bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

It’s time to fight for ALL women

635782283761408764-1021982020_Equality-feminismFeminism has a bad rep. Feminists are known as men hating and “anti-feminine”. They are known to tell women that they can’t want to be stay at home moms. They can’t want to get married. They have to be strong, independent and basically asexual. Though they’re allowed to have as much sex as they want and enjoy it.. they can’t be used by men in the process. Not sure if that means that they have to be lesbians or dominatrices.

The point is none of that is feminism. Feminism by definition 1: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. or 2: organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests.

It doesn’t even mention that a feminist has to be a woman. Just an idea and/or movement that men and women should be treated equally and have the right to live life the way they want.

I read an interesting blog recently about how women shouldn’t use feminism to “stick it to other women”. In the same sense it shouldn’t be used to put down men. I have a son. He is only four years old but he is sweet and wonderful and has not quite figured out the difference between a boy and a girl. He understands that “mama doesn’t have a winky” but unless he’s looking in everyone’s pants it’s a tough way to explain that to him.

His favorite toys are his dinosaurs, his cars, painting and his doll house and kitchen set. My father once scowled when I bought him his kitchen set. I caught him right before he made the “those are for girls” statement and said, “right, cuz he’ll never have to learn how to cook, right dad?”. Thankfully my father was not a moron and quickly backtracked before he made his stupid comment and said, “yeah, I guess… when you look at it that way”. But what other way is there to look at it. Toys are designed to teach kids how to do thing. There is a Hell of a lot better chance that he is going to cook his own dinner or clean his own house than there is that he’s going to ride on the dinosaur train.

It is important that we teach our children to be good and strong people. It is important for us to teach our children how to respect others and help out when they can  and ask for help when they need.

My nephew has been taught that he is not allowed to cry. He’s only 6. Girls are now starting to be taught the same because they can’t be considered the “weaker sex”. Women have to be more like men. They can’t want to stay home. They can’t like wearing cute dresses. They can’t want to have children and be married. Why? Why can’t a woman do what she wants? Isn’t that kind of the point of feminism? To earn the freedom and the opportunity for both sexes to live the way they want? feminist-male-joseph-gordon-levitt

If my son marries a crazy rich and successful woman and chooses to be a stay at home dad… good on him. If they both choose to work…. and they choose a male nanny… have at it. If he chooses to never get married or have kids, I will be sad, as I love children, but I will understand that it’s his choice, and isn’t that what we’re fighting for?

parenting, Uncategorized

It’s called a vagina

Panel-1I can’t believe this is even a thing that I have to deal with. I have a son, and it never occurred to me that this would come up.

When my son was a baby we called his penis his “winky”. It was just a cute name that I didn’t think much about. It’s like calling his toes “tootsies”. I eventually taught him that it was a penis, but in regular conversation we call it a “winky”. Not a big deal.

Then my son was 3. He came in the bathroom with me and for the first time noticed that mama didn’t have a winky. He asked where it was. I explained that girls don’t have them… but then I froze. I didn’t know what else to say. It’s called a vagina.  But I couldn’t do it. I was raised in the 80s when that was a dirty word. I felt like saying that to him would be like teaching him a curse word.

It is ridiculous. He was young and just kinda forgot about it. Last week he came in the bathroom after I got out of the shower and he commented on my “butt”. That is what he decided to call my vagina since I never gave him a name for it, and let’s face it.. from his perspective they look the same. He’s never seen inside one.

I feel like this is an example of why women are treated like second class citizens. Men are completely comfortable with their body parts. They are proud of them. Women have been taught that for some reason our parts are dirty or wrong.

In the last year vagina has been in the press along. Our president admitting to “grabbing pussy” when ever he wanted. People started talking about pussy in everyday conversation. But the word “pussy” has a porn connotation.  I feel like using that word to describe what he did makes people, especially men, feel like the woman who’s parts he was grabbing was some how asking for it. Men don’t think of their moms and daughters as having pussy. They think of slutty hags as giving their away.

I feel like we need to take our vaginas back, and before I get a bunch of comments about how it’s not called a vagina and only one section of it is, it’s the name that is colloquially known to be the main part. The penis has different parts too, but no one fights about it.

I saw a quote attributed to Betty White, “Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding!”.  Now whether or not she actually said it the quote has a point. We are not the weaker sex. We are not dirty. We are not less than.

To quote JK Rowling, “Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” The fact that men have trouble talking about anything female proves the point. We need to use this. We need to talk about ourselves as whole. We shouldn’t hide our femininity. We shouldn’t be ashamed that we have periods. We should hide when we breast feed. We shouldn’t be afraid to use the word vagina. We are women. We give birth to humans. We have no fear.

bullying, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Who disrespects women the most?

I belong to lots of mom facebook groups and follow a lot of mom blogs, and moms.. and women are HORRIBLE to each other. It is ridiculous that we spend so much time trashing each other. I have seen comment after comment on posts about a woman who actually lost a child and women, OTHER MOMS bash the grieving mom.

I’ve seen moms who are “brave enough” to post real postpartum pictures of themselves and u3e7aother moms laugh at them and point out their flaws. Really? The fact that the woman posting pictures have to feel brave is ridiculous! Our bodies are amazing! Our bodies can create another human-being. And I’m not just talking to moms. You don’t have to have children to be amazing, but it seems that moms tend to be the biggest bullies.

That sentence hurt to write. We are raising kids. We are raising new people who are going to grow up and be (hopefully) functional members of society. We read about children who bully other kids and the first thing moms say is, “Where were their parents? What is wrong with these people? They should have their kids taken away… They should go to jail.” Judgement! Judgement! Judgement! Those moms who are judging other parents for teaching bulling are being bullies themselves.

In the last year women have come out of the woodwork with marches and petitions and new groups. There is a whole new women’s movement which is blaming men for not treating women well and not respecting women as people… then they go onto social media and berate other women. Maybe we should look in the mirror before we start blaming other groups for our being held back.

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard women say that they don’t like being friends with other women because they are so catty. They don’t want to hire other women because they areHungerGamesKatnissBowArrow so bossy. They hate women. Why should we expect men to feel otherwise? Women feel the need to be better than other women. We feel like we can’t put another woman up without putting ourselves down. Men have figured out recreational competition. They fight to win, but give credit when beaten. They understand keeping other strong men around them and working as a team and using them to grow. Women are somehow stuck in the stone age where they have to fight for the hunter to supply their food… we need to learn to hunt for ourselves.