bullying, Love, parenting, Politics, Uncategorized

This is no place for hate!

Anyone who knows me knows that I try to look on the positive side of things. I am the little Pollyanna of the crowd. Even when bad things happen I’m the one making the jokes… but I have to say, after this past weekend it’s very difficult to keep smiling.

I am a bit of a news junkie. I studied history and poli-sci in college and am fairly active in volunteering and helping to make the world a better place for my son and the next generation. This past weekend made me sick. The fact that there are Nazis, White Supremacists, Anti-Semites… or any other name they choose to use still carrying guns and torches in my country makes me physically nauseous.

images (30)This is the country that FOUGHT the Nazis. My grandparents were in the war. We still have movies commemorating the brave men and women who gave their lives. Anne Frank’s diary is part of our current school curriculum… and yet.. marching in the streets. Anger, Hate, Violence. All I can say is NO. NO, I will not allow this to be my country. NO, I will not allow this to be the country that my son grows up in. NO, this will not be the country that my half Filipino nephew grows up in. NO, this will not be the future. NO!

And to be honest, I don’t really care which political figure says what about it. Who condones, who condemns, who ignores is not my problem. We are not a country of politicians. We are a country of mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and children. We need to speak up. We need to not let hate, fear, and anger control the media and the tone of our world.

Nothing was ever accomplished by hate. If we want to make America and the World great and a place to be proud of for our children, we need to learn empathy. We need to learn compassion. We need to learn to love again.

bullying, Love, parenting, Politics, Uncategorized

When did it become OK to push people?

It’s been all over the news and I’m sure you’ve seen it, but when did it become OK to push people… any people… out of your way? I couldn’t imagine pushing someone out of my way for any reason (aside from my child being in danger).

Who decided that some have the RIGHT to be “Better” than others? Who decided that th (1)some have the RIGHT to toss other’s aside like yesterday’s news? I have a four year old and I have spent the last 3.5 years teaching him to respect other people. To say please and thank you. To say sorry. To “mind his manners”. Did no one bother to do that with THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?

This behavior is just disgusting. This should not be seen among actual grown-up people. This is behavior that would get reprimanded on the school yard, and yet even the man who was pushed was making excuses that “It is natural that the president of the United States is in the front row.” OK, maybe that’s true. Maybe the President of the larger nations should be up in the front for pictures, but does that excuse a PUSH?

Does the President of the United States not have to say, “Excuse me”? Or wait his turn?

There was another few videos circulating this weekend with Trump and Macron, whom thI’m starting to adore… both involving handshakes. One was in a one on one meeting, the other in a large group meet and greet, in which Macron side steps Trump to greet Merkel first.

Both Macron and Merkel have since come out and discussed their feelings about Trump. Macron explained that the handshake “battle” was very intentional and that you have to put a bully in his place, and Merkel announced to the world that the US is no longer someone to depend on. And let’s not forget the UK is skeptical about sharing classified information with the US now.  And the Israeli’s are pissed about Russia.

Is there anyone that Trump hasn’t offended, belittled, or betrayed? Any why is this so acceptable? Why is it that the F**king President of the United States is still being heralded for being a callus bully? And why would anyone be OK with their children growing up to think that he is something to aspire to be?

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

Mind your children

There are a lot of complaints about children today. That there is not enough punishments and consequences for bad behavior. Spanking has been, let’s just say frowned upon, for decades. Time outs are now found to be a form of solitary confinement.  I saw an article today that said yelling at a child can cause irreparable damage. So what do we do as parents?

download (35)How about we redefine punishment? I mean, really, what do these children do that needs to be punished? The whole point is that they should learn not to act certain ways. That they should grow up to be strong, independent, empathetic, caring people. So, how does punishment do this?

What we really need to do is teach children to calm down, and think before they act. Think about what’s best for them and think about what’s best for others. Some schools are taking this to heart. There is a movement to teach Mindfulness to children instead of punishment. Instead of detentions or banging out erasers… (is that still a thing?) These kids are learning meditation and yoga. They are being taught to sit with themselves and listen to themselves. They are being taught to think… actually think, not react, and it’s working.

The best part is that this is having a great affect on not just “bad children” who need detentions, but the ones with chronic disorders like ADHD and Autism. Mindfulness is about teaching children to slow down. Kids today have media and crap shoved in their faces 24/7. They have download speeds… and upload speeds… and phones, tablets, games, laptops, TVS… and at this point virtual reality at their fingertips at all times. When do they get a chance to actually think and feel.

I have a 4 year old, and we spend quite a bit of time in the car. I have a demanding download (36)schedule and he’s almost always along for the ride. Sometimes friends of mine come with us and they are always trying to give him phones, tablets, or DVD players to “keep him occupied”.  He’s 4… give him an empty box and a toy frog and let his imagination go to work.

Imagination… it’s like a mythical thing in today’s world. Kids don’t need to pretend.. they have devices to do it for them. My son doesn’t need paints he has an app for that… If we really want to help our kids grow into strong, successful, intelligent people… we need to let their brains actually grow and form… and work.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

If we don’t help our kids who will?

When did childhood suicide become so prevalent that it needed new and more research to track the reasons why? When did life get so bad for 5 year old’s that they are actually part of this research group? And what the Hell are we going to do about it?

As you may have guessed new research has come out about teen suicides and suicidal thoughts, This research says, surprise, surprise, that most of this happens during the download (30)school year. You know, when they are supposedly surrounded by their friends and peers. When they spend the day with child development professionals and have access to child  therapists in the same building.

Yes, this is when most kids want to kill themselves. Not when they are home during the summers with their parents. This is not a case of abuse at home, or am underlying depression that seeps in.. this is torment, ridicule, and then victim blaming on top of it all.

Now, I know that bullying is almost a right of passage. It’s cliche that the big kid in school will beat up the smaller ones for lunch money. It’s almost a learning experience on both sides to figure out how to work this out. Bart Simpson befriended Nelson, and Ralphy kicked the crap out of Scut Farkus, and things were handled.

That was normal growing pains bullying that has occurred for as long as their have been kids. Now there is the internet. Now bullying is public and permanent. A 15 year old had cheerleader “friends” take video of her in the shower and posted it on social media.. that is not a little joke.. that is grotesque.. and illegal.. as she was under 18. Were the cheerleaders punished? Nope, no one wanted to ruin camp. On top of that they used the coach’s phone to take the video and the coach told her to apologize to the bullies for making a big deal about the joke.. guess what? That’s an accomplice to a felony of child endangerment and child porn. Did the school later back the child… nope… they wouldn’t even give her her transfer records, so she could leavdownload (29)e the school, unless she absolved them of any wrong doing.

Things like this are happening everyday and even when we teach our children to stand up to their bullies they are the ones being punished. I could only imagine if she decided to give them a good punch in the nose.  We as parents, and human beings, have to stop marginalizing abuse. We have to stop glorifying bullies and crappy behavior. We have to start setting a good example and teaching our children, not only to stand up for themselves, but that we have their backs… or we’ll end up burying the whole of them.

 

 

 

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

Nothing hurts like a punch in the nose

“Nothing hurts like a punch in the nose.” That’s what my father always told us whenever we encountered a bully. My brother swore by them and used this method whenever possible. Eventually he became the bully himself. He is in his mid-forties and still jokes about it.

The other day his son came home and told him that kids at school were teasing him about his eyes. I should mention that he’s half Filipino and half white. He is in a small images (18)private school that actually has quite a few students of Asian decent. But my nephew is both White and Asian, so apparently that is something to be teased.

He is also 7 years old. He’s in first grade. He is dealing with bullies and race issues. Now what did my brother tell his sad little boy? “Nothing hurts like a punch in the nose.”

I reminded my so encouraging brother that this isn’t the 70s anymore and most schools have a “No violence” policy. He just laughed it off saying, “it’ll only take once, and no one will bother him again.”

That’s true. Expulsion usually ends school yard problems, but I started thinking about my brother’s reaction. I started thinking about how much things have changed. Now I am in no way condoning children hitting one another, but I do think that we have to teach children to stick up for themselves.

Today we are all about protecting our children from anything that may hurt them or disturb them. We have no tolerance policies. We have safe spaces. We have therapy in colleges for grown adult children who are offended by Halloween costumes… that was a3972F5A400000578-3842764-image-a-24_1476682677285 real thing. College students are grown adults. They are over 18 and they needed therapy for Halloween costumes.

I have some friends who are teachers and they tell me that parents come in and argue with teachers about why “they gave their child a bad grade”. They expect the teacher to change the grade because obviously the student is special and brilliant and deserves As… even if they don’t actually do their homework. Even if they don’t pass the test.

Millennials are looking at increasing numbers of overdoses, suicides, and different forms of emotional disabilities. There has been a whole generation of children who were raised on medications, ADHD, anxiety, and depression are common place among kids and teens. Instead of being taught to be self sufficient and stand up for themselves, they are being taught that it’s always someone else’s fault.

School yard bullies have been around for as long as there have been school yards, but the difference is that we’re no longer teaching our children how to deal with the bullies. Now I don’t mean a punch in the nose, but we have rapes in schools that aren’t reported download (23)because women are afraid to come forward. We have a first lady saying that she’s taking on internet bullying while her family tweets insults everyone they deem not important.

We can’t change the bullies. Bullies breed new bullies. We have to start teaching our children to be strong. To stand up to bullies. To protect themselves and others. Not with a punch in the nose. But with grace and respect. That’s the only way we can stop bullying.

bullying, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

When does the joke cross the line?

I recently saw a joke post about a baby being left in the car and some “Good Samaritans” coming along to save him, only to realize that the baby was wearing a competing sports team shirt so they decided to leave the baby. Now, obviously the baby, though crying and not happy about the joke was not in any danger. At the end you realize that it is clearly staged, and I’m not here to talk about this particular post but more about the comments made on the post.

379B032100000578-3760221-image-a-18_1472223973197Some people were completely horrified that anyone could even jokingly do anything like that to a child. Others found it in severely bad taste as babies are dying almost everyday under the same circumstance, and yet others thought that the neigh-sayers were just “snowflakes” and needed to get a sense of humor.

There is a mentality out there that people are not allowed to be offended by a joke or allowed to take themselves or the joke seriously. Now, clearly no one was hurt in this particular joke, which is why I’m choosing not to comment on these actions, however.. a joke is not always innocent. Sometimes people get hurt.

In the same week I read another story about a pre-teen girl and her friends who played a joke on her 11 year old “boyfriend”. She [posted on her social media page that she was going to kill herself and her friends backed up the joke by saying that she did. The 11 Boys_Suicide_Social_Media_29927-303e8year old boy was so distraught by the whole situation that in good ole Romeo and Juliet style he ended up actually killing himself.

This is an example of how a joke CAN very easily go to far. It was one thing to start he joke, it was something else to keep it going after the boy was clearly distraught. The girls in question are now being charged in his death… I don’t know how I feel about that, but I am completely disgusted by the adults who have commented on the page more concerned about “why does an 11 year old have a girlfriend?” and “where were the parents? why weren’t they watching him?”

The whole event took place in about a half hour.. it’s COMPLETELY ACCEPTABLE for an 11 year old to be in his room alone for that amount of time. As far as watching his social media accounts.. he was on with other kids from his school not the creepy unknown stalkers who parents are trained to look out for.

There was yet another story about an internet meme of an 11 year old girl that turned very bad very quickly and pretty much ruined her life. Most people would say, “what’s the big deal? It’s just a joke.” It’s not a joke.. this is bullying. And it’s the worst kind of bullying, because it’s not even taken seriously. If someone gets assaulted or their lunch money gets stolen then other’s can empathize. They wouldn’t want that to happen to them. If someone is tormented or trolled as a joke then there is no empathy. There is no understanding. There is just more bullying about how the victim has the problem and needs to learn to lighten up.

I could possibly understand this if it’s done to an adult. I understand that by the time we reach adulthood we need to learn that what other’s do or think shouldn’t bother us.. but these two instances are not adults. Most of the time bullying isn’t. And, yes, a joke at someone else’s expense is mean. It’s bullying and it should not be tolerated.

 

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

It’s time to fight for ALL women

635782283761408764-1021982020_Equality-feminismFeminism has a bad rep. Feminists are known as men hating and “anti-feminine”. They are known to tell women that they can’t want to be stay at home moms. They can’t want to get married. They have to be strong, independent and basically asexual. Though they’re allowed to have as much sex as they want and enjoy it.. they can’t be used by men in the process. Not sure if that means that they have to be lesbians or dominatrices.

The point is none of that is feminism. Feminism by definition 1: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. or 2: organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests.

It doesn’t even mention that a feminist has to be a woman. Just an idea and/or movement that men and women should be treated equally and have the right to live life the way they want.

I read an interesting blog recently about how women shouldn’t use feminism to “stick it to other women”. In the same sense it shouldn’t be used to put down men. I have a son. He is only four years old but he is sweet and wonderful and has not quite figured out the difference between a boy and a girl. He understands that “mama doesn’t have a winky” but unless he’s looking in everyone’s pants it’s a tough way to explain that to him.

His favorite toys are his dinosaurs, his cars, painting and his doll house and kitchen set. My father once scowled when I bought him his kitchen set. I caught him right before he made the “those are for girls” statement and said, “right, cuz he’ll never have to learn how to cook, right dad?”. Thankfully my father was not a moron and quickly backtracked before he made his stupid comment and said, “yeah, I guess… when you look at it that way”. But what other way is there to look at it. Toys are designed to teach kids how to do thing. There is a Hell of a lot better chance that he is going to cook his own dinner or clean his own house than there is that he’s going to ride on the dinosaur train.

It is important that we teach our children to be good and strong people. It is important for us to teach our children how to respect others and help out when they can  and ask for help when they need.

My nephew has been taught that he is not allowed to cry. He’s only 6. Girls are now starting to be taught the same because they can’t be considered the “weaker sex”. Women have to be more like men. They can’t want to stay home. They can’t like wearing cute dresses. They can’t want to have children and be married. Why? Why can’t a woman do what she wants? Isn’t that kind of the point of feminism? To earn the freedom and the opportunity for both sexes to live the way they want? feminist-male-joseph-gordon-levitt

If my son marries a crazy rich and successful woman and chooses to be a stay at home dad… good on him. If they both choose to work…. and they choose a male nanny… have at it. If he chooses to never get married or have kids, I will be sad, as I love children, but I will understand that it’s his choice, and isn’t that what we’re fighting for?

bullying, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Who disrespects women the most?

I belong to lots of mom facebook groups and follow a lot of mom blogs, and moms.. and women are HORRIBLE to each other. It is ridiculous that we spend so much time trashing each other. I have seen comment after comment on posts about a woman who actually lost a child and women, OTHER MOMS bash the grieving mom.

I’ve seen moms who are “brave enough” to post real postpartum pictures of themselves and u3e7aother moms laugh at them and point out their flaws. Really? The fact that the woman posting pictures have to feel brave is ridiculous! Our bodies are amazing! Our bodies can create another human-being. And I’m not just talking to moms. You don’t have to have children to be amazing, but it seems that moms tend to be the biggest bullies.

That sentence hurt to write. We are raising kids. We are raising new people who are going to grow up and be (hopefully) functional members of society. We read about children who bully other kids and the first thing moms say is, “Where were their parents? What is wrong with these people? They should have their kids taken away… They should go to jail.” Judgement! Judgement! Judgement! Those moms who are judging other parents for teaching bulling are being bullies themselves.

In the last year women have come out of the woodwork with marches and petitions and new groups. There is a whole new women’s movement which is blaming men for not treating women well and not respecting women as people… then they go onto social media and berate other women. Maybe we should look in the mirror before we start blaming other groups for our being held back.

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard women say that they don’t like being friends with other women because they are so catty. They don’t want to hire other women because they areHungerGamesKatnissBowArrow so bossy. They hate women. Why should we expect men to feel otherwise? Women feel the need to be better than other women. We feel like we can’t put another woman up without putting ourselves down. Men have figured out recreational competition. They fight to win, but give credit when beaten. They understand keeping other strong men around them and working as a team and using them to grow. Women are somehow stuck in the stone age where they have to fight for the hunter to supply their food… we need to learn to hunt for ourselves.

bullying, parenting, Uncategorized

You don’t have to be perfect to be

I have to admit I had a “check myself” moment the other day. As you know I have been working really hard to get healthy. I have been taking nutrition classes. I’ve been working out. I’ve been following the Beachbody* programs, boxing, Zumba*, meditation… and so download-5on. I have been spending the last year learning about and practicing good health as much as possible, yet I still felt like I didn’t have a right to really consider myself a coach because I am not thin. I felt like no one would take me seriously because of the way I look… then I realized that’s bullshit.

I may not be a size 2, but I have lost over 30lbs, and many inches. I have added muscle, lost fat and brought my cholesterol levels down by 50 points. I am a healthy person… my jean size just hasn’t caught up with me yet.

It’s funny. I am certified as an Integrative Wellness and Life Coach. I am in the process of becoming certified as an Integrative Health Coach. I truly believe that you can do and be anything that you want, and if I had someone like me as a client I would encourage the person believe in herself and to understand that you don’t have to be perfect yourself to be able to help other people. This is fundamental. Yet, here I am… holding back because of my own insecurities.  images-10

So that’s the end of that craziness. I am not going to let my fears dictate my life. I may not be perfect, but I am very passionate about getting my health on track. I am very proud that my son comes down and does the 21 day fix with me. I want to share as much information as possible with the world so that the current health crisis gets under control. People complain about ISIS. They complain about guns. Do you know what really kills people? Heart disease…. strokes… diabetes and other “natural” causes that aren’t as natural as they seem.

What I have realized is that it’s less important what I actually look like and more important what I’m DOING about it… and in the last year… that’s a lot. I don’t ever want my son to experience what I went through. I never want my son to find me dead because of a health complication that could have been avoided, and with my coaching, I hope no one else has to either.

 

 

 

bullying, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

You’re not good, you’re not bad, you’re just nice!

After watching the movie “Into the Woods” I downloaded the soundtrack from Amazon. I was really in love with the music. But as I was driving around in my truck listening to the words I was really taken-a-back by them.

images-8There is one scene in which the witch sings to the villagers, “you’re so nice, you’re not good you’re not bad, you’re just nice”, and I was really hit by those lyrics. I feel like that’s how society has turned. We are all about being PC. We are about making sure not to offend anyone. We “like” each other’s pictures. Click out “friend” requests and “share” all of our most funny and or touching moments.

Then we bash, shame, and bully anyone who dare make a mistake or disagree with us. We complain about druggies and losers using the system and stealing our money. We blame entire groups of people for isolated problems. We go out of our way to prove that we can do no wrong while everyone else is useless and unworthy.

I was driving to the mall the other day and I saw an old lady fall on a curb. I watched as a couple of people walked right passed her. Then I saw a young couple, probably in their late teens, stop and help her up. By the time I parked and got to the door she was sitting/leaning on the decorative column. I was so glad to see this transaction. I have seendownload-3 so many shared videos of people in distress and others either walking by or actually stealing from the injured party. The teens left and I waited with the woman till her daughter got there and was able to take her home. This seemed like a no brainer, and yet, common decency seems to have gone the way of the do-do.

Everyone wants to believe that they are so good and so nice, but when was the last time we actually DID something good? When was the last time that we gave without expecting something in return? When was the last time we thought of the other person’s perspective before throwing out insults? We are a download-4predominately Christian society and lately we have been throwing that around like it’s the answer to every question…. we have to fight to say “Merry Christmas”. We have to fight to save marriage and babies.. and so on and so forth. But the whole meaning of Christmas… the whole purpose of Christianity is to not judge, to not hate, to do for others.

Now I’m not just speaking about the Christians out there. This is the true meaning of Humanity. To love unconditionally. To help where and when needed. Not just those who look like you or talk like you or live in a way that you agree with, but to love and accept everyone’s differences, and to help those that can’t help themselves. Maybe then we will know what it is to be GOOD and not just NICE.