bullying, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

DON’T GIVE IN TO THE DARK SIDE

rogue-one-a-star-wars-story-1600x900-poster-hd-2757-1170x550I went to see Star Wars: Rogue One the other night and I can’t stop thinking about the plot of the whole series. The whole good vs evil, right from wrong and where the line is drawn. There were plenty of people who were living in the Empire that were just living their lives as usual, following the laws of the Emperor and Darth Vader because that’s the what was expected. Lucas even named the army “Storm-Troopers” after the Nazis. I can’t help but relating this to modern day society.

We are lucky. We live in a society where, to this point our freedoms are pretty much in tact. We can say what we want, believe what we want and not have to worry about being killed or retribution. There have been multiple generations, at this point, who have grown up to this movie… applauding the Rebels for doing their part to defeat the Empire.

As Americans we can relate to not only fighting the evils of the Storm-Troopers but of being brave enough and strong enough to stand up for our rights and free ourselves from images-4an imperial forces that used our resources for their own selfish means. Yet we are so quick to just accept the evils of the world today. We are so quick to blame victims and believe the powers that be. Here’s a hint, if anyone, anyone is preaching hate as a whole, then they are not the person to be listened to.

Are there bad people in the world? Sure. Do horrible things happen everyday? Sadly, but that is not the norm. That is not what humanity is all about. Some say that one religion or another preaches hate and violence, but if you actually learn about a religion then you will learn that is not true. People can skew their message to mean anything. At church the other day our priest discussed how Joseph had the option to have Mary killed for being pregnant… but he did not choose that. People are their choices.

I’m watching Star Wars: The Force Awakens now. I’m watching Han Solo square off with his son. (I’m not going to give this away to those who haven’t seen it) His son makes a choice in that moment. He is using this choice to grow stronger in the Force… the religionimages-5 of that world. But as anyone knows, the force is neither good, not evil, it’s how they use their power that matters.

It’s time we stopped accusing and blaming anyone for what we see on the outside, and start seeing people as their actions and what we see on the inside. That includes looking in the mirror.

 

Aleppo, bullying, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Love begets love

I was watching some horrible videos on Aleppo the other day and my boyfriend asked me images-2why I bother to watch such horrible things. They are so depressing, why do I put myself through that? I feel like that is most people’s view of Aleppo and other horrible things that are happening around the world.

There was an election last month and the winner of that election had a firm stand that Muslims are terrorists and that we should not take one refugee from any Islamic Nation. That’s very easy to say for people speaking hypothetically. It’s easy to sit in your comfy house, in your safe city, eating all the food that you could need and knowing that your babies are tucked cozy in their beds.

But that’s not what the rest of the world is experiencing. “1st world problems” has become a tagline for many things. “My iPhone broke #1stworldproblems” is very common. Most Americans today think that they have it rough if they don’t have a new car, or a big screen TV. They believe that America is a land of special people who have somehow earned the right to be better than others. That what happens to people in other countries, especially people with darker skin of other countries, is not our problem. They never look these babies in the eye and say, “Nope, you can’t come here.. you have to stay and die, because you’re not as good as an American”.

I don’t want to be one of those people that looks the other way. I don’t want to choose a political side over a human life. I want to do as much as I can to help as many people as I can. During this last election the Republicans were saying that Obama and Hillary created ISIS by leaving a power vacuum after the wars, and maybe they did. But the point is not who created the situation. The point is how can we solve it. I have posted before that hatedownload-2 begets hate, and that is true. There are all these people, politicians, news casters, and just Joe Shmo on social media spewing hate about how bad Muslims are and how they deserve what they get and we shouldn’t help them after everything that they have done to us… but no one seems to take into account what we have done to them .

Yes, 9-11 was tragic, every moment of that day has been seared into my brain. Being from Boston, I knew people who died on the plane. I understand why we needed to get justice for that act. I don’t see how starting a war with entire countries and bombing civilians that weren’t involved is getting justice. We managed to take Osama Bin Laden through intelligence, not brute force.

Recently there was a young man from Ohio State who lost his mind and went on a rampage with a knife and his car and killed his fellow classmates. He said that he was doing it because he was so “sick and tired” of the hate directed at him. Many people have used this as yet another example of how all Muslims are about hate and want to kill everyone… but that’s not the story.. the story is that he was sick and tired of the hate. That there are plenty of normal loving Muslims, Jews, Christians, Native Americans, Blacks, Gays… and any other culture out there that just want to be left alone, but hate is thrown in their face everyday.

I am lucky. I am white. I was raised and continue to live in upper-middle towns. I am images-3straight. I have a wonderful amazing son, who is also white. We are Catholic, and he goes to Catholic school. We are not rich, but we have what we need. But I understand that I am lucky. A few hundred years ago my Irish ancestors were not so lucky, and we have to remember what we are doing to everyone else in the world, because in a few hundred years who will be left and how will they be treated.

We watched Hitler try to kill off the Jews. We watched Stalin try to kill off his own. African nations and tribes have been killing each other for years. Every time we hear the stories we claim to be horrified, but we never step in till it’s on our own doorstep. Well, with society as it is, Social Media, the Global economy… everything is our door step. We need to stop treating people who happen to live in other places as the enemy. We have to start taking care of our own… Love begets love as well.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

Hate begets hate!

_a35076d2-a33d-11e5-8ae7-bdc8d919d82aHas anyone else noticed how negative the world has become? Social media is no longer a place to connect and share ideas and stories and make friends. It has become a battle ground for every issue one can think of. It has become a place where everyone is the perfect parent, spouse, worker … and they feel the need to point out everyone else’s imperfections.

When I first became pregnant with my son I signed up for all of the mommy blogs. I loved the idea of reading about new products and getting great advice about all the topics that I didn’t know were actual things till him. I loved expert advice, other mom advice and just a way to get support.

Unfortunately, that is not what I got. Instead all of the articles are “20 things your are doing wrong”, “10 reasons you’re a shitty parent” or some variation of here are things you shouldn’t do, but we know that you’re doing. All of the comments are… “if you’re not a super-mom you should be sterilized”. I am amazed at how many women, never sleep, shower or pee as they have made it clear that they NEVER leave a child unattended for any reason, and if you are one of those horrible moms who has to work, well.. you just shouldn’t have had kids then if you can’t spend 24/7 with them.

I think about all the articles about the horrible things that happen to babies and young children. Articles that are reported on in order to raise awareness for the dangers. Dangers like babies being forgotten in hot cars, being hung by window blinds, drowning in a bathtub. These mother’s who lost their children do not get empathy. They do not get a heartfelt understanding from fellow mother’s who also adore their children and can only imagine the pain they are feeling. They get blamed, bullied and told that it’s their fault for not being perfect at all times.

Cyber-bullying has become a huge topic, even the future first lady plans to make it a priority.. I am assuming by taking away her husband’s phone, but people only think of it as a teenage problem. In reality everyone is a target. Anyone who disagrees with you or has never shared your experience feels the needs to tell you that you’re an idiot, and that you have no right to your opinion. I have seen white men tell black women that they have no right to be fearful of society. That they have no right to call people out on rape. That if they don’t get the job it’s because they’re lazy and stupid because, as a white male, they never had this problem.

This country has gone from “All men are created equal” and “everyone has the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” to “no one has any rights except me, and if youdownload-1 don’t agree with me then you’re a moron and are not entitled to an opinion”.

Everyone talks about how heart disease and cancer is on the rise, but no one wants to discuss that anger, hatred, and down-right evil tendencies are taking over everyone’s brainwaves. Road rage, cyber-bullying, back stabbing and manipulation are just national pastimes. You are the energy that you put out. You attract the energy that you create. This country has spent the last decade creating and expelling anger, hate and vile.. and you wonder how Trump became our leader?

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

How many sizes plus, exactly?

We need a new word for plus-size. Someone who is healthy and strong is NOT plus-sized. The average size woman in America is 16, that makes it not plus, that makes it average.

Now I’m not promoting obesity. In fact I’m doing the opposite. This country is fat. I’m fat. I’ve been working on my health for months and am doing great, but still have some to go, as I’m not crash dieting I’m taking it off the healthy way.

This country has forgotten about health. It has forgotten about muscle. It has forgotten that people and women are getting taller. It no longer looks at shape, and fat percentage. We have become a nation obsessed with numbers, numbers on a scale, numbers on the inside of your jeans. Curves are fat, yet, boobs are curves and there is nothing wrong with them… yeah, confusion.. try being a little or teen girl today and figuring it out.

There is a plus-sized mode who is fighting back. The video of herself in different poses and 32e6daf200000578-3526244-image-m-11_1459945295531outfits is gorgeous. She is not obese. She is not gross and unhealthy. She should be celebrated as what a woman should be working to look and feel like. Society is so angry. They settle for nothing but perfection
. A model should look like a rack, yet, as mentioned the average woman is a size 16, so who are the size 2 models catering to? Who looks the way they do in the cloths?

How about instead of sitting on our couches with a big of chips and  criticizing someone who is healthy, happy and living her dream we work on getting healthy ourselves. Not crazed diets to make ourselves skinny. Not accepting obesity because plus sized is the new cool.. but living everyday in a healthy way. And not labeling healthy as something less than…

parenting, Uncategorized

Pope says we’re turning to shit!

So the Pope thinks Americans are obsessed with shit… not in the literal sense, but he uses Pope Francis Holds Weekly Audienceit as a metaphor. He said that America’s preoccupation with all the useless, garbage, and down right fake news is the same as people with a fetish for poop.

I can’t say that I disagree. The Kardashians are more popular than Neil Degrasse Tyson. The most popular book in the last decade was about a rich man’s S&M compulsion, we have a reality show host who’s about to be our next president.. and when asked why people didn’t vote for Hilary, they spout off lunacy conspiracies about her killing people, running a sex ring out of a pizza shop.. and so on.  They truly feel that you if you don’t believe the garbage that their favorite nut job has spouted that you are the ignorant one.

This country has become so mind dead that everyone believes anything that makes them feel better about themselves. They watch people like the Kardashian’s because it makesmembers-of-the-kardashian-family-u1 them feel better to know that even though they are rich, they are way more screwed up than the average watcher.

I am a huge fan of Doctor Who, and the show has done a few different episodes, one in the first series of the new chapter in which the Doctor and company end up on Satellite 9, a space station that makes the news, they do not report it, they decide what the world should know and think and tells them. The Doctor of course stops this disaster, only to go back 100 years later and find that satellite 9 has been replaced by a giant game show/reality show world. The humans don’t even get a say in whether or not they get picked for the show, and if they lose they die.. but people keep watching… it doesn’t even cross their minds to stop.

Then there is another 2 parter, in which people are obsessed with new ear buds. The company that makes the ear buds happen to also be in charge of the media and download information directly into the wearers head at different intervals. The Doctor comments cybermen_formation_doomsdaythat “You lot, you’re obsessed. You’d do anything for the latest upgrade” which his human companion is offended by, but the fact remains. Humans, and especially Americans are looking for anyone to tell us what to think, what to buy, and how we should act… of course if anyone knows the Doctor, they know that the next step in the upgrade is removing the human brain and putting it into a robot body.

I feel like these are extreme representations of where our world is going. We no longer want to use our own brains.We are incapable of being bored for even a few minutes. We are constantly hooked into our devices and looking for anything that supports our feelings. We gave up critical thinking for an upgraded app that will make us feel better about ourselves without having to do or create anything ourselves. Basically our lives are turning to shit and we just melt our brains away to keep ourselves from noticing.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

Santa, bully!

I read an article today about a 9 year old boy getting fat shamed by Santa. I couldn’t believe it. I mean I’m all about trying to get and stay healthy and feel that this country is out of control with #bodypositive excuses to enable obesity, but there is a time and a place.

Santa is supposed to be the epitome of unconditional love. He is supposed to bring joy tosanta-1 children. He is not supposed to bully them and make them cry, and that is exactly what he did.

I have commented on this before when social media went crazy and fat shamed a teenager in her
prom dress, but this is even more disturbing behavior. This is a grown man insulting a 9 year old. A 9 year old doesn’t really have that much control over his eating habits and his lifestyle. Slamming him for eating too many burgers and fries is like slamming a 4 month old for being fed formula. He does not do the grocery shopping. He does not cook the dinners. He doesn’t even  choose what the menu at his school is.

This poor boy who just went to tell Santa what he wan
ted for Christmas was met with ridicule and hate. He will never look at Santa or Christmas the same again, and I can tell you, this is not going to help his self esteem and there will probably be a lot more emotional eating in his future.

I was not over weight as a child. My son, thus far, is not over weight and I don’t see him becoming so given our lifestyle, but if Santa or any other adult ever bullied my kid and made him cry, getting reprimanded at his job would be the lease of his problems.

The only epidemic that I find more dangerous in this country than obesity is hate. People no longer careczageorxgaij1lo about their neighbors or fellow human beings. They have spent all of their time, over the last decade, sitting behind a keyboard insulting others. Now it’s even spilling into real life. People are all about not being PC and everyone is so easily offended and cry babies… but that’s not really it. It’s more that common decency has flown out the window and now people just want to prove what a dick they are.. because they can.

Should the kid lose weight, probably. Is it Santa’s job to ridicule him into submission.. NO!

bullying, parenting

The next step in bullying

I have stayed away from politics this whole time, because I don’t feel like my political opinion is either right or wrong, however, I do feel that there is a right or wrong to bullying!

trump_protest_0_1478881698Now I don’t care which side it is, or who is getting bullied. It is not right. When Trump was running he was very bad at his Tweeting and many people called for his Twitter account to be suspended. He went after women, minorities, war vets… it didn’t matter. It is the reason why so many people are so upset about his presidency.. and I get that. He even said that had he lost he wasn’t going to go away quietly.

Everyone couldn’t wait for the election to be over. Most people just felt like he would disappear into the ether and that would be the end of it. (I say most people because technically Hillary won the popular vote.. so more people voted for her, and there were other’s who either wrote in or voted for another option). But with the results as is.. he did not go away, and will not for at least 4 year.

That being said, he won, and we have to learn to except this arraignment. I’ve read many people saying that it’s white privilege that allows me and others to say this and that people of color have more to fear. That may be true, but it doesn’t change the fact that he is the President. Now, personally, I’m terrified of some of the changes that may happen. I’m terrified of the precedent that has been set that it’s OK to “grab them by the pussy”, but what mostly scares me is that the bullying is spreading. On both sides.

Hillary said that Trump not excepting the results of the election was horrifying, but now, the results are in and the same people that were supporting her comment are protesting said results. This is not actually helping anything. It’s just adding fuel to the fire. Twitter is actually declaring that it has to start cracking down on hate speech and bullying! Twitter, the site designed to share 180 characters of “what I had for lunch”.

I get that people are angry. I get that people are scared. But as Michelle Obama said, “when they go low, we go high”. Bullying others only gives their side more credibility. Trump made many promises, some of them good, some of them disgusting, m7912564-16x9-2150x1210ost of which have to pass though congress before it can be accomplished.. what’s important now is that the WORST of his campaign, the hate, the bullying, and the anger needs to stop. If you want to
make a change… if you want to Make America Great Again.. that starts with you. Get involved in local politics. Help out at local shelters or other charities… donate your time and money to helping the next generation be less hateful… You’re not going to change Trump’s mind. You’re not going to change the minds of his supporters. You can only change your own actions. And I for one would rather talk about the good in the world, than focus on the HATE!

bullying, parenting

That’s not bullying.. that’s assault!

This is not a typical whiny old person rant… I am dead serious. What is wrong with kids today. I just read an article about a 10 year old boy who was set on fire by one of his classmates. SET ON FIRE!!! How does that happen? Who in their right mind thinks that it’s ok to SET SOMEONE ON FIRE?!?!?!

kaydenI just don’t get it. I have never been one of those people who was all up in arms about bullying. I’ve never approved, even as a kid, but always kind of thought that it was a right of passage. I grew up in the 80s when kids were stuffed in lockers and lunch money was taken. Classic bullies like you saw on TV. I always thought they were jerks, and my dad always taught me to stand up to a bully and that “nothing hurt like a punch in the nose”. It really was kid stuff.

Setting someone on fire is not kid’s stuff. Nor is pouring superglue on someone’s head and causing burns, nor is shooting up a school. I just don’t understand what has happened. I had to go to an “Active Shooter Drill” at my son’s preschool this past week. Seriously?!?!? This is the new generation?

I am not even sure who to blame for this. Some are blaming parents, some the media, some the parents for letting their kids watch the media.. there’s movies and video games and all the like, but really? My dad grew up watching cowboys and Indians, he didn’t blaze through the school with a shot gun. I grew up watching Star Wars, I didn’t run through the town with a blaster… though at least if I did, I wouldn’t actually hit anyone.

Violence is not a new concept in entertainment. Before movies and TV there were books4c0e85d8762200be32f31f1c6f5c61c7 and stories. Death and destruction was par for the course. Have you ever read the true Grimm fairy tales? I had nightmares from Edgar Allen Poe, there was Shakespeare and Homer and on and on… but there has never been such a violent generation.

The scary thing is violence isn’t just the bullies, the victims are seeing it as their only way out. Most school shootings are perpetuated by those who were bullied and then there’s the suicides, which is violence to ones self. Just google “kids commit suicide for bullying” and pages come up. And these aren’t angsty 16 year-old’s, they are 13, 11 and even 9! At nine I was still playing with dolls! How can this actually be reality?

People talk about the mental health system failing, but these kids have barely hit puberty. They’re still getting stickers from their pediatrician for being a “good boy/girl”. Are we going to have to start psychological testing in pre-school? I am normally not one to blame parents. I understand how difficult it is. I am a single mom. I was raised by a single dad. No one can be there 24/7, but come on, you have to see something. I’m not saying it’s the parents fault that the child has killed other’s or themselves. I’m saying that we, as parents, are the first line of defense.

If you see that your kid is moody, or withdrawing, or having trouble you know it. Don’t just pretend it away. If you hear about your kid being nasty or mean to other’s step in. Don’t just assume that “kids will be kids” because kids are not kids anymore. They are lost and disturbed. If you don’t have the answers, that’s ok, that’s not your job.. but talk to the teachers, talk to the guidance counselor at school Most people have insurance today, therapy is covered.

I understand that there is a stigma behind therapy and people don’t want to feel or be treated like there’s something wrong with them… but that has to stop! Even if you, as the parent start going to a family therapist first for ideas on how to help your child and then ask your child to join you. Then they will think it is more about you than them. I, personally started my son in therapy about a month ago and he’s only 3. He has been through a lot of loss in his short life (my father, who we lived, with passed away, and my son’s father is not very consistent). When it was time for my son to start pre-school I wanted help with how to deal with the separation anxiety that he was going to experience.

It is pretty much common knowledge that most bullies are just people with their own self-esteem problems who are trying to make themselves feel better by putting others down. It 12033164_499509056920652_6337032704963096023_n-600x800is clear that we, as a nation, are not raising strong independent kids with healthy self esteem. Bullying, violence, drugs, suicide… these are not “normal” childhood behaviors. We need to stop letting society, the media and video games take responsibility for our children’s actions. Again, I’m not blaming parents, I’m encouraging them to help. Teach your kids right from wrong, if you don’t feel the TV is helping, shut it off. If you see your kid being a little ass, correct the behavior. Not just with punishment, but ask them why they treated someone that way. Talk to them about empathy, and sympathy…

Parents are not just there to feed and shelter our children to ensure they live to adulthood. We are there to raise high functioning members of society so they can contribute to, not just consume from society.

parenting, Uncategorized

The blame game

So I was talking to one of my friends who is a recovering drug addict. We were discussing some of the people in his AA/NA programs and he was amazed at the fact that a lot of them don’t have any real goals in life. I was amazed by the fact that he was amazed by this.

4127653707_7476ea3ccd_bAddicts aren’t really known for being goal oriented (unless you count the goal of getting a fix. He was talking about this one particular friend who has decided to start a club of sorts for his addict friends. In theory it sounds like a good idea, not the way he’s implementing it, but the concept in general. It’s basically getting a group of addicts together and agreeing to be there for one another. If anyone needs a ride to a meeting or someone to talk to, that type of thing. Then he was talking about expanding it to an outreach program. Talking to troubled kids and the like…. again, sounds like a fabulous idea…

Here’s the catch. The friend who is looking to start the program isn’t really sober. I mean, he’s sometimes sober… he can go for periods of time being sober, but as soon as anything happens in his life he jumps head first of the wagon. On top of that he has severe issues with relationships. He just got out of jail for stalking and harassing an ex… this does not really feel like the type of person that should be teaching others about sobriety and living well sober.

When I mentioned this to my friend, he started with the excuses, “well, it’s not really his fault, he has severe abandonment issues… his childhood was…. ” blah blah blah. I stopped listening at that point. Your childhood is not a reasonable answer for your choices. It is a pathetic excuse to blame others. Now I am in no way perfect. I admit that. I picked up a lot of bad eating habits from my father growing up as I have discussed previously, but once I became an adult… maybe not the moment I turned 18… but 25, 30… so on… my parents mistakes were not my problem.. my own were.

This guy with the abandonment issues (because he was put into foster care as a child) has gone on to put one child up for adoption and has another that sees him bouncing in and out of jail and rehabs. Those are his choices. There are plenty of people who have had screwed up childhoods who turn out just fine. I, personally, am so sick of an entire society who blames everyone else for their choices and actions.

My childhood was not perfect. My mother was schizophrenic. There were horrible custody battles, at one point my parents had a literal tug of war battle over me in the middle of the street. When I did live with my mother she took us to religious communes where, since we didn’t live with out father, anyone was allowed to punish us as they wished. For a while we even lived in a car. It didn’t stop once my dad finally got custody. My mother kidnapped us, police were called to the house and my school.. all kinds of things happened, but none of that made me a victim. All of that made me stronger and more aware of my own actions.

As an adult I have taken in other people’s children when the mom wasn’t able to care for them, and now I am a full-time mom to my son, while still running my own business. People make their own choices. If they hate the way they were treated by someone else or society or however they feel wronged, it is not their job to cry about why they deserve more, it’s their responsibility to make sure they don’t repeat the actions, and their right to have a better life.

If you blame others for your problems then you are giving them control over your life. The only person who can fix your life is you!

 

 

parenting

Taste the rainbow!

OK, I may get a little flack on this one, and I’m alright with that.I’m sure you’ve all seen the post about the mom who was “snack shamed” for sending her kid to school with Oreos, and I get that as parents we have the right to feed our kids what ever we want. But here’s the thing. School is a place where we go to send our children to learn things, and fist of all, learning good nutrition is also important, but on top of that it has been regularly proven that we learn better when we can concentrate. When our blood sugar levels are all over the place we can’t.

SONY DSC

I’m not saying that an Oreo now and then is going to kill you, but these teachers are dealing with 20 kids in their class, and the last thing they need is 20 maniacs running around from a sugar rush, and then crashing and not being able to focus or listen.

And yes, I understand that the new cool thing is to accept everyone no matter how unhealthy they are, but learning good habits as a child will help them become a more healthy adults, who may actually live to see their own children grow up. Obesity is real people. Diabetes, heart disease these are not made up conspiracies by the fruit and veggies market. These are real diseases that are killing people.

Now I understand that fresh fruits and veggies can be expensive for some and that buying the cheaper chips and cookies are easier, but let’s think about that for a moment. I’m not willing to put a little extra away to buy even raisins to help my child stay healthy… in other words KEEP MY CHILD ALIVE LONGER.

Sugar really is evil. There is study after study about not just how it affects our moods anddownloadjf energy levels and concentration, but also our long term health. Sugar is worse for our bodies than most fats, and most of the cookies and other junk foods aren’t even made with real sugar and natural fats, they’re made with high fructose, partially hydrogenated garbage that increases cholesterol levels, plays havoc with our blood sugar levels and even gives us acne… as if health problems weren’t bad enough!

Cutting sugar isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible either. There are plenty of places to go for help, and plenty of real snacks to take the edge off. In fact, research shows that as one starts to cut out the sugars and salts from ones diet they crave it less, and I have found that my taste buds have grown so that real food’s flavor actually intensifies.

So the next time you get all bent out of shape because someone dared to put your well-being  before your wants, try to remember what your job is as a parent, and be as good to yourself too.