Tag: self esteem

Love, parenting

Valentine’s Day Angst

Katrina Russell

This may be a day late, but I just wanted to comment on some of the posts that I saw coming up on my feed about Valentine’slove.jpeg Day. I wish that I could say that I was amazed by the self deprecation and angst that I was seeing, but unfortunately it seems fairly par for the course. People were either pitying themselves for not having a love interest or they were acting jaded, expressing detest for the “fake” holiday.

I find this whole thing rather heartbreaking. The fact that people have such disdain for a day that is meant to celebrate love. I have not always been in a relationship, but I have always felt loved. When my father was alive he bought me a card, and for a long time, candy, every year. Now I have continued the tradition with my son, though I get him books not candy.

The day may have started out as a mating ritual, and Cadbury and Hallmark may have commercialized it, but that doesn’t have to change what it means to you. It hasn’t changed what it means to me. images-9

Those of us that are in relationships often feel like it’s being pushed upon us, especially men. My boyfriend said this to me last year. He said that he thought it was a stupid holiday and that he shouldn’t feel as if he’s forced to show me that he loves me. That he can do that any day, why should the calendar dictate when he expresses himself? I asked him, “oh, really? So you feel like you show me that you love me everyday?…. when was the last time you and I went out ALONE together?”…. He paused… grabbed his phone and made reservations.

It’s not that he doesn’t love me, it’s that life that happens everyday that gets in the way. We both have work. We both have classes and the gym, and our 3 year old. I know that we take each other for granted a lot. It’s just the nature of things. Thanksgiving is a day to remember all the things we have to give thanks for. The fourth of July is a day to celebrate all the freedoms that we have. Birthdays are designed to celebrate our lives.. if only for one day. Months, years, decades go by so fast, we need a reminder… we need to take a moment and appreciate what and who is important to us.

charlie-brown-happy-valentines-cute-greetings-animated-gif-2.gifMy son is in school and they all exchanged valentines of some sort. Remember when you did that? Remember when it was a day to tell your best friend that they were the bestest? As we get older we begin to define ourselves by our relationships. If we are not in one, or it is not the kind that we always imagined we feel somehow less than. For those individuals Valentine’s Day feels like a personal attack. We tend to forget about all the people in our lives that truly do love us. Our family, our friends. I can tell you that I would do anything to get another silly card from my dad.

 

Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Four little words from my almost four year old… that made it all worth it.

Katrina Russell

Sometimes I don’t want to work out… there, I said it. I know it’s shocking… I mean.. I have to be the only one. Sometimes I would much rather sit on the couch with pizza and forget about all my problems.24e43f106024cc11_belly-fat

But I go and I do it. Whether it be a 21 day fix on my TV at home or a boxing class at the local gym or a Zumba class at the local dance school, I just keep going. There is good and bad to both. At home it’s harder to get motivated. I can always just do it later. In classes you’re surrounded by 20 sombelly-fatethings with already perky butts that make me feel less than.

Not long ago I was at one of those classes. It was the end of the class. We had just been jumping and  and twisting and sweating… a lot. We had just hit the floor mats to get to the core part of the exercise when my 3 year old came running over, looked me straight in my sweaty, nasty face and said, “You look beautiful, mama”… Those were the best core exercises I’ve ever done. He was the perfect reminder of why I do this… I am getting healthy not for me, not to look hot with a perky butt.. but so that I can be there for him. I’m already beautiful in the eyes of anyone who matters. I want to live long enough to be beautiful for my grandchildren too. Something my parents didn’t get to do. lose-belly-fat1

bullying, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

You’re not good, you’re not bad, you’re just nice!

Katrina Russell

After watching the movie “Into the Woods” I downloaded the soundtrack from Amazon. I was really in love with the music. But as I was driving around in my truck listening to the words I was really taken-a-back by them.

images-8There is one scene in which the witch sings to the villagers, “you’re so nice, you’re not good you’re not bad, you’re just nice”, and I was really hit by those lyrics. I feel like that’s how society has turned. We are all about being PC. We are about making sure not to offend anyone. We “like” each other’s pictures. Click out “friend” requests and “share” all of our most funny and or touching moments.

Then we bash, shame, and bully anyone who dare make a mistake or disagree with us. We complain about druggies and losers using the system and stealing our money. We blame entire groups of people for isolated problems. We go out of our way to prove that we can do no wrong while everyone else is useless and unworthy.

I was driving to the mall the other day and I saw an old lady fall on a curb. I watched as a couple of people walked right passed her. Then I saw a young couple, probably in their late teens, stop and help her up. By the time I parked and got to the door she was sitting/leaning on the decorative column. I was so glad to see this transaction. I have seendownload-3 so many shared videos of people in distress and others either walking by or actually stealing from the injured party. The teens left and I waited with the woman till her daughter got there and was able to take her home. This seemed like a no brainer, and yet, common decency seems to have gone the way of the do-do.

Everyone wants to believe that they are so good and so nice, but when was the last time we actually DID something good? When was the last time that we gave without expecting something in return? When was the last time we thought of the other person’s perspective before throwing out insults? We are a download-4predominately Christian society and lately we have been throwing that around like it’s the answer to every question…. we have to fight to say “Merry Christmas”. We have to fight to save marriage and babies.. and so on and so forth. But the whole meaning of Christmas… the whole purpose of Christianity is to not judge, to not hate, to do for others.

Now I’m not just speaking about the Christians out there. This is the true meaning of Humanity. To love unconditionally. To help where and when needed. Not just those who look like you or talk like you or live in a way that you agree with, but to love and accept everyone’s differences, and to help those that can’t help themselves. Maybe then we will know what it is to be GOOD and not just NICE.

bullying, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

DON’T GIVE IN TO THE DARK SIDE

Katrina Russell

rogue-one-a-star-wars-story-1600x900-poster-hd-2757-1170x550I went to see Star Wars: Rogue One the other night and I can’t stop thinking about the plot of the whole series. The whole good vs evil, right from wrong and where the line is drawn. There were plenty of people who were living in the Empire that were just living their lives as usual, following the laws of the Emperor and Darth Vader because that’s the what was expected. Lucas even named the army “Storm-Troopers” after the Nazis. I can’t help but relating this to modern day society.

We are lucky. We live in a society where, to this point our freedoms are pretty much in tact. We can say what we want, believe what we want and not have to worry about being killed or retribution. There have been multiple generations, at this point, who have grown up to this movie… applauding the Rebels for doing their part to defeat the Empire.

As Americans we can relate to not only fighting the evils of the Storm-Troopers but of being brave enough and strong enough to stand up for our rights and free ourselves from images-4an imperial forces that used our resources for their own selfish means. Yet we are so quick to just accept the evils of the world today. We are so quick to blame victims and believe the powers that be. Here’s a hint, if anyone, anyone is preaching hate as a whole, then they are not the person to be listened to.

Are there bad people in the world? Sure. Do horrible things happen everyday? Sadly, but that is not the norm. That is not what humanity is all about. Some say that one religion or another preaches hate and violence, but if you actually learn about a religion then you will learn that is not true. People can skew their message to mean anything. At church the other day our priest discussed how Joseph had the option to have Mary killed for being pregnant… but he did not choose that. People are their choices.

I’m watching Star Wars: The Force Awakens now. I’m watching Han Solo square off with his son. (I’m not going to give this away to those who haven’t seen it) His son makes a choice in that moment. He is using this choice to grow stronger in the Force… the religionimages-5 of that world. But as anyone knows, the force is neither good, not evil, it’s how they use their power that matters.

It’s time we stopped accusing and blaming anyone for what we see on the outside, and start seeing people as their actions and what we see on the inside. That includes looking in the mirror.

 

Aleppo, bullying, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Love begets love

Katrina Russell

I was watching some horrible videos on Aleppo the other day and my boyfriend asked me images-2why I bother to watch such horrible things. They are so depressing, why do I put myself through that? I feel like that is most people’s view of Aleppo and other horrible things that are happening around the world.

There was an election last month and the winner of that election had a firm stand that Muslims are terrorists and that we should not take one refugee from any Islamic Nation. That’s very easy to say for people speaking hypothetically. It’s easy to sit in your comfy house, in your safe city, eating all the food that you could need and knowing that your babies are tucked cozy in their beds.

But that’s not what the rest of the world is experiencing. “1st world problems” has become a tagline for many things. “My iPhone broke #1stworldproblems” is very common. Most Americans today think that they have it rough if they don’t have a new car, or a big screen TV. They believe that America is a land of special people who have somehow earned the right to be better than others. That what happens to people in other countries, especially people with darker skin of other countries, is not our problem. They never look these babies in the eye and say, “Nope, you can’t come here.. you have to stay and die, because you’re not as good as an American”.

I don’t want to be one of those people that looks the other way. I don’t want to choose a political side over a human life. I want to do as much as I can to help as many people as I can. During this last election the Republicans were saying that Obama and Hillary created ISIS by leaving a power vacuum after the wars, and maybe they did. But the point is not who created the situation. The point is how can we solve it. I have posted before that hatedownload-2 begets hate, and that is true. There are all these people, politicians, news casters, and just Joe Shmo on social media spewing hate about how bad Muslims are and how they deserve what they get and we shouldn’t help them after everything that they have done to us… but no one seems to take into account what we have done to them .

Yes, 9-11 was tragic, every moment of that day has been seared into my brain. Being from Boston, I knew people who died on the plane. I understand why we needed to get justice for that act. I don’t see how starting a war with entire countries and bombing civilians that weren’t involved is getting justice. We managed to take Osama Bin Laden through intelligence, not brute force.

Recently there was a young man from Ohio State who lost his mind and went on a rampage with a knife and his car and killed his fellow classmates. He said that he was doing it because he was so “sick and tired” of the hate directed at him. Many people have used this as yet another example of how all Muslims are about hate and want to kill everyone… but that’s not the story.. the story is that he was sick and tired of the hate. That there are plenty of normal loving Muslims, Jews, Christians, Native Americans, Blacks, Gays… and any other culture out there that just want to be left alone, but hate is thrown in their face everyday.

I am lucky. I am white. I was raised and continue to live in upper-middle towns. I am images-3straight. I have a wonderful amazing son, who is also white. We are Catholic, and he goes to Catholic school. We are not rich, but we have what we need. But I understand that I am lucky. A few hundred years ago my Irish ancestors were not so lucky, and we have to remember what we are doing to everyone else in the world, because in a few hundred years who will be left and how will they be treated.

We watched Hitler try to kill off the Jews. We watched Stalin try to kill off his own. African nations and tribes have been killing each other for years. Every time we hear the stories we claim to be horrified, but we never step in till it’s on our own doorstep. Well, with society as it is, Social Media, the Global economy… everything is our door step. We need to stop treating people who happen to live in other places as the enemy. We have to start taking care of our own… Love begets love as well.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

Hate begets hate!

Katrina Russell

_a35076d2-a33d-11e5-8ae7-bdc8d919d82aHas anyone else noticed how negative the world has become? Social media is no longer a place to connect and share ideas and stories and make friends. It has become a battle ground for every issue one can think of. It has become a place where everyone is the perfect parent, spouse, worker … and they feel the need to point out everyone else’s imperfections.

When I first became pregnant with my son I signed up for all of the mommy blogs. I loved the idea of reading about new products and getting great advice about all the topics that I didn’t know were actual things till him. I loved expert advice, other mom advice and just a way to get support.

Unfortunately, that is not what I got. Instead all of the articles are “20 things your are doing wrong”, “10 reasons you’re a shitty parent” or some variation of here are things you shouldn’t do, but we know that you’re doing. All of the comments are… “if you’re not a super-mom you should be sterilized”. I am amazed at how many women, never sleep, shower or pee as they have made it clear that they NEVER leave a child unattended for any reason, and if you are one of those horrible moms who has to work, well.. you just shouldn’t have had kids then if you can’t spend 24/7 with them.

I think about all the articles about the horrible things that happen to babies and young children. Articles that are reported on in order to raise awareness for the dangers. Dangers like babies being forgotten in hot cars, being hung by window blinds, drowning in a bathtub. These mother’s who lost their children do not get empathy. They do not get a heartfelt understanding from fellow mother’s who also adore their children and can only imagine the pain they are feeling. They get blamed, bullied and told that it’s their fault for not being perfect at all times.

Cyber-bullying has become a huge topic, even the future first lady plans to make it a priority.. I am assuming by taking away her husband’s phone, but people only think of it as a teenage problem. In reality everyone is a target. Anyone who disagrees with you or has never shared your experience feels the needs to tell you that you’re an idiot, and that you have no right to your opinion. I have seen white men tell black women that they have no right to be fearful of society. That they have no right to call people out on rape. That if they don’t get the job it’s because they’re lazy and stupid because, as a white male, they never had this problem.

This country has gone from “All men are created equal” and “everyone has the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” to “no one has any rights except me, and if youdownload-1 don’t agree with me then you’re a moron and are not entitled to an opinion”.

Everyone talks about how heart disease and cancer is on the rise, but no one wants to discuss that anger, hatred, and down-right evil tendencies are taking over everyone’s brainwaves. Road rage, cyber-bullying, back stabbing and manipulation are just national pastimes. You are the energy that you put out. You attract the energy that you create. This country has spent the last decade creating and expelling anger, hate and vile.. and you wonder how Trump became our leader?

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

How many sizes plus, exactly?

Katrina Russell

We need a new word for plus-size. Someone who is healthy and strong is NOT plus-sized. The average size woman in America is 16, that makes it not plus, that makes it average.

Now I’m not promoting obesity. In fact I’m doing the opposite. This country is fat. I’m fat. I’ve been working on my health for months and am doing great, but still have some to go, as I’m not crash dieting I’m taking it off the healthy way.

This country has forgotten about health. It has forgotten about muscle. It has forgotten that people and women are getting taller. It no longer looks at shape, and fat percentage. We have become a nation obsessed with numbers, numbers on a scale, numbers on the inside of your jeans. Curves are fat, yet, boobs are curves and there is nothing wrong with them… yeah, confusion.. try being a little or teen girl today and figuring it out.

There is a plus-sized mode who is fighting back. The video of herself in different poses and 32e6daf200000578-3526244-image-m-11_1459945295531outfits is gorgeous. She is not obese. She is not gross and unhealthy. She should be celebrated as what a woman should be working to look and feel like. Society is so angry. They settle for nothing but perfection
. A model should look like a rack, yet, as mentioned the average woman is a size 16, so who are the size 2 models catering to? Who looks the way they do in the cloths?

How about instead of sitting on our couches with a big of chips and  criticizing someone who is healthy, happy and living her dream we work on getting healthy ourselves. Not crazed diets to make ourselves skinny. Not accepting obesity because plus sized is the new cool.. but living everyday in a healthy way. And not labeling healthy as something less than…

parenting, Uncategorized

Pope says we’re turning to shit!

Katrina Russell

So the Pope thinks Americans are obsessed with shit… not in the literal sense, but he uses Pope Francis Holds Weekly Audienceit as a metaphor. He said that America’s preoccupation with all the useless, garbage, and down right fake news is the same as people with a fetish for poop.

I can’t say that I disagree. The Kardashians are more popular than Neil Degrasse Tyson. The most popular book in the last decade was about a rich man’s S&M compulsion, we have a reality show host who’s about to be our next president.. and when asked why people didn’t vote for Hilary, they spout off lunacy conspiracies about her killing people, running a sex ring out of a pizza shop.. and so on.  They truly feel that you if you don’t believe the garbage that their favorite nut job has spouted that you are the ignorant one.

This country has become so mind dead that everyone believes anything that makes them feel better about themselves. They watch people like the Kardashian’s because it makesmembers-of-the-kardashian-family-u1 them feel better to know that even though they are rich, they are way more screwed up than the average watcher.

I am a huge fan of Doctor Who, and the show has done a few different episodes, one in the first series of the new chapter in which the Doctor and company end up on Satellite 9, a space station that makes the news, they do not report it, they decide what the world should know and think and tells them. The Doctor of course stops this disaster, only to go back 100 years later and find that satellite 9 has been replaced by a giant game show/reality show world. The humans don’t even get a say in whether or not they get picked for the show, and if they lose they die.. but people keep watching… it doesn’t even cross their minds to stop.

Then there is another 2 parter, in which people are obsessed with new ear buds. The company that makes the ear buds happen to also be in charge of the media and download information directly into the wearers head at different intervals. The Doctor comments cybermen_formation_doomsdaythat “You lot, you’re obsessed. You’d do anything for the latest upgrade” which his human companion is offended by, but the fact remains. Humans, and especially Americans are looking for anyone to tell us what to think, what to buy, and how we should act… of course if anyone knows the Doctor, they know that the next step in the upgrade is removing the human brain and putting it into a robot body.

I feel like these are extreme representations of where our world is going. We no longer want to use our own brains.We are incapable of being bored for even a few minutes. We are constantly hooked into our devices and looking for anything that supports our feelings. We gave up critical thinking for an upgraded app that will make us feel better about ourselves without having to do or create anything ourselves. Basically our lives are turning to shit and we just melt our brains away to keep ourselves from noticing.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

Santa, bully!

Katrina Russell

I read an article today about a 9 year old boy getting fat shamed by Santa. I couldn’t believe it. I mean I’m all about trying to get and stay healthy and feel that this country is out of control with #bodypositive excuses to enable obesity, but there is a time and a place.

Santa is supposed to be the epitome of unconditional love. He is supposed to bring joy tosanta-1 children. He is not supposed to bully them and make them cry, and that is exactly what he did.

I have commented on this before when social media went crazy and fat shamed a teenager in her
prom dress, but this is even more disturbing behavior. This is a grown man insulting a 9 year old. A 9 year old doesn’t really have that much control over his eating habits and his lifestyle. Slamming him for eating too many burgers and fries is like slamming a 4 month old for being fed formula. He does not do the grocery shopping. He does not cook the dinners. He doesn’t even  choose what the menu at his school is.

This poor boy who just went to tell Santa what he wan
ted for Christmas was met with ridicule and hate. He will never look at Santa or Christmas the same again, and I can tell you, this is not going to help his self esteem and there will probably be a lot more emotional eating in his future.

I was not over weight as a child. My son, thus far, is not over weight and I don’t see him becoming so given our lifestyle, but if Santa or any other adult ever bullied my kid and made him cry, getting reprimanded at his job would be the lease of his problems.

The only epidemic that I find more dangerous in this country than obesity is hate. People no longer careczageorxgaij1lo about their neighbors or fellow human beings. They have spent all of their time, over the last decade, sitting behind a keyboard insulting others. Now it’s even spilling into real life. People are all about not being PC and everyone is so easily offended and cry babies… but that’s not really it. It’s more that common decency has flown out the window and now people just want to prove what a dick they are.. because they can.

Should the kid lose weight, probably. Is it Santa’s job to ridicule him into submission.. NO!

bullying, parenting

The next step in bullying

Katrina Russell

I have stayed away from politics this whole time, because I don’t feel like my political opinion is either right or wrong, however, I do feel that there is a right or wrong to bullying!

trump_protest_0_1478881698Now I don’t care which side it is, or who is getting bullied. It is not right. When Trump was running he was very bad at his Tweeting and many people called for his Twitter account to be suspended. He went after women, minorities, war vets… it didn’t matter. It is the reason why so many people are so upset about his presidency.. and I get that. He even said that had he lost he wasn’t going to go away quietly.

Everyone couldn’t wait for the election to be over. Most people just felt like he would disappear into the ether and that would be the end of it. (I say most people because technically Hillary won the popular vote.. so more people voted for her, and there were other’s who either wrote in or voted for another option). But with the results as is.. he did not go away, and will not for at least 4 year.

That being said, he won, and we have to learn to except this arraignment. I’ve read many people saying that it’s white privilege that allows me and others to say this and that people of color have more to fear. That may be true, but it doesn’t change the fact that he is the President. Now, personally, I’m terrified of some of the changes that may happen. I’m terrified of the precedent that has been set that it’s OK to “grab them by the pussy”, but what mostly scares me is that the bullying is spreading. On both sides.

Hillary said that Trump not excepting the results of the election was horrifying, but now, the results are in and the same people that were supporting her comment are protesting said results. This is not actually helping anything. It’s just adding fuel to the fire. Twitter is actually declaring that it has to start cracking down on hate speech and bullying! Twitter, the site designed to share 180 characters of “what I had for lunch”.

I get that people are angry. I get that people are scared. But as Michelle Obama said, “when they go low, we go high”. Bullying others only gives their side more credibility. Trump made many promises, some of them good, some of them disgusting, m7912564-16x9-2150x1210ost of which have to pass though congress before it can be accomplished.. what’s important now is that the WORST of his campaign, the hate, the bullying, and the anger needs to stop. If you want to
make a change… if you want to Make America Great Again.. that starts with you. Get involved in local politics. Help out at local shelters or other charities… donate your time and money to helping the next generation be less hateful… You’re not going to change Trump’s mind. You’re not going to change the minds of his supporters. You can only change your own actions. And I for one would rather talk about the good in the world, than focus on the HATE!