Love, parenting, Uncategorized

The day my dad died I knew I had to change my life or I’d be joining him.

Today would have been my dad’s 68th birthday. It’s still hard to believe that he is gone. He was the strongest, hardest working, most amazing father I could have ever asked for. He was a single dad in a time when that was barely heard of.

Growing up in the 70s and 80s with only a father at home always came with questions walk with papaand weird looks, but I never questioned how much I was loved. He went through Hell and back to get and keep us. He was a very strong role model and always made it very clear that my brother and I could do anything we set our minds to. He was also the one that always had our backs. You don’t know how many middle of the night phone calls he received from one of us about a car issue, and he would show up blurry eyed with jumper cables or a jack. I finally repaid him in kind by getting us both AAA.

I remember my first semi-formal and him him teaching me the basic waltz box step. He took me to dance and gymnastics classes, he was there at my school plays even when he would have to split his time between my play and my brother’s band concert. He taught 392491_10150846116491602_1468107945_nme to throw a spiral and the correct way to throw a punch. He taught me to pump gas and was extremely annoyed when I boycotted learning how to change a tire. Not only because he knew that there would be more late night phone calls, but because he wanted me to be a strong independent person.

When my son was born we were living with him. He had developed very severe diabetes and it had led to even more complications, like stroke, heart disease, and kidney disease. There was many a time that I had to call 911 because he had fallen asleep without eating, or his potassium levels were off, but he was always there for my son and me.

One time, when my son was very small, about 3 months old I was exhausted, up in my room and Jason was just screaming. For those of you that are parents, you know this scream. The one with no answers, they just seem to like the sound of their own 17923_10151515250461602_1693194054_nfrustration. I was trying to feed him, walk with him, rocking him… there was nothing that I could do. The next thing I know, there is my dad walking in and taking my son from me. He just looked at me and said, “You need a nap. This isn’t doing anyone any good.” I was so relieved I’m pretty sure I started crying. My dad bounced with my son for a few seconds and made a shush sound in his ear and the boy was silent. He took him downstairs and I was able to get a couple of minutes of uninterrupted sleep.

As my son got older he loved playing with his Papa. They would do puzzles and go for walks in the woods. My dad introduced him to Doctor Who… though I love the show, I10431699_10153188932531602_1785562601473633197_n was not thrilled that my 20 month old was asking for screen time for the first time. But looking back I am glad that they had that. Five months later my father would be gone.

The morning that I found him was the worth day of my life. I still have nightmares and a giant empty gap where his talks and laughter used to fill. My father was the one person in my life that I could always count on. He was the one person in my life that I knew my son could count on other than me. Then one night he had an early dinner and forgot to have a snack before bed. His blood sugar dropped in the middle of the night and he never woke up.

As far as ways to go, I guess it wasn’t so bad for him, but for me…. it was horrific. I wasn’t even 40 years old, he was just 65, and my son had only been 2 for one month. All I kept thinking is how my son wouldn’t remember him. My father wouldn’t know the person that baby would grow into. The 2 most important males in my life would never really know each other.

My father was an amazing role model. He taught me so much. Except the correct eating habits. Had he been more careful things would have been very different. Both my 15672770_10154884223646602_4941319554659479612_n (2)brother and I were raised predominantly on fast food. My dad was young, single and a business owner. He was tired of fighting with kids about eating, so he went the easy route. Both my brother and I ended up with horrible habits, and both with weight issues up and down.

Since having my son, and since my father’s death my goal has been to become the most healthy version of myself and to raise the most healthy version of my son. I don’t want to leave him unexpectedly in the middle of the night, and I don’t want him to contend with the struggles of learning new habits later.

I have taken to Integrative Wellness and Life Coaching, because through my life and my struggles I have found that eating habits and wellness has less to do with knowing the right foods to eat or the right exercises to firm up your butt. There are 1000 books, websites, videos… top 10 lists that can educate you on that.. and let’s face it, everyone knows you should eat kale over pizza.

True Wellness in life is about having the right mind set. Wanting to be the best more healthy version of oneself for the richest most fulfilled life. Getting to know your grand kids will feel much better than eating that cake, but unless we change our priorities and our lifestyle, we’ll just be on a yo-yo of life.. with no idea when it could drop.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love, Uncategorized

I am what I am and that’s all that I am

If someone were to ask you, “Who are you?” what would you say?. Most people would respond in a way that either names them or describes them physically. “I am Katrina Russell… I am a woman.I am white.  I have blonde hair, for the moment. I am a mom. I 14212101_10154513746826602_2633315358266144094_nam a Life Coach, Blogger, and Public Speaker.” But those are things that I do. Those are ways that I look. That is not WHO I AM.

Who I am is the being, entity, soul, energy, which ever word you feel comfortable with, that lives inside this body. That chooses to do those things. We get so caught up in being judged for who we are that we forget who we are.

My son is four years old. He loves to see pictures of himself and announce to the world that he is “Jason”. He feels very connected to that name, but four years ago it was just a jumbles of sounds that I made that had no relevance to him. He would see himself in the mirror and not know that it was him looking back. He had an immense sense of self, without even knowing his own name.

No one told him who he was when he was born. He knew who he was. That was the only thing that he knew. He had no idea that I was his mama, just that I was there to feed him and smooch him and give him the things that he… as a being wanted and needed.

I look at him now and he has no opinions on the clothes he wears for the most part, as long as he’s not cold or hot. Though he did just pick out his own sneakers for the first time, so he knows what he likes, but doesn’t think about how they look on him as a body. He dances like a freak and laughs and smiles all the while. He doesn’t feel judgement about his movements. He doesn’t worry what other’s think. He is him.

When I think about who I am, sure I am all those things above, but I am all of those things because of genetic accident or someone’s choice. Even my name, though lovely was a choice. We don’t feel like it was. We are our names for as long as we can remember and had no choice in the matter, but someone did. Our parents, guardians, whomever signed the certificate. It was just another choice.

When I think about who I am. I am not tall, I am not a good driver, I am not a fan of Doctor Who…. those are things that I do. When I think about who I am I am strong, I am smart, I am loving, I am an eternal light that knows no bounds. And so are you.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

Nothing hurts like a punch in the nose

“Nothing hurts like a punch in the nose.” That’s what my father always told us whenever we encountered a bully. My brother swore by them and used this method whenever possible. Eventually he became the bully himself. He is in his mid-forties and still jokes about it.

The other day his son came home and told him that kids at school were teasing him about his eyes. I should mention that he’s half Filipino and half white. He is in a small images (18)private school that actually has quite a few students of Asian decent. But my nephew is both White and Asian, so apparently that is something to be teased.

He is also 7 years old. He’s in first grade. He is dealing with bullies and race issues. Now what did my brother tell his sad little boy? “Nothing hurts like a punch in the nose.”

I reminded my so encouraging brother that this isn’t the 70s anymore and most schools have a “No violence” policy. He just laughed it off saying, “it’ll only take once, and no one will bother him again.”

That’s true. Expulsion usually ends school yard problems, but I started thinking about my brother’s reaction. I started thinking about how much things have changed. Now I am in no way condoning children hitting one another, but I do think that we have to teach children to stick up for themselves.

Today we are all about protecting our children from anything that may hurt them or disturb them. We have no tolerance policies. We have safe spaces. We have therapy in colleges for grown adult children who are offended by Halloween costumes… that was a3972F5A400000578-3842764-image-a-24_1476682677285 real thing. College students are grown adults. They are over 18 and they needed therapy for Halloween costumes.

I have some friends who are teachers and they tell me that parents come in and argue with teachers about why “they gave their child a bad grade”. They expect the teacher to change the grade because obviously the student is special and brilliant and deserves As… even if they don’t actually do their homework. Even if they don’t pass the test.

Millennials are looking at increasing numbers of overdoses, suicides, and different forms of emotional disabilities. There has been a whole generation of children who were raised on medications, ADHD, anxiety, and depression are common place among kids and teens. Instead of being taught to be self sufficient and stand up for themselves, they are being taught that it’s always someone else’s fault.

School yard bullies have been around for as long as there have been school yards, but the difference is that we’re no longer teaching our children how to deal with the bullies. Now I don’t mean a punch in the nose, but we have rapes in schools that aren’t reported download (23)because women are afraid to come forward. We have a first lady saying that she’s taking on internet bullying while her family tweets insults everyone they deem not important.

We can’t change the bullies. Bullies breed new bullies. We have to start teaching our children to be strong. To stand up to bullies. To protect themselves and others. Not with a punch in the nose. But with grace and respect. That’s the only way we can stop bullying.

bullying, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

When does the joke cross the line?

I recently saw a joke post about a baby being left in the car and some “Good Samaritans” coming along to save him, only to realize that the baby was wearing a competing sports team shirt so they decided to leave the baby. Now, obviously the baby, though crying and not happy about the joke was not in any danger. At the end you realize that it is clearly staged, and I’m not here to talk about this particular post but more about the comments made on the post.

379B032100000578-3760221-image-a-18_1472223973197Some people were completely horrified that anyone could even jokingly do anything like that to a child. Others found it in severely bad taste as babies are dying almost everyday under the same circumstance, and yet others thought that the neigh-sayers were just “snowflakes” and needed to get a sense of humor.

There is a mentality out there that people are not allowed to be offended by a joke or allowed to take themselves or the joke seriously. Now, clearly no one was hurt in this particular joke, which is why I’m choosing not to comment on these actions, however.. a joke is not always innocent. Sometimes people get hurt.

In the same week I read another story about a pre-teen girl and her friends who played a joke on her 11 year old “boyfriend”. She [posted on her social media page that she was going to kill herself and her friends backed up the joke by saying that she did. The 11 Boys_Suicide_Social_Media_29927-303e8year old boy was so distraught by the whole situation that in good ole Romeo and Juliet style he ended up actually killing himself.

This is an example of how a joke CAN very easily go to far. It was one thing to start he joke, it was something else to keep it going after the boy was clearly distraught. The girls in question are now being charged in his death… I don’t know how I feel about that, but I am completely disgusted by the adults who have commented on the page more concerned about “why does an 11 year old have a girlfriend?” and “where were the parents? why weren’t they watching him?”

The whole event took place in about a half hour.. it’s COMPLETELY ACCEPTABLE for an 11 year old to be in his room alone for that amount of time. As far as watching his social media accounts.. he was on with other kids from his school not the creepy unknown stalkers who parents are trained to look out for.

There was yet another story about an internet meme of an 11 year old girl that turned very bad very quickly and pretty much ruined her life. Most people would say, “what’s the big deal? It’s just a joke.” It’s not a joke.. this is bullying. And it’s the worst kind of bullying, because it’s not even taken seriously. If someone gets assaulted or their lunch money gets stolen then other’s can empathize. They wouldn’t want that to happen to them. If someone is tormented or trolled as a joke then there is no empathy. There is no understanding. There is just more bullying about how the victim has the problem and needs to learn to lighten up.

I could possibly understand this if it’s done to an adult. I understand that by the time we reach adulthood we need to learn that what other’s do or think shouldn’t bother us.. but these two instances are not adults. Most of the time bullying isn’t. And, yes, a joke at someone else’s expense is mean. It’s bullying and it should not be tolerated.

 

parenting, Uncategorized

It’s called a vagina

Panel-1I can’t believe this is even a thing that I have to deal with. I have a son, and it never occurred to me that this would come up.

When my son was a baby we called his penis his “winky”. It was just a cute name that I didn’t think much about. It’s like calling his toes “tootsies”. I eventually taught him that it was a penis, but in regular conversation we call it a “winky”. Not a big deal.

Then my son was 3. He came in the bathroom with me and for the first time noticed that mama didn’t have a winky. He asked where it was. I explained that girls don’t have them… but then I froze. I didn’t know what else to say. It’s called a vagina.  But I couldn’t do it. I was raised in the 80s when that was a dirty word. I felt like saying that to him would be like teaching him a curse word.

It is ridiculous. He was young and just kinda forgot about it. Last week he came in the bathroom after I got out of the shower and he commented on my “butt”. That is what he decided to call my vagina since I never gave him a name for it, and let’s face it.. from his perspective they look the same. He’s never seen inside one.

I feel like this is an example of why women are treated like second class citizens. Men are completely comfortable with their body parts. They are proud of them. Women have been taught that for some reason our parts are dirty or wrong.

In the last year vagina has been in the press along. Our president admitting to “grabbing pussy” when ever he wanted. People started talking about pussy in everyday conversation. But the word “pussy” has a porn connotation.  I feel like using that word to describe what he did makes people, especially men, feel like the woman who’s parts he was grabbing was some how asking for it. Men don’t think of their moms and daughters as having pussy. They think of slutty hags as giving their away.

I feel like we need to take our vaginas back, and before I get a bunch of comments about how it’s not called a vagina and only one section of it is, it’s the name that is colloquially known to be the main part. The penis has different parts too, but no one fights about it.

I saw a quote attributed to Betty White, “Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding!”.  Now whether or not she actually said it the quote has a point. We are not the weaker sex. We are not dirty. We are not less than.

To quote JK Rowling, “Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” The fact that men have trouble talking about anything female proves the point. We need to use this. We need to talk about ourselves as whole. We shouldn’t hide our femininity. We shouldn’t be ashamed that we have periods. We should hide when we breast feed. We shouldn’t be afraid to use the word vagina. We are women. We give birth to humans. We have no fear.

bullying, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Who disrespects women the most?

I belong to lots of mom facebook groups and follow a lot of mom blogs, and moms.. and women are HORRIBLE to each other. It is ridiculous that we spend so much time trashing each other. I have seen comment after comment on posts about a woman who actually lost a child and women, OTHER MOMS bash the grieving mom.

I’ve seen moms who are “brave enough” to post real postpartum pictures of themselves and u3e7aother moms laugh at them and point out their flaws. Really? The fact that the woman posting pictures have to feel brave is ridiculous! Our bodies are amazing! Our bodies can create another human-being. And I’m not just talking to moms. You don’t have to have children to be amazing, but it seems that moms tend to be the biggest bullies.

That sentence hurt to write. We are raising kids. We are raising new people who are going to grow up and be (hopefully) functional members of society. We read about children who bully other kids and the first thing moms say is, “Where were their parents? What is wrong with these people? They should have their kids taken away… They should go to jail.” Judgement! Judgement! Judgement! Those moms who are judging other parents for teaching bulling are being bullies themselves.

In the last year women have come out of the woodwork with marches and petitions and new groups. There is a whole new women’s movement which is blaming men for not treating women well and not respecting women as people… then they go onto social media and berate other women. Maybe we should look in the mirror before we start blaming other groups for our being held back.

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard women say that they don’t like being friends with other women because they are so catty. They don’t want to hire other women because they areHungerGamesKatnissBowArrow so bossy. They hate women. Why should we expect men to feel otherwise? Women feel the need to be better than other women. We feel like we can’t put another woman up without putting ourselves down. Men have figured out recreational competition. They fight to win, but give credit when beaten. They understand keeping other strong men around them and working as a team and using them to grow. Women are somehow stuck in the stone age where they have to fight for the hunter to supply their food… we need to learn to hunt for ourselves.

parenting, Uncategorized

What’s really killing Americans

I had a very interesting conversation today with my plumber. He was in my basement working on my boiler’s pressure valve and he kept getting a little dizzy and lightheaded. Obviously I wanted to make sure the man wasn’t going to pass out and/or die, so I inquired on why he thought it was happening.

Turns out he had, in the last year, lost 100 lbs. Wow, that’s impressive, why would that cause him to have these issues. Well, he was on blood pressure medication and now that he’s lost so much weight, they keep lower the dose. He has an appointment to see if he can get of it completely because, well, he doesn’t want to pass out every time he has to bend over too much… kind of inconvenient for a plumber.

cholesterolawareness_355pxWe started talking about other ailments that he had since he has corrected his eating habits. He’s off of his IBS medication and his gout is gone…. he is like a new person. This was not accomplished by surgery, the medication only treated the symptoms… the change in diet and loss of the extra 100 lbs he was carrying attributed to changes he otherwise couldn’t have imagined.

According to the CDC 75 million or 29% of Americans have high blood pressure 75 million or 29% of Americans have high blood pressure, 137 million have high cholesterol, 29 million people have type 2 diabetes.. and these are just the major diseases.. this isn’t getting into IBS or gout, yet, most of these people choose to treat rather than cure, what is potentially life threatening diseases. In fact, 610,000 deaths a year are contributed to heart attacks… that’s 1 in 4 deaths that actually take place in the US.

I know right now that guns and terrorism and texting while driving are major hot topics, and all of those things are horrible…. but they aren’t 1/4 of the deaths happening in our country.We want to pass laws to ban guns, or ban religions. We already ban texting and download-10driving. Why is it that when anyone wants to pass legislation or even private rules about banning junk food in schools, or putting a cap on giant soda beverages that’s the one thing everyone can agree is outrageous.

Last time I checked there was a law in this country against trying to kill yourself, but apparently death by twinkie is completely acceptable.

 

parenting, Uncategorized

Your scale is lying to you

Scales for years have been the bane of many women’s existence. They diet all day and images-11don’t see a change in the numbers. Then at the end of the week or month after working hard at the gym and eating like a bird there’s a drop by one.. maybe two. After a while it’s enough to make someone throw in the towel and just eat the cake. Or the opposite happens. They see a dramatic change in one week and think, “I’ve got this” and then treat themselves to that cake only to see that one “treat” cancelled the whole week’s worth of work. It can be very frustrating.

That’s because physical weight is complicated. There are many factors that go into the lbs per inch being that is you. Most of us know of the dreaded water weight. The bloating that we get during our period, or that quick 3 lbs we lose when we cut out soda, but that’s just the beginning.

I have been feeling very annoyed in my weight-loss adventure because I have been working my ARSE off. I have been working the Beachbody programs, going to the boxing giphygym and Zumba. I have even been taking nutrition classes to make sure what I’m putting into my body is not sabotaging my work. Yet the scale creeps along at snail speed.

I have to admit I’m one of those people who do… what I’m not supposed to.. and weigh myself everyday. Part of it is because as I’m learning I want to track how things are going and what is affecting what.. and the other is because I’m crazy and anal and want to see the scale numbers plummet before my eyes. But they don’t. In fact sometimes after what I think is a great day the numbers actually rise (%^&^%^). But I know that I am losing weight. My clothes don’t fit anymore, my friends and family all comment, but I reply.. no.. I’m not losing weight…. I’m losing fat, and there’s the difference.

Now I know that I named this “your scale is lying to you”, but what I should have said is, “you need a scale that knows how to talk to you”. When I first started my adventure a year ago I bought myself a Weigh Watchers body fat calculator scale50188301. It measures not just weight, but BMI, bone mass, water weight and fat weight. That changes everything. I stepped on the scale yesterday and used this feature for the first time in months and that number BLEW ME AWAY.

When I fist started I had a body fat percentage of 51… a year later… it’s 34. That’s huge. Some people may be surprised that the weight numbers don’t match the % numbers.. but that’s just it. Muscle weighs more than fat. So… for every, let’s say, cup of fat I lost I gained a half a cup of muscle. So my body is getting slimmer and healthier but my weight barely shifts.

In our society especially numbers are so important. The number on the scale. The number in the bank account. Hell, even your IQ. But that’s just one way to quantify a person. We need to learn to look at the whole picture.

parenting, Uncategorized

Becoming a diet pro!

In this fast paced world very few of us are eating as healthily as we should be. We are far more apt to grab food from a window or microwave some sort of concoction that slightly resembles something that we may want to eat. We all struggle to get in our veggies and protein. To stay away from the dreadful carbs and sugar, and to try to pretend at the end of the day that what we’re eating is “good enough”.

Then the repercussions begin. The bloating, the heart burn, the acne and so forth. We know that we should be better but we don’t know how. We toss and turn at night. We blame stress, our jobs, our relationships, anything other than that Big Mac that we had for download-6dinner. I mean after-all I had a diet soda with it.

The problem is that our bodies are very specifically designed. We need to consume certain vitamins, and minerals. We need carbs for energy and protein for growth and fats to make our brains function. We also need to be able to digest all of these things properly. Enter probiotics. Anyone who has ever had a baby knows that one has to introduce foods periodically to make sure that the child doesn’t have any reactions, but that there are certain foods that should always have to be held off until after the baby is at least one year old (honey and cow’s milk are examples). The reason for this is that their bodies are not equipped with the proper gut flora to digest those foods properly and this can lead to all kinds of illnesses and digestive issues.

As we age our bodies adapt and soon we are chugging milk, devouring cheese, and sipping tea with honey to help our latest sniffle attack. Our bodies are amazing instruments with the ability to thrive on even less than perfect nourishment, but with our diet of chemicals and preservatives sometimes imperfection turns to deficiency and parts of our bodies break down.

We all understand the importance of getting our blood pressure, cholesterol adownload-8nd glucose levels checked, but has anyone ever checked their gut flora levels? Does anyone ever think about it? You think about how you feel bloated and need some Pepto. You think about how you have heart burn and need some tums, or are exhausted and need more coffee, but did you ever stop and think that maybe, just maybe you’re all of those things because you drank that diet soda for dinner.

Artificial sweeteners, as well as many other preservatives used in our food today actually play havoc with our digestion. People wonder why they get on those box diet food and switch to diet soda and still can’t loose weight, well our bodies don’t like chemicals. They like real, natural food. When the chemicals in some of these convenience foods destroy
the healthy bacteria in our gut it makes it more and more difficult for the actual food to be digested and the proper nutrition to be absorbed into our bodies. This can lead to gas, diarrhea, a lowered immune system, weight gain.. and even cancer.

The best way to resolve this is obviously to stick to healthy real food, but I understand that will take a lot, and isn’t always as tasty. So the next best thing is to start making sure that you have probiotics in your diet regularly. The best way to get them is through food itself. Women, you know what I’m talking about. We’ve all had a not so comfortable infection and our friends and mothers suggested, “just eat some yogurt”. There are even more foods on the list though. Foods like sourdough bread, sauerkraut, and even sour pickles. If you’re not a fan our sour anything, try some kefir, miso or tempeh, or you could just take a supplement.

download-7A word of caution on supplements, they are not regulated by the FDA or any other agency in the US, so please do your research. Check on the ingredients and the level of probiotics in each. Otherwise you may just be wasting your money, or even causing more issues. Some “Gluten Free” actually have, well, gluten.

Today’s world is busy, I’m not saying you can’t enjoy your Big Mac and diet coke, just eat a yogurt for breakfast, and try not to do it EVERYDAY!

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

You don’t have to be perfect to be

I have to admit I had a “check myself” moment the other day. As you know I have been working really hard to get healthy. I have been taking nutrition classes. I’ve been working out. I’ve been following the Beachbody* programs, boxing, Zumba*, meditation… and so download-5on. I have been spending the last year learning about and practicing good health as much as possible, yet I still felt like I didn’t have a right to really consider myself a coach because I am not thin. I felt like no one would take me seriously because of the way I look… then I realized that’s bullshit.

I may not be a size 2, but I have lost over 30lbs, and many inches. I have added muscle, lost fat and brought my cholesterol levels down by 50 points. I am a healthy person… my jean size just hasn’t caught up with me yet.

It’s funny. I am certified as an Integrative Wellness and Life Coach. I am in the process of becoming certified as an Integrative Health Coach. I truly believe that you can do and be anything that you want, and if I had someone like me as a client I would encourage the person believe in herself and to understand that you don’t have to be perfect yourself to be able to help other people. This is fundamental. Yet, here I am… holding back because of my own insecurities.  images-10

So that’s the end of that craziness. I am not going to let my fears dictate my life. I may not be perfect, but I am very passionate about getting my health on track. I am very proud that my son comes down and does the 21 day fix with me. I want to share as much information as possible with the world so that the current health crisis gets under control. People complain about ISIS. They complain about guns. Do you know what really kills people? Heart disease…. strokes… diabetes and other “natural” causes that aren’t as natural as they seem.

What I have realized is that it’s less important what I actually look like and more important what I’m DOING about it… and in the last year… that’s a lot. I don’t ever want my son to experience what I went through. I never want my son to find me dead because of a health complication that could have been avoided, and with my coaching, I hope no one else has to either.