Tag: self talk

Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Are you creating the life you want or the life you fear?

Katrina Russell

I recently had one of those “Timehop” posts come up. It was a quote from my dad right before he was about to go into surgery. I was worried… as any good daughter would be and saying that anything could happen when he’s under. He responded, “You’re right, anything can happen, and if you’re going to imagine things happening. Imagine good things.”. I loved that quote. That was so him. Most of the time, that is so me.

thWe are what we imagine that we are. There is a quote “Worrying is praying for things you don’t want to happen.”, and it’s so true. We spend so much time in our heads imagining what we want. What we don’t want. What we’re afraid of. What we long for. We get them all mixed up and eventually we put all our effort into thinking about things that we hope never happen.

Now the Law of Attraction say that if we concentrate on bad things that we can make them happen. The law of averages says that if we wait long enough something bad will happen. My law is, why waist one second thinking about things you don’t want when there are soooo many things out there that you do.

Let’s say that you spend your days worried that your spouse is cheating on you, and what will you do if he leaves you because you can’t afford things on your own… and OMG you’re getting fat…. well, now you’re consumed by this. You get depressed you eat more. You can’t concentrate on work. You lose your job. You’re a miserable person and your spouse leaves you and you say “SEE! Bad things always happen”.

Did the law of attraction make that happen? Did the law of consequences? Did the law of averages? Now… same person… doesn’t fret about the relationship and enjoys the time with the partner.. and the time by herself. She excels at work. She joins a health program like a gym, meditation or cooking class. She actually enjoys her life. Then she finds out she had all that free time because the spouse was cheating… Ok .. that sucks! But she has way more going on in her own life to keep her going. She has friends, and hobbies, and a fulfilling career and it’s not, “See, bad things always happens.” It’s, “Wow, what an arse.. I deserve better.” And that’s exactly what she get.

Love, parenting, Uncategorized

What’s your excuse?

Katrina Russell

We all have them? What’s your excuse for not doing what ever it is that you want so desperately to do? What is your excuse for not asking for the raise, for not asking out that hottie, for not losing the weight, for not being happy?

My weight was always my excuse in the past. It was much easier to blame my failures on a specific almost external problem. If I was just fit then… what ever would happen. I thwould find love. I could get a better job. I could…. whatever. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my brains, my  “real” looks, my ambition. It was just that I was overweight, and as soon as I got in shape my world would be great… I just had other things that took priority over losing weight. I can always do that later.

Then the new excuses start. I have to work. I have school. I have kids.. I have pizza parties. There is always an excuse. The problem is that we don’t actually have an unlimited amount of time to change. We have to make the decisions in our life that will accomplish the goal we desire.

We have to go for the job. We have to ask out the hottie. We have to lose the weight. That takes actual work. I’m asked all the time how I’ve lost weight, as if there’s some trick that I’m hiding from them. I tell them I just eat healthier and exercise more. “UGH… never mind”. Now if I said that I took a magic pill then they would run to the store and try it. But that’s the thing. There is no magic pill. There’s no get rich quick scheme. There’s no love potion. All there is is determination and focus.

There is the decision to change your life. The plan to make it happen and the follow-through to make it to the end. No one has ever made a difference by half-assing. Now one has ever won an Olympic medal by practicing on the weekends. No marriage has ever lasted by ignoring the problems. No company has every become a success by taking too many breaks.

We have to make the big changes. We have to become the person that is… whatever we want to be. We have to develop the habits of the successful person… and we can’t let our excuses rule our destiny.

Politics, Uncategorized

I Wonder when a Woman’s movie will just be a movie?

Katrina Russell

In case you haven’t heard, there’s a new movie called “Wonder Woman” hitting the theaters… and people are making mountains out of a well, women parts.

This movies is obviously about a woman superhero, but also directed by a woman. There are theaters that have decided to do women only screening. This movie has become a cry for feminism everywhere. Wonder Woman is even on the US postage stamp.

18814269_10155422377091800_7833265679293833956_nThis is both great.. and dangerous. It’s great because in a time of pussy grabbing and defunding women’s healthcare, women need a hero. We need to band together and take back our rights and our self respect… but, if this movie bombs it will just be another check in the boxes of men saying how women can’t do things.

There is also a lot of noise about hypocrisy with the women only screening. On the one hand there are feminists like Emma Watson who are pushing the “gender neutral” award ceremony and then segregating out women only theater screenings leaving men to feel left out. I’m not really sure how to gauge this to be honest. When I had my baby shower my son’s grandmother was actually angry because I wanted it to be women only and she wanted to invite her brothers. She felt like I was specifically shunning her family. A cousin had a Jack n Jill style one the year before.

Of course she failed to notice that I had a family of mostly men, a father with no mother, a brother and no sister… more of their family was actually there than mine, but this wasn’t about whose family got to go. This was about the energy of a baby shower. Usually, women care more about this stuff. Women have a more maternal instinct and fawn over baby clothes and silly games. Men want to watch the game in the corner.

Now not all, but usually. I wanted a traditional shower with estrogen flowing instead of testosterone making jokes about how life was over and get in the beer while you can. I can imagine a women only screening of “Wonder Woman” being quite powerful. A real “I am women, hear me roar” type of moment. I can also seeing men using it as an opportunity to prove that it’s OK to segregate and that “why should they go see that crappy ‘girl’ movie”.

We are all working to have a world without limits. A world where no one feels less than or left out for their sex, and let’s not even get into the Transgender and where they  fit into this argument. I wish a woman could just come out in a movie…. and it would just be a movie.

 

Love, Uncategorized

The Law of Attraction explained in real terms

Katrina Russell

Some people don’t like the idea of the “Law of Attraction”. They feel that it seems to woo woo crazy and supernatural.. but I have a question. If I just said the phrase, “You accomplish what you work on” would you think that crazy? The Law of Attraction is all about creating what you think about. Now you can think of it in terms of energy cycles if you choose or you can think of it in terms of tangible things that you work on.

Let’s say there were two people interviewing for the same position. The fist person th (1)walked into the interview and said, “I love this company. I have researched it. I love your business plan and have many great ideas as to how I can help you achieve those plans.” The other person walked in and said, “I really need a job. How much does this pay and what are the hours?” Which person do you think will get the job.

This is sort of an example of The Law of Attraction. You can’t get what you want if you don’t know what you want. Let’s say you have one person who really wants to be rich. They will do anything to be rich. They try all the get rich quick schemes. They invest in project after project waiting for their big break. The other person really wants to be rich and takes a look at all the people around him that are rich and finds one that does or is close to what he wants to do or be. He starts to learn everything that he can about that person, that field, and becomes an expert. Which one do you think is more likely to get rich.

When my father was alive it used to drive him crazy when I would say that I was tired. He would respond, “Of course you are. You keep telling yourself that you are” and it’s true. It’s a form or brainwashing. We concentrate really hard on many things in life. Some good, some bad, and the things that we concentrate on are the things that we accomplish. This is not magic. This is common sense.

So instead of concentrating on all the reasons why we can’t do things. Why things are so hard and things are so impossible to accomplish. We should look to the people who have already accomplished those things.. and learn from them. It can be done.

Uncategorized

The energy behind change is in your head

Katrina Russell

Sometimes no matter how hard you work there are always road blocks. Sometimes no matter how great your intentions there is always a stall. These are the biggest stumbling blocks to any success. Everyone loves when they’re on a roll, but once there’s a snag, once things veer off course, it’s very difficult to get back on track.

Have you ever noticed when you’re dieting… you’re doing great, the fat is coming off, the download (38)muscle is toning.. then all of a sudden there is party after party, function after function… holiday after holiday that completely derails your progress? Have you ever been rearing to start a new venture.. you just need a little more money/time/whatever… You are all ramped up and then BAM! You get sick, You lose your job… you get more work that takes you away from your personal practice? Or the opposite occurs, you are SO SICK AND TIRED of your job. Your boss is an ass… the money sucks… your co-workers are jerks… you are ready to strike out in a new direction… and suddenly the boss gives you a slight raise… and your co-workers pat you on the back and you fall back into complacency.

There is a reason for this. Your energy. I know.. that sounds very woowoo crazy, but it’s true. Your energy, your brain, your sense of self is very happy being content. Content is safe, change is dangerous. Better the devil you know, and all. When you start to lose weight your mind freaks out. It is suddenly not understanding your identity. When you start thinking and taking actions to make a major change to your career, for instance, your energy, your brain decides that this is NOT YOU. You are a worker, not a boss… you can handle what you’ve been doing… anything more is scary.

None of this is true of course. This is just what your brain has been told… over and over again. This is just what your brain believes. We all know how difficult it is to change someone else’s mind. Why would we think that our own would be any different?

This is where affirmations and reprogramming come in to play. Now this is not positive talk.. that is a different animal. That’s almost lying to yourself. You can not tell yourself that you are happy in a situation that you are in that you are not. You can not tell yourself that a relationship is wonderful when the dirt bag is cheating on you, stealing from you, and beating you… You can however tell yourself that you deserve a better relationship. That you deserve to be treated well and that you deserve love.

The problem with any change is that it takes action… major action. Even small changes take major action, and our self identity doesn’t want to make those changes.. our identity is what it is… if you don’t believe me… listen to yourself. Actually listen to the things that you say to yourself when you’re trying to go through a change… and ask yourself if you would use the same words with someone else if you were trying to encourage them to be better.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

Mind your children

Katrina Russell

There are a lot of complaints about children today. That there is not enough punishments and consequences for bad behavior. Spanking has been, let’s just say frowned upon, for decades. Time outs are now found to be a form of solitary confinement.  I saw an article today that said yelling at a child can cause irreparable damage. So what do we do as parents?

download (35)How about we redefine punishment? I mean, really, what do these children do that needs to be punished? The whole point is that they should learn not to act certain ways. That they should grow up to be strong, independent, empathetic, caring people. So, how does punishment do this?

What we really need to do is teach children to calm down, and think before they act. Think about what’s best for them and think about what’s best for others. Some schools are taking this to heart. There is a movement to teach Mindfulness to children instead of punishment. Instead of detentions or banging out erasers… (is that still a thing?) These kids are learning meditation and yoga. They are being taught to sit with themselves and listen to themselves. They are being taught to think… actually think, not react, and it’s working.

The best part is that this is having a great affect on not just “bad children” who need detentions, but the ones with chronic disorders like ADHD and Autism. Mindfulness is about teaching children to slow down. Kids today have media and crap shoved in their faces 24/7. They have download speeds… and upload speeds… and phones, tablets, games, laptops, TVS… and at this point virtual reality at their fingertips at all times. When do they get a chance to actually think and feel.

I have a 4 year old, and we spend quite a bit of time in the car. I have a demanding download (36)schedule and he’s almost always along for the ride. Sometimes friends of mine come with us and they are always trying to give him phones, tablets, or DVD players to “keep him occupied”.  He’s 4… give him an empty box and a toy frog and let his imagination go to work.

Imagination… it’s like a mythical thing in today’s world. Kids don’t need to pretend.. they have devices to do it for them. My son doesn’t need paints he has an app for that… If we really want to help our kids grow into strong, successful, intelligent people… we need to let their brains actually grow and form… and work.

Uncategorized

I am your coach, not your mother

Katrina Russell

One of the biggest problems that I’ve come across in my coaching career is clients not wanting to do the work. For some reason clients, and even friends and family members think that as a coach it is my job to somehow “fix” them or make them feel better.

Now, don’t get me wrong, my goal as a coach is to help you to feel stronger, more confident, more in control of your life, and ultimately happy and successful, but I don’t make you feel any of those thing. This whole process is completely in your hands.

I have a friend who has been having trouble getting and keeping jobs. He works mostly download (31)with temp agencies, which by definition are not permanent or even long term jobs, but whenever his contract ends he feels deflated and useless. When I talk to him about his next options and what he wants to do about it and how it’s his call on how he handles things.. his response is, “And you’re a life coach.. do you just berate all of your clients?”. I find it almost humorous that people equate life coaches with cheerleaders or a shoulder to cry on or someone that is going to bring the ice cream to the pity party.

I am a coach. I coach people. You can take the advice or leave it, but it is your job to do the work. I make that very clear when I start the process. If I were a basketball coach and
my team member kept missing his/her free throws I wouldn’t pat them on the back, tell them that I know life is hard and understand why they want to quit. I wouldn’t stand in for them and take the shot every time. I would tell them to get off their ass and practice till they can’t see anymore. This is expected of a coach.

I have had clients with depression who have told me that they feel more a peace when they get fresh air.. I give them an exercise of going for a walk everyday.. even just 15 mins… “no.. isn’t there something you can do?”. I have clients who want to make career changes and I ask them to take a Meyers Brigs test to see what may fit with their download (32)personality and needs… nope… And it’s not just my practice. I am in a grief counseling group at my church. These are people who have lost a loved one and keep everything bottled in. The facilitator recommend we write a letter to the loved ones so we can get some of the garbage out.. “no, I’m not gonna do that”.

I understand that not every exercise is right for every person and that some people may or may not feel comfortable doing certain things… and I’m willing to talk about that as well. But part of being successful and moving forward is making changes and stepping outside your comfort zone. That’s the only way to see real and permanent results.

Love, Uncategorized

I am what I am and that’s all that I am

Katrina Russell

If someone were to ask you, “Who are you?” what would you say?. Most people would respond in a way that either names them or describes them physically. “I am Katrina Russell… I am a woman.I am white.  I have blonde hair, for the moment. I am a mom. I 14212101_10154513746826602_2633315358266144094_nam a Life Coach, Blogger, and Public Speaker.” But those are things that I do. Those are ways that I look. That is not WHO I AM.

Who I am is the being, entity, soul, energy, which ever word you feel comfortable with, that lives inside this body. That chooses to do those things. We get so caught up in being judged for who we are that we forget who we are.

My son is four years old. He loves to see pictures of himself and announce to the world that he is “Jason”. He feels very connected to that name, but four years ago it was just a jumbles of sounds that I made that had no relevance to him. He would see himself in the mirror and not know that it was him looking back. He had an immense sense of self, without even knowing his own name.

No one told him who he was when he was born. He knew who he was. That was the only thing that he knew. He had no idea that I was his mama, just that I was there to feed him and smooch him and give him the things that he… as a being wanted and needed.

I look at him now and he has no opinions on the clothes he wears for the most part, as long as he’s not cold or hot. Though he did just pick out his own sneakers for the first time, so he knows what he likes, but doesn’t think about how they look on him as a body. He dances like a freak and laughs and smiles all the while. He doesn’t feel judgement about his movements. He doesn’t worry what other’s think. He is him.

When I think about who I am, sure I am all those things above, but I am all of those things because of genetic accident or someone’s choice. Even my name, though lovely was a choice. We don’t feel like it was. We are our names for as long as we can remember and had no choice in the matter, but someone did. Our parents, guardians, whomever signed the certificate. It was just another choice.

When I think about who I am. I am not tall, I am not a good driver, I am not a fan of Doctor Who…. those are things that I do. When I think about who I am I am strong, I am smart, I am loving, I am an eternal light that knows no bounds. And so are you.

Love, Uncategorized

The real reason your thoughts create your reality

Katrina Russell

This is not a new concept. People have been saying this for centuries. What you think about is what determines your reality. There are soothsayers and psychics and scientists that will all tell you the same thing for their own reasons.

You have to manifest your destiny. You have to see what you want in your minds eye in order to create the life you want in reality. You have to make a vision board. You have to download (16)meditate daily. You have to journal. You have to create the right vibrational  frequency. There is all kinds of advice out there for what you HAVE to do in order to create the life that you desire.

Then there are the skeptics. The you just have to work hard. You have to set goals. You have to get an education. You can’t just dream about things and make them happen. You have to be willing to get your hands dirty.

All I have to say is, they’re right. All of them.

You have to decide what you want. You have to decide how you want to achieve your goal. You have to have a clear picture of what your dream is. You have to stay focused on said dream through all other distraction. Then you have to set goals, work hard and get your hands dirty.

Tony Robbins has a bit in his speeches in which he tells everyone to look around the room and notice everything that is the color brown. Then he tells them to close their eyes and picture everything that’s green. Well, they have no idea. They weren’t looking for green things. How are they supposed to know?

It’s the same thing in life. If you decide that you want to be a kick ass Real Estate agent, and you aren’t going to stop until you are making millions and at the top of your field. Unless you start off with your daddy giving you millions and the banks funding your every move, you are going to have to hustle. You are going to have to live breath and sleep Real Estate. But here’s the thing, when you really decide that this is your focus itdownload (17) becomes easy. Suddenly you’re noticing people all around you talking about selling their houses. You’ll notice the “for sale by owner” signs. You’ll overhear people talking about how they can’t find that perfect ranch with 4 bedrooms and a Jacuzzi in the back.

Your brain picks up on what you want it to pick up on. If you decide that you want the perfect relationship and you really think about what the perfect relationship means to you. What it is.. and more importantly, what it is not. You will start to notice the red flags and beacons every where. You’ll notice when you’re on a date that the man pays a little too much attention to his phone, or the TV over your head. You’ll notice that men that are driven in their careers aren’t usually the ones out at the bars on a Tuesday night. If you want kids you’ll notice that when your interest is around their nephew he barely gives him a second glance.

People are creatures of habit. You have to learn to form the right habits to get what you want to achieve. If you want to lose weight and all you focus on is how  much you miss chocolate.. that’s not going to help you. If you decide that you want an active and fit lifestyle and not just to loose weight you’ll start noticing all the outdoor activities there are in your community and how much fun the new “pound” sensation is then you’re more apt to reach your target and stay there.

You have to make the decision. You have to fully commit to change. You have to re-train your brain to take on new habits and new opportunities. Your brain wants to stay complacent. Your brain wants to be happy doing what it’s always done. If you really want to succeed. If you really want to change your life.. you have to actually become what you’re envisioning. Not just hope for the best. Not just try a few things. You have to be the change.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

It’s time to fight for ALL women

Katrina Russell

635782283761408764-1021982020_Equality-feminismFeminism has a bad rep. Feminists are known as men hating and “anti-feminine”. They are known to tell women that they can’t want to be stay at home moms. They can’t want to get married. They have to be strong, independent and basically asexual. Though they’re allowed to have as much sex as they want and enjoy it.. they can’t be used by men in the process. Not sure if that means that they have to be lesbians or dominatrices.

The point is none of that is feminism. Feminism by definition 1: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. or 2: organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests.

It doesn’t even mention that a feminist has to be a woman. Just an idea and/or movement that men and women should be treated equally and have the right to live life the way they want.

I read an interesting blog recently about how women shouldn’t use feminism to “stick it to other women”. In the same sense it shouldn’t be used to put down men. I have a son. He is only four years old but he is sweet and wonderful and has not quite figured out the difference between a boy and a girl. He understands that “mama doesn’t have a winky” but unless he’s looking in everyone’s pants it’s a tough way to explain that to him.

His favorite toys are his dinosaurs, his cars, painting and his doll house and kitchen set. My father once scowled when I bought him his kitchen set. I caught him right before he made the “those are for girls” statement and said, “right, cuz he’ll never have to learn how to cook, right dad?”. Thankfully my father was not a moron and quickly backtracked before he made his stupid comment and said, “yeah, I guess… when you look at it that way”. But what other way is there to look at it. Toys are designed to teach kids how to do thing. There is a Hell of a lot better chance that he is going to cook his own dinner or clean his own house than there is that he’s going to ride on the dinosaur train.

It is important that we teach our children to be good and strong people. It is important for us to teach our children how to respect others and help out when they can  and ask for help when they need.

My nephew has been taught that he is not allowed to cry. He’s only 6. Girls are now starting to be taught the same because they can’t be considered the “weaker sex”. Women have to be more like men. They can’t want to stay home. They can’t like wearing cute dresses. They can’t want to have children and be married. Why? Why can’t a woman do what she wants? Isn’t that kind of the point of feminism? To earn the freedom and the opportunity for both sexes to live the way they want? feminist-male-joseph-gordon-levitt

If my son marries a crazy rich and successful woman and chooses to be a stay at home dad… good on him. If they both choose to work…. and they choose a male nanny… have at it. If he chooses to never get married or have kids, I will be sad, as I love children, but I will understand that it’s his choice, and isn’t that what we’re fighting for?