Tag: depression

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Sometimes to create a new life you have to forget your old one.

Katrina Russell

Some conversations take you further down the rabbit hole than you were intending to go. I was talking with a friend today. He had taken a picture and wanted to send it to one of his best friends whom he met through NA (Narcotics Anonymous). He was trying to think of a clever caption to put with the photo.. so I through out some silly one liners and he said, “No, that’s not the way he and I joke… it has to be drug related”

I was absolutely stunned. These are people who are fighting an opiate addiction and they spend their time sending each other jokes about drugs… I mean isn’t the point of making friends and branching into the programs to stay away from drugs?

I have spent the last 2 years of my life dealing with my own addiction to food. I have been learning about all the ways to change your life for the better. Almost every expert will tell you that the only way to truly change a strong habit like that is to change your mindset. To not think of yourself as that person anymore.

A lot of people talk about positive thinking… but you can’t just tell yourself “I’m fit” or “I’m not an addict” and expect that to change your life. You have to retrain your brain. You have to picture yourself fit.. you have to picture all the new habits that you need to develop to become that person. You have to retrain your brain into thinking of yourself as the person who works out regularly.. that chooses fresh fruits, veggies, and lean proteins.. instead of the person who thinks of themselves as sitting on the couch eating pizza.

One of the first things that is discussed when changing habits is changing your surroundings. One needs to understand the pitfalls and the triggers to the unhealthy habit.

As I’ve said, my issue is with food. If my trigger is Friday night movie and pizza with my family… or that friend that I always get dessert coffees with.. or that birthday party every weekend with cake.. then I have to learn how to work around them… or to take myself out of the situation.

The funny thing is I’ve discussed this with said friend and he agrees with me.. about my issue. He agrees that when I hang around with certain people we escalate the cravings and talk about food.. we almost egg each other on and give each other permission to eat badly. I’ve had to put my foot down and stop these conversations. I’ve had to cancel plans.. I’ve had to make better choices. My addict friend thinks this is wonderful and that I am smart for understanding this.

When I pointed out that he does the same thing with his NA friend he just scoffed and told me he’s fine. They’re just jokes. It doesn’t affect him…. funny thing is…  he was high when he said it.

parenting, Uncategorized

When you look back, what do you want to see?

Katrina Russell

“Regrets… I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention…” We all love the old blues tune, but how many of us think about regrets… I don’t mean past ones, I mean the ones that we are creating right now.

The old saying is that you regret things that you didn’t do more than the things that you do, yet most of us live on the safe side where we don’t put ourselves out there for fear of>>> FAILURE!!! I mean what could be worse than that! Ummm, anything?

Let’s be honest, not doing things that we want to do is pretty much the definition of failure. I mean let’s say you want to ask a person out… but you fear that person won’t reciprocate your feelings so you never ask… in the end your fear is that you won’t get the person… which choice is more likely to get you what you want… asking or not asking. And by asking at least you get the answer and you’ll never wonder “what if?”.

Or let’s say you always wanted to break out and start your own business, but you fear that you won’t make it so you continue at the same old crap job you’ve been stuck at for… well, let’s face it, an eternity. Maybe the business will fail, and maybe you’ll realize that you have a lot to learn  before you can start your own business, maybe you’ll have some debt to pay off, maybe you’ll have to take some classes, or find someone that you can work with that can handle the part of the job that you don’t excel at… ok… then you know what to do the next time… but you can always get another “job”, and you can always make more money…. you can’t get time back.

If you wait till you’re “Ready”… you’ll never get there. And there are your regrets. This is it.. this is your life.. you only get one.. there are no do-overs… what do you want to regret? Trying, learning, and trying again… living the life you love…. or staying in stagnation, living in fear because… “what if?”

parenting, Uncategorized

What happens outside the comfort zone?

Katrina Russell

When was the last time that you did something outside of your comfort zone? Most of us live our lives by routine, which isn’t entirely bad. There is a lot to be said for security and piece of mind, but there is also more to life.

When was the last time you did something spontaneous? I have a friend that posted to Facebook, “Hey girls, who has a passport, a couple hundred bucks and Wed and Thursday off?”… That was it, she was headed to Canada for a road trip and looking for volunteers. I remember going with her to NY City a few years back… pre-baby days.

I loved this post. I loved even more that she had real responses. People who just wanted to enjoy their life without worrying about the “What ifs?”.

Now, not all of us have that much flexibility. I know I have work, my kid has school, and things aren’t as they were 5-10 years ago for me, but that doesn’t stop me from the occasional weekend run. Have kid will travel. It also doesn’t make me feel stuck to a job that I hate, or a situation that makes me miserable.

When my father passed a few years back I could have panicked. I was working p/t at the time and I was a stay at home single mother. My father was the breadwinner, though I paid rent to him and helped him with his health problems, my father was the one who made the real money. When he passed I could have freaked out and stuck my kid in daycare and gone back to the grind that I hated! I was offered a job making great money but working 50-60 hours a week. That is not what I wanted for my family.

I managed to find jobs that I could continue to either do from home, or at least bring my son with me. I started studying health and wellness. I got certified in Life Coaching. I made tough decisions that didn’t guarantee financial success, but offered me much more personal success.

Now my son is entering Pre-K. Still one more year till full-time school, but I am planning out the best way to fit his schedule into my schedule. To me, spending time with my son is the most important thing I can do. And living a life that helps others get and stay healthy so they don’t have to face the horrors of diabetes that I did with my father.. and lose someone or themselves too soon. I love that my life is about helping others realize their true potential. I love that my job is about living life to the fullest.

What is it that you love about your life? What do you hate? And what are you going to do about it?

Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Who is creating your life?

Katrina Russell

Everyday we make choices. Some of them are based on wants. Some of them are based on fears. Some of them are based on ease, but most of them are based on someone’s idea of what should happen. The question is whose ideas are running your life.

I’m one of those ridiculous people that love the Facebook quizzes like, “Who were you in a past life?” or “What song defines you?” I think they are just fun to see what questions the creator bases it on and what kinds of things are said afterwards.

th.jpgOne of these came up with something along the lines of “You’re an independent spirit” and a friend of mine responded with “you have always lived your life on your own terms”. I found this to be a great compliment. I don’t know how many people who live miserable lives, complaining all the time because they are doing what is expected, or because it would be too difficult to change.

I can’t understand this concept. You have repeatedly said that your life sucks… how could making changes make things worse? Now I’m not saying if you hate your job that you should just up and quit. Obviously you have bills and responsibilities.. but let’s be honest, most people aren’t doing anything that they are even slightly interested in. They spend years working way too many hours just to make enough to get by. However, if they just decided to take a little chance.. and work a little harder for a small amount of time they could learn something new.. make new connections.. and basically create an entirely new life for themselves.

I have another friend.. a young woman, and single mom, she worked retail and was working her way up to management. She liked her job, but hated the hours. She constantly had to get a babysitter and never got enough time with her son. She knew it would only get worse. She finally decided that she deserved more. She took a class and got a certificate in medical transcription. She’s making more money and what’s even better she has a job with normal hours. She can now work around her son’s schedule and spend more time with him.

This may not be your idea of an ideal job, and in a few years she may decide that it’s not her’s either, but the important thing about this story is that she now knows that she is capable of more. She is capable of accomplishing what she puts her mind to. She can put her son first, and she doesn’t have to wait till he’s old enough.. or put her life on hold out of fear that if she fails then what? It wasn’t easy and there were a lot of long nights.. but now she’s happier and more secure than she was before she started… and her son isn’t even in kindergarten yet.

Fear is debilitating. Blame is easy. Almost everyone has someone else to blame. If you are in your 30s or 40s and still mad at your parents for not supporting your going to college it’s time to look in the mirror. Now that’s not to say that financial success is the only goal to aim for. I quit college in my 20s and had to go back to finish my degree, and it took me almost a decade longer. I did this to help take care of my God daughters.. and I wouldn’t have changed that for anything. I still had jobs that I loved and still managed to pay the bills, but helping to raise my God daughters was MY choice. I can’t blame their mother for her issues. I can’t blame the kids for needing someone. I can only take responsibility for my own actions, and I made my choice based on my priorities.

Don’t get me wrong, I have made plenty of mistakes; I can’t and won’t deny that, but they were my mistakes. And the best part of understanding that they are my  mistakes is understanding that it gives me the power to make better choices in the future, and I don’t have to depend on someone else to fix me.

Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Are you creating the life you want or the life you fear?

Katrina Russell

I recently had one of those “Timehop” posts come up. It was a quote from my dad right before he was about to go into surgery. I was worried… as any good daughter would be and saying that anything could happen when he’s under. He responded, “You’re right, anything can happen, and if you’re going to imagine things happening. Imagine good things.”. I loved that quote. That was so him. Most of the time, that is so me.

thWe are what we imagine that we are. There is a quote “Worrying is praying for things you don’t want to happen.”, and it’s so true. We spend so much time in our heads imagining what we want. What we don’t want. What we’re afraid of. What we long for. We get them all mixed up and eventually we put all our effort into thinking about things that we hope never happen.

Now the Law of Attraction say that if we concentrate on bad things that we can make them happen. The law of averages says that if we wait long enough something bad will happen. My law is, why waist one second thinking about things you don’t want when there are soooo many things out there that you do.

Let’s say that you spend your days worried that your spouse is cheating on you, and what will you do if he leaves you because you can’t afford things on your own… and OMG you’re getting fat…. well, now you’re consumed by this. You get depressed you eat more. You can’t concentrate on work. You lose your job. You’re a miserable person and your spouse leaves you and you say “SEE! Bad things always happen”.

Did the law of attraction make that happen? Did the law of consequences? Did the law of averages? Now… same person… doesn’t fret about the relationship and enjoys the time with the partner.. and the time by herself. She excels at work. She joins a health program like a gym, meditation or cooking class. She actually enjoys her life. Then she finds out she had all that free time because the spouse was cheating… Ok .. that sucks! But she has way more going on in her own life to keep her going. She has friends, and hobbies, and a fulfilling career and it’s not, “See, bad things always happens.” It’s, “Wow, what an arse.. I deserve better.” And that’s exactly what she get.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

Mind your children

Katrina Russell

There are a lot of complaints about children today. That there is not enough punishments and consequences for bad behavior. Spanking has been, let’s just say frowned upon, for decades. Time outs are now found to be a form of solitary confinement.  I saw an article today that said yelling at a child can cause irreparable damage. So what do we do as parents?

download (35)How about we redefine punishment? I mean, really, what do these children do that needs to be punished? The whole point is that they should learn not to act certain ways. That they should grow up to be strong, independent, empathetic, caring people. So, how does punishment do this?

What we really need to do is teach children to calm down, and think before they act. Think about what’s best for them and think about what’s best for others. Some schools are taking this to heart. There is a movement to teach Mindfulness to children instead of punishment. Instead of detentions or banging out erasers… (is that still a thing?) These kids are learning meditation and yoga. They are being taught to sit with themselves and listen to themselves. They are being taught to think… actually think, not react, and it’s working.

The best part is that this is having a great affect on not just “bad children” who need detentions, but the ones with chronic disorders like ADHD and Autism. Mindfulness is about teaching children to slow down. Kids today have media and crap shoved in their faces 24/7. They have download speeds… and upload speeds… and phones, tablets, games, laptops, TVS… and at this point virtual reality at their fingertips at all times. When do they get a chance to actually think and feel.

I have a 4 year old, and we spend quite a bit of time in the car. I have a demanding download (36)schedule and he’s almost always along for the ride. Sometimes friends of mine come with us and they are always trying to give him phones, tablets, or DVD players to “keep him occupied”.  He’s 4… give him an empty box and a toy frog and let his imagination go to work.

Imagination… it’s like a mythical thing in today’s world. Kids don’t need to pretend.. they have devices to do it for them. My son doesn’t need paints he has an app for that… If we really want to help our kids grow into strong, successful, intelligent people… we need to let their brains actually grow and form… and work.

parenting, Uncategorized

Eat yourself happy

Katrina Russell

We all talk about our diets in terms of our bodies. Either we want to look better or be healthier or some other physical idea of feeling better. We know that when we look better we feel better. We know that when we get healthy we feel better, but we never talk about how our diets actually affect our mental health. 

Most people don’t realize that a good amount of American’s are malnourished. Now, I’m not just talking aboutimages (20) those starving and living on the streets. I’m talking about those that live off of fast food and snacks. Have you ever looked at the side panel of the food that

 

we eat? I don’t just mean the calories, or fat intake. I’m not even talking about the protein or sugar, though they both play a huge role, I’m talking about actual vitamins and minerals. A lot of our packaged foods don’t even have a label for anything more than iron, sodium or maybe potassium.

In the book “Good Omens” by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett they have a modernized download-6version of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse. In this “Famine” is not a beast causing droughts or potato plagues he is the owner or a fast food chain. He talks about how he’s killing people slowly with their permission. Not only are they getting fat and causing their own diabetes and heart disease but they don’t even realize that they are malnourished. Because they are full.

There has been a link made to too much sugar and worsening symptoms of depression and schizophrenia. Not enough zinc and Omega fatty acid can affect brain development in general. This is why breastfeeding is the preferred way to feed babies, and the recommendations are changing and saying it’s best to give children breast milk till download (27)they’re 3. My son stopped on his own a little over one, so I changed to a toddle formula that included DHA and other nutrients that milk doesn’t have and that I know my son would fight me in eating.

There is an add that pops up on my facebook feed all the time about Micro-nutrients and how important they are for children with ADD/ADHD and other behavior problems. This isn’t a lie. The whole point of the add is to sell some special high micro-nutrient shake for way too much money to worried moms, but in reality micro-nutrients are just vitamins and minerals found in REAL food. Unprocessed fruits, veggies, and meats.

So by all means if you have a kid like mine who goes days living off of crackers and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, then absolutely invest in a shake, or a vitamin, or images (1)cover your fruit with chocolate, what ever gets your kids to eat them. But as a grown up, you have the choice to make about what you want to eat. So instead of always reaching for the pills or the chocolate or whatever helps your mood swings and depression, try talking to your doctor about which vitamins are best to help. And a little cardio can’t hurt.

 

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I am your coach, not your mother

Katrina Russell

One of the biggest problems that I’ve come across in my coaching career is clients not wanting to do the work. For some reason clients, and even friends and family members think that as a coach it is my job to somehow “fix” them or make them feel better.

Now, don’t get me wrong, my goal as a coach is to help you to feel stronger, more confident, more in control of your life, and ultimately happy and successful, but I don’t make you feel any of those thing. This whole process is completely in your hands.

I have a friend who has been having trouble getting and keeping jobs. He works mostly download (31)with temp agencies, which by definition are not permanent or even long term jobs, but whenever his contract ends he feels deflated and useless. When I talk to him about his next options and what he wants to do about it and how it’s his call on how he handles things.. his response is, “And you’re a life coach.. do you just berate all of your clients?”. I find it almost humorous that people equate life coaches with cheerleaders or a shoulder to cry on or someone that is going to bring the ice cream to the pity party.

I am a coach. I coach people. You can take the advice or leave it, but it is your job to do the work. I make that very clear when I start the process. If I were a basketball coach and
my team member kept missing his/her free throws I wouldn’t pat them on the back, tell them that I know life is hard and understand why they want to quit. I wouldn’t stand in for them and take the shot every time. I would tell them to get off their ass and practice till they can’t see anymore. This is expected of a coach.

I have had clients with depression who have told me that they feel more a peace when they get fresh air.. I give them an exercise of going for a walk everyday.. even just 15 mins… “no.. isn’t there something you can do?”. I have clients who want to make career changes and I ask them to take a Meyers Brigs test to see what may fit with their download (32)personality and needs… nope… And it’s not just my practice. I am in a grief counseling group at my church. These are people who have lost a loved one and keep everything bottled in. The facilitator recommend we write a letter to the loved ones so we can get some of the garbage out.. “no, I’m not gonna do that”.

I understand that not every exercise is right for every person and that some people may or may not feel comfortable doing certain things… and I’m willing to talk about that as well. But part of being successful and moving forward is making changes and stepping outside your comfort zone. That’s the only way to see real and permanent results.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

If we don’t help our kids who will?

Katrina Russell

When did childhood suicide become so prevalent that it needed new and more research to track the reasons why? When did life get so bad for 5 year old’s that they are actually part of this research group? And what the Hell are we going to do about it?

As you may have guessed new research has come out about teen suicides and suicidal thoughts, This research says, surprise, surprise, that most of this happens during the download (30)school year. You know, when they are supposedly surrounded by their friends and peers. When they spend the day with child development professionals and have access to child  therapists in the same building.

Yes, this is when most kids want to kill themselves. Not when they are home during the summers with their parents. This is not a case of abuse at home, or am underlying depression that seeps in.. this is torment, ridicule, and then victim blaming on top of it all.

Now, I know that bullying is almost a right of passage. It’s cliche that the big kid in school will beat up the smaller ones for lunch money. It’s almost a learning experience on both sides to figure out how to work this out. Bart Simpson befriended Nelson, and Ralphy kicked the crap out of Scut Farkus, and things were handled.

That was normal growing pains bullying that has occurred for as long as their have been kids. Now there is the internet. Now bullying is public and permanent. A 15 year old had cheerleader “friends” take video of her in the shower and posted it on social media.. that is not a little joke.. that is grotesque.. and illegal.. as she was under 18. Were the cheerleaders punished? Nope, no one wanted to ruin camp. On top of that they used the coach’s phone to take the video and the coach told her to apologize to the bullies for making a big deal about the joke.. guess what? That’s an accomplice to a felony of child endangerment and child porn. Did the school later back the child… nope… they wouldn’t even give her her transfer records, so she could leavdownload (29)e the school, unless she absolved them of any wrong doing.

Things like this are happening everyday and even when we teach our children to stand up to their bullies they are the ones being punished. I could only imagine if she decided to give them a good punch in the nose.  We as parents, and human beings, have to stop marginalizing abuse. We have to stop glorifying bullies and crappy behavior. We have to start setting a good example and teaching our children, not only to stand up for themselves, but that we have their backs… or we’ll end up burying the whole of them.

 

 

 

Politics, Uncategorized

Why being raped is a pre-existing condition

Katrina Russell

So the GOP House passed a new health care plan.. without reading it or really thinking it through. They have decided that people pre-existing conditions should be put in a separate pool in which they should be charged more. Of course the point of insurance is to get the healthy people in the same pool as the sick people to keep all of their costs similar, but of course the right-wing Conservative Christians feel they should never help their neighbors but should hoard all of their money and let other’s fend for themselves.

Now, if the Senate passes the proposal, pregnancy is considered a pre-existing condition. Their response of course is that women should keep their legs closed if they can’t afford -PAXP-deijErape-victiminsurance. So, then the question is asked, “What if a woman is raped?” God knows they can’t get an abortion. So they are forced to pay thousands of dollars, get into severe debt, either with the high premiums or the cost of prenatal and delivery… let’s not even get started on if she needs a c-section or there are complications.

Ok, so in this case a rape survivor would be screwed again by the GOP healthcare plan… but what’s the chances of pregnancy… it’s not gonna happen any other way. Well, I saw a video online about a woman who was raped in her own bed… with her young daughter was laying next to her… they are now in therapy. Well, mental health issues (including PTSD) is also considered a pre-existing condition. So she will now be placed in the high money pool and have higher premiums and deductibles.

Now, let’s talk about those who may have contracted HIV or PPV or any of the 100s of other sexually transmitted diseases, by no fault of their own. Or those who developed a substance abuse problem because of the trauma. Or those who were physically hurt permanently by their attacker….. but no… it doesn’t affect rape victims.

I’m not even going to get into the medicare problem… poor women and children don’t deserve healthcare anyway… GO PRO-LIFE!