Category: parenting

bullying, Law of Attraction, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Unconditional Love… and you.

Katrina Russell

The other day was my son’s birthday, and I was watching him run around with his friends. He was doing this silly dance that he thinks is so cool, and I was just in awe of his wonderfulness. I couldn’t believe how great of a son that I have. For those of you who have children you know this feeling. You know how it feels to love someone so uncontrollably and completely. You know how it feels to love unconditionally.

I’ve given a lot of thought to unconditional love. The love between a parent and a child is the most obvious kind. I knew no matter what I did as a child that my father would never stop loving me. I knew that no matter how many times he grounded me for “nothing”, in my teenage brain, that I would never stop loving him. It is true. My father died 3 years ago… and I still have never stopped loving him.

images (4)Unconditional love is spoken about a lot.. almost as a fairy tale. As if it were an ideal that people could never actually live up to. Relationships fall apart just as fast as they come together. Divorce rates are growing while marriage rates are dropping. No one can say forever anymore, and because of that unconditional love seems like the unicorn of feelings… but here’s the thing. Love isn’t about staying together. Love isn’t about rings. Love doesn’t even have to be romantic.

When I think of unconditional love I think of those who are in my family. My father, my brother, my son… and those we choose to consider family, my God daughters. Those are the people that we love “more than ourselves”, and that I feel is where the biggest problem lies. It’s not that we can’t feel unconditional love for another person. It’s that we’ve lost the ability to feel unconditional love for ourselves. We are our harshest critics. We undermine ourselves all the time. We second guess. We insult. We ridicule. We don’t even have the ability to take a compliment from someone else anymore.

We see it all the time. Someone says, “you look good today” or “you did a really good job at..” and suddenly we have to come up with all of these reasons why it wasn’t actually our doing. We have to try to sound modest. But it’s not modesty. It’s the uncomfortable feeling of being praised. We’re not used to it. In our heads all day we hear, “oh you look fat”, “you totally messed up that spelling bee in 3rd grade what makes you think you can land this big contract”, “look at him and his nice suit he’ll get this job over you.. who are you?”, “why would anyone love you when there’s someone like her out there?”. These are the words we tell ourselves and then we wonder how we could possibly have trouble loving other people.

We never think about the damage that self deprecation actually causes. We think that we’re helping. Next time you find yourself hearing these words in your head think about how you would feel if someone ever said them to your kids or your parents. Think about whether or not you would ever say those words to someone you love… and… don’t you deserve the same love?

 

Healthcare, parenting, Politics, school shootings, Uncategorized

If we can’t take your guns can you at least give us health-care.

Katrina Russell

I have spoken before about the misinformation about the right to bear arms and how it’s been skewed to fit certain individuals and/or groups needs, but the misinformation of healthcare absolutely takes the cake. “Why should I have to pay for other people’s healthcare?” is the biggest argument made. Well, guess what? You already are… and more.

The way private healthcare is set up one pays a premium to have health insurance download (13)whether they use it or not. All of the money goes to the health insurance company which puts it into a fund and pays out everyone’s healthcare bills… OK, so at least your money is only paying for those who have also paid into healthcare, so that’s OK. Guess again. Hospitals know that the chances of them being paid by individuals that don’t have insurance is extremely low so they jack up the prices of everything they do so that those who have insurance will pay a high enough bill that it will cover those that aren’t covered. That’s how hospitals stay open. Ever wonder about that $15 Tylenol tablet you took?

So that’s just the costs that actually go to the hospital, doctors, Ambulances, and so forth. Now.. here’s a big secret that I know most people haven’t discovered. Insurance companies are NOT non-profit. In fact they make huge profits. The CEO’s make millions for their salaries, never mind the bonuses they get for “saving” the company money… in other words comes up with reasons they shouldn’t give their customers the coverage that they pay for.

Then there are all of the other people who work for these giant companies. The executives, the marketing, advertising, financial services, sales… customer service…. even down to the buildings they are housed in and those paid to clean them are all paid.. with your policies. Now obviously with universal healthcare there would still be people in charge of making sure that bills are paid, and taking care of customers, but there wouldn’t be billions going to executives and sales.

Then there is the fact that, yes, there are some poor people who, because they don’t make enough money, would get free healthcare. That’s kind of a given, but as we established earlier, they’re not paying those bills anyway, and the price gauging is covering that. Then there are all those who are just choosing to not pay. All those who make a decent wage, but feel that they’re healthy enough to not have to worry about it. They don’t think about the accidents that can cripple them, or the unexpected flu that can put them in the hospital. They just expected to be taken care of, and maybe they pay, maybe they don’t. Maybe, even after all the doctor’s do they can’t be saved.. or they are left disabled and unable to work anymore. Guess who eats their bills. With Universal Healthcare everyone making enough money will be paying their fair share.

Finally there’s all the things that most Private Insurance carriers aren’t guaranteed to even cover. Dental, nope, mental health, nope, specialists, nope. So you pay 100s and 1000s on health insurance only to have deductibles, co-pays.. and denials.

People and politicians complain about it not being their problem to take care of others… yet it kind of is. The population at large is definitely the politicians problem. It’s their job to keep us alive. It’s their job to keep the economy running. Part of keeping us alive, aside from making bigger and bigger guns, is making sure that we have access to doctors and medicine and.. even better.. preventative care. Part of keeping the economy running is making sure that people are healthy enough to work, and not losing their jobs over long term illnesses or injuries or losing their houses to overwhelming dept due to both.

Their most important job is making sure that the future generations are alive, or the US stops here. Two of the biggest concerns to youth today are being killed in school and the opioid epidemic (but that’s for another day) both of which could truly be helped by a good mental health system. The first thing politicians that oppose gun control say is that it’s not guns that kill people, it’s the people that kill people. And since they’ve made it very clear that they’re not willing to keep guns away from those people, why not create a health reform that gets ALL individuals the mental health support that they need. I know many people who are unable to see therapists or psychiatrists because, even with the private insurance that they have it’s either not covered or the deductible is so high they can’t afford to start treatment.. especially paying it every year.

I agree, the people who commit these horrendous crimes are mentally unstable. I c72bcc58-0abb-49e8-a915-354153bc942fpersonally thinks that means they shouldn’t be allowed access to guns, but aside from that, why can no one in power now see that means that they do require help BEFORE they shoot up 17 people in a school?

The last shooter was a classic case. He bounced from home to home. Lost 2 sets of parents. He had a really crappy life and many people could see that he was a threat to himself and others, yet nothing stopped him. No one helped him. People who shoot babies, and church goers, and movie theater attendees aren’t right in the head. That’s an absolute fact that everyone seems to agree on. These shootings occur way too often, another fact that no one questions. So why is there a debate about making sure every American has the right to stay alive? Why can’t these people get the help they need so they don’t kill 100s of people a year? This is the whole country’s problem, and only one of when it comes to the health of this nation.

Healthcare, Homeless, parenting, Politics, Uncategorized

We need to stop fighting against and start fighting for!

Katrina Russell

When I look at my news feed all that I see are stories about the horrible things that the GOP and especially Trump are doing, and it’s not that I disagree, but it has been over a year and his true supporters are not wavering. Maybe they’re racists, maybe they’re elites, maybe they’re just supportive of his causes… who knows? The point is no one is changing anyone’s minds by complaining.

Mueller is doing his thing, and that’s great. I hope he finds all kinds of evidence and puts everyone away, but complaining one-way or another on social media is not going to change that outcome. The fact that we all sign a petition to impeach him won’t matter until there is enough evidence to do so.

download (8)We are all spinning our wheels. The US Presidency primary is 2 years away, and Trump knows this. Trump knows that if we spend all of our time talking about him and fighting about Hilary then there will be no one to run against him. There will be no one to rally around to take him down. That’s what happened last time. It’s not that Trump won. It’s not that the country chose him.. the country chose “not Hillary”.

The republicans, and racists, and anti-women brigade chose Trump.. and many liberals either bowed out, went with a 3rd party, or voted for Trump out of spite. Unless we want to see this happen again we have to banned together. It’s not enough to hate the same person.. we have to support each other. We have to find people that we can put forward. We have to concentrate on who is doing good. We have to demonstrate a difference.

Right now all that we are showing is that we are just as hateful as the other side. I don’t think that’s the message that we want to put forward. No one wants to be told that they’re stupid, that they’re wrong, or that they made a crappy choice. People are going to defend their choice till their last breath to save face. Instead of pointing out all the reasons we hate Trump. Instead of pointing out all the reasons that his supporters are evil and stupid, let’s concentrate on finding people who represent the things that we want. Let’s show ourselves and Trump supporters another way.

Three years from now Trump will more than likely be on that ticket… who do you want opposite him? If we all faction off.. if we all fight among ourselves then he will win. If we just keep him as the enemy, if we keep his supporters our enemy no one will even be open to listening to another side.

I don’t want another 4 years of Trump. I don’t want more slashes to medicare, more cuts1oo9rw to food programs that hurt children and the elderly. I don’t want more cuts to public schools.. even if my son is in private. I don’t want healthcare to be a thing for only the wealthy and the healthy. He talks about how great countries like Norway and Australia are… use that. Talk about people who support the same policies as they do. Use his words against him. Talk about the DACA kids making a difference. Talk about the soldiers fighting for our rights to be healthy, safe, and educated. Talk about the inner city programs that are working. Talk about your grandma with meals on wheels. Talk about how well the free college programs help the next generation of doctors and engineers. Talk about the good things happening in this country and around the world. He talks enough about the bad.

Giving, Healthcare, Homeless, Love, parenting, Politics, Uncategorized

The season of giving

Katrina Russell

The season of giving is over. Thanksgiving is long forgotten, except by our pants. Christmas is a lovely memory. We are all in the process of throwing dead trees and left over wrapping away. We are ready for our New Year/New Me. We are planning all of the things that we want to do to make our lives better.

We’re going to lose weight, quit smoking, go back to school, get a new job, get a better relationship… we are going to make our lives perfect!

thBut what about all of those who are just hoping to get through the bitterly cold nights? The food pantries and soup kitchens don’t just have “guests for the holiday”. We all talk about the things we want to get and achieve, but what about the things that we want to give.

At the time of Holy Days we all talk about how “it’s better to give than to receive” and how “giving is its own reward”, then the new year starts and we suddenly forget that there are poor people. We have battles online with strangers about all of the people leaching off the system.. as if anyone is choosing to be poor and/or starving and homeless.

I understand more than most that people make their own reality… but this doesn’t mean that they do it by choice. Some aren’t strong enough to make better choices. Some have mental illnesses that prevent them… not everyone has a well-built support system in place to deal with things like childcare, or even a place to shower and get mail so they may apply for a job.

Most of all I think of the children. In the past I have volunteered for a program called “Horizon’s for Homeless Children” a program in which adults volunteer to hang out with children in homeless shelters. This gives parents a chance to work, and children a larger support system in which to depend. I have also been a Big Sister through the Big Brother/Big Sister program, and have given many a present to a giving tree or tows for tots. This past winter I found myself taking tags for boys my son’s age because the thought of him waking up on Christmas with nothing was heart breaking.

I’m amazed when I read comments online about how poor people shouldn’t have children… yet, those are the same people opposed to birth control being covered by insurance… or insurance being covered at all. I’m amazed when I read that everyone who’s on food stamps are just lazy. I’m amazed when I read from the same people about “Pro-Life!”… it seems to me that you’re just pro-rich-life.

Now this is not an abortion debate. I, myself, have issues with abortion and it has nothing to do with my religion and more to do with the science that has come about and the understanding of when babies can feel and think and so on..  This is a humanity rant (for lack of a better word). I am completely PRO LIVING. I am pro helping those who need help. I am Pro feeding the hungry, housing the homeless, healing and hopefully preventing sickness. I am not only for this depending on which job you have had in the past, or what color or country that you are born. I am for LIFE.

The season for giving is every season.

Law of Attraction, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

Try something new…. anything!

Katrina Russell

I have a friend who has been stuck in a rut for some time now. He took some advice from another life coach that he talked to. (It’s not good to coach your own friends…. they’ll get mad at you for calling them on their crap) This person gave him a list of different things to do for two weeks to “cleanse his bad luck” or karma or what have you.

This person uses modes that I don’t use myself, things like lighting certain colored change-your-thoughtscandles and pouring salt, it’s all very pagan traditions… which is fine, just not my cup ‘a. Anyway… the whole point is to get the person to try new things and to spend more time in their own head. There is a lot of sitting in silence and meditating.. which I do believe in.

One of the days he had to eat as a vegan. No animal products. No meats, no cheese, no butter. He had no idea what was left. He was at my house for the evening, kind enough to watch my son while I had to go out for a bit. I told him that I had some pasta that he could have. His response… “Sauce has meat”…. um… not all sauce. Not my tomato and basil sauce… and “Why is the spaghetti different colors?”. It’s a tri-colored, veggie based pasta….. Nope… he wasn’t going to try it.

Now the whole point of this exercise is to try new things. To get out of your own head. To believe that things can be done differently. Not eating animal products for one day is not going to change your health or do anything for you except… get you to think outside the box and try something new. That’s how we change.

Now I love my friend, and this is not written to knock him.. as I said, never coach a friend, they will take criticism as an insult, but it is to point out that you only get out of coaching what you put into it. You can only change your life as much as you’re willing to change yourself. I have had this problem myself for years. I had spent over a decade denying my habits and my weight issues. I spent many years in crappy relationships hoping the other person would change. I am in no way perfect, but since losing my father I have learned that you get from life what you put into it. I want my son to learn the good habits and the best self thoughts.

If you want to be healthy.. you have to BE HEALTHY. If you want to be rich, you have to do the work.. you have to find your niche, you have to take a chance. If you want a fabulous relationship.. you have to let go of the old ones. You can’t change other people.. and you can’t change your life without… CHANGING YOUR LIFE.

parenting, Uncategorized

Why I like when my child fights back.

Katrina Russell

I have a 4-year-old. My 4-year-old sometimes has trouble communicating. Sometimes he has tantrums, sometimes he bursts into tears for seemingly no reason… and very often he doesn’t listen to what I want. It is a constant power struggle… and I think it’s awesome!

The other day was my birthday and a friend of mine took us out for dinner. While we were out my son decided that he was old enough to squeeze the ketchup on his own. After a small discussion I agreed to let him try. My friend took it on himself to try to stop my son and to reprimand him for disobeying me.

I understood part of his point. My son did fight back. My son did resist my wishes, but he did it to advocate himself. He didn’t have a fit. He didn’t throw the ketchup or cry or cause a scene he simply stated his case and told me that he felt that he was ready for more. That, in my opinion, is not disobedience. That is leadership skills. I told my friend that I had it handled and I was hoping that would be the end of it.

Later, when we were home for cake, my son finished his water and threw his water bottle on the floor. My friend told him to pick it up, and my son refused. This was disobedient, and my friend again, took it upon himself to try to correct his behavior. He was calling him a baby for misbehaving and threatening my son that he wouldn’t be allowed to hang out with him anymore and watch his favourite TV show. This was an empty threat. Everyone knew this and it accomplished nothing.

I, again, told my friend that he wasn’t helping and my friend left the room frustrated. I turned to my “disobedient” son and asked him to pick up the water bottle. He refused. I then told him that he was going to have to clean up my pile of papers on the table. He told me that wasn’t fair because it wasn’t his mess… I pointed out the hypocrisy and then explained that if he wasn’t going to clean up his own mess then I would have to clean it up.. and the more time that I spent cleaning up the mess the less time that I would have to play with him. Then I stopped talking and finished my cake.

My son sat for a minute, then proceeded to walk over, pick up the water bottle, and threw it in the trash. This was about the time my friend came back into the room. I told him that I handled it. He seems to think that kids should just do as they’re told because they are told. I do not like that idea. I like the idea of teaching children WHY they should do things. I like teaching children about repercussions. I like when my child speaks up for himself.

There are many people who feel that parents are too lenient today. “That’s why kids are so lazy and disrespectful”. Yet, it has been proven that the stricter the parent is without justification the more apt the child is to rebel. There is a difference between letting a child do what ever they want.. and letting a child make decisions so they learn the consequences.

I don’t want my son to grow up to be a cog. I don’t want my son to grow up and just do as he’s told. I want my son to grow up and create the life he wants and fight for the life that he deserves. Breaking his spirit won’t accomplish that, and arbitrary rules should be questioned.

bullying, parenting, Politics, Uncategorized

Healthcare needs to be a conversation.

Katrina Russell

Can we please have a conversation about mental health? Another attack… shocking! Should guns be banned? Maybe… Should there be more regulations… definitely, but let’s talk about the real issue. Mental Health. Depression is behind almost every door. Bullying is inside every phone and every computer. This is not the same world it once was. We can’t treat it as is was.

download (43)I have a friend that is currently struggling with addiction and looking desperately for a long-term care center… but of course health insurance doesn’t cover it. If he has $22k/ month he is all set… but the average person?

This is not a rarity. I do not believe that addiction itself is an disease as “they” say.. what I do believe is that most addicts have severe mental health problems.. usually depression or anxiety and that they use drugs to self medicate.. and just cause a spiral. So why are we not talking about mental health MORE? Why are we not making sure that EVERY American has access to help?

We treat drug addicts like criminals.. and believe that even criminals should be allowed guns… and yet.. no one wants to help any of these people. I’m not even talking about politicians. They are a small part of what this country is made up of. We need to start making changes ourselves. We need to start thinking about ALL of our citizens. We need to think about addicts… and the school children who have to practice safety measures in case of shootings. We need to think about the lives that we are leaving our children.

I don’t know how to fix the healthcare system.. and I am not a politician. What I do know is that we need to talk about it… and not just bully and blame.. but understand.. and empathize. We need to help.

Law of Attraction, Love, parenting, Politics, Prayer, Uncategorized

I’m a dreamer…

Katrina Russell

I saw a post the other day with a meme that used the famous song lyrics, “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.” over the faces of some well known civil rights activists. It was meant to be a positive message. Instead there were a bunch of people commenting about how John Lennon was a drug addict and all other faults they knew about the other icons.

ubjjsThe funny thing is it’s completely ironic… the post is saying that we need to love one another not tear each other apart. For some reason today people feel that everyone needs to be perfect. That no one can be flawed but WANT better.

Social Media was designed to bring people together but instead all people do is nitpick. They find any flaw and magnify it. They hear any story and look for someone to blame. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen someone comment on a post in a well meaning way only to have someone point out that the original comment used improper grammar or spelling. OK.. thank you.. but that is not the point. How many parents have been blamed for a horrible accident? How many celebrities are judged for what they wear off camera?

The world needs to learn to love. We need to learn to love ourselves. We need to learn to love our neighbor. We need to stop hating on everyone and everything because we are not perfect. Love isn’t about perfection. Life isn’t about perfection. It’s about learning and growing and accepting.

 

 

 

 

Law of Attraction, Love, parenting, Prayer, Uncategorized

Your beliefs are all you have

Katrina Russell

Beliefs are a very powerful thing. Our entire existence resonates around the things that we believe. We believe we are beautiful or ugly… we believe we are smart or stupid.. we believe we deserve good things or that bad things will always happen to us.

“I think therefore I am”. One of the most famous philosophical understandings of all times. If we are capable of thinking then we must exist, and the things that we think must make us who we are. If we think that things can only get better, then we will keep trying till they do. If we think that things can only get worse, then we’ll give up. Seems pretty simple.

Well, what about bigger beliefs? What about religious and  spiritual beliefs? They too make us who we are and affect how we deal with things. Before my  father died I was a bit more agnostic. I acknowledged something was out there, but I didn’t really know what.  I’m still not sure, but I have turned my belief a little more towards religion. My son started Catholic school, and we started to attend Mass on Sundays and I like and appreciate the idea of the afterlife. I like and appreciate the idea that my father is looking down on us… or checking in on us in some way and seeing how we are doing and is proud of us.

th (1)I had an interesting experience this past weekend in which we had gone to a party with some of my son’s father’s old high school friends. It was mentioned that our son goes to Catholic school and I later heard one of the women talking to my son’s father about it. He was saying how he hated it and that he thought the whole idea was stupid, but kept his mouth shut around my son. That is fine, he doesn’t have to believe the things that we do. My brother is a complete atheist and feels much more comfort KNOWING that when we die our bodies get eaten by worms and that’s it… no mystery.

I was raised to understand that everyone has their own ideas, and their own beliefs, and that no one really knows for sure.. it’s what resonates with you best that works. What bothered me about the conversation between the woman and my ex, was the tone of disapproval.  I don’t want my son growing up feeling that way.

The next day my  son, who is 4, and I were putting together a puzzle. I had found it under a stack of books and told him that I had forgotten about it. That “Papa” had bought it for him  when he was a little baby and was too young to use it at the time.. but it was perfect for him now. After we finished the puzzle he looked at it somberly and I asked him what he was thinking. “I wish Papa was here to see us do this”. That little sentence broke my heart… but thankfully he has been learning about God and Heaven and I was able to say, “I think Papa is watching us from Heaven and is very proud of you”.

Now, I don’t KNOW that’s true. I don’t KNOW that my father isn’t just the pile of ashes in the urn on my piano and that’s all that’s left… but I do know.. that doesn’t comfort me, and it doesn’t comfort my 4 year old…. and doesn’t hurt anyone to for us to believe that Papa is watching and proud of us.

bullying, Law of Attraction, Love, parenting, Uncategorized

I’m Sorry….

Katrina Russell

My son was at his therapist’s office the other day. In his little life he has had a lot of loss and sometimes we all need help coping with the grief that comes from that. Since he’s so young he spends most of his time to just playing and avoiding questions that make him feel uncomfortable. This last week his therapist noticed that he was apologizing a lot. This is not like him. He usually apologizes when necessary but not unusually so. She mentioned that it is a sign of anxiety and feeling guilty about things.

Im-sorryI thought about this for a while, and tried to evaluate what had been going on in his life lately that  may have made him feel that way. After a bit I realized that it wasn’t his anxiety at all. It was his God father’s. I love my  friend and he is a wonderful person.. but he apologizes to inanimate objects when he trips. I told him that I was getting ready to take my son to school and his response was, “I’m sorry”.. for what? Not only did it not involve any behavior that he had to apologize for.. my son going back to school is a good thing. We are all excited.

My friend blamed this behavior on being in the customer service industry… but that’s not the case. There is no need to apologize for good things happening even in customer service. In his case he is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. He is always expecting bad news.. and he is always first to take blame.. even for things that aren’t his fault.

I don’t know where he learned this, but I want to make sure that my son doesn’t pick up this habit. I want my son to apologize for things he’s really sorry for, not just pay lip service. I want my son to feel comfortable in his own skin and with his own actions. I want my son to look forward to people’s news. I want “Guess what?” to be a question of excitement not dread. It’s important to teach empathy and awareness.. it’s something else to create anxiety and guilt.. or a fear of being wrong just for being oneself.