coaching, Health, Law of Attraction, Love, Motivation, parenting, Prayer, religion, Uncategorized, Wellness, women

Your beliefs are all you have

Beliefs are a very powerful thing. Our entire existence resonates around the things that we believe. We believe we are beautiful or ugly… we believe we are smart or stupid.. we believe we deserve good things or that bad things will always happen to us.

“I think therefore I am”. One of the most famous philosophical understandings of all times. If we are capable of thinking then we must exist, and the things that we think must make us who we are. If we think that things can only get better, then we will keep trying till they do. If we think that things can only get worse, then we’ll give up. Seems pretty simple.

Well, what about bigger beliefs? What about religious and  spiritual beliefs? They too make us who we are and affect how we deal with things. Before my  father died I was a bit more agnostic. I acknowledged something was out there, but I didn’t really know what.  I’m still not sure, but I have turned my belief a little more towards religion. My son started Catholic school, and we started to attend Mass on Sundays and I like and appreciate the idea of the afterlife. I like and appreciate the idea that my father is looking down on us… or checking in on us in some way and seeing how we are doing and is proud of us.

th (1)I had an interesting experience this past weekend in which we had gone to a party with some of my son’s father’s old high school friends. It was mentioned that our son goes to Catholic school and I later heard one of the women talking to my son’s father about it. He was saying how he hated it and that he thought the whole idea was stupid, but kept his mouth shut around my son. That is fine, he doesn’t have to believe the things that we do. My brother is a complete atheist and feels much more comfort KNOWING that when we die our bodies get eaten by worms and that’s it… no mystery.

I was raised to understand that everyone has their own ideas, and their own beliefs, and that no one really knows for sure.. it’s what resonates with you best that works. What bothered me about the conversation between the woman and my ex, was the tone of disapproval.  I don’t want my son growing up feeling that way.

The next day my  son, who is 4, and I were putting together a puzzle. I had found it under a stack of books and told him that I had forgotten about it. That “Papa” had bought it for him  when he was a little baby and was too young to use it at the time.. but it was perfect for him now. After we finished the puzzle he looked at it somberly and I asked him what he was thinking. “I wish Papa was here to see us do this”. That little sentence broke my heart… but thankfully he has been learning about God and Heaven and I was able to say, “I think Papa is watching us from Heaven and is very proud of you”.

Now, I don’t KNOW that’s true. I don’t KNOW that my father isn’t just the pile of ashes in the urn on my piano and that’s all that’s left… but I do know.. that doesn’t comfort me, and it doesn’t comfort my 4 year old…. and doesn’t hurt anyone to for us to believe that Papa is watching and proud of us.

coaching, Motivation, Politics, Uncategorized, women, Women's movement

I Wonder when a Woman’s movie will just be a movie?

In case you haven’t heard, there’s a new movie called “Wonder Woman” hitting the theaters… and people are making mountains out of a well, women parts.

This movies is obviously about a woman superhero, but also directed by a woman. There are theaters that have decided to do women only screening. This movie has become a cry for feminism everywhere. Wonder Woman is even on the US postage stamp.

18814269_10155422377091800_7833265679293833956_nThis is both great.. and dangerous. It’s great because in a time of pussy grabbing and defunding women’s healthcare, women need a hero. We need to band together and take back our rights and our self respect… but, if this movie bombs it will just be another check in the boxes of men saying how women can’t do things.

There is also a lot of noise about hypocrisy with the women only screening. On the one hand there are feminists like Emma Watson who are pushing the “gender neutral” award ceremony and then segregating out women only theater screenings leaving men to feel left out. I’m not really sure how to gauge this to be honest. When I had my baby shower my son’s grandmother was actually angry because I wanted it to be women only and she wanted to invite her brothers. She felt like I was specifically shunning her family. A cousin had a Jack n Jill style one the year before.

Of course she failed to notice that I had a family of mostly men, a father with no mother, a brother and no sister… more of their family was actually there than mine, but this wasn’t about whose family got to go. This was about the energy of a baby shower. Usually, women care more about this stuff. Women have a more maternal instinct and fawn over baby clothes and silly games. Men want to watch the game in the corner.

Now not all, but usually. I wanted a traditional shower with estrogen flowing instead of testosterone making jokes about how life was over and get in the beer while you can. I can imagine a women only screening of “Wonder Woman” being quite powerful. A real “I am women, hear me roar” type of moment. I can also seeing men using it as an opportunity to prove that it’s OK to segregate and that “why should they go see that crappy ‘girl’ movie”.

We are all working to have a world without limits. A world where no one feels less than or left out for their sex, and let’s not even get into the Transgender and where they  fit into this argument. I wish a woman could just come out in a movie…. and it would just be a movie.

 

coaching, Health, Motivation, Politics, Uncategorized, Veterans, Wellness, women

Trump “It’s Complicated”

In the wake of the latest Trump scandal I just have a few words to say. I have been very clear on my dislike for this President and pretty much everything that he stands for. Not because he is a Republican, or Christian, or White… I happen to be two of those things.. and an Independent (which means neither Republican nor a Democrat… I vote for the person that I agree with on issues the most) That being said… I was also a HUGE fan of the Apprentice when it was on and thought, though an arrogant jerk, that he had half a brain. I now can admit that I was wrong.

I have never in my life seen a person who is so incapable of taking responsibility. I have never seen anyone that is so quick to cast blame at anyone or anything but them self. I have never seen anyone who just lies for the sake of making them self feel better. I have download (40)never seen anyone who needs to toot their own horn and pat their own back at the expense of other. I have never seen anyone so clueless about the way the world works… and I could never have imagined such a person in office.

Everyday there is a new scandal. And everyday his people come out and denounce such craziness.. Trump would never… collude with Russia.. they had no contact at all… except almost everyone on his team and in his family… that have since had to resign or be fired. Trump would never take money from Russia… with a few exceptions… Trump would never tell Russia to hack the DNC… except on International Television at a rally… Trump would never give away top secret info to Russia… except when he wants to and it’s ok cuz he’s President. Trump would never tell Comey to stop investigating the Russian connection… except when he did, but he was only asking… not demanding.

Does the President of the United States of America really not understand that his words and actions are real? That the things that he says and does have actual consequences and repercussions? Does the man who supposedly is so successful in business really not understand how a budget works.. and that you can’t cut taxes (revenue) while asking for outrageous money for walls, wars, and Russian steel? Does he really not understand that taking money away from food and healthcare is going to kill the people that he swore to protect?

He is the President of the United States and all he does is talk about crowd size, election results, and how mean people are to him. He literally said that he had no idea that being President would be hard.. or that Healthcare, foreign relations, and pretty much anything political would be complicated… This is not a reality show, Mr President. The people who die under your watch can’t come back for the reunion show… This is real life. Maybe you should either take responsibility or walk away and let someone who can handle it take over.

coaching, Health, Motivation, parenting, Politics, religion, Uncategorized, Wellness, women, Women's movement

What do you mean by pro-life?

This has been a hot topic in the US for decades. Pro-Lifers protesting with signs and pictures of dead fetuses and babies. Declaring Planned Parenthood as a slaughter house for the unborn. Calling women and doctors murderers. These, mostly Christian, high moral individuals take all life as sacred… or mostly, kind of.

I was at a community gathering the other day and there was a lovely woman from Planned Parenthood there to talk to those interested about the reality of what herdownload (34) organization does. It wasn’t her normal gig. Normally she was one of their lawyers who fight for the rights of their patients and doctors alike, but with all the misinformation, or “alternative” facts going about, the organization has chosen to be out in full force to educate and answer questions.

Most people think that Planned Parenthood is an abortion clinic and that’s all they do there. When there is discussions about birth control people start a tirade about how they don’t want to pay for other people to use their tax dollars to abort babies as a form of birth control. There is a post going about of people calling PP and asking them about pre-natal care, a service that is not provided at most locations, and therefore assumed that there is no other services that women need.

I don’t know how many of you reading are women, or know women, but there is more to women’s health than pregnancy. I didn’t get pregnant till I was 36, and yet had been seeing a Gynecologist for almost 20 years at that point. There are yearly pap-screenings, which include cancer checks, as well as checks for irregular growths and cysts. For those who choose there are sexually transmitted disease tests, and actual birth control… not just abortions, but pills, implants, sponges, diaphragms, and which ever one you may choose that works best for you.

I know what you’re thinking, “Why should I pay for some slutty tramp to get tested for STDs?And if you can’t afford birth control then don’t have sex.” Well, let’s just throw the rape word out there to start with. Sometimes women don’t always have a choice.. but let’s say they do. Let’s say they are a lovely college student whose parents have died… who has been dating a man who she has known for a year and are planning to marry…. is it ok for her to have sex? Is it ok for her not to get pregnant? Let’s say that wonderful man isn’t as wonderful as she thinks and is running around on her and gets an STD…

Maybe no one should have sex at all… and if you have sex before you are married and not for the reasons of having children then you should die… and so should the child, because you do not deserve screening for STDs and cancer which could not only kill you but damage the unborn child… so in reality… you’re only pro-“people whose lifestyle I approve with” life.

Now let’s go the other side… Planned Parenthood is the reason for abortions… ahh.. actually abortion rates are down even lower than before Roe vs Wade was passed… and that’s only the ones that were reported. Planned Parenthood chose a name that should be self explanatory. They help women choose and plan when they become parents. They educate women on their bodies and supply birth control to those who would not otherwise be able to afford it, thus creating less unwanted pregnancies, not more abortions.

The biggest misconception about Planned Parenthood is that all they do is abortions and that the government is paying for them, and there is no way to stop that therefore we must defund. Actually only 3% of all services provided are abortion services,  and none of that money comes from the federal government. In fact there was an amendment images (24)created (The Hyde Amendment) in 1976 that specifically prohibits this.  In fact there is no way to actually “defund” Planned Parenthood” outright. There is no line item in the federal budget for them. They are simply a healthcare provider who gets reimbursed by medicare for services that medicare are required to pay for… such as cancer screenings and birth control pills.

Right now everyone is pushing to defund Planned Parenthood and others life it. What you need to realize is that when you vote to defund Planned Parenthood, you are voting to limit healthcare to Medicare recipients. That includes grandma, and the single mom with her kids….. so… not exactly Pro-Life… if you ask me.

bullying, coaching, parenting, Uncategorized, women, Women's movement

It’s time to fight for ALL women

635782283761408764-1021982020_Equality-feminismFeminism has a bad rep. Feminists are known as men hating and “anti-feminine”. They are known to tell women that they can’t want to be stay at home moms. They can’t want to get married. They have to be strong, independent and basically asexual. Though they’re allowed to have as much sex as they want and enjoy it.. they can’t be used by men in the process. Not sure if that means that they have to be lesbians or dominatrices.

The point is none of that is feminism. Feminism by definition 1: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. or 2: organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests.

It doesn’t even mention that a feminist has to be a woman. Just an idea and/or movement that men and women should be treated equally and have the right to live life the way they want.

I read an interesting blog recently about how women shouldn’t use feminism to “stick it to other women”. In the same sense it shouldn’t be used to put down men. I have a son. He is only four years old but he is sweet and wonderful and has not quite figured out the difference between a boy and a girl. He understands that “mama doesn’t have a winky” but unless he’s looking in everyone’s pants it’s a tough way to explain that to him.

His favorite toys are his dinosaurs, his cars, painting and his doll house and kitchen set. My father once scowled when I bought him his kitchen set. I caught him right before he made the “those are for girls” statement and said, “right, cuz he’ll never have to learn how to cook, right dad?”. Thankfully my father was not a moron and quickly backtracked before he made his stupid comment and said, “yeah, I guess… when you look at it that way”. But what other way is there to look at it. Toys are designed to teach kids how to do thing. There is a Hell of a lot better chance that he is going to cook his own dinner or clean his own house than there is that he’s going to ride on the dinosaur train.

It is important that we teach our children to be good and strong people. It is important for us to teach our children how to respect others and help out when they can  and ask for help when they need.

My nephew has been taught that he is not allowed to cry. He’s only 6. Girls are now starting to be taught the same because they can’t be considered the “weaker sex”. Women have to be more like men. They can’t want to stay home. They can’t like wearing cute dresses. They can’t want to have children and be married. Why? Why can’t a woman do what she wants? Isn’t that kind of the point of feminism? To earn the freedom and the opportunity for both sexes to live the way they want? feminist-male-joseph-gordon-levitt

If my son marries a crazy rich and successful woman and chooses to be a stay at home dad… good on him. If they both choose to work…. and they choose a male nanny… have at it. If he chooses to never get married or have kids, I will be sad, as I love children, but I will understand that it’s his choice, and isn’t that what we’re fighting for?

coaching, Health, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness, women, Women's movement

It’s called a vagina

Panel-1I can’t believe this is even a thing that I have to deal with. I have a son, and it never occurred to me that this would come up.

When my son was a baby we called his penis his “winky”. It was just a cute name that I didn’t think much about. It’s like calling his toes “tootsies”. I eventually taught him that it was a penis, but in regular conversation we call it a “winky”. Not a big deal.

Then my son was 3. He came in the bathroom with me and for the first time noticed that mama didn’t have a winky. He asked where it was. I explained that girls don’t have them… but then I froze. I didn’t know what else to say. It’s called a vagina.  But I couldn’t do it. I was raised in the 80s when that was a dirty word. I felt like saying that to him would be like teaching him a curse word.

It is ridiculous. He was young and just kinda forgot about it. Last week he came in the bathroom after I got out of the shower and he commented on my “butt”. That is what he decided to call my vagina since I never gave him a name for it, and let’s face it.. from his perspective they look the same. He’s never seen inside one.

I feel like this is an example of why women are treated like second class citizens. Men are completely comfortable with their body parts. They are proud of them. Women have been taught that for some reason our parts are dirty or wrong.

In the last year vagina has been in the press along. Our president admitting to “grabbing pussy” when ever he wanted. People started talking about pussy in everyday conversation. But the word “pussy” has a porn connotation.  I feel like using that word to describe what he did makes people, especially men, feel like the woman who’s parts he was grabbing was some how asking for it. Men don’t think of their moms and daughters as having pussy. They think of slutty hags as giving their away.

I feel like we need to take our vaginas back, and before I get a bunch of comments about how it’s not called a vagina and only one section of it is, it’s the name that is colloquially known to be the main part. The penis has different parts too, but no one fights about it.

I saw a quote attributed to Betty White, “Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding!”.  Now whether or not she actually said it the quote has a point. We are not the weaker sex. We are not dirty. We are not less than.

To quote JK Rowling, “Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” The fact that men have trouble talking about anything female proves the point. We need to use this. We need to talk about ourselves as whole. We shouldn’t hide our femininity. We shouldn’t be ashamed that we have periods. We should hide when we breast feed. We shouldn’t be afraid to use the word vagina. We are women. We give birth to humans. We have no fear.

bullying, coaching, Health, Love, Motivation, parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness, women, Women's movement

Who disrespects women the most?

I belong to lots of mom facebook groups and follow a lot of mom blogs, and moms.. and women are HORRIBLE to each other. It is ridiculous that we spend so much time trashing each other. I have seen comment after comment on posts about a woman who actually lost a child and women, OTHER MOMS bash the grieving mom.

I’ve seen moms who are “brave enough” to post real postpartum pictures of themselves and u3e7aother moms laugh at them and point out their flaws. Really? The fact that the woman posting pictures have to feel brave is ridiculous! Our bodies are amazing! Our bodies can create another human-being. And I’m not just talking to moms. You don’t have to have children to be amazing, but it seems that moms tend to be the biggest bullies.

That sentence hurt to write. We are raising kids. We are raising new people who are going to grow up and be (hopefully) functional members of society. We read about children who bully other kids and the first thing moms say is, “Where were their parents? What is wrong with these people? They should have their kids taken away… They should go to jail.” Judgement! Judgement! Judgement! Those moms who are judging other parents for teaching bulling are being bullies themselves.

In the last year women have come out of the woodwork with marches and petitions and new groups. There is a whole new women’s movement which is blaming men for not treating women well and not respecting women as people… then they go onto social media and berate other women. Maybe we should look in the mirror before we start blaming other groups for our being held back.

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard women say that they don’t like being friends with other women because they are so catty. They don’t want to hire other women because they areHungerGamesKatnissBowArrow so bossy. They hate women. Why should we expect men to feel otherwise? Women feel the need to be better than other women. We feel like we can’t put another woman up without putting ourselves down. Men have figured out recreational competition. They fight to win, but give credit when beaten. They understand keeping other strong men around them and working as a team and using them to grow. Women are somehow stuck in the stone age where they have to fight for the hunter to supply their food… we need to learn to hunt for ourselves.