Tag: moms

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Sometimes to create a new life you have to forget your old one.

Katrina Russell

Some conversations take you further down the rabbit hole than you were intending to go. I was talking with a friend today. He had taken a picture and wanted to send it to one of his best friends whom he met through NA (Narcotics Anonymous). He was trying to think of a clever caption to put with the photo.. so I through out some silly one liners and he said, “No, that’s not the way he and I joke… it has to be drug related”

I was absolutely stunned. These are people who are fighting an opiate addiction and they spend their time sending each other jokes about drugs… I mean isn’t the point of making friends and branching into the programs to stay away from drugs?

I have spent the last 2 years of my life dealing with my own addiction to food. I have been learning about all the ways to change your life for the better. Almost every expert will tell you that the only way to truly change a strong habit like that is to change your mindset. To not think of yourself as that person anymore.

A lot of people talk about positive thinking… but you can’t just tell yourself “I’m fit” or “I’m not an addict” and expect that to change your life. You have to retrain your brain. You have to picture yourself fit.. you have to picture all the new habits that you need to develop to become that person. You have to retrain your brain into thinking of yourself as the person who works out regularly.. that chooses fresh fruits, veggies, and lean proteins.. instead of the person who thinks of themselves as sitting on the couch eating pizza.

One of the first things that is discussed when changing habits is changing your surroundings. One needs to understand the pitfalls and the triggers to the unhealthy habit.

As I’ve said, my issue is with food. If my trigger is Friday night movie and pizza with my family… or that friend that I always get dessert coffees with.. or that birthday party every weekend with cake.. then I have to learn how to work around them… or to take myself out of the situation.

The funny thing is I’ve discussed this with said friend and he agrees with me.. about my issue. He agrees that when I hang around with certain people we escalate the cravings and talk about food.. we almost egg each other on and give each other permission to eat badly. I’ve had to put my foot down and stop these conversations. I’ve had to cancel plans.. I’ve had to make better choices. My addict friend thinks this is wonderful and that I am smart for understanding this.

When I pointed out that he does the same thing with his NA friend he just scoffed and told me he’s fine. They’re just jokes. It doesn’t affect him…. funny thing is…  he was high when he said it.

Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Be Brave!

Katrina Russell

Last night our church did a family night and showed the Disney movie “Brave”. I have to admit it was the first time that I had seen it. My son had been asking to see it for a few weeks after seeing an picture somewhere and when I saw the Facebook post from my church I thought… free… fabulous!!

Anyway, the church had their interpretation of the movie and about reconciliation and forgiveness and all the good things that go along with the good book, but as a Life Coach I had a very different view of the movie.

Clearly the girl had issues with her mother. And obviously neither of them handled themselves properly, and to be honest I was way more on the girl’s side than her mother’s… even though I am a mother now.. and obviously always right.

But the thing that grabbed me about the movie were the wisps. The Merdina was fierce and powerful and willing to fight for her own destiny… yet as soon as the wisps appeared she gave up on her own will and followed them into the unknown for no other reason than because they were “supposed” to lead her to her destiny.

Wasn’t that what this fiery red head trying to fight against and establish for herself? Her own destiny. People in movies love to put their fate in magic. In some greater power than themselves. Ariel gave up her own voice for magic. Cinderella couldn’t go to the ball on her own, she needed her Fairy God Mother to create a new life for her. Aladdin needed the Genie and so on… and by the end of the movie they all realize that they had the power within from the beginning… that’s a Wizard of Oz thing for you.

Yet in real life it’s the same. We grow up on these movies. Being taught that we have the power to create the life we want, yet we are always turning to someone else. We need someone to give us a job. We need someone to love us, to marry us. We need someone or something to create our worth and our destiny. Can’t we, as a society, finally realize that if we want the life we desire… we need to decide.. and do it ourselves.

parenting, Uncategorized

When you look back, what do you want to see?

Katrina Russell

“Regrets… I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention…” We all love the old blues tune, but how many of us think about regrets… I don’t mean past ones, I mean the ones that we are creating right now.

The old saying is that you regret things that you didn’t do more than the things that you do, yet most of us live on the safe side where we don’t put ourselves out there for fear of>>> FAILURE!!! I mean what could be worse than that! Ummm, anything?

Let’s be honest, not doing things that we want to do is pretty much the definition of failure. I mean let’s say you want to ask a person out… but you fear that person won’t reciprocate your feelings so you never ask… in the end your fear is that you won’t get the person… which choice is more likely to get you what you want… asking or not asking. And by asking at least you get the answer and you’ll never wonder “what if?”.

Or let’s say you always wanted to break out and start your own business, but you fear that you won’t make it so you continue at the same old crap job you’ve been stuck at for… well, let’s face it, an eternity. Maybe the business will fail, and maybe you’ll realize that you have a lot to learn  before you can start your own business, maybe you’ll have some debt to pay off, maybe you’ll have to take some classes, or find someone that you can work with that can handle the part of the job that you don’t excel at… ok… then you know what to do the next time… but you can always get another “job”, and you can always make more money…. you can’t get time back.

If you wait till you’re “Ready”… you’ll never get there. And there are your regrets. This is it.. this is your life.. you only get one.. there are no do-overs… what do you want to regret? Trying, learning, and trying again… living the life you love…. or staying in stagnation, living in fear because… “what if?”

parenting, Uncategorized

What happens outside the comfort zone?

Katrina Russell

When was the last time that you did something outside of your comfort zone? Most of us live our lives by routine, which isn’t entirely bad. There is a lot to be said for security and piece of mind, but there is also more to life.

When was the last time you did something spontaneous? I have a friend that posted to Facebook, “Hey girls, who has a passport, a couple hundred bucks and Wed and Thursday off?”… That was it, she was headed to Canada for a road trip and looking for volunteers. I remember going with her to NY City a few years back… pre-baby days.

I loved this post. I loved even more that she had real responses. People who just wanted to enjoy their life without worrying about the “What ifs?”.

Now, not all of us have that much flexibility. I know I have work, my kid has school, and things aren’t as they were 5-10 years ago for me, but that doesn’t stop me from the occasional weekend run. Have kid will travel. It also doesn’t make me feel stuck to a job that I hate, or a situation that makes me miserable.

When my father passed a few years back I could have panicked. I was working p/t at the time and I was a stay at home single mother. My father was the breadwinner, though I paid rent to him and helped him with his health problems, my father was the one who made the real money. When he passed I could have freaked out and stuck my kid in daycare and gone back to the grind that I hated! I was offered a job making great money but working 50-60 hours a week. That is not what I wanted for my family.

I managed to find jobs that I could continue to either do from home, or at least bring my son with me. I started studying health and wellness. I got certified in Life Coaching. I made tough decisions that didn’t guarantee financial success, but offered me much more personal success.

Now my son is entering Pre-K. Still one more year till full-time school, but I am planning out the best way to fit his schedule into my schedule. To me, spending time with my son is the most important thing I can do. And living a life that helps others get and stay healthy so they don’t have to face the horrors of diabetes that I did with my father.. and lose someone or themselves too soon. I love that my life is about helping others realize their true potential. I love that my job is about living life to the fullest.

What is it that you love about your life? What do you hate? And what are you going to do about it?

Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Who is creating your life?

Katrina Russell

Everyday we make choices. Some of them are based on wants. Some of them are based on fears. Some of them are based on ease, but most of them are based on someone’s idea of what should happen. The question is whose ideas are running your life.

I’m one of those ridiculous people that love the Facebook quizzes like, “Who were you in a past life?” or “What song defines you?” I think they are just fun to see what questions the creator bases it on and what kinds of things are said afterwards.

th.jpgOne of these came up with something along the lines of “You’re an independent spirit” and a friend of mine responded with “you have always lived your life on your own terms”. I found this to be a great compliment. I don’t know how many people who live miserable lives, complaining all the time because they are doing what is expected, or because it would be too difficult to change.

I can’t understand this concept. You have repeatedly said that your life sucks… how could making changes make things worse? Now I’m not saying if you hate your job that you should just up and quit. Obviously you have bills and responsibilities.. but let’s be honest, most people aren’t doing anything that they are even slightly interested in. They spend years working way too many hours just to make enough to get by. However, if they just decided to take a little chance.. and work a little harder for a small amount of time they could learn something new.. make new connections.. and basically create an entirely new life for themselves.

I have another friend.. a young woman, and single mom, she worked retail and was working her way up to management. She liked her job, but hated the hours. She constantly had to get a babysitter and never got enough time with her son. She knew it would only get worse. She finally decided that she deserved more. She took a class and got a certificate in medical transcription. She’s making more money and what’s even better she has a job with normal hours. She can now work around her son’s schedule and spend more time with him.

This may not be your idea of an ideal job, and in a few years she may decide that it’s not her’s either, but the important thing about this story is that she now knows that she is capable of more. She is capable of accomplishing what she puts her mind to. She can put her son first, and she doesn’t have to wait till he’s old enough.. or put her life on hold out of fear that if she fails then what? It wasn’t easy and there were a lot of long nights.. but now she’s happier and more secure than she was before she started… and her son isn’t even in kindergarten yet.

Fear is debilitating. Blame is easy. Almost everyone has someone else to blame. If you are in your 30s or 40s and still mad at your parents for not supporting your going to college it’s time to look in the mirror. Now that’s not to say that financial success is the only goal to aim for. I quit college in my 20s and had to go back to finish my degree, and it took me almost a decade longer. I did this to help take care of my God daughters.. and I wouldn’t have changed that for anything. I still had jobs that I loved and still managed to pay the bills, but helping to raise my God daughters was MY choice. I can’t blame their mother for her issues. I can’t blame the kids for needing someone. I can only take responsibility for my own actions, and I made my choice based on my priorities.

Don’t get me wrong, I have made plenty of mistakes; I can’t and won’t deny that, but they were my mistakes. And the best part of understanding that they are my  mistakes is understanding that it gives me the power to make better choices in the future, and I don’t have to depend on someone else to fix me.

Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Are you creating the life you want or the life you fear?

Katrina Russell

I recently had one of those “Timehop” posts come up. It was a quote from my dad right before he was about to go into surgery. I was worried… as any good daughter would be and saying that anything could happen when he’s under. He responded, “You’re right, anything can happen, and if you’re going to imagine things happening. Imagine good things.”. I loved that quote. That was so him. Most of the time, that is so me.

thWe are what we imagine that we are. There is a quote “Worrying is praying for things you don’t want to happen.”, and it’s so true. We spend so much time in our heads imagining what we want. What we don’t want. What we’re afraid of. What we long for. We get them all mixed up and eventually we put all our effort into thinking about things that we hope never happen.

Now the Law of Attraction say that if we concentrate on bad things that we can make them happen. The law of averages says that if we wait long enough something bad will happen. My law is, why waist one second thinking about things you don’t want when there are soooo many things out there that you do.

Let’s say that you spend your days worried that your spouse is cheating on you, and what will you do if he leaves you because you can’t afford things on your own… and OMG you’re getting fat…. well, now you’re consumed by this. You get depressed you eat more. You can’t concentrate on work. You lose your job. You’re a miserable person and your spouse leaves you and you say “SEE! Bad things always happen”.

Did the law of attraction make that happen? Did the law of consequences? Did the law of averages? Now… same person… doesn’t fret about the relationship and enjoys the time with the partner.. and the time by herself. She excels at work. She joins a health program like a gym, meditation or cooking class. She actually enjoys her life. Then she finds out she had all that free time because the spouse was cheating… Ok .. that sucks! But she has way more going on in her own life to keep her going. She has friends, and hobbies, and a fulfilling career and it’s not, “See, bad things always happens.” It’s, “Wow, what an arse.. I deserve better.” And that’s exactly what she get.

Politics, Uncategorized

I Wonder when a Woman’s movie will just be a movie?

Katrina Russell

In case you haven’t heard, there’s a new movie called “Wonder Woman” hitting the theaters… and people are making mountains out of a well, women parts.

This movies is obviously about a woman superhero, but also directed by a woman. There are theaters that have decided to do women only screening. This movie has become a cry for feminism everywhere. Wonder Woman is even on the US postage stamp.

18814269_10155422377091800_7833265679293833956_nThis is both great.. and dangerous. It’s great because in a time of pussy grabbing and defunding women’s healthcare, women need a hero. We need to band together and take back our rights and our self respect… but, if this movie bombs it will just be another check in the boxes of men saying how women can’t do things.

There is also a lot of noise about hypocrisy with the women only screening. On the one hand there are feminists like Emma Watson who are pushing the “gender neutral” award ceremony and then segregating out women only theater screenings leaving men to feel left out. I’m not really sure how to gauge this to be honest. When I had my baby shower my son’s grandmother was actually angry because I wanted it to be women only and she wanted to invite her brothers. She felt like I was specifically shunning her family. A cousin had a Jack n Jill style one the year before.

Of course she failed to notice that I had a family of mostly men, a father with no mother, a brother and no sister… more of their family was actually there than mine, but this wasn’t about whose family got to go. This was about the energy of a baby shower. Usually, women care more about this stuff. Women have a more maternal instinct and fawn over baby clothes and silly games. Men want to watch the game in the corner.

Now not all, but usually. I wanted a traditional shower with estrogen flowing instead of testosterone making jokes about how life was over and get in the beer while you can. I can imagine a women only screening of “Wonder Woman” being quite powerful. A real “I am women, hear me roar” type of moment. I can also seeing men using it as an opportunity to prove that it’s OK to segregate and that “why should they go see that crappy ‘girl’ movie”.

We are all working to have a world without limits. A world where no one feels less than or left out for their sex, and let’s not even get into the Transgender and where they  fit into this argument. I wish a woman could just come out in a movie…. and it would just be a movie.

 

Politics, Uncategorized

Trump “It’s Complicated”

Katrina Russell

In the wake of the latest Trump scandal I just have a few words to say. I have been very clear on my dislike for this President and pretty much everything that he stands for. Not because he is a Republican, or Christian, or White… I happen to be two of those things.. and an Independent (which means neither Republican nor a Democrat… I vote for the person that I agree with on issues the most) That being said… I was also a HUGE fan of the Apprentice when it was on and thought, though an arrogant jerk, that he had half a brain. I now can admit that I was wrong.

I have never in my life seen a person who is so incapable of taking responsibility. I have never seen anyone that is so quick to cast blame at anyone or anything but them self. I have never seen anyone who just lies for the sake of making them self feel better. I have download (40)never seen anyone who needs to toot their own horn and pat their own back at the expense of other. I have never seen anyone so clueless about the way the world works… and I could never have imagined such a person in office.

Everyday there is a new scandal. And everyday his people come out and denounce such craziness.. Trump would never… collude with Russia.. they had no contact at all… except almost everyone on his team and in his family… that have since had to resign or be fired. Trump would never take money from Russia… with a few exceptions… Trump would never tell Russia to hack the DNC… except on International Television at a rally… Trump would never give away top secret info to Russia… except when he wants to and it’s ok cuz he’s President. Trump would never tell Comey to stop investigating the Russian connection… except when he did, but he was only asking… not demanding.

Does the President of the United States of America really not understand that his words and actions are real? That the things that he says and does have actual consequences and repercussions? Does the man who supposedly is so successful in business really not understand how a budget works.. and that you can’t cut taxes (revenue) while asking for outrageous money for walls, wars, and Russian steel? Does he really not understand that taking money away from food and healthcare is going to kill the people that he swore to protect?

He is the President of the United States and all he does is talk about crowd size, election results, and how mean people are to him. He literally said that he had no idea that being President would be hard.. or that Healthcare, foreign relations, and pretty much anything political would be complicated… This is not a reality show, Mr President. The people who die under your watch can’t come back for the reunion show… This is real life. Maybe you should either take responsibility or walk away and let someone who can handle it take over.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

Mind your children

Katrina Russell

There are a lot of complaints about children today. That there is not enough punishments and consequences for bad behavior. Spanking has been, let’s just say frowned upon, for decades. Time outs are now found to be a form of solitary confinement.  I saw an article today that said yelling at a child can cause irreparable damage. So what do we do as parents?

download (35)How about we redefine punishment? I mean, really, what do these children do that needs to be punished? The whole point is that they should learn not to act certain ways. That they should grow up to be strong, independent, empathetic, caring people. So, how does punishment do this?

What we really need to do is teach children to calm down, and think before they act. Think about what’s best for them and think about what’s best for others. Some schools are taking this to heart. There is a movement to teach Mindfulness to children instead of punishment. Instead of detentions or banging out erasers… (is that still a thing?) These kids are learning meditation and yoga. They are being taught to sit with themselves and listen to themselves. They are being taught to think… actually think, not react, and it’s working.

The best part is that this is having a great affect on not just “bad children” who need detentions, but the ones with chronic disorders like ADHD and Autism. Mindfulness is about teaching children to slow down. Kids today have media and crap shoved in their faces 24/7. They have download speeds… and upload speeds… and phones, tablets, games, laptops, TVS… and at this point virtual reality at their fingertips at all times. When do they get a chance to actually think and feel.

I have a 4 year old, and we spend quite a bit of time in the car. I have a demanding download (36)schedule and he’s almost always along for the ride. Sometimes friends of mine come with us and they are always trying to give him phones, tablets, or DVD players to “keep him occupied”.  He’s 4… give him an empty box and a toy frog and let his imagination go to work.

Imagination… it’s like a mythical thing in today’s world. Kids don’t need to pretend.. they have devices to do it for them. My son doesn’t need paints he has an app for that… If we really want to help our kids grow into strong, successful, intelligent people… we need to let their brains actually grow and form… and work.

parenting, Politics, Uncategorized

What do you mean by pro-life?

Katrina Russell

This has been a hot topic in the US for decades. Pro-Lifers protesting with signs and pictures of dead fetuses and babies. Declaring Planned Parenthood as a slaughter house for the unborn. Calling women and doctors murderers. These, mostly Christian, high moral individuals take all life as sacred… or mostly, kind of.

I was at a community gathering the other day and there was a lovely woman from Planned Parenthood there to talk to those interested about the reality of what herdownload (34) organization does. It wasn’t her normal gig. Normally she was one of their lawyers who fight for the rights of their patients and doctors alike, but with all the misinformation, or “alternative” facts going about, the organization has chosen to be out in full force to educate and answer questions.

Most people think that Planned Parenthood is an abortion clinic and that’s all they do there. When there is discussions about birth control people start a tirade about how they don’t want to pay for other people to use their tax dollars to abort babies as a form of birth control. There is a post going about of people calling PP and asking them about pre-natal care, a service that is not provided at most locations, and therefore assumed that there is no other services that women need.

I don’t know how many of you reading are women, or know women, but there is more to women’s health than pregnancy. I didn’t get pregnant till I was 36, and yet had been seeing a Gynecologist for almost 20 years at that point. There are yearly pap-screenings, which include cancer checks, as well as checks for irregular growths and cysts. For those who choose there are sexually transmitted disease tests, and actual birth control… not just abortions, but pills, implants, sponges, diaphragms, and which ever one you may choose that works best for you.

I know what you’re thinking, “Why should I pay for some slutty tramp to get tested for STDs?And if you can’t afford birth control then don’t have sex.” Well, let’s just throw the rape word out there to start with. Sometimes women don’t always have a choice.. but let’s say they do. Let’s say they are a lovely college student whose parents have died… who has been dating a man who she has known for a year and are planning to marry…. is it ok for her to have sex? Is it ok for her not to get pregnant? Let’s say that wonderful man isn’t as wonderful as she thinks and is running around on her and gets an STD…

Maybe no one should have sex at all… and if you have sex before you are married and not for the reasons of having children then you should die… and so should the child, because you do not deserve screening for STDs and cancer which could not only kill you but damage the unborn child… so in reality… you’re only pro-“people whose lifestyle I approve with” life.

Now let’s go the other side… Planned Parenthood is the reason for abortions… ahh.. actually abortion rates are down even lower than before Roe vs Wade was passed… and that’s only the ones that were reported. Planned Parenthood chose a name that should be self explanatory. They help women choose and plan when they become parents. They educate women on their bodies and supply birth control to those who would not otherwise be able to afford it, thus creating less unwanted pregnancies, not more abortions.

The biggest misconception about Planned Parenthood is that all they do is abortions and that the government is paying for them, and there is no way to stop that therefore we must defund. Actually only 3% of all services provided are abortion services,  and none of that money comes from the federal government. In fact there was an amendment images (24)created (The Hyde Amendment) in 1976 that specifically prohibits this.  In fact there is no way to actually “defund” Planned Parenthood” outright. There is no line item in the federal budget for them. They are simply a healthcare provider who gets reimbursed by medicare for services that medicare are required to pay for… such as cancer screenings and birth control pills.

Right now everyone is pushing to defund Planned Parenthood and others life it. What you need to realize is that when you vote to defund Planned Parenthood, you are voting to limit healthcare to Medicare recipients. That includes grandma, and the single mom with her kids….. so… not exactly Pro-Life… if you ask me.