Category: parenting

photo of woman kneeling in front of gravestone
Giving, grief, Love, Mental Health, parenting

Life after Parents.

Katrina Russell

I see it on social media a lot. A meme that goes something like, “You taught me everything except how to live without you, mom”. I get the idea. I have lost my parents. My son has lost his father. There has been a lot of loss in my life. I miss them every day, but statements like that actually make of my father. Not in the way that you would expect. In fact, the opposite.

I loved my dad. I still love my dad. He was a single parent who raised us in the 70s-90s when single dads just wasn’t a thing. He was one of the strongest people I know. The only one who came close way my Grams who was also a single parent in the 50s and 60s, also when it wasn’t really a thing. My Grams raised my dad to be strong and independent, and though she was always there to help out and take us kids on weekends and vacations (she lived for those times). She also made sure that he was capable of handling it all on his own when he had to.

My dad helped me a lot. He did, and I could never deny that, but the one thing he always told me was that a parent’s job was to raise their children to NOT need them. To raise their children to be independent, because one day the parent would not be there, and the child will become a parent themself and have someone else who needs to be taught the same. “Independence is the greatest gift a parent can give a child.”. It sounds great now, not so much when I was hobbling home from school in the snow… on crutches. But I did it. I got home. I made my way by myself. “There is nothing that you can’t do if you put your mind to it.”. These are the types of phrases that I grew up listening to.

There were a lot of hard times for both my brother and me. We struggled, and we persevered. I admit, I had way more help along the way than my brother did. I think that went along with me being a girl and my dad assuming I would have a man to help me as I got older as well. Well, as of now I do not have a man. I do not have my father. Before I turned 40 I was a single mom and, for all intense and purposes, an orphan. My dad had given me great training though.

When he was sick, I moved back in with him. I helped him with medication. I took him to doctors and hospitals and called the EMTs when necessary. I turned into his emergency contact, and his proxy when he went under for surgery. He was a great father who taught me how to be a great mother. When he died, I was devastated. How could I live without my dad? But I did. I did every day. I got up, took care of my own son. Cleaned out my father’s house. I went to the lawyers to deal with his paperwork. I even took over his business for a while when it suited my needs.

My dad taught me everything. Including how to live without him. It’s not something that I ever wanted, but it was something that everyone knows is going to happen. Many people today do their best to protect their children from anything that may hurt them but hurt is part of living. One day we wake up and we don’t have our parents. One day we wake up and we are the parents. We have to figure it all out. We have to find our own way. Having parents that teach us that we can; that we are capable; that we are strong, those are the best parents. I hope I’m doing that for my son, and I hope he continues to do it for his children.

Being parents, raising kids that are ready and able to take on what the world throws at them. That’s the real struggle, and that’s the real joy. People are always wondering what it’s all for… well that’s what I have found to be it. Making the world that much better, by making a person that is that much better for it.

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bullying, parenting, Politics

Welcome to 1984

Katrina Russell

I’m starting to think that no one has actually read the book. I see comments all the time about authoritarian dictators who are basically Nazis who are causing problems by not following orders. It’s almost like when you were a kid and played “opposite day”. Everything that they say is the exact opposite of what the words mean.

For those who are unaware of the actual meaning.

authoritarianə-thôr″ĭ-târ′ē-ən, ə-thŏr″-, ô-

adjective

  1. Characterized by or favoring absolute obedience to authority, as against individual freedom.
  2. Tending to tell other people what to do in a peremptory or arrogant manner. synonym: dictatorial.
  3. characteristic of an absolute ruler or absolute rule; having absolute sovereignty; — of governments or rulers

So, against individual freedom. Against people making their own choices. An oligarchy of Elites who think they know better than everyone else and should be listened to at all costs. Anyone who goes against them should be arrested, punished, cancelled. There is no room for discourse. No room for debate. No room for a conversation.

The problem with any of these things is that it gives people a choice. A choice to disagree with the Elite in power. A choice to take a different path. Authoritarians can’t give people choices. They can’t allow for facts to come out that go against the rule of law they have laid down. They gain their power by spreading fear. Fear of something outside only they can protect you from. Fear of them and what may happen to you if you disagree with them. Fear of being ostracized. They don’t fight their opposition with reality. They name call and discredit with more fear.

When questioned about their ideas they just spew lies about the inquisitor. Anyone who questions their doctrine is evil. They are racist, sexist, Nazis… When you question their followers with facts to back it up, they just reply in kind… you’re a racist, sexist, Nazi… nothing in your actions speaks to any of this. Nothing in the conversation had anything to do with this, but the authoritarian can’t keep power unless they keep the fear alive.

Words stop having meaning. Who cares if someone is called a racist if everyone is a racist? Who cares if someone is called a Nazi if everyone is a Nazi? If you want to know what someone really is, ask them they’re own personal opinions on things and why they feel that way and where they got their information. You probably won’t be surprised when those touting the authoritarian line says they got their information from the authoritarian regime but have no actual facts to back it up… other than, you’re a racist, sexist, Nazi for even thinking about questioning it.

For those who are following the line because you feel you have no choice, I feel sorry. For those who are following the dictate because you’ve never bothered to think for yourself, I feel pity. For those who are following the dictate because you want the power for yourself, I feel disgust. 1984 should be read by every person in the world. Not just memed about… but actually read. If more people picked up a book once in a while instead of being brain washed by talking heads this planet might just be ok.

Healthcare, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

When did society start being ok with sexualizing kids?

Katrina Russell

We all remember “The Talk” when we were little. The embarrassing conversation with a parent about “the birds and the bees”. Some of us remember the day in grade school when all the boys when outside to play and all of the girls got the video about how our bodies were changing and what to expect when our monthly cycle started. Quite a few of us remember Sex Ed classes in school. It was all very clinical, basically a biology class. This is how the reproductive system works. These are different kinds of birth control available. These are some common STDs that you want to avoid by using said birth control. That’s it. Maybe there was the occasional progressive teacher that would bring out the banana and the condom, but I really think that was more an urban legend.

This type of sex talk is completely understandable. Children and teenagers need to understand the science of how bodies function. No problem. I have an 8-year-old. I have been updating him on new information about bodily functions at appropriate times. He has a penis. Girls have a vagina. Girls get their period once a month. Girls have the “house the baby lives in in their bellies” aka womb. I remember being at Disney a few months back and having to bring him into the ladies’ room because I wasn’t sending him off by himself and there were no family rooms available. He looked around all confused and whispered in my ear, “Do little girls have vaginas too?”. They do… for those who aren’t aware.

The point is, I’m very open about biology with my kid. He understands the difference between male bodies and female bodies. We’ve talked about all kinds of bodily functions as pertains to science. I’ve taught him about privacy and keeping certain body parts to himself. When he discovered that touching himself felt good. I just said, “yes it does, but you do that in private.” I didn’t hide facts. i didn’t shame him. I didn’t shelter him from discovering things on his own about his own body.

I didn’t, however, give him a book or movie about masturbating and start teaching him about different sexual positions and kink. None of these things are appropriate for children. I don’t know when this became a political issue. This used to be something everyone agreed to. Whether it was the Christian Right or the Tipper Gore Left making sure there were advisory stickers on Rap music. Children were to be protected from adult content.

We as a society used to understand that kids shouldn’t go into a rate R movie, never mind rated X, and yet somewhere along the line people stopped understanding this. It changed to, “oh, they can see worse on the internet… who cares?”. Well, I for one care. Many people care. Many people SHOULD care.

There have been calls to ban explicit adult content books from school libraries and half the country thinks this is censorship. Censorship to keep porn out of the hands of children. Children are to be taken to Gay Pride events and celebrated for watching adults perform kink in the streets. Sexual identity and expression should be taught to kindergarteners. Most children have no idea what any of that means.

I live in Massachusetts. I have many openly gay friends and family members. I have never hidden this fact from my son. He has spent time with my friends who are gay. When he was a toddler and first started getting into Doctor Who and Captain Jack Harkness was an openly OPEN character played by an openly gay man, I would show him videos on Insta of “Jack and his husband”. When my son was watching “The Simpsons” and Homer befriended a gay man and Marge was trying to hint to Homer about the friend being gay my son was confused why anyone would care.

My son does not know one thing about sex. My son knows that people love each other and want to kiss each other. That’s it. He knows that “love” makes a baby. My son is so unaware of how sex works that after his father died, he asked if you love someone in Heaven can you still make a baby. That’s sweet. That’s innocent. That’s how children should be.

In a world full of Epsteins and Clintons you would think that parents would be working overtime at keeping sex away from their kids. In a world in which teachers and religious leaders and sports coaches, and all the other trusted people who we send our kids off to are known to be the biggest predators, you would think that parents would work extra hard at making sure these same people aren’t sexualizing your kids while telling you “It’s no big deal.”

Anyone who thinks that Elementary or Middle School kids should not only have access but be given highly sexual material are people you shouldn’t want anywhere near your kids. If you think otherwise you may want to ask yourself why.

people wearing diy masks
Addiction, bullying, grief, Healthcare, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

Death Happens

Katrina Russell

I don’t know what has been going on in the last couple years that suddenly we can’t go back to normal until all death has been stopped. Well, all covid deaths. They are willing to let kids kill themselves, and overdose on drugs. They are willing to take dying people off of transplant lists if they don’t conform to their politics, because none of that matters except stopping anyone from ever dying of Covid-19 again. We need to stop death itself… in the case of Covid-19 anyway.

The problem is no one can stop death. The more we try the worse it gets. People are becoming obsessed with death. With Covid death specifically. People have locked themselves in their house. They refuse to see family and friends. They won’t work. They won’t go outside in the fresh air for fear it may be contaminated.

Obesity is the number one killer in this country (the US), and yet because of lockdowns weight gain has been skyrocketing. Everyone is so afraid of catching Covid they are making themselves more vulnerable to it. And let’s be honest, when it comes to weight gain Covid is the least of people’s problems. With everyone so obsessed with controlling “The Spread” people have paid no attention to the real killers in this country. Heart Disease, Cancer, and Diabetes are still high on the list.

People are so fearful to live they are missing out on life. When I talk to others about it they say that I can’t possibly understand because I don’t have anyone in my life to worry about. I’ve already lost them all. My grams, and father’s s/o died of Alzheimer’s, my dad died of Diabetes, my mom died of pneumonia, and my son’s father died of a drug overdose. They are right. I’m not scared of a virus. I’m not scared of a cold. I know that life is short, and anything can take anyone at any time.

When my loved ones died, I didn’t fight for the government to make us wear masks so no one would get pneumonia. I didn’t fight for the government to impose restrictions on sugary foods and mandate exercise to prevent Diabetes. I didn’t fight for the government to not allow anyone treatment if they made choices that the government disagreed with. My father ended up with type 1 diabetes, it wasn’t all personal choices, but he still could have taken care of it better. My son’s father was an addict… that’s all lifestyle. Yet the same people saying that no one who doesn’t choose vaccination should be treated, because it’s they’re fault… yet, most heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and certainly addiction is, if not caused, compounded by personal choices. No one would expect the government to not treat or lock down or not give passports to be in society to those with these lifestyle diseases. Don’t even get me started on STDs.

We are never going to stop death. We are never going to save everyone. We are never going to fix the world. The best we can do is live in it, and that starts by opening our doors, taking off the damn masks, and seeing each other again. Before we all die of old age.

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bullying, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

It’s ok to be wrong

Katrina Russell

I have been told my whole life that I can’t admit to being wrong. Yet, I admit I’m wrong all the time. In fact, the same people who tell me that I can’t admit to being wrong are always making the joke of, “let me mark the calendar” or “let me get this is writing” or “let me record this”… yet, they ALWAY make this joke because I admit I’m wrong all the time.

They have confused not admitting that I’m wrong with not caving when I know that I’m right. A classic example of this is when I went to get ice cream with one of these friends. I was ordering my usual, baby peppermint stick with jimmies (chocolate sprinkles for those not in Boston). The order came to $3.10. My friend then ordered a baby peppermint stick. She had $3.00 on her and asked if I had $.10 to borrow. I told her that I had it, but that she shouldn’t need it as she didn’t get any jimmies. She responded that didn’t matter. That jimmies were free. I said that I was always charged jimmies before, but that this particular ice cream stand was a place that she frequented more than I did so maybe they didn’t charge. I got out a quarter to cover her. The ice cream kid then came back and charged her $2.80. For those who aren’t good at math, that’s less. $.30 less to be precise… which I have to say is a lot of jimmies, but alas. She then turned to me angrily saying, “You always have to be right!”.

This, I find, is the difference between someone who always has to be right and someone who is just stubborn. I will own stubborn all day long. I have my thoughts, opinions, and knowledge and I stand by them, but I don’t always have to be right. I am more than willing to change my mind when new evidence is presented.

I have spent a lot of my life in school and/or taking classes. I read constantly. I watch videos on the internet, now that it’s a thing. I love to learn new things. I am constantly getting information that I hadn’t previously had. When I enter into a conversation, I know what I know and am willing to listen to the other person to see if they have anything to offer that may change my opinion. As with the ice cream shop, I was willing to contend that I was not as familiar with that particular store and therefore may not have knowledge about their practices that my friend had.

I think I get this from my upbringing. My brother is very different than me, and therefore thinks and interacts with things very different than me. We often have conversations about subjects that I know a little about and then he informs me of things that I was never made aware of, and it shifts my perspective, and vice versa. He had no idea that babies lost all their baby teeth, even after having my son. He didn’t believe me and had to Google it… I was right… I like being right… but I don’t HAVE to be, and therein lies the difference.

Lately people have been very divided on many issues. So divided that they are not even willing to listen to the other side. Anyone who disagrees with them is just labeled either stupid or evil. The problem is that everything in life has many parts, and many layers, and no one is always right, and no one is always wrong. The best way to get to the truth is to talk with people whom you disagree and actually listen to the other side. No one wants to do this anymore.

People are now intrinsically tied to their beliefs. It has become their identity. If you dare to disagree with someone it’s as if you are degrading the person’s actual self. It is no longer about facts and information it’s about how you feel about a situation that matters. By stating facts that disagree with someone’s feelings the person feels as if the fact spouter is destroying the person that they are, instead of just an idea that can be modified.

People are downright terrified to be wrong. To have their beliefs and therefore their reality and life questioned is the same as killing them. So, it’s been termed that words are violence. If you say words that go against anything that I believe you are now trying to destroy my reality and in turn kill me. No one can be wrong. No one can be mistaken. No one can be misinformed. Everyone has to follow the same way of thought, or they are the enemy.

The thing is facts are facts. My friend who believed that there was no cost for jimmies wasn’t right just because she thought it. Had it been reversed, and she was the one to order the jimmies and therefore charged extra she still would have had to pay it no matter her belief on the matter.

It’s ok to be wrong. Everyone is wrong all the time. It is not about you. The next time you find yourself pushing back. Insulting someone or hating someone because they have information that doesn’t match your beliefs trying talking with them. Maybe you have information that they don’t, and you may change their minds… or maybe you’re just wrong. Either way you will walk away stronger, and more informed and that’s what life is about.

boy wearing green crew neck shirt jumping from black stone on seashore
bullying, Love, parenting, Politics

Boys will be Boys

Katrina Russell

When did being a boy become toxic? People are literally outraged by kids’ t-shirts that say, “Boys will be Boys”. I would say that I don’t know what they want them to be, but we all know that’s not true. They want little boys to be anything but boys.

When did just being a boy become harmful and worthy of condemnation? Here’s the thing, boys will be boys. That’s what they are. They can’t help being a boy any more than a girl can help being a girl. Somehow saying that a boy being a boy has been conflated with being violent for violence’s sake, with rape, with just blatant hostility. Honestly if this is the only kind of boy you know you need to make new friends.

Boys are boys. They roughhouse, they break things in their attempts to try something new, they dig at each other, they even fight… they are way more active than girls and have a hard time sitting still. Boys will be boys because boys are boys.

Boys are more than twice as likely to be diagnosed and medicated for ADHD because they have trouble sitting and listening in school. I know this is surprising to everyone who has ever been to school, but school is boring. It just is. It doesn’t have to be, but that’s how it has been designed. It’s designed to create cogs who don’t question authority and can be put at a machine for long hours without break. That’s it.

Boys aren’t designed for that. Boys are designed to slay dragons. If you want to judge a boy’s attention span don’t sit him in a classroom listening to someone drone on; put him in front of his favorite video game, or his favorite adventure series/comic book, let him play a sport. He probably knows every stat of his favorite team, but yeah that poem he read in English class drifted right out of his head.

Boys and girls are different. That’s just a fact. Funny enough, the same people who hate the “Boys will be Boys” t-shirt are the same people saying there is nothing different between a boy and a girl that society doesn’t teach them. Yet, societies are different all over the world. Societies in Europe are different than those in America, those in America are different from those in Asia, those in Asia are different from those in Africa… they are even different amongst themselves, but the one thing that is never different is that boys, and men are the risk takers. They are, for the most point, the leaders, the warriors, the prisoners. The ones that risk it all for what they desire. The women have been the diplomats, the care takers, the mothers. No one assigned these roles all over the world, they are the roles people chose over and over. Men slay the dragon; women hold down the fort.

The exception to the rule proves the rule has never been clearer than in male/female relations. Women and men choose their roles. There have been plenty of women in positions of power. There have been Queens, and Prime Ministers, and Scientists, and Military Leaders… all of this is true. All of this shows that men are willing to follow women who prove themselves to be worthy of the position. Women who are willing to fight just as hard and as smart as they are. Men choose or (in the case of Queens) resign themselves to follow women all the time. There are countless women who have ruled over men since recorded time and have been quite successful. Society didn’t stop them.

The difference between men and women is that men, in general, want to rule. They want to prove themselves. They desire the power. Women want comfort. They want to know that they and their children are safe. The best way to do that is to find the most powerful man they can and let him protect her. That is a girl being a girl. And when men are looking for the right women, they are looking for the most compassionate they can find in order to know that they will be good to their children. It’s actual biological evolution at work.

Again, the same people who hate men, who think men and women are the same except for how society trains them are the same people who believe that evolution is the only answer to humankind… and yet, when told that evolution is what created society, they scoff… and blame men.

I feel bad for the woman who hates men. In a way they have been trained to hate themselves. They see themselves as less than because of the man’s power instead of equal but different.

I have a son. He’s only 8, and he is the sweetest boy you could meet. He also comes home with random holes in his clothes, and the list of nurse visits at his school is extensive. He was hesitant about continuing in his Karate class because they had to start punching and kicking, yet he’s been known to lay out a bully when required.

The thing about men is that they are complicated. Some women just see them as Neanderthals that never evolved, but the thing about boys is that they are like puppies. If you treat them well and love them, you will have a cuddly protector. If you don’t, they grow up to be the feral beast you expected. Men have the power and strength to drop any woman at any time… but they don’t. That is the mark of a real man, and why letting boys be boys is the best way to make sure they become real men.

man holding us flag
Healthcare, Homeless, Love, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

The American Dream

Katrina Russell

The ideal that we are all free to make our own choices and create our own future. The ideal that if someone works hard and makes good choices, they can accomplish anything that they can dream. The United States was founded on this model. For two hundred years millions of people have left their homelands in search of this endeavor. Over a million people per year are still clamoring to get in, some legally, some not, all striving for a better life than the one they left behind.

The American Dream is alive and well all over the world… except in half of Americans. The problem with the dream is the part that it’s about freedom, and choices, and hard work. Half of America was raised to believe that the American Dream was that everything was to be taken care of FOR them… not by them. Half of Americans don’t feel that people should have to work hard or accomplish anything. They feel that simply being an American should automatically give them privileges.

Half of America thinks that working is for “other people”… for “rich people”. As long as the rich have money why should anyone else have to work. The rich should just pay for everyone else. The fact that they are expected to pay back loans that they signed for in order to further their own education, or possibly have to give up on some luxuries in order to afford necessities is a form of slavery.

People love to compare the cost of housing between when “Boomers” were buying compared to now is seriously laughable. The biggest just in the market was between 1970s-1990s, when it increased by 700%, and was when the Boomers were buying. It had more to do with the tech boom and an economy that was suddenly international and an entire way of life changing than being mean to the next generation. From the 90s to today housing costs have only gone up about 100%, which is a lot less.

Of course, the same people who cry about not being able to afford housing on a single income are the same people crying about how people shouldn’t get married and that women have to work and never stay home with the kids… even though they really don’t think anyone should have to work and hate work… women should be forced to have to work because it’s men who kept them down by not letting them do the thing that everyone hates to do.

These same people are also the ones who get an upgrade on a $1000 telephone every year. Not to mention TVs, gaming systems, tablets, computers…. and on and on. Do you know what Boomers spent on Telephones and TVs? Around $20 and $160 respectively, and seeing as the average household income was about $8300 they were quite expensive. People had to save up for them… and then… that was it. They had the same phone and TV for decades. They didn’t “upgrade”, they didn’t have 30 different streaming services. They had rabbit ears, tin foil, and their youngest child to help get the one channel of the 3-5 they were trying to watch.

One way that people try to explain the unfairness is by saying that the increase in minimum wage hasn’t changed much. Which is true in some regards. The federal minimum wage in 1970 was $1.60 the current federal minimum wage is $7.25, therefore minimum wage is up 450%, which is a lot, but the most important thing is that hardly anyone makes the federal minimum wage. Each state has their own minimum wage, and most people don’t even make that.

As mentioned before the average household income in 1970 (Boomer’s time) was $8300. When accounted for inflation that changes it to $58,800 in today’s dollars, but the average income of today’s American household is actually almost $67,500 which is more. So yes, the average housing cost went up, but so did the average household income. This is also at a time when the average household income includes a lot more single people just supporting themselves and choosing not to have a family than ever before.

The difference is in spending patterns. People spend more on recreation than ever before. People take out loans for tens of thousands of dollars on a degree they have no chance at getting a career with. The American Dream has been corrupted from, “work hard, make good choices, and you can accomplish your goals” to “Do whatever you feel. You deserve everything you want, and no one should ever tell you no. If they do, they are just stealing from you.”

Now, I don’t believe that every millionaire worked hard and earned their money. The government in particular is filled with people who played the system and did steal other people’s money. I don’t care which side of the aisle they sit on. Yet somehow those same millionaire politicians who have made their money by telling you that hard working rich people are stealing your money and you need to give them more money and vote them in so they can steal even more money have convinced an entire generation that the American Dream is not real… because hard work is the invention of evil people who are stealing your money.

Here’s the thing about Capitalism and the American Dream. You don’t have to go to work and make minimum wage. You don’t have to take out loans from the government to learn the things they want to teach you. That’s just what those in charge want you to believe so they can keep making money off of you. If you want to succeed in life, you just have to follow the true American Dream path. You have to work hard. You have to sacrifice some of your now, and some of your fun for a better later. You have to make good choices with your money and with your relationships. You have to take responsibility for your life. That is what being free is all about. That is the reason that millions of people have risked their lives to come here and are still risking their lives today.

The same people who hate the American Dream are the same people fighting for others to be able to come here. They understand how dehumanizing other countries can still be. How slavery is still in existence and human rights are still quashed all over the world, and yet they complain because they have to actually sacrifice their everyday latte and upgrade to the next iPhone in order to buy a dream home. Not to get shelter, which other countries don’t have, but to buy their 3-bedroom, private back yard, and maybe a pool… DREAM home.

There’s a line in the original Matrix movie in which Mr. Smith explains to Neo that the machines had tried to create a utopia for the humans but that the humans kept waking up. They couldn’t handle it. Humans crave conflict. They need something to fight against. A lot of people just curb that need by watching dramas on TV where they root for the hero and feel justified when they win. In fact, this is a primarily American thing as well. Not all countries create movies, TV shows, books, in which the hero wins. Some people elsewhere find it quite trite, but Americans need it. Americans, on the whole, have nothing real left to fight for. We have equal rights. We have the ability to get anything we accomplish if we just work hard and make good choices. Americans are now pushing back on what has already been accomplished and blaming, not those who don’t work hard or make good choices for their problems, but those who do for somehow creating a society in which these things are necessary.

The American Dream is alive and well. In fact, it’s so easy to obtain those who don’t are seen as not the problem, but as victims of the ease of society. Something must be wrong with society as a whole if some find it so easy and others can’t “catch a break”. Of course, in order to catch something, you have to go out into the field and put out your glove. You can’t just wait for someone to hand it to you. The American Dream is all about getting out into the field and doing your part. It’s probably why Baseball is our pastime.

pexels-photo-6055989.jpeg
bullying, Law of Attraction, Love, Mental Health, parenting, Prayer

Forgive and Forget

Katrina Russell

People talk a lot about forgiveness, and there are definitely two camps on this subject. Well, three if you count the people who keep forgiving over and over and not the forgetting part, but for this we won’t. For this we are talking about the people who are done taking flack and listening to lies.

In one camp there are the people who will never forgive. “Those *fill in expletive* don’t deserve my forgiveness”, people. The ones who every time a name is mentioned, even if it’s not the actual person, just the name in common, this one gets a knot in their stomach. This one has been hurt so badly they will never forget, and never give anyone else a chance to hurt them like that either. They will take that pain to the grave, and to whatever afterlife may come.

This is the one that tells you they are fine, while simultaneously screwing up something in their life. A friendship, a romantic relationship, a family situation, a job… something that reminds this one of that person who did that thing to them once and they are not going to let that happen again.

When that person or that subject does come up, this one still sees red. They can’t help it. It’s still so fresh in their mind and heart. They can’t let it go. They are angry and will continue to be angry. There is no way that this one is going to give that person the satisfaction of being let off the hook for the horrible thing that they did. That person is going to die knowing that this one hates them.

Of course, that person may not care, or even remember this one… but that’s not the point… this one will remember… always.

Then there are the ones that know how to forgive and how to forget. The ones who understand that everyone has faults, and everyone is at a different point in the evolutionary scale. This one knows what horrible thing that person did to them. This one knows that person is not capable of the actions or respect that this one deserves. This one feels almost sorry for the person who did them dirty, because this one understands that true happiness can never be found in hurting someone, and the person who hurt them will have to live with everything they do… but this one does not.

This one has learned holding onto a grudge only hurts the one holding on. This one forgives the person who wronged them… and then lets it go. That’s it. It is now a thing of the past. It no longer takes up room in their conscious mind. This one goes about their life not worrying about what the other person did or is doing now. This one goes about their life not assuming that everyone they meet will be like that person and hurt them.

Then there is a moment in this one’s life when they realize they have actually forgotten. Maybe they see that person at an event, or their name is brought up. This one smiles, asks how they are, and have a pleasant encounter. Maybe at some point someone reminds this one of what the other person has done. This one just laughs, and says, “well, it was a long time ago. We’ve all grown since then.”.

Maybe we’ve all grown, maybe that person is just as rotten and hurtful as they always were, but it doesn’t matter. This one has grown. This one has a good life. That person who hurt this one doesn’t have any power over this one. This one has forgiven and forgotten.

Healthcare, parenting, Politics

Freedom is Hard

Katrina Russell

Freedom and rights are hard concepts to understand. Most people are under the impression that each of these represent things that should be given to them. “I have the right to have a house or a new iPhone or whatever medical care I need therefore you must give it to me.”. But those are not rights. Those are desires. You have the right to purchase any of those things and no one should be able to infringe on your rights to work hard and accomplish things, but that is not the same as being given something.

As people we have the right to be left alone and to do as we please. The choices we make then decide the life that we lead. This has become completely turned around by everyone. Most people in our society and in every political party seems to think that freedom means doing whatever one wants without consequence and rights are to have whatever they choose without the needs to work for them.

Growing up my father always said that the job of a parent was to raise children to be independent. Children who can take care of themselves after the parent is gone, and hopefully take care of the parent after they are no longer able to care for themself. That’s freedom. Not having to depend on others. That’s rights, being free to make decisions that enable you to be free, and all of it is hard.

Now, just to be clear. I am not opposed to social programs. I live in Massachusetts, and we even have a socialized healthcare program that was put forth by Mitt Romney about 20 years ago and has been working pretty well ever since. I am quite liberal on many of these subjects, but they are not rights. No one has the right to food that they didn’t grow or buy themselves. No one has the right to someone else’s labor. However, if in a specific community people decide that they want to help out their fellow neighbors in need with programs they choose to pay into that is also freedom, and their right to do so. The right to do what they wish with the benefits of one’s own labor is a right, and a freedom. Someone who feels they are in power over the people telling them they must give up their labor to someone else is extortion.

The flip side of this is cancel culture. The act of looking for anything that someone has ever done that was questionable and then spreading it to everyone possible in order to ruin someone. Those who believe in cancel culture say that it’s all fair because with freedom comes consequences and actions have consequences, which is true. The actions themselves do, but, for instance, the teenage girl who used the “N” word while quoting a rap song to tell another white friend she got driver’s license when she was 16 years old and then was not allowed into the college of her choice years later because someone held onto that information for the perfect strategic moment to inflict as much damage as possible is a classic example of the actions and consequences not matching. The girl didn’t use the word with racist intent, and she was a child when she said it with a very limited understanding of the world and the rules that go with it. This may have been a teaching moment at most, but not a nuclear bomb to her life moment.

Today we are seeing a serious push against freedom everywhere we look. We are seeing people’s speech being censored, we are seeing places of worship being shut down, we are seeing people’s jobs and right to work being eliminated, and we’re seeing all of this under the guise of “leaders” keeping us safe. We are being told that we have no RIGHT to know what our children are being taught in schools, and that we have no RIGHT to speak out against those who are in power regardless of whether or not we are correct in our assertions or not.

We are told that our safety takes priority and that those in charge are the ones to make that decision. That is not how this country was designed. That is not what our forefathers fought for, that’s not what anyone agreed to when they chose to move here from wherever they came. This country was settled by people who were willing to fight and die for the lives they chose to live. It doesn’t matter which settlers we’re talking about. Whether it be the settlers who came over from Asia for thousands of years, the Europeans who came over for hundreds of years, or the many other groups who are still fighting to come over today.

The Asians (now called Native Americans or First Nations or whatever new term of the month it is) and the Europeans came over and dealt with harsh weather, new species of animals, and which ever groups of people had come before them. Most people died. Thousands of tribes of Natives were made extinct before the Europeans even knew this place existed, and hundreds of settlements never made it through a winter once they did, but group after group still come.

Today we see caravans of people walking thousands of miles from South America. We see families risking life and limb in shark infested oceans to just set foot on our shores to gain the freedoms we take for granted. Millions of Africans, Asians, and Arabs have come in the last hundred years knowing that they have to learn the language and the new customs to fit in with our society and they welcome the opportunity, because they know that our society isn’t easy, but if they work hard their children and their children’s children will have a better life here.

Freedom and Rights are not about the to stay safe or the right to never die. Freedom and Rights are about making choices that fit your life and no one stopping you, especially not the government you employ to protect your rights. If you want more privileges, then by all means ask for them. Talk to your communities about sharing the responsibilities for those who can’t or those who won’t, but don’t pretend it’s your right to control someone else or to take the fruits of their labor. That’s just theft, and you have no right to that.

Giving, Homeless, Love, parenting, Politics

Ask Not What You Can Do For Your Country….Privilege!

Katrina Russell

I was not alive when Kennedy made his famous speech, but I was raised by the people who were. I was born 12 years after his assassination, and 10 years after the civil rights movement… smack dab in the middle of women’s lib. I was raised by a single father who understood that his son and daughter were different, but also understood that we could both be whatever we set our minds to.

My father was only 2nd generation American. He remembers his grandfather’s brogue. He remembers how hard he worked. My grandmother would tell me stories about her father and how he used to sell fruits and vegetables out of a horse and carriage in the middle of South Boston. How proud she was of him. Even after his wife died and he was left with 5 kids to raise on his own.. he worked and supported his family. He taught his children to go out and make a life for themselves. All of his sons, a lot of his grandsons, and now his great grandsons did just that.

My father was not educated. He dropped out of school on his 16th birthday, and went out to get his GED so he could help support his single mother and sister. His father had taken off on them a long time ago. He signed up for Job Corp and learned skills that he could use to create that life his grandfather used to talk about. He got married and had two kids.. and yes, eventually also became a single parent when my mother got sick with schizophrenia. He eventually realized that he would also need to strike out on his own and start his own business. With his last commission check he filled out all the right paperwork. Contacted a supplier and the day after Thanksgiving he headed out the door to ring up old clients that he had sold power washers to and offered to sell them the soaps that went with it. He worked a lot.. at some times in my life it was 7 days a week. He worked hard. He was always banged up and burned from the acid. He was the best man that I’ve ever known.

Look back our lives were not what people would call privileged, but it was.. it was very privileged. Not because we were white. Not because we never had to struggle.. but because we were born into the richest more free country in the world, and we never forgot it. When we slacked off in school my dad would tell us that you get nothing for free, that everything worth having is worth working for, and that no one is going to do it for us.. and when I say us. I mean me.. my brother was a nerd. When I would say that I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up he would tell me that it doesn’t matter. “what ever you do. if you work hard and are the best at it.. you will succeed.”.

He never told me that the government would take care of me. When I was looking at schools we discussed different options, but decided on starting with Community College so that I could pay as I go and not collect debt, because no one was going to pay it back for me. I was born in the 70s but we were taught that with hard work and discipline we could accomplish anything.. the skies the limit. This included me. The girl from a small town with a single parent family. We all came from single parent families.. and unfortunately my son is following the pattern. His father died when he was 6. It was really sad, and really tragic.. but not an excuse to give up.. and not an excuse to not give life his all.

I look around today and everyone is talking about privilege.. and in the same breath claiming that they are some how OWED things. They are OWED higher education. They are OWED free health care.. they are OWED what ever they want because they were born in this country and this country is a country of privilege.

All I can say is WOW.. you are right.. this is a country of privilege. You have the privilege to say what ever you want. You have the privilege to practice whatever religion you want. You have the privilege to protect yourself from the State… and you have the privilege to become whatever you choose. What you do not have is the privilege to take things from other people who have worked hard for it.

I look around and all I see are grown people who were never allowed to be hurt. Who were given trophies just for being alive. Who were given good grades because it’s not fair not to even though they didn’t do any of their work. I am seeing people who are being taught that to be human means that everything is owed to them. That because other people have things that they should be allowed to have things too.. that “no one else has it as bad as us”.. yet, if you look around the world.. if you look through the history of this place.. no one, not ever, has had it as good as Americans. Even the most poor. Even the most damaged. They are still better off than 99.9% of history every.. and of most of this planet now.

If you think you deserve to go to college and earn a “women’s studies” degree on the rest of the country’s dime.. or that you deserve to have all of your medical expenses paid just because you happen to have the good fortune to be born in a particular hemisphere you are very mistaken. Now I’m not opposed to a state run medical insurance.. my family has had the need for Medicare or mass health since we live in Massachusetts. I had student loans eventually when I went for my BA and I was glad that the the government could help. The difference is that I am grateful. I understand that I am lucky to live in a such a place, and I do all that I can to give back where I can. I don’t just complain, and expect it.

Gratitude goes a long way in life. It makes the difference between someone feeling as if life matters.. and feeling as if only privilege does. So I ask you to check your privilege.. and if you can volunteer at a local homeless shelter and see how they live.. and then travel to a developing country.. and see how the rest of the world lives.