Love, Uncategorized

The Law of Attraction explained in real terms

Some people don’t like the idea of the “Law of Attraction”. They feel that it seems to woo woo crazy and supernatural.. but I have a question. If I just said the phrase, “You accomplish what you work on” would you think that crazy? The Law of Attraction is all about creating what you think about. Now you can think of it in terms of energy cycles if you choose or you can think of it in terms of tangible things that you work on.

Let’s say there were two people interviewing for the same position. The fist person th (1)walked into the interview and said, “I love this company. I have researched it. I love your business plan and have many great ideas as to how I can help you achieve those plans.” The other person walked in and said, “I really need a job. How much does this pay and what are the hours?” Which person do you think will get the job.

This is sort of an example of The Law of Attraction. You can’t get what you want if you don’t know what you want. Let’s say you have one person who really wants to be rich. They will do anything to be rich. They try all the get rich quick schemes. They invest in project after project waiting for their big break. The other person really wants to be rich and takes a look at all the people around him that are rich and finds one that does or is close to what he wants to do or be. He starts to learn everything that he can about that person, that field, and becomes an expert. Which one do you think is more likely to get rich.

When my father was alive it used to drive him crazy when I would say that I was tired. He would respond, “Of course you are. You keep telling yourself that you are” and it’s true. It’s a form or brainwashing. We concentrate really hard on many things in life. Some good, some bad, and the things that we concentrate on are the things that we accomplish. This is not magic. This is common sense.

So instead of concentrating on all the reasons why we can’t do things. Why things are so hard and things are so impossible to accomplish. We should look to the people who have already accomplished those things.. and learn from them. It can be done.

Uncategorized

Competition does not equal enemy

I was watching one of those kids YouTube videos where they open toys. My son loves the love them. I noticed in one of the episodes that the kid was talking all kinds of smack when he beat his friends at the game. Now, I have no problem with smack talk and think th (1)that it’s quite fun for the most part, but this kid was like 4 years old, and I have to wonder where he’s learning this.

My son has an extreme competitive streak. We were playing “Memory” and we noticed that every time I got a match he would cringe, but at the end of the game I won and he congratulated me. Sometimes we even play till everyone wins.. he likes to give everyone a chance.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not a fan of participation trophies and feel like it diminishes the accomplishment of the person who really won, but there is something to be said for good sportsmanship. I feel like this is a lost art.

We play board games all the time and this is never an issue, but when he plays video games with his father this goes out the window. His father is one of those crazy people who screams, swears and breaks shit when he loses even a turn. I have to carefully monitor them when they play as to keep it under control. This is not normal behavior as he feels that it is.. I am not finding that my son starts yelling and crying if a damn turtle runs Luigi off the screen. I have to remind him that it’s just a game and he can just threstart in a minute. That the whole point of the game is to practice and get better and that he’s not going to beat it the fist time around.

I feel like there’s a disconnect today between healthy competition and angry self esteem issues. I feel like there is no fun to rivalries. Today it is about taking the other person down instead of building oneself up. We need to start teaching kids to play again.. to help and to support and cooperate.  No one gets through this life alone. We have to learn to work together… even in competition.

Love, Politics, Uncategorized

Feminism creates Supergirls

Supergirl….  the epitome of girl power in my opinion (sorry Wonder Woman) is now on the CW, and it is hitting all the demographics and is extremely political… if you haven’t seen it I highly recommend checking it out. It is based on a different Earth where illegal aliens have a whole different meaning.. but the message is the same. Most are innocent, and most are good.

images (28)This last episode was quite interesting in not only the refugee topic but in women’s issues as well. The president of that United States is payed by Lynda Carter (see Wonder Woman). A female who, coincidentally  is also an illegal alien. The flip of the script, however, is that she is all about protecting her new planet from actual HOSTILE aliens, and understands the difference.

In this last episode a bad girl alien is out to take over the planet… and yada yada yada, and she and her old pal, Cat Grant, (the media mogul that Supergirl works for) actually try to TALK to this women.

Cat Grant actually says straight out that they are women, and have no need to “lay it out and measure it”. That they are capable of handling things in a much more civilized supergirl-recap2manner. That it is the day of the women, and even references the T-Shirts. I, personally, love Cat Grant and all of the strong women on this show. The lead agent is not a man, but Supergirl’s sister (adopted). The lead cop is also a woman. There is no Lex Luthor, the main Luthors are his mother and sister. This show is all about girl power and kicking ass with compassion.

That being said, they also have strong male characters. When the show starts we join Kara (Supergirl) and her two best friends James and Winn who are there to support her. But they don’t just live in the background. They become their own super-heroes in their own way.

Though the series starts with Supergirl feeling less than to her super cousin, Superman, she gets the support that she needs from her female boss (Miss Grant), her sister, and even Lena Luthor. They don’t back stab. They don’t betray. They don’t throw each other under the bus… which would be pointless in the case of Supergirl I guess. It’s interesting to see that it takes a show about an alternate universe to give credence to feminism and equality.

Politics, Uncategorized

Trump “It’s Complicated”

In the wake of the latest Trump scandal I just have a few words to say. I have been very clear on my dislike for this President and pretty much everything that he stands for. Not because he is a Republican, or Christian, or White… I happen to be two of those things.. and an Independent (which means neither Republican nor a Democrat… I vote for the person that I agree with on issues the most) That being said… I was also a HUGE fan of the Apprentice when it was on and thought, though an arrogant jerk, that he had half a brain. I now can admit that I was wrong.

I have never in my life seen a person who is so incapable of taking responsibility. I have never seen anyone that is so quick to cast blame at anyone or anything but them self. I have never seen anyone who just lies for the sake of making them self feel better. I have download (40)never seen anyone who needs to toot their own horn and pat their own back at the expense of other. I have never seen anyone so clueless about the way the world works… and I could never have imagined such a person in office.

Everyday there is a new scandal. And everyday his people come out and denounce such craziness.. Trump would never… collude with Russia.. they had no contact at all… except almost everyone on his team and in his family… that have since had to resign or be fired. Trump would never take money from Russia… with a few exceptions… Trump would never tell Russia to hack the DNC… except on International Television at a rally… Trump would never give away top secret info to Russia… except when he wants to and it’s ok cuz he’s President. Trump would never tell Comey to stop investigating the Russian connection… except when he did, but he was only asking… not demanding.

Does the President of the United States of America really not understand that his words and actions are real? That the things that he says and does have actual consequences and repercussions? Does the man who supposedly is so successful in business really not understand how a budget works.. and that you can’t cut taxes (revenue) while asking for outrageous money for walls, wars, and Russian steel? Does he really not understand that taking money away from food and healthcare is going to kill the people that he swore to protect?

He is the President of the United States and all he does is talk about crowd size, election results, and how mean people are to him. He literally said that he had no idea that being President would be hard.. or that Healthcare, foreign relations, and pretty much anything political would be complicated… This is not a reality show, Mr President. The people who die under your watch can’t come back for the reunion show… This is real life. Maybe you should either take responsibility or walk away and let someone who can handle it take over.

Uncategorized

The energy behind change is in your head

Sometimes no matter how hard you work there are always road blocks. Sometimes no matter how great your intentions there is always a stall. These are the biggest stumbling blocks to any success. Everyone loves when they’re on a roll, but once there’s a snag, once things veer off course, it’s very difficult to get back on track.

Have you ever noticed when you’re dieting… you’re doing great, the fat is coming off, the download (38)muscle is toning.. then all of a sudden there is party after party, function after function… holiday after holiday that completely derails your progress? Have you ever been rearing to start a new venture.. you just need a little more money/time/whatever… You are all ramped up and then BAM! You get sick, You lose your job… you get more work that takes you away from your personal practice? Or the opposite occurs, you are SO SICK AND TIRED of your job. Your boss is an ass… the money sucks… your co-workers are jerks… you are ready to strike out in a new direction… and suddenly the boss gives you a slight raise… and your co-workers pat you on the back and you fall back into complacency.

There is a reason for this. Your energy. I know.. that sounds very woowoo crazy, but it’s true. Your energy, your brain, your sense of self is very happy being content. Content is safe, change is dangerous. Better the devil you know, and all. When you start to lose weight your mind freaks out. It is suddenly not understanding your identity. When you start thinking and taking actions to make a major change to your career, for instance, your energy, your brain decides that this is NOT YOU. You are a worker, not a boss… you can handle what you’ve been doing… anything more is scary.

None of this is true of course. This is just what your brain has been told… over and over again. This is just what your brain believes. We all know how difficult it is to change someone else’s mind. Why would we think that our own would be any different?

This is where affirmations and reprogramming come in to play. Now this is not positive talk.. that is a different animal. That’s almost lying to yourself. You can not tell yourself that you are happy in a situation that you are in that you are not. You can not tell yourself that a relationship is wonderful when the dirt bag is cheating on you, stealing from you, and beating you… You can however tell yourself that you deserve a better relationship. That you deserve to be treated well and that you deserve love.

The problem with any change is that it takes action… major action. Even small changes take major action, and our self identity doesn’t want to make those changes.. our identity is what it is… if you don’t believe me… listen to yourself. Actually listen to the things that you say to yourself when you’re trying to go through a change… and ask yourself if you would use the same words with someone else if you were trying to encourage them to be better.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

Mind your children

There are a lot of complaints about children today. That there is not enough punishments and consequences for bad behavior. Spanking has been, let’s just say frowned upon, for decades. Time outs are now found to be a form of solitary confinement.  I saw an article today that said yelling at a child can cause irreparable damage. So what do we do as parents?

download (35)How about we redefine punishment? I mean, really, what do these children do that needs to be punished? The whole point is that they should learn not to act certain ways. That they should grow up to be strong, independent, empathetic, caring people. So, how does punishment do this?

What we really need to do is teach children to calm down, and think before they act. Think about what’s best for them and think about what’s best for others. Some schools are taking this to heart. There is a movement to teach Mindfulness to children instead of punishment. Instead of detentions or banging out erasers… (is that still a thing?) These kids are learning meditation and yoga. They are being taught to sit with themselves and listen to themselves. They are being taught to think… actually think, not react, and it’s working.

The best part is that this is having a great affect on not just “bad children” who need detentions, but the ones with chronic disorders like ADHD and Autism. Mindfulness is about teaching children to slow down. Kids today have media and crap shoved in their faces 24/7. They have download speeds… and upload speeds… and phones, tablets, games, laptops, TVS… and at this point virtual reality at their fingertips at all times. When do they get a chance to actually think and feel.

I have a 4 year old, and we spend quite a bit of time in the car. I have a demanding download (36)schedule and he’s almost always along for the ride. Sometimes friends of mine come with us and they are always trying to give him phones, tablets, or DVD players to “keep him occupied”.  He’s 4… give him an empty box and a toy frog and let his imagination go to work.

Imagination… it’s like a mythical thing in today’s world. Kids don’t need to pretend.. they have devices to do it for them. My son doesn’t need paints he has an app for that… If we really want to help our kids grow into strong, successful, intelligent people… we need to let their brains actually grow and form… and work.

parenting, Politics, Uncategorized

What do you mean by pro-life?

This has been a hot topic in the US for decades. Pro-Lifers protesting with signs and pictures of dead fetuses and babies. Declaring Planned Parenthood as a slaughter house for the unborn. Calling women and doctors murderers. These, mostly Christian, high moral individuals take all life as sacred… or mostly, kind of.

I was at a community gathering the other day and there was a lovely woman from Planned Parenthood there to talk to those interested about the reality of what herdownload (34) organization does. It wasn’t her normal gig. Normally she was one of their lawyers who fight for the rights of their patients and doctors alike, but with all the misinformation, or “alternative” facts going about, the organization has chosen to be out in full force to educate and answer questions.

Most people think that Planned Parenthood is an abortion clinic and that’s all they do there. When there is discussions about birth control people start a tirade about how they don’t want to pay for other people to use their tax dollars to abort babies as a form of birth control. There is a post going about of people calling PP and asking them about pre-natal care, a service that is not provided at most locations, and therefore assumed that there is no other services that women need.

I don’t know how many of you reading are women, or know women, but there is more to women’s health than pregnancy. I didn’t get pregnant till I was 36, and yet had been seeing a Gynecologist for almost 20 years at that point. There are yearly pap-screenings, which include cancer checks, as well as checks for irregular growths and cysts. For those who choose there are sexually transmitted disease tests, and actual birth control… not just abortions, but pills, implants, sponges, diaphragms, and which ever one you may choose that works best for you.

I know what you’re thinking, “Why should I pay for some slutty tramp to get tested for STDs?And if you can’t afford birth control then don’t have sex.” Well, let’s just throw the rape word out there to start with. Sometimes women don’t always have a choice.. but let’s say they do. Let’s say they are a lovely college student whose parents have died… who has been dating a man who she has known for a year and are planning to marry…. is it ok for her to have sex? Is it ok for her not to get pregnant? Let’s say that wonderful man isn’t as wonderful as she thinks and is running around on her and gets an STD…

Maybe no one should have sex at all… and if you have sex before you are married and not for the reasons of having children then you should die… and so should the child, because you do not deserve screening for STDs and cancer which could not only kill you but damage the unborn child… so in reality… you’re only pro-“people whose lifestyle I approve with” life.

Now let’s go the other side… Planned Parenthood is the reason for abortions… ahh.. actually abortion rates are down even lower than before Roe vs Wade was passed… and that’s only the ones that were reported. Planned Parenthood chose a name that should be self explanatory. They help women choose and plan when they become parents. They educate women on their bodies and supply birth control to those who would not otherwise be able to afford it, thus creating less unwanted pregnancies, not more abortions.

The biggest misconception about Planned Parenthood is that all they do is abortions and that the government is paying for them, and there is no way to stop that therefore we must defund. Actually only 3% of all services provided are abortion services,  and none of that money comes from the federal government. In fact there was an amendment images (24)created (The Hyde Amendment) in 1976 that specifically prohibits this.  In fact there is no way to actually “defund” Planned Parenthood” outright. There is no line item in the federal budget for them. They are simply a healthcare provider who gets reimbursed by medicare for services that medicare are required to pay for… such as cancer screenings and birth control pills.

Right now everyone is pushing to defund Planned Parenthood and others life it. What you need to realize is that when you vote to defund Planned Parenthood, you are voting to limit healthcare to Medicare recipients. That includes grandma, and the single mom with her kids….. so… not exactly Pro-Life… if you ask me.

parenting, Uncategorized

Eat yourself happy

We all talk about our diets in terms of our bodies. Either we want to look better or be healthier or some other physical idea of feeling better. We know that when we look better we feel better. We know that when we get healthy we feel better, but we never talk about how our diets actually affect our mental health. 

Most people don’t realize that a good amount of American’s are malnourished. Now, I’m not just talking aboutimages (20) those starving and living on the streets. I’m talking about those that live off of fast food and snacks. Have you ever looked at the side panel of the food that

 

we eat? I don’t just mean the calories, or fat intake. I’m not even talking about the protein or sugar, though they both play a huge role, I’m talking about actual vitamins and minerals. A lot of our packaged foods don’t even have a label for anything more than iron, sodium or maybe potassium.

In the book “Good Omens” by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett they have a modernized download-6version of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse. In this “Famine” is not a beast causing droughts or potato plagues he is the owner or a fast food chain. He talks about how he’s killing people slowly with their permission. Not only are they getting fat and causing their own diabetes and heart disease but they don’t even realize that they are malnourished. Because they are full.

There has been a link made to too much sugar and worsening symptoms of depression and schizophrenia. Not enough zinc and Omega fatty acid can affect brain development in general. This is why breastfeeding is the preferred way to feed babies, and the recommendations are changing and saying it’s best to give children breast milk till download (27)they’re 3. My son stopped on his own a little over one, so I changed to a toddle formula that included DHA and other nutrients that milk doesn’t have and that I know my son would fight me in eating.

There is an add that pops up on my facebook feed all the time about Micro-nutrients and how important they are for children with ADD/ADHD and other behavior problems. This isn’t a lie. The whole point of the add is to sell some special high micro-nutrient shake for way too much money to worried moms, but in reality micro-nutrients are just vitamins and minerals found in REAL food. Unprocessed fruits, veggies, and meats.

So by all means if you have a kid like mine who goes days living off of crackers and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, then absolutely invest in a shake, or a vitamin, or images (1)cover your fruit with chocolate, what ever gets your kids to eat them. But as a grown up, you have the choice to make about what you want to eat. So instead of always reaching for the pills or the chocolate or whatever helps your mood swings and depression, try talking to your doctor about which vitamins are best to help. And a little cardio can’t hurt.

 

Politics, Uncategorized

Should grandpa get a vote?

In a surprising turn of events President Trump signed yet another executive order. I know.. you’d think he wasn’t able to play well with others the way he’s not able to actually work within the other branches of government. Congress won’t approve… sign an executive order… judges find it unconstitutional… call them out for being un-American. The media reports it all… call them fake… and mean. Seriously, he thinks people are being mean to him.

download (33)So of course he has to make sure that all the mean people can’t stop him from doing his job. He has to fire anyone that says something against him. He has to fire anyone investigating him. And now he’s signed an executive order to make sure that all the mean voters that don’t like that he’s taking away their meals on wheels, Medicare, and PBS don’t have a chance to retaliate by voting him and his cronies out of office.

He’s set up a new commission to figure out how to make sure as few elderly, disabled and poor can vote. If anyone has to jump through hoops to get registered.. it certainly going to be grandma with a bad hip.

The Republicans are, as usual, singing his praises… “How could even the Liberals be against stopping voter fraud?”. No one is against voter fraud. Which is why the few people who were caught attempting voter fraud were punished.. they just happened to be Trump supporters.

What we are opposed to is setting up arbitrary rules about checking IDs on grandpa who fought in WWII, but hasn’t driven since the Bush administration. Apparently those vets aren’t American enough to get a say in the today’s government. If he wants to set up rulesimages (23) about valid IDs being needed for voting… then set up another commission that goes to every nursing home, every hospital, every veterans house, every homeless shelter and makes sure they all have IDs.. then show up again on voting day… send out buses, set up ballots in the homes… and take their votes… or are they too mean for you?

Uncategorized

I am your coach, not your mother

One of the biggest problems that I’ve come across in my coaching career is clients not wanting to do the work. For some reason clients, and even friends and family members think that as a coach it is my job to somehow “fix” them or make them feel better.

Now, don’t get me wrong, my goal as a coach is to help you to feel stronger, more confident, more in control of your life, and ultimately happy and successful, but I don’t make you feel any of those thing. This whole process is completely in your hands.

I have a friend who has been having trouble getting and keeping jobs. He works mostly download (31)with temp agencies, which by definition are not permanent or even long term jobs, but whenever his contract ends he feels deflated and useless. When I talk to him about his next options and what he wants to do about it and how it’s his call on how he handles things.. his response is, “And you’re a life coach.. do you just berate all of your clients?”. I find it almost humorous that people equate life coaches with cheerleaders or a shoulder to cry on or someone that is going to bring the ice cream to the pity party.

I am a coach. I coach people. You can take the advice or leave it, but it is your job to do the work. I make that very clear when I start the process. If I were a basketball coach and
my team member kept missing his/her free throws I wouldn’t pat them on the back, tell them that I know life is hard and understand why they want to quit. I wouldn’t stand in for them and take the shot every time. I would tell them to get off their ass and practice till they can’t see anymore. This is expected of a coach.

I have had clients with depression who have told me that they feel more a peace when they get fresh air.. I give them an exercise of going for a walk everyday.. even just 15 mins… “no.. isn’t there something you can do?”. I have clients who want to make career changes and I ask them to take a Meyers Brigs test to see what may fit with their download (32)personality and needs… nope… And it’s not just my practice. I am in a grief counseling group at my church. These are people who have lost a loved one and keep everything bottled in. The facilitator recommend we write a letter to the loved ones so we can get some of the garbage out.. “no, I’m not gonna do that”.

I understand that not every exercise is right for every person and that some people may or may not feel comfortable doing certain things… and I’m willing to talk about that as well. But part of being successful and moving forward is making changes and stepping outside your comfort zone. That’s the only way to see real and permanent results.