Tag: women

Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Be Brave!

Katrina Russell

Last night our church did a family night and showed the Disney movie “Brave”. I have to admit it was the first time that I had seen it. My son had been asking to see it for a few weeks after seeing an picture somewhere and when I saw the Facebook post from my church I thought… free… fabulous!!

Anyway, the church had their interpretation of the movie and about reconciliation and forgiveness and all the good things that go along with the good book, but as a Life Coach I had a very different view of the movie.

Clearly the girl had issues with her mother. And obviously neither of them handled themselves properly, and to be honest I was way more on the girl’s side than her mother’s… even though I am a mother now.. and obviously always right.

But the thing that grabbed me about the movie were the wisps. The Merdina was fierce and powerful and willing to fight for her own destiny… yet as soon as the wisps appeared she gave up on her own will and followed them into the unknown for no other reason than because they were “supposed” to lead her to her destiny.

Wasn’t that what this fiery red head trying to fight against and establish for herself? Her own destiny. People in movies love to put their fate in magic. In some greater power than themselves. Ariel gave up her own voice for magic. Cinderella couldn’t go to the ball on her own, she needed her Fairy God Mother to create a new life for her. Aladdin needed the Genie and so on… and by the end of the movie they all realize that they had the power within from the beginning… that’s a Wizard of Oz thing for you.

Yet in real life it’s the same. We grow up on these movies. Being taught that we have the power to create the life we want, yet we are always turning to someone else. We need someone to give us a job. We need someone to love us, to marry us. We need someone or something to create our worth and our destiny. Can’t we, as a society, finally realize that if we want the life we desire… we need to decide.. and do it ourselves.

parenting, Uncategorized

When you look back, what do you want to see?

Katrina Russell

“Regrets… I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention…” We all love the old blues tune, but how many of us think about regrets… I don’t mean past ones, I mean the ones that we are creating right now.

The old saying is that you regret things that you didn’t do more than the things that you do, yet most of us live on the safe side where we don’t put ourselves out there for fear of>>> FAILURE!!! I mean what could be worse than that! Ummm, anything?

Let’s be honest, not doing things that we want to do is pretty much the definition of failure. I mean let’s say you want to ask a person out… but you fear that person won’t reciprocate your feelings so you never ask… in the end your fear is that you won’t get the person… which choice is more likely to get you what you want… asking or not asking. And by asking at least you get the answer and you’ll never wonder “what if?”.

Or let’s say you always wanted to break out and start your own business, but you fear that you won’t make it so you continue at the same old crap job you’ve been stuck at for… well, let’s face it, an eternity. Maybe the business will fail, and maybe you’ll realize that you have a lot to learn  before you can start your own business, maybe you’ll have some debt to pay off, maybe you’ll have to take some classes, or find someone that you can work with that can handle the part of the job that you don’t excel at… ok… then you know what to do the next time… but you can always get another “job”, and you can always make more money…. you can’t get time back.

If you wait till you’re “Ready”… you’ll never get there. And there are your regrets. This is it.. this is your life.. you only get one.. there are no do-overs… what do you want to regret? Trying, learning, and trying again… living the life you love…. or staying in stagnation, living in fear because… “what if?”

parenting, Uncategorized

What happens outside the comfort zone?

Katrina Russell

When was the last time that you did something outside of your comfort zone? Most of us live our lives by routine, which isn’t entirely bad. There is a lot to be said for security and piece of mind, but there is also more to life.

When was the last time you did something spontaneous? I have a friend that posted to Facebook, “Hey girls, who has a passport, a couple hundred bucks and Wed and Thursday off?”… That was it, she was headed to Canada for a road trip and looking for volunteers. I remember going with her to NY City a few years back… pre-baby days.

I loved this post. I loved even more that she had real responses. People who just wanted to enjoy their life without worrying about the “What ifs?”.

Now, not all of us have that much flexibility. I know I have work, my kid has school, and things aren’t as they were 5-10 years ago for me, but that doesn’t stop me from the occasional weekend run. Have kid will travel. It also doesn’t make me feel stuck to a job that I hate, or a situation that makes me miserable.

When my father passed a few years back I could have panicked. I was working p/t at the time and I was a stay at home single mother. My father was the breadwinner, though I paid rent to him and helped him with his health problems, my father was the one who made the real money. When he passed I could have freaked out and stuck my kid in daycare and gone back to the grind that I hated! I was offered a job making great money but working 50-60 hours a week. That is not what I wanted for my family.

I managed to find jobs that I could continue to either do from home, or at least bring my son with me. I started studying health and wellness. I got certified in Life Coaching. I made tough decisions that didn’t guarantee financial success, but offered me much more personal success.

Now my son is entering Pre-K. Still one more year till full-time school, but I am planning out the best way to fit his schedule into my schedule. To me, spending time with my son is the most important thing I can do. And living a life that helps others get and stay healthy so they don’t have to face the horrors of diabetes that I did with my father.. and lose someone or themselves too soon. I love that my life is about helping others realize their true potential. I love that my job is about living life to the fullest.

What is it that you love about your life? What do you hate? And what are you going to do about it?

Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Who is creating your life?

Katrina Russell

Everyday we make choices. Some of them are based on wants. Some of them are based on fears. Some of them are based on ease, but most of them are based on someone’s idea of what should happen. The question is whose ideas are running your life.

I’m one of those ridiculous people that love the Facebook quizzes like, “Who were you in a past life?” or “What song defines you?” I think they are just fun to see what questions the creator bases it on and what kinds of things are said afterwards.

th.jpgOne of these came up with something along the lines of “You’re an independent spirit” and a friend of mine responded with “you have always lived your life on your own terms”. I found this to be a great compliment. I don’t know how many people who live miserable lives, complaining all the time because they are doing what is expected, or because it would be too difficult to change.

I can’t understand this concept. You have repeatedly said that your life sucks… how could making changes make things worse? Now I’m not saying if you hate your job that you should just up and quit. Obviously you have bills and responsibilities.. but let’s be honest, most people aren’t doing anything that they are even slightly interested in. They spend years working way too many hours just to make enough to get by. However, if they just decided to take a little chance.. and work a little harder for a small amount of time they could learn something new.. make new connections.. and basically create an entirely new life for themselves.

I have another friend.. a young woman, and single mom, she worked retail and was working her way up to management. She liked her job, but hated the hours. She constantly had to get a babysitter and never got enough time with her son. She knew it would only get worse. She finally decided that she deserved more. She took a class and got a certificate in medical transcription. She’s making more money and what’s even better she has a job with normal hours. She can now work around her son’s schedule and spend more time with him.

This may not be your idea of an ideal job, and in a few years she may decide that it’s not her’s either, but the important thing about this story is that she now knows that she is capable of more. She is capable of accomplishing what she puts her mind to. She can put her son first, and she doesn’t have to wait till he’s old enough.. or put her life on hold out of fear that if she fails then what? It wasn’t easy and there were a lot of long nights.. but now she’s happier and more secure than she was before she started… and her son isn’t even in kindergarten yet.

Fear is debilitating. Blame is easy. Almost everyone has someone else to blame. If you are in your 30s or 40s and still mad at your parents for not supporting your going to college it’s time to look in the mirror. Now that’s not to say that financial success is the only goal to aim for. I quit college in my 20s and had to go back to finish my degree, and it took me almost a decade longer. I did this to help take care of my God daughters.. and I wouldn’t have changed that for anything. I still had jobs that I loved and still managed to pay the bills, but helping to raise my God daughters was MY choice. I can’t blame their mother for her issues. I can’t blame the kids for needing someone. I can only take responsibility for my own actions, and I made my choice based on my priorities.

Don’t get me wrong, I have made plenty of mistakes; I can’t and won’t deny that, but they were my mistakes. And the best part of understanding that they are my  mistakes is understanding that it gives me the power to make better choices in the future, and I don’t have to depend on someone else to fix me.

Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Are you creating the life you want or the life you fear?

Katrina Russell

I recently had one of those “Timehop” posts come up. It was a quote from my dad right before he was about to go into surgery. I was worried… as any good daughter would be and saying that anything could happen when he’s under. He responded, “You’re right, anything can happen, and if you’re going to imagine things happening. Imagine good things.”. I loved that quote. That was so him. Most of the time, that is so me.

thWe are what we imagine that we are. There is a quote “Worrying is praying for things you don’t want to happen.”, and it’s so true. We spend so much time in our heads imagining what we want. What we don’t want. What we’re afraid of. What we long for. We get them all mixed up and eventually we put all our effort into thinking about things that we hope never happen.

Now the Law of Attraction say that if we concentrate on bad things that we can make them happen. The law of averages says that if we wait long enough something bad will happen. My law is, why waist one second thinking about things you don’t want when there are soooo many things out there that you do.

Let’s say that you spend your days worried that your spouse is cheating on you, and what will you do if he leaves you because you can’t afford things on your own… and OMG you’re getting fat…. well, now you’re consumed by this. You get depressed you eat more. You can’t concentrate on work. You lose your job. You’re a miserable person and your spouse leaves you and you say “SEE! Bad things always happen”.

Did the law of attraction make that happen? Did the law of consequences? Did the law of averages? Now… same person… doesn’t fret about the relationship and enjoys the time with the partner.. and the time by herself. She excels at work. She joins a health program like a gym, meditation or cooking class. She actually enjoys her life. Then she finds out she had all that free time because the spouse was cheating… Ok .. that sucks! But she has way more going on in her own life to keep her going. She has friends, and hobbies, and a fulfilling career and it’s not, “See, bad things always happens.” It’s, “Wow, what an arse.. I deserve better.” And that’s exactly what she get.

parenting, Uncategorized

Work it Girl!

Katrina Russell

Stop me if you’ve heard this before. Someone loses a whole lot of weight and someone else says to them, “Oh wow! You look amazing! How did you lose it?”. Seems like a rational question… then the response. “Well, I cut out/down on my sugar intake. Ate more veggies and exercised”, and suddenly the inquiry is lost on deaf ears.

thNo one wants to “do the work” anymore. When you look at the check out line magazines, the random ads on the internet or TV, or a million books in the bookstores and they are all “get….. quick”. It doesn’t matter what it is. Get rich, lose weight… find the perfect man. It’s all about the here and now moment.

If you cut out all carbs… all gluten.. all dairy you will lose weight. Sure… if you stop eating you will lose weight, but it is not sustainable forever. If you take this pill you will lose 10 lbs in a week… yes.. and probably live in the bathroom.. it’s not fat that you’re losing.

Here’s a hint. If you want to be a healthy, fit person.. you have to BE a happy, fit person. Be is actually a verb. You have to do the work. You have to say no to the cake.. mostly. You have to exercise. You have to drink your water and eat your veggies. You have to BE. That is not to say that you can NEVER have cake again. In fact that’s the biggest problem with the crash and trendy diets. They cut things out instead of teaching you how to eat them responsibly. I will say, I joined weight watchers years ago and one of the things that I liked was that you were able to learn the value of foods.. and what is worth the calories and what is not.. but you have to do the work.

If you want to drop 10 lbs to fit into a dress, by all means juice for the week and lose the water weight that helps that pouch out… but don’t expect the to actually help you to lose fat. And always check with a doctor before starting any restrictive diet. They all rack havoc on your body and hormones.

Healthcare, parenting, Politics, Uncategorized

The educated vote is going down with the Dinosaur.

Katrina Russell

I had an interesting conversation with a Trump supporter today. She said that she wasn’t worried about all the horrible things that he says because she doesn’t think that they’re going to happen. Really? So, you’re glad a person who wants to take food and healthcare away from children, women, and elderly is in office because you’re pretty sure the Democrats won’t let it happen?

How does that even make sense. I pressed her more. She says that she only watches Fox News because all of the other news outlets only talk about all the bad things that are happening, and she doesn’t want to think about it…  WHAT?!?!? Talk about keeping your head in the sand.

th (2)She said her insurance is too high under the Affordable Care Act, and the Republican’s want to repeal it… yes, and put people, like her and her family, who have pre-existing conditions into a pool of their own so that their insurance will go up 10x and those without any health problems will drop.. “well, that won’t happen”. I told her that they have come out and said that anyone who has a pre-existing condition doesn’t deserve good insurance because they couldn’t manage to take care of themselves…. “No one said that….. ok only one guy”… yeah, one guy who happens to be a member of congress.

I told her that they want to cut funding to special programs in public schools… which her child needs and is in a special needs class, “well, that won’t happen”. I told her they want to cut food healthcare for women, including letting employers decide whether or not their employees should have birth control paid for. “That’s has nothing to do with employers.. why should they have a choice?… that won’t happen.”

She’s said she’s more concerned about North Korea dropping a nuke, and that we have toth (1) make sure that they are stopped from making the bombs.. I told her that Trump’s response is making sure that all other countries get the bombs too so that they can bomb them fist if need be. She said that was crazy… no one would want that. I showed her the video… even Saudi Arabia… who he just sold $110B worth of weapons to.

She said that she doesn’t like the Democrats because she saw one of them swear at a rally… Really? But pussy grabbing and telling his rally attendants to “Get him the F**K out of here is ok?

“Well, this is why I don’t watch the news… this stuff is crazy”

Right.. but you keep voting.

parenting, Uncategorized

Children need to learn to be by themselves.

Katrina Russell

My four year old loves to watch his father play video games. So for a treat his dad went and bought him a couple of Mario games. He thinks he is such a big kid now, and he’s getting really good at them. Mostly. On occasion, however, the crazy video game monster comes out. If any of you have gamers at home then you know what I mean. My ex takes it a bit further than I can only assume most do, he’s been known to throw a controller or two… and I DO NOT want my son taking after him in this area.

20170518_172246.jpgI have no problem with a healthy competitive nature. It’s good. It keeps you motivated, but as soon as my 4 year old starts his outbursts he’s done. I take away the controller, I pause the game, and I tell him that he has to breath. I tell him that he has to calm down if he would like to continue playing. I have used this technique a lot over the last year. When he is in the car on a long ride and needs to get a little break and starts screaming.. I tell him, “If you calm yourself down I will pull into a Dunks and we can take a break.”

I know that he needs the break, but I feel like if I pull over when he’s screaming that will reinforce the wrong behavior. If I tell him that he has to calm down and ask nicely to get what he wants.. then hopefully that will stick.

The funny thing is that now I’ve noticed him doing it on his own. I’ve been floating around the house cleaning or working and I can hear him sitting on the couch whispering to himself “calm down… calm down” while taking deep breaths. I just smile and ask if everything is OK.

He’s actually getting really good at his games, and earlier this week for Memorial Day we went to lunch with his grandmother. She had bought him one of those eye-spy books which has hidden pictures on each page for him to find. She was so impressed by his level of concentration. When he would get frustrated and not be able to find things he would simply ask for help. Usually we would just direct him to which page it was on and that would be enough to get him back on track.

This world has become so fast paced. Everything is at the touch of their little fingertips. It20170414_185526.jpg takes actual purpose to not give them what they want. To make sure that they know how to handle problems, and adversity.. and slow internet connections. I purposefully let the batteries run out, or disconnect the wi-fi, just so that he has to learn how to deal with these things. He has plenty of other things to play with. Even on those long car rides when other’s in my car may want to hand him off a device.. I tell them, “He’s fine.. he’ll figure it out.” and I’ve watched the boy play for 10 mins with straws.

We need to remember to let our children’s brains work and develop, to slow down and connect to the real world. They don’t need to be constantly told what to do and what to think. They don’t need constant stimulation. They need to be happy being with themselves. I know lot’s of adults who need that too.

 

Love, parenting, Uncategorized

What’s your excuse?

Katrina Russell

We all have them? What’s your excuse for not doing what ever it is that you want so desperately to do? What is your excuse for not asking for the raise, for not asking out that hottie, for not losing the weight, for not being happy?

My weight was always my excuse in the past. It was much easier to blame my failures on a specific almost external problem. If I was just fit then… what ever would happen. I thwould find love. I could get a better job. I could…. whatever. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my brains, my  “real” looks, my ambition. It was just that I was overweight, and as soon as I got in shape my world would be great… I just had other things that took priority over losing weight. I can always do that later.

Then the new excuses start. I have to work. I have school. I have kids.. I have pizza parties. There is always an excuse. The problem is that we don’t actually have an unlimited amount of time to change. We have to make the decisions in our life that will accomplish the goal we desire.

We have to go for the job. We have to ask out the hottie. We have to lose the weight. That takes actual work. I’m asked all the time how I’ve lost weight, as if there’s some trick that I’m hiding from them. I tell them I just eat healthier and exercise more. “UGH… never mind”. Now if I said that I took a magic pill then they would run to the store and try it. But that’s the thing. There is no magic pill. There’s no get rich quick scheme. There’s no love potion. All there is is determination and focus.

There is the decision to change your life. The plan to make it happen and the follow-through to make it to the end. No one has ever made a difference by half-assing. Now one has ever won an Olympic medal by practicing on the weekends. No marriage has ever lasted by ignoring the problems. No company has every become a success by taking too many breaks.

We have to make the big changes. We have to become the person that is… whatever we want to be. We have to develop the habits of the successful person… and we can’t let our excuses rule our destiny.

Politics, Uncategorized

I Wonder when a Woman’s movie will just be a movie?

Katrina Russell

In case you haven’t heard, there’s a new movie called “Wonder Woman” hitting the theaters… and people are making mountains out of a well, women parts.

This movies is obviously about a woman superhero, but also directed by a woman. There are theaters that have decided to do women only screening. This movie has become a cry for feminism everywhere. Wonder Woman is even on the US postage stamp.

18814269_10155422377091800_7833265679293833956_nThis is both great.. and dangerous. It’s great because in a time of pussy grabbing and defunding women’s healthcare, women need a hero. We need to band together and take back our rights and our self respect… but, if this movie bombs it will just be another check in the boxes of men saying how women can’t do things.

There is also a lot of noise about hypocrisy with the women only screening. On the one hand there are feminists like Emma Watson who are pushing the “gender neutral” award ceremony and then segregating out women only theater screenings leaving men to feel left out. I’m not really sure how to gauge this to be honest. When I had my baby shower my son’s grandmother was actually angry because I wanted it to be women only and she wanted to invite her brothers. She felt like I was specifically shunning her family. A cousin had a Jack n Jill style one the year before.

Of course she failed to notice that I had a family of mostly men, a father with no mother, a brother and no sister… more of their family was actually there than mine, but this wasn’t about whose family got to go. This was about the energy of a baby shower. Usually, women care more about this stuff. Women have a more maternal instinct and fawn over baby clothes and silly games. Men want to watch the game in the corner.

Now not all, but usually. I wanted a traditional shower with estrogen flowing instead of testosterone making jokes about how life was over and get in the beer while you can. I can imagine a women only screening of “Wonder Woman” being quite powerful. A real “I am women, hear me roar” type of moment. I can also seeing men using it as an opportunity to prove that it’s OK to segregate and that “why should they go see that crappy ‘girl’ movie”.

We are all working to have a world without limits. A world where no one feels less than or left out for their sex, and let’s not even get into the Transgender and where they  fit into this argument. I wish a woman could just come out in a movie…. and it would just be a movie.