My son and I were watching his silly little cartoon, want to say Pac-Man, and they were talking about best friends. This is an interesting concept and I wanted to know what my now 5 year old thought on the subject. I asked him who he felt his best friend was. His response surprised me. He pointed to himself. I asked him to clarify and he said, “I’m my own best friend, mama”.
It seemed so simple and so obvious.. to him. To me I was blown away. He is right though. He is completely at peace with himself. He plays by himself all the time. He’s an only child and I’m a working, single mom. He plays with trucks, and blocks, and his doll house. As I type I can hear him downstairs singing to himself.. probably dancing as well.. and all the while completely happy and comfortable being alone.
I’m not sure when we lose this ability. As we grow the idea of spending time by ourselves seems to feel lonely instead of peaceful. I have often gone to the movies by myself and have been questioned why I would do that. It seems like an odd question. Why do I choose to sit in a dark room watching a screen while not being able to talk to others… by myself.. well… why not?
I have also gone on a couple of vacations by myself. People really don’t get this. How could I possibly have fun by myself. To be quite honest I have gone on vacations with my friends and had a horrible time. I end up doing what other people want instead of what I want. I am not a beach sitter.. I am not a gambler.. I am not a day waster… I like to go to museums and local cultural events. I don’t always have someone who wants to come with me. So I venture out into the world and meet people as I go. I, like my son, am my own best friend. I just never thought about it that way.
Don’t get me wrong. People need a support group. They need their tribe and their social interactions.. They need to be and feel loved and wanted. They just need to feel it from themselves first. We need to get back to the innocence. We have to remember what it was like to be our own best friend. We have to remember what it was like to love ourselves and think ourselves enough. If we can’t be happy with ourselves, we’ll never be able to be happy with someone else.
Unconditional love is spoken about a lot.. almost as a fairy tale. As if it were an ideal that people could never actually live up to. Relationships fall apart just as fast as they come together. Divorce rates are growing while marriage rates are dropping. No one can say forever anymore, and because of that unconditional love seems like the unicorn of feelings… but here’s the thing. Love isn’t about staying together. Love isn’t about rings. Love doesn’t even have to be romantic.
But what about all of those who are just hoping to get through the bitterly cold nights? The food pantries and soup kitchens don’t just have “guests for the holiday”. We all talk about the things we want to get and achieve, but what about the things that we want to give.
to accept failure. Most people are much more comfortable with self deprecation than we are accepting a compliment. If someone says, “wow, you look great, have you lost weight?”. The receiver automatically feels uncomfortable and makes up some excuse about being sick, or “maybe a little”, or brushes it off as if it’s no big deal. But it is a big deal. Anything that you work hard at is.
Even those who are successful in whatever aspect of their lives still feel the need to put down anyone who wants start. Slim, healthy people make fun of overweight people who are beginning to exercise. As if “who does that person think they’re fooling?”. Why do they have to be fooling anyone? Why does their life choices to try to be better at something automatically put others on the defensive.
candles and pouring salt, it’s all very pagan traditions… which is fine, just not my cup ‘a. Anyway… the whole point is to get the person to try new things and to spend more time in their own head. There is a lot of sitting in silence and meditating.. which I do believe in.
The funny thing is it’s completely ironic… the post is saying that we need to love one another not tear each other apart. For some reason today people feel that everyone needs to be perfect. That no one can be flawed but WANT better.
I had an interesting experience this past weekend in which we had gone to a party with some of my son’s father’s old high school friends. It was mentioned that our son goes to Catholic school and I later heard one of the women talking to my son’s father about it. He was saying how he hated it and that he thought the whole idea was stupid, but kept his mouth shut around my son. That is fine, he doesn’t have to believe the things that we do. My brother is a complete atheist and feels much more comfort KNOWING that when we die our bodies get eaten by worms and that’s it… no mystery.
I thought about this for a while, and tried to evaluate what had been going on in his life lately that may have made him feel that way. After a bit I realized that it wasn’t his anxiety at all. It was his God father’s. I love my friend and he is a wonderful person.. but he apologizes to inanimate objects when he trips. I told him that I was getting ready to take my son to school and his response was, “I’m sorry”.. for what? Not only did it not involve any behavior that he had to apologize for.. my son going back to school is a good thing. We are all excited.
This is the country that FOUGHT the Nazis. My grandparents were in the war. We still have movies commemorating the brave men and women who gave their lives. Anne Frank’s diary is part of our current school curriculum… and yet.. marching in the streets. Anger, Hate, Violence. All I can say is NO. NO, I will not allow this to be my country. NO, I will not allow this to be the country that my son grows up in. NO, this will not be the country that my half Filipino nephew grows up in. NO, this will not be the future. NO!
Katrina Michelle Russell 