Category: Homeless

Addiction, grief, Homeless

We need to talk about men and mental health

Katrina Russell

Let me start by saying that I didn’t know the man. I only watched him on TV and have no understanding of what his life was like, but for anyone to think that suicide is the only answer is just sad to me.

The other day as I was carelessly scrolling I saw in my news feed that Billy Miller had died. Unless you’re a middle aged woman who was raised with a grandmother or mother watching soap operas you probably don’t know who he is. I, however, fit into that category and had quite the crush on his Ritchie Novak character when he was on All My Children. Of course he was the bad boy and did horrible things, but he was hot and made the show fun.

When he took over the role of Jason Morgan on General Hospital I was both heartbroken that the real Jason wasn’t coming back, but somewhat excited to see Billy again. I am strictly an ABC soap watcher and I know he played a Billy on another soap on some other channel, but that’s none of my business. He did a really good job in the role and the writers actually did a great job of rewriting his character when Steve Burton came (he had a twin… cuz of course he did). I was sad when he was written off and then when he was replaced, though I do love Cameron Mathison and what he has brought to the role, but this is not supposed to be about my old lady appreciation for soap operas.

The other night when I was laying in bed scrolling my feed I saw that Billy Miller had died. I was surprised. He was a young guy; only 43. He had a decent career, and all of his soap friends were Xing messages about their love for him. He was wicked attractive and seemed, on the outside to have everything going for him. I wondered if it was an accident, or you know… a sudden heart attack or stroke which seems so common today. Maybe it was an accidental overdose. I know from experience they can how many people are afflicted with that horrible disease.

The next day I read about his battle with bi-polar disorder. It was a little surprising to read about. There are other actors on the show who have been open about their illness, and a lot of celebrities today have come out in order to spread awareness, but I didn’t know the man, and to be honest I don’t usually look into the actors’ personal lives because that can sway my opinion on their characters, but still he always seemed so happy.

I guess that is the point of my writing. I finally heard that he killed himself. “They always seemed so happy”, is something often said about those who end up committing suicide. I don’t know if they are good at hiding it, or if people just don’t bother to really pay attention. After you always hear about people looking back and trying to figure out if there were signs, but that seems pointless.

In the US men make up 75% of all suicides, while in Europe it is more like 80%. However men are half as likely to seek mental health treatment than women. These statistics are obviously correlated, but why is a bigger question. Are men not seeking treatment and therefore just deciding to kill themselves? Are men seeking treatment but being told by both society and more than likely the feminist psychologist who they seek treatment from that their problems don’t really matter because they are some sort of oppressive class that needs to apologize for how they treat everyone else? Are they just diagnosed and handed a bottle full of pills and told that will make them feel better? If that’s the case men are also dying from drug overdoses 2-3 times more than women. This may be the reason why almost twice as many men are homeless compared to women.

Men are constantly being told that they need to talk about their feelings at the same time being told that their feelings are invalid and that the things that they care about are evil and the patriarchy. Men talk about how they feel useless because they lose or can’t get a job and can’t provide for their families. They feel emasculated because they can’t find a woman worthy of marriage. They feel pathetic because they aren’t living up to their vision of what they feel their lives should be. Then they are told that they have no right to feel these ways. That they should take a back seat to the woman’s needs. That they shouldn’t even try to “subjugate” a woman by marrying her and “forcing her to have his babies and be a slave”.

When in a relationship men are constantly getting flack if they want to spend time with their friends over their wife and kids sometimes, and yet women can’t wait for their girl time. Women spend hours on the phone with friends or when they become moms they spend hours in the playgrounds or at coffee shops with their friends setting up playgroups for their kids.. men work, and when they want to do something with their friends in their spare time the are guilted by the woman for not being home.

Men are told they are stupid. They are told their opinions don’t matter… today they are told they are born evil just because they are men. It’s like the new version of “original sin”. There’s nothing a man can do to be considered a good person in some eyes, and when they ask for help they are “helped” into more misery by being told by society to aim for the frivolous. They shouldn’t want relationships or kids, they should want a revolving door of women, then they are told by society that they are evil for using women.

If they do get married they have no real rights. If the woman cheats and divorces him then he loses half of his money and possessions. If the couple had kids they automatically end up with the ex wife, that is if the ex allowed his children to be born in the first place and didn’t murder them in the womb. Men have no “privilege” in the eyes of family court, and yet they are constantly labeled oppressors for wanting basic respect.

Women have loads of problems navigating the world, I’m not trying to deny that, but people have to realize that men do too. Too many of our brothers, sons, husbands, and fathers are losing the battle. They are killing themselves, overdosing, or just ending up in jail because society has turned their backs on teaching them what it really means to be a man, and if we’re not careful it’s going to spread to women not understanding what they bring to the table as well, and all of society will crumble.

cancel culture, free speech, Homeless, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

School Choice is about the Parent’s choice not the Government’s choice.

Katrina Russell

I belong to so many Facebook groups it’s ridiculous. As a homeschool mom I like keeping in touch with other homeschool parents to see what kinds of curriculum they use, what kinds of activities they have coming up, and of course it’s a great way to keep up on rules and laws in the area.

I only started homeschooling my son last year, but I have been teaching homeschoolers on-line for a few years. I started right before Covid and have seen homeschooling explode since then. The more that I talk with people the more I see how many different reasons people have for choosing homeschool. Some people have had problems with their local public schools. Some people choose to include more religious teaching in their schooling. Some just live in communities that don’t have the best schools. And of course there are those who just feel that between school shootings and Covid schools are safer. Some just want to spend their children’s childhood with their children instead of sending them off for 7 hours a day.

Regardless of the reason for choosing homeschooling they are all happy that they had that choice. Which is why I think it’s so hypocritical that so many homeschool moms are against school choice. They literally made the choice to take their kids out of the public schools for whatever reason and now they want to make sure that other’s don’t have the same opportunity.

A lot of these moms use the excuse that they don’t want the government involved in their kids schooling and that places like California who passed their version of school choice now has the government all up in the business of homeschoolers. That is just BS. California also has homeless people crapping on people’s front doorsteps and shoplifting is no longer a crime. Just because one state is crazy doesn’t mean that every other state needs to be punished. This is the whole purpose of Federalism.

School Choice, real School Choice is about getting the government out of the decisions made about the schools. It’s about a family deciding that the government school is garbage and they want to take the tax dollars attached to the child and putting it towards whichever kind of education the family chooses. Maybe it’s a different town, maybe it’s a private or Charter school, maybe it’s a religious school, or maybe it’s homeschooling. The government doesn’t get a say in the education of the children just because they collect the money from the tax payers.

I don’t know when the American people started to think that the government was in charge. They literally work for us. We elect them. We pay them. They are put into office to safeguard against people who try to take away our rights and to enact new laws that coincide with what the citizens in the area need or want in their communities. Somehow people now think that the government is the boss of the people, and put in office to tell us what to do.

We need to stop telling each other that we can’t have things because the government will stop us. We have to start telling the government that they can’t have things or we will stop them. Our kids are just that… OURS. They are not for the government to raise. They are not for the government to control. Their education is our responsibility and if we CHOOSE to take the money that the community allotted to our kids and spend it on curriculum that we approve of the government just has to hand us a check and say, “you’re welcome”. Or they can find themselves recalled and we’ll find people who do listen to We The People.

ancient greek temple
cancel culture, Healthcare, Homeless, Politics

Americans Hate History

Katrina Russell

The funny thing about Americans is that they actually think they know History. They hear a story here and there about an event and think they understand the complexities of the world. Of course, to most Americans the world is just America and everyone since the dawn of time has had the same morality. None of which is true of course.

It doesn’t matter which side of the political isle they are on. To the people on the Left America is the worst place in the world. They had slavery, Jim Crowe. No other country ever had slaves or treated different groups differently. They stole the land from the Native Americans who all lived here peacefully until the damn white man came along and caused problems. And let’s not forget Capitalism. The worst thing to come along since… since money. It just makes people concentrate on things instead of people… and all the things that should be given to people who shouldn’t have to work. To the people on the Right America is the best place that has ever existed. We invented everything. We’ve won every war. We have better everything. Everyone wants to be us. In fact, Jesus was even American.

Of course, none of that is true. None. Slavery has been around since the dawn of time. Every group of people ever have both been enslaved and owned slaves. Every group of people has ostracized the “others” who weren’t like them in society. The African Slave trade that everyone talks about was actually perpetrated by… Africans. That was their market. You know how you learned that spices come from India? Or at least you should have. That’s what Columbus was supposedly heading for when he found America. Spices was Indias big trade commodity. Holland had tulips, China had gun powder, and Africa had slaves.

It was Africans that would run around causing wars and selling off the losers as slaves. Eventually they found it easier to just skip the war and go in and kidnap people. They had a big trade of Africans because they were the most accessible and people were divided more by tribes and countries back then, so they just stole “others” and sold them. They would travel across Africa kidnapping people and brought them to Europe or Persia to sell them. Then they would travel though Persia and Europe kidnapping people to bring them back to Africa to sell them. That was it. That was their trade.

People think that America was the only country to import African Slaves but of the whole of the African Slave trade only about 300k slaves were brought over from Africa to what was then America equaling to about 4-6% of all the Slaves sold through the African Slave trade. Most actually went to South America and the Islands… so the conclusion that it was slavery that created wealth in America kind of dies when you know that South America imported millions of slaves from Africa and their economy isn’t so healthy.

As far as 400 years of slavery, half the states in America started ending slavery immediately in the State constitutions. When people say that America was the first to end slavery that’s what they mean. The states individually started putting an end to slavery. Those states were the only place in the world where no slavery existed. As opposed to many countries in the Middle East and Africa which still have slavery today.

As for the Native Americans weren’t even native to America. They were Asians who came by way of the Baring Straight over the course of thousands of years. There were new groups after new groups coming over, killing, and taking the land away from those who were already there. There were more peaceful tribes and there were barbaric cannibalistic tribes, but they all had slaves. They all took captives of those they fought and won and made them slaves or concubines. That was the way of the world. The Europeans were just the next in a long line of peoples who came to this land and won.

The difference between the Americans and the other tribes who came over from Asia was that the Americans worked with the “Natives” to try and help them keep some of their land. People scoff at this, but how often does that happen? There are literally areas in the US designated to “Native American” tribes that the US doesn’t control. They don’t pay US taxes and they have, for the most part, their own laws. Which is another thing that I find interesting. Don’t get me wrong, I know that there were many atrocities that were done against them over the years, as with any other group, but now there’s always articles about how the US government doesn’t do anything to “help” the “Native Americans”. When they go missing, when they go hungry… and so on and so forth. Except that was the deal. That’s what the tribes agreed to. They didn’t want “The White Man’s” authority. They wanted autonomy. Kind of like the CHAZ that wanted the government to supply them with goods after declaring themselves separate from the US. That’s not how it works.

Hatred against Capitalism is the one that gets me the most. The same people that cry that they don’t make enough money to buy all the things that they want are the same people that cry that Capitalism is all about greedy people wanting money. This country is the biggest success story ever. Many other countries changed their whole way of life to copy the success of America. Millions of people risk life and limb every year to come to this country. That includes all those Africans who will be treated so badly in this racist, proslavery country.

This country was built on working hard and being strong. That’s it. If you work hard and stay faithful to your family, you will succeed. You may never be a millionaire, but not many people are. You will however have a good life. You won’t be in poverty. You won’t have to wait for someone else to give you what you need. Hardworking, ambitious people flock to this country only to hear its citizens complain that they, “actually have to work for things… that’s so not fair. Why can’t you just give me stuff? You’re already rich.”.

The people of this country have no idea what it really means to struggle. They have no idea what it was like to be that explorer or Pilgrim who set off on a boat to uncharted territory with nary a supply just in hopes to make it to a new land without dying, and then to create, build, and produce a whole new world to live in. They have no idea what it was like to be the family that packed up their cart and buggy and head out on that Oregon Trail knowing the chance of you all making it was slim. The Americans of today have no idea what it’s like to leave behind the people that they love and the home that they’ve known in hopes of a better future, not even for them, but for their offspring like an immigrant does. Americans of today don’t even want to have kids because that means they’ll have less money and free time to spend on themselves.

America is not a perfect place. Nowhere is a perfect place, but America, real America, they try.

As for the other side. No America did not invent everything. Yes most other countries that you have heard of also have electricity, heating, plumbing, internet, cars, video games, Netflix and all of the other first world things that you expect. Einstein was German, Marie Curie was Polish, Tesla was Croatian, the car was invented in Germany, the answering machine was invented in Denmark… and many more.

A lot of our constitution, in fact, was taken from Enlightenment thinkers of Europe, and brought back by people like Benjamin Franklin. The thing that is great about America is that we are a melting pot. We have a long history of not just assuming only Americans can do things. We will take the advice and expertise of the best and work with them. That’s what makes this the greatest country. Our love of doing our best.

man holding us flag
Healthcare, Homeless, Love, Mental Health, parenting, Politics

The American Dream

Katrina Russell

The ideal that we are all free to make our own choices and create our own future. The ideal that if someone works hard and makes good choices, they can accomplish anything that they can dream. The United States was founded on this model. For two hundred years millions of people have left their homelands in search of this endeavor. Over a million people per year are still clamoring to get in, some legally, some not, all striving for a better life than the one they left behind.

The American Dream is alive and well all over the world… except in half of Americans. The problem with the dream is the part that it’s about freedom, and choices, and hard work. Half of America was raised to believe that the American Dream was that everything was to be taken care of FOR them… not by them. Half of Americans don’t feel that people should have to work hard or accomplish anything. They feel that simply being an American should automatically give them privileges.

Half of America thinks that working is for “other people”… for “rich people”. As long as the rich have money why should anyone else have to work. The rich should just pay for everyone else. The fact that they are expected to pay back loans that they signed for in order to further their own education, or possibly have to give up on some luxuries in order to afford necessities is a form of slavery.

People love to compare the cost of housing between when “Boomers” were buying compared to now is seriously laughable. The biggest just in the market was between 1970s-1990s, when it increased by 700%, and was when the Boomers were buying. It had more to do with the tech boom and an economy that was suddenly international and an entire way of life changing than being mean to the next generation. From the 90s to today housing costs have only gone up about 100%, which is a lot less.

Of course, the same people who cry about not being able to afford housing on a single income are the same people crying about how people shouldn’t get married and that women have to work and never stay home with the kids… even though they really don’t think anyone should have to work and hate work… women should be forced to have to work because it’s men who kept them down by not letting them do the thing that everyone hates to do.

These same people are also the ones who get an upgrade on a $1000 telephone every year. Not to mention TVs, gaming systems, tablets, computers…. and on and on. Do you know what Boomers spent on Telephones and TVs? Around $20 and $160 respectively, and seeing as the average household income was about $8300 they were quite expensive. People had to save up for them… and then… that was it. They had the same phone and TV for decades. They didn’t “upgrade”, they didn’t have 30 different streaming services. They had rabbit ears, tin foil, and their youngest child to help get the one channel of the 3-5 they were trying to watch.

One way that people try to explain the unfairness is by saying that the increase in minimum wage hasn’t changed much. Which is true in some regards. The federal minimum wage in 1970 was $1.60 the current federal minimum wage is $7.25, therefore minimum wage is up 450%, which is a lot, but the most important thing is that hardly anyone makes the federal minimum wage. Each state has their own minimum wage, and most people don’t even make that.

As mentioned before the average household income in 1970 (Boomer’s time) was $8300. When accounted for inflation that changes it to $58,800 in today’s dollars, but the average income of today’s American household is actually almost $67,500 which is more. So yes, the average housing cost went up, but so did the average household income. This is also at a time when the average household income includes a lot more single people just supporting themselves and choosing not to have a family than ever before.

The difference is in spending patterns. People spend more on recreation than ever before. People take out loans for tens of thousands of dollars on a degree they have no chance at getting a career with. The American Dream has been corrupted from, “work hard, make good choices, and you can accomplish your goals” to “Do whatever you feel. You deserve everything you want, and no one should ever tell you no. If they do, they are just stealing from you.”

Now, I don’t believe that every millionaire worked hard and earned their money. The government in particular is filled with people who played the system and did steal other people’s money. I don’t care which side of the aisle they sit on. Yet somehow those same millionaire politicians who have made their money by telling you that hard working rich people are stealing your money and you need to give them more money and vote them in so they can steal even more money have convinced an entire generation that the American Dream is not real… because hard work is the invention of evil people who are stealing your money.

Here’s the thing about Capitalism and the American Dream. You don’t have to go to work and make minimum wage. You don’t have to take out loans from the government to learn the things they want to teach you. That’s just what those in charge want you to believe so they can keep making money off of you. If you want to succeed in life, you just have to follow the true American Dream path. You have to work hard. You have to sacrifice some of your now, and some of your fun for a better later. You have to make good choices with your money and with your relationships. You have to take responsibility for your life. That is what being free is all about. That is the reason that millions of people have risked their lives to come here and are still risking their lives today.

The same people who hate the American Dream are the same people fighting for others to be able to come here. They understand how dehumanizing other countries can still be. How slavery is still in existence and human rights are still quashed all over the world, and yet they complain because they have to actually sacrifice their everyday latte and upgrade to the next iPhone in order to buy a dream home. Not to get shelter, which other countries don’t have, but to buy their 3-bedroom, private back yard, and maybe a pool… DREAM home.

There’s a line in the original Matrix movie in which Mr. Smith explains to Neo that the machines had tried to create a utopia for the humans but that the humans kept waking up. They couldn’t handle it. Humans crave conflict. They need something to fight against. A lot of people just curb that need by watching dramas on TV where they root for the hero and feel justified when they win. In fact, this is a primarily American thing as well. Not all countries create movies, TV shows, books, in which the hero wins. Some people elsewhere find it quite trite, but Americans need it. Americans, on the whole, have nothing real left to fight for. We have equal rights. We have the ability to get anything we accomplish if we just work hard and make good choices. Americans are now pushing back on what has already been accomplished and blaming, not those who don’t work hard or make good choices for their problems, but those who do for somehow creating a society in which these things are necessary.

The American Dream is alive and well. In fact, it’s so easy to obtain those who don’t are seen as not the problem, but as victims of the ease of society. Something must be wrong with society as a whole if some find it so easy and others can’t “catch a break”. Of course, in order to catch something, you have to go out into the field and put out your glove. You can’t just wait for someone to hand it to you. The American Dream is all about getting out into the field and doing your part. It’s probably why Baseball is our pastime.

Giving, Homeless, Love, parenting, Politics

Ask Not What You Can Do For Your Country….Privilege!

Katrina Russell

I was not alive when Kennedy made his famous speech, but I was raised by the people who were. I was born 12 years after his assassination, and 10 years after the civil rights movement… smack dab in the middle of women’s lib. I was raised by a single father who understood that his son and daughter were different, but also understood that we could both be whatever we set our minds to.

My father was only 2nd generation American. He remembers his grandfather’s brogue. He remembers how hard he worked. My grandmother would tell me stories about her father and how he used to sell fruits and vegetables out of a horse and carriage in the middle of South Boston. How proud she was of him. Even after his wife died and he was left with 5 kids to raise on his own.. he worked and supported his family. He taught his children to go out and make a life for themselves. All of his sons, a lot of his grandsons, and now his great grandsons did just that.

My father was not educated. He dropped out of school on his 16th birthday, and went out to get his GED so he could help support his single mother and sister. His father had taken off on them a long time ago. He signed up for Job Corp and learned skills that he could use to create that life his grandfather used to talk about. He got married and had two kids.. and yes, eventually also became a single parent when my mother got sick with schizophrenia. He eventually realized that he would also need to strike out on his own and start his own business. With his last commission check he filled out all the right paperwork. Contacted a supplier and the day after Thanksgiving he headed out the door to ring up old clients that he had sold power washers to and offered to sell them the soaps that went with it. He worked a lot.. at some times in my life it was 7 days a week. He worked hard. He was always banged up and burned from the acid. He was the best man that I’ve ever known.

Look back our lives were not what people would call privileged, but it was.. it was very privileged. Not because we were white. Not because we never had to struggle.. but because we were born into the richest more free country in the world, and we never forgot it. When we slacked off in school my dad would tell us that you get nothing for free, that everything worth having is worth working for, and that no one is going to do it for us.. and when I say us. I mean me.. my brother was a nerd. When I would say that I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up he would tell me that it doesn’t matter. “what ever you do. if you work hard and are the best at it.. you will succeed.”.

He never told me that the government would take care of me. When I was looking at schools we discussed different options, but decided on starting with Community College so that I could pay as I go and not collect debt, because no one was going to pay it back for me. I was born in the 70s but we were taught that with hard work and discipline we could accomplish anything.. the skies the limit. This included me. The girl from a small town with a single parent family. We all came from single parent families.. and unfortunately my son is following the pattern. His father died when he was 6. It was really sad, and really tragic.. but not an excuse to give up.. and not an excuse to not give life his all.

I look around today and everyone is talking about privilege.. and in the same breath claiming that they are some how OWED things. They are OWED higher education. They are OWED free health care.. they are OWED what ever they want because they were born in this country and this country is a country of privilege.

All I can say is WOW.. you are right.. this is a country of privilege. You have the privilege to say what ever you want. You have the privilege to practice whatever religion you want. You have the privilege to protect yourself from the State… and you have the privilege to become whatever you choose. What you do not have is the privilege to take things from other people who have worked hard for it.

I look around and all I see are grown people who were never allowed to be hurt. Who were given trophies just for being alive. Who were given good grades because it’s not fair not to even though they didn’t do any of their work. I am seeing people who are being taught that to be human means that everything is owed to them. That because other people have things that they should be allowed to have things too.. that “no one else has it as bad as us”.. yet, if you look around the world.. if you look through the history of this place.. no one, not ever, has had it as good as Americans. Even the most poor. Even the most damaged. They are still better off than 99.9% of history every.. and of most of this planet now.

If you think you deserve to go to college and earn a “women’s studies” degree on the rest of the country’s dime.. or that you deserve to have all of your medical expenses paid just because you happen to have the good fortune to be born in a particular hemisphere you are very mistaken. Now I’m not opposed to a state run medical insurance.. my family has had the need for Medicare or mass health since we live in Massachusetts. I had student loans eventually when I went for my BA and I was glad that the the government could help. The difference is that I am grateful. I understand that I am lucky to live in a such a place, and I do all that I can to give back where I can. I don’t just complain, and expect it.

Gratitude goes a long way in life. It makes the difference between someone feeling as if life matters.. and feeling as if only privilege does. So I ask you to check your privilege.. and if you can volunteer at a local homeless shelter and see how they live.. and then travel to a developing country.. and see how the rest of the world lives.

Addiction, Giving, Healthcare, Homeless, Love, Mental Health, parenting

We’re not alone

Katrina Russell

I was shocked when an article showed up on my Facebook page today. Sesame Street has created a character whose parents are  addicts. They are talking about actually drug addiction and the opiate crisis on frickin’ Sesame Street. I couldn’t believe it. Since losing my son’s father I have been very vocal about addiction and how it has affected me and my family. I have been very clear that keeping this kind of thing “hush hush” doesn’t do anyone any good and that mental health in general needs to be the topic of more conversations… but I had no idea how many little children are going through the same thing my son did.

According to the article I read of a similar name, “We’re not alone – ‘Sesame Street’ tackles addiction crisis “,  5.7 million children under age 11 live in households with a parent with substance use disorder. That number is disgusting. I’m sorry. I wish I could say it any other way, but it is. It is disgusting to know how many kids out there have parents who are struggling with addiction and mental illness and can’t get the help that they need. How many parents have kids that are struggling with addiction and mental illness and can’t get the help that they need.

I say that they can’t get the help that they need because I tried. I called every long term rehabilitation center that I could find in the tri-state area to get my son’s father into a real treatment program. Not just a 2 week or 30 day dry out, but a real 6 months or a year program. Of course he protested at first saying that it would disrupt his life to be gone for so long, but I finally made him realize that it was much more disruptive to keep having relapses.. to not actually fix the problem and only band-aid the symptoms. It would have been a lot less disruptive on his life to take a year to get healthy then to die alone in a “sober house” with his family 3 cities away and his sober house manager swearing he’s fine… he doesn’t notice anything wrong with him.

I made at least 20 phone calls to every long term facility that I could find all saying the same thing. Sure.. he’s more than welcome.. that’ll be $50,000… right.. how many addicts do you know that have over $100 in their pockets. None of them take insurance.. and none of the ones that take insurance do any real treatment.. they just clean up their puke while they detox and then then send them on their way telling them to find some sort of out patient program like NA/AA to help.. yeah.. stay away from other addicts… but go find meetings where all you do is meet other addicts.. great idea.

I’m not saying that NA/AA are bad programs. They just aren’t for everyone. They have a very strong link to God and surrendering to a higher power and trusting in that higher power to help. Only problem.. not everyone believes in God or a higher power. I know Neil didn’t. I know he stayed clean out of shear will power. He told me repeatedly that everything that he did was for me and our son. That he was living for his family and he knew that he had to stay clean in order to have us in his life.

Now I read this article about Sesame Street talking to millions of kids about their parents. Millions of kids whose mommies and daddies have to stay sober using nothing but will power. My son is not the only kid I know whose parent has died from the crisis.. my son is not the only kid I know that needed a monitor to make sure he was safe when his Da was using. I do not live in an urban city. My child goes to private school. We love in a small town. We go to church every week. To look at us we are not who you would assume would have an addict for a loved one. But that’s the point. None of us are… and we all need to start talking about it if we want to save the mommies and daddies of those 5.7 million children. If we want to save the life of just one.

Addiction, bullying, Healthcare, Homeless, Love, Mental Health, parenting

Why is mental health so taboo?

Katrina Russell

My mother was schizophrenic. I have been dealing with mental health illnesses my entire life. I can remember people asking me why my mother wasn’t around when I was little and I always told them. “Oh, she’s schizophrenic, she couldn’t take care of us so our father did. But she did the best she could for as long as she could.”. I would get all kinds of responses. I would get the shock and awkward, “oh… I’m sorry… I didn’t know” or the “oh wow, that must have been so hard for you” or just the blank stare of not knowing how to respond.

I always found this to be strange. I mean, they knew that my mother wasn’t around. They knew there must have been a reason for this. It’s like they would have been ok if I had said, “oh she died of cancer” or “she was in a car accident” or something along that line. My mother was mentally ill. This wasn’t her fault. This wasn’t something that could have been controlled any more than had she had cancer, but for some reason people treat it like it’s something to be ashamed or afraid of.

My son’s father was an addict. He was clean when we got together and we had many good years together before his demons caught up with him and he relapsed. His problem was also that he was mentally ill. He was almost 30 when he was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Generalized Anxiety. He had some serious issues. He could never get out of his own head. No matter how much people tried to help he couldn’t overcome his horrific thoughts.

I have spent most of my life studying and learning about how the brain works and how to help create a better life in your own mind by strengthening certain neuropathways. He had many therapists who tried to encourage the same behaviors, the problem was that by the time he was diagnosed his neuropaths were pretty damaged. He had been self medicating for so long he didn’t have a healthy arrangement left.

I am a believer in medication when needed, but I also believe that it’s a band-aid to help take the edge off so that you can do the real work with thoughts and actions. We are our brains. Our emotions come from chemicals released in our brains.. our thoughts activate those chemicals being released. He had an overwhelming amount of “stress” (cortisol) hormones and low amounts of “happy” (dopamine) chemicals in his brain. He would try to fix that with drugs, and for the short term they would help, but he had no one to help him through the rest of the process when he was younger and still forming.

Three weeks ago he took a drug to help him feel better. He never woke up from that. I had to explain to our 6 year old that Da “took a drug to make him feel better, but it was the wrong thing to do” and now he’s gone. I have since had to tell others, family, friends, co-workers, teachers at school…. and I’m always honest. My son’s father overdosed. Most people are very supportive. Some are shocked. They had no idea that he was struggling with addiction. He didn’t “seem the type”.

That’s the problem with mental illness. It’s so taboo that people assume that it’s only the homeless people living on the streets, eating out of trash cans, and yelling at the sky who are mentally ill. No one can accept that it’s the mothers, the fathers, the teachers, the comedians… and whomever else.. the everyday people that fight the good fight everyday to appear “normal”. No one wants to be labeled “crazy”. No one wants to admit their short comings.

My father had diabetes… his body was unable to produce a specific chemical needed to keep him alive. He went to a doctor. He got help. He could talk to people about it and there were therapies and a whole industry of products to help. My son’s father’s body didn’t produce the correct chemicals needed to keep his brain in balance and it was a shameful “problem”. We need to stop treating mental and physical illnesses as different things. We need to stop shaming the “crazy” and the “junkies”. My father had insurance and went to the diabetic clinic constantly for treatment. My son’s father had insurance that no one would take for his “rehab treatments”. Believe me.. I looked.

Maybe if people looked at my son’s father as a person instead of his disease he could have received the help that he deserved. Instead my son sat quietly at the service as everyone around him talked about what a “great guy” his Da was and what a “shame” it was that he died… but still.. no one wants to help the addict. They just want to SHAME.

 

 

Healthcare, Homeless, parenting, Politics, Uncategorized

We need to stop fighting against and start fighting for!

Katrina Russell

When I look at my news feed all that I see are stories about the horrible things that the GOP and especially Trump are doing, and it’s not that I disagree, but it has been over a year and his true supporters are not wavering. Maybe they’re racists, maybe they’re elites, maybe they’re just supportive of his causes… who knows? The point is no one is changing anyone’s minds by complaining.

Mueller is doing his thing, and that’s great. I hope he finds all kinds of evidence and puts everyone away, but complaining one-way or another on social media is not going to change that outcome. The fact that we all sign a petition to impeach him won’t matter until there is enough evidence to do so.

download (8)We are all spinning our wheels. The US Presidency primary is 2 years away, and Trump knows this. Trump knows that if we spend all of our time talking about him and fighting about Hilary then there will be no one to run against him. There will be no one to rally around to take him down. That’s what happened last time. It’s not that Trump won. It’s not that the country chose him.. the country chose “not Hillary”.

The republicans, and racists, and anti-women brigade chose Trump.. and many liberals either bowed out, went with a 3rd party, or voted for Trump out of spite. Unless we want to see this happen again we have to banned together. It’s not enough to hate the same person.. we have to support each other. We have to find people that we can put forward. We have to concentrate on who is doing good. We have to demonstrate a difference.

Right now all that we are showing is that we are just as hateful as the other side. I don’t think that’s the message that we want to put forward. No one wants to be told that they’re stupid, that they’re wrong, or that they made a crappy choice. People are going to defend their choice till their last breath to save face. Instead of pointing out all the reasons we hate Trump. Instead of pointing out all the reasons that his supporters are evil and stupid, let’s concentrate on finding people who represent the things that we want. Let’s show ourselves and Trump supporters another way.

Three years from now Trump will more than likely be on that ticket… who do you want opposite him? If we all faction off.. if we all fight among ourselves then he will win. If we just keep him as the enemy, if we keep his supporters our enemy no one will even be open to listening to another side.

I don’t want another 4 years of Trump. I don’t want more slashes to medicare, more cuts1oo9rw to food programs that hurt children and the elderly. I don’t want more cuts to public schools.. even if my son is in private. I don’t want healthcare to be a thing for only the wealthy and the healthy. He talks about how great countries like Norway and Australia are… use that. Talk about people who support the same policies as they do. Use his words against him. Talk about the DACA kids making a difference. Talk about the soldiers fighting for our rights to be healthy, safe, and educated. Talk about the inner city programs that are working. Talk about your grandma with meals on wheels. Talk about how well the free college programs help the next generation of doctors and engineers. Talk about the good things happening in this country and around the world. He talks enough about the bad.

Giving, Healthcare, Homeless, Love, parenting, Politics, Uncategorized

The season of giving

Katrina Russell

The season of giving is over. Thanksgiving is long forgotten, except by our pants. Christmas is a lovely memory. We are all in the process of throwing dead trees and left over wrapping away. We are ready for our New Year/New Me. We are planning all of the things that we want to do to make our lives better.

We’re going to lose weight, quit smoking, go back to school, get a new job, get a better relationship… we are going to make our lives perfect!

thBut what about all of those who are just hoping to get through the bitterly cold nights? The food pantries and soup kitchens don’t just have “guests for the holiday”. We all talk about the things we want to get and achieve, but what about the things that we want to give.

At the time of Holy Days we all talk about how “it’s better to give than to receive” and how “giving is its own reward”, then the new year starts and we suddenly forget that there are poor people. We have battles online with strangers about all of the people leaching off the system.. as if anyone is choosing to be poor and/or starving and homeless.

I understand more than most that people make their own reality… but this doesn’t mean that they do it by choice. Some aren’t strong enough to make better choices. Some have mental illnesses that prevent them… not everyone has a well-built support system in place to deal with things like childcare, or even a place to shower and get mail so they may apply for a job.

Most of all I think of the children. In the past I have volunteered for a program called “Horizon’s for Homeless Children” a program in which adults volunteer to hang out with children in homeless shelters. This gives parents a chance to work, and children a larger support system in which to depend. I have also been a Big Sister through the Big Brother/Big Sister program, and have given many a present to a giving tree or tows for tots. This past winter I found myself taking tags for boys my son’s age because the thought of him waking up on Christmas with nothing was heart breaking.

I’m amazed when I read comments online about how poor people shouldn’t have children… yet, those are the same people opposed to birth control being covered by insurance… or insurance being covered at all. I’m amazed when I read that everyone who’s on food stamps are just lazy. I’m amazed when I read from the same people about “Pro-Life!”… it seems to me that you’re just pro-rich-life.

Now this is not an abortion debate. I, myself, have issues with abortion and it has nothing to do with my religion and more to do with the science that has come about and the understanding of when babies can feel and think and so on..  This is a humanity rant (for lack of a better word). I am completely PRO LIVING. I am pro helping those who need help. I am Pro feeding the hungry, housing the homeless, healing and hopefully preventing sickness. I am not only for this depending on which job you have had in the past, or what color or country that you are born. I am for LIFE.

The season for giving is every season.