a relationship like that immediately.

As a mom we are told to encourage our children whenever possible. And not just generic encouragement like “good job!” but specific detailed encouragement like, “you’re a very good listening”, “you did a wonderful job cleaning up” and so forth. We are told that speaking to a child like this over and over will help them have higher self-esteem and grow into better functioning adults.

So why is it that people think that the things that we say to ourselves don’t matter? When I was younger I can remember always saying, “I’m tired” all the time. My father used to get so annoyed by that… “of course you’re tired… you keep telling yourself that you are”. imagesIn my tween years I would write on my books “I love Billy” or whomever.. over and over.. and my dad would point out that it was a form of brainwashing.

BRAINWASHING… think about that… what we tell ourselves over and over we are actually brainwashing ourselves to believe. So… if we are always thinking.. “I’m fat.. I’m ugly.. no one will ever love me” guess what our brains are going to believe? Our minds are very powerful things. They control almost everything about ourselves. From our actions to our hormone levels. If our brains believe that we are fat and useless, what do you think will happen to our metabolism? What do you think it will do to our cortisol levels?

We as humans are our minds.. we are our souls.. we are what’s on the inside. If we are constantly abusing ourselves we will become the victims of our own creation.  It takes practice… it takes work.. but we can create a better life with better thoughts. Thoughts lead to action, action leads to change

Uncategorized

Choose Life!

Katrina Russell

Have you ever met that person who treats depression like a badge of honor? The person whose whole life is about “woe is me” and “you could never understand how horrible my life is”… well, you’re right. You live in a country with clean water (for the most part), indoor plumbing, heat, electricity… you have internet literally at your fingertips 24/7. You have access to healthcare, whether or not you can afford it, it’s illegal for an ER to turn someone away. They have to save your life. So yes… I will never understand how horrible your life is.

I have one of those “friends”. He’s an on again off again recovering addict… it’s not even a physical addiction.. it’s a “ugh.. my life sucks because I’m not 17, popular and rich” kind of addiction. He can go months without picking up but then he gets bored or annoyed at something and he spends the next week high.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have no problems with letting off a little steam. I don’t mind a glass or two of wine here and there, but this is straight out non-functioning garbage. He’s on disability because his life is soooooo bad. So he doesn’t have to work. He lives at home and pays a small rent, but doesn’t really worry about the basics like groceries and toilet paper, because mom’s got that covered.

He’s in school… again… he changes majors every couple years so that he doesn’t actually have to graduate and start working, and when I ask why he doesn’t just get a certificate in his field of choice (which is computers and pretty much all you need for most jobs now a days) he has no answer. I asked what he would do if disability didn’t pay for his schooling.. he said “probably just rob places”.

I really don’t understand people who really don’t want to be happy. This man has been in therapy for YEARS. Yet, when I ask him what his therapist says about his anger management issues (kicking over a grill because it’s having problems lighting is not normal behavior) he says that he’s never brought it up… REALLY?!?! What do you talk about in therapy? How your fantasy football team is letting you down?

The thing that gets me the most is his hypocrisy. He knows other addicts or reads about other addicts online and hears stories about them losing custody of their kids.They are ODing with the child in the backseat or letting the child wander off not fed, not dressed… what ever and he goes on about how disgusting they are. They don’t deserve those children. They should be in jail.. so on and so forth… the problem is… he’s a dad. He has a son. His son never knows which father he’s going to see. The happy go lucky man who likes to play, or the angry violent monster who kicks his toys. He honestly doesn’t think that it’s HIS problem because no one understands how bad his life is.. and he has every right to be moody. He also feels that he doesn’t have to be responsible because his son’s mother has custody and does a great job.

I don’t understand. I don’t understand why people choose to be miserable. I don’t understand why given tools, like therapy, meditation, exercise, medication… people choose to just stay in their own way. This friend’s old therapist told him that he should get outside more… just get some fresh air… nope… he was told to try journaling… nope… try meditation… positive affirmations… retraining thoughts… nope nope nope. He was put on anti-depressants… nope.. that took a while to kick in, and made him feel better, but it didn’t make him feel high, so what’s the point…

I do understand that people need to want to change for themselves in order to actually change… what I don’t understand is why people choose not to.

bullying, parenting

That’s not bullying.. that’s assault!

Katrina Russell

This is not a typical whiny old person rant… I am dead serious. What is wrong with kids today. I just read an article about a 10 year old boy who was set on fire by one of his classmates. SET ON FIRE!!! How does that happen? Who in their right mind thinks that it’s ok to SET SOMEONE ON FIRE?!?!?!

kaydenI just don’t get it. I have never been one of those people who was all up in arms about bullying. I’ve never approved, even as a kid, but always kind of thought that it was a right of passage. I grew up in the 80s when kids were stuffed in lockers and lunch money was taken. Classic bullies like you saw on TV. I always thought they were jerks, and my dad always taught me to stand up to a bully and that “nothing hurt like a punch in the nose”. It really was kid stuff.

Setting someone on fire is not kid’s stuff. Nor is pouring superglue on someone’s head and causing burns, nor is shooting up a school. I just don’t understand what has happened. I had to go to an “Active Shooter Drill” at my son’s preschool this past week. Seriously?!?!? This is the new generation?

I am not even sure who to blame for this. Some are blaming parents, some the media, some the parents for letting their kids watch the media.. there’s movies and video games and all the like, but really? My dad grew up watching cowboys and Indians, he didn’t blaze through the school with a shot gun. I grew up watching Star Wars, I didn’t run through the town with a blaster… though at least if I did, I wouldn’t actually hit anyone.

Violence is not a new concept in entertainment. Before movies and TV there were books4c0e85d8762200be32f31f1c6f5c61c7 and stories. Death and destruction was par for the course. Have you ever read the true Grimm fairy tales? I had nightmares from Edgar Allen Poe, there was Shakespeare and Homer and on and on… but there has never been such a violent generation.

The scary thing is violence isn’t just the bullies, the victims are seeing it as their only way out. Most school shootings are perpetuated by those who were bullied and then there’s the suicides, which is violence to ones self. Just google “kids commit suicide for bullying” and pages come up. And these aren’t angsty 16 year-old’s, they are 13, 11 and even 9! At nine I was still playing with dolls! How can this actually be reality?

People talk about the mental health system failing, but these kids have barely hit puberty. They’re still getting stickers from their pediatrician for being a “good boy/girl”. Are we going to have to start psychological testing in pre-school? I am normally not one to blame parents. I understand how difficult it is. I am a single mom. I was raised by a single dad. No one can be there 24/7, but come on, you have to see something. I’m not saying it’s the parents fault that the child has killed other’s or themselves. I’m saying that we, as parents, are the first line of defense.

If you see that your kid is moody, or withdrawing, or having trouble you know it. Don’t just pretend it away. If you hear about your kid being nasty or mean to other’s step in. Don’t just assume that “kids will be kids” because kids are not kids anymore. They are lost and disturbed. If you don’t have the answers, that’s ok, that’s not your job.. but talk to the teachers, talk to the guidance counselor at school Most people have insurance today, therapy is covered.

I understand that there is a stigma behind therapy and people don’t want to feel or be treated like there’s something wrong with them… but that has to stop! Even if you, as the parent start going to a family therapist first for ideas on how to help your child and then ask your child to join you. Then they will think it is more about you than them. I, personally started my son in therapy about a month ago and he’s only 3. He has been through a lot of loss in his short life (my father, who we lived, with passed away, and my son’s father is not very consistent). When it was time for my son to start pre-school I wanted help with how to deal with the separation anxiety that he was going to experience.

It is pretty much common knowledge that most bullies are just people with their own self-esteem problems who are trying to make themselves feel better by putting others down. It 12033164_499509056920652_6337032704963096023_n-600x800is clear that we, as a nation, are not raising strong independent kids with healthy self esteem. Bullying, violence, drugs, suicide… these are not “normal” childhood behaviors. We need to stop letting society, the media and video games take responsibility for our children’s actions. Again, I’m not blaming parents, I’m encouraging them to help. Teach your kids right from wrong, if you don’t feel the TV is helping, shut it off. If you see your kid being a little ass, correct the behavior. Not just with punishment, but ask them why they treated someone that way. Talk to them about empathy, and sympathy…

Parents are not just there to feed and shelter our children to ensure they live to adulthood. We are there to raise high functioning members of society so they can contribute to, not just consume from society.

parenting

How do you talk to yourself?

Katrina Russell

I had an interesting conversation with a friend recently. This is one of those friends who is an amazing person but has extremely ow self esteem about everything. He’s the type who loves to make self deprecating comments and jokes and thinks that he doesn’t deserve anything good.

We were discussing my 3 year old son and how big he’s getting. I told him that everyone from other moms to his pediatrician comments on how strong he is. How he is very muscular even at his age. I said that he gets that from my side of the family, as his father’s side is slim, and tone, but not really bulky muscular.

His response was, “wow, that’s not cocky at all”. I was so confused by the statement. My comment wasn’t cocky, it was a biological fact. My side of the family is very broad and muscular and my ex’s is not. My brother is 6’6″ and did wrestling and football all through high school and college… that’s just the way it is. My ex is 5’9″ and wears a small-medium sized shirt. He’s not scrawny, just not bulky, and I’m not cut and defined, I just have a high muscle build. In fact, the high muscle concentration has been a problem for me as a girl and now as a woman. My scale and BMI are very misleading, as even when I was thin, my numbers said otherwise. It took me years to understand the difference.

8392d6b5d575384417308b7ac7a83413I started out a little offended by what my friend had said to me, but then I realized that it wasn’t about me at all. It wasn’t about my son. The comment was about my friend’s own person self esteem issues. He had been trained, either my himself or parents, or others, that complimenting any aspect of yourself is a fault. That you mustn’t “pretend” that you’re better than others, or point out or even accept your good qualities.

This friend has been looking for a new job, and myself and others have been telling him to go for this one or that one.. and he won’t. He doesn’t feel he is good enough, even though he is plenty qualified. He spends his time hoping for a brighter future, while constantly talking badly to himself about himself. I feel bad that he treats himself that way. He is a great guy and deserves better. The irony is that if he ever heard anyone speak to me the way he speaks to himself, he would probably knock them out.

People have to understand that self talk is the most important talk. We need to feed ourselves GOOD messages about our strengths, our bodies, our souls. We create our own lives. If we hear of a parent verbally abusing their child there is outrage and we understand the parent is creating havoc with that child’s self esteem. How come no one ever thinks the voices in our own heads do the same?… only we can’t walk away from that.